“I am happy for you, little sister.” Yerta gave my leg a friendly pat. “I… am wanting to apologize. For my brother. He is self-centered and rude and intimidating, but he does not mean to frighten you. I am sorry that he was scaring you.”
“He does,” I admitted.
“I have told him to give you space. Tell me if he is making you uncomfortable again.”
“I will.” It seemed a better option than telling Larna. I knew that she would want to confront him. Hosta might take advantage of her anger. Maybe that was what he was after. What if he was trying to draw Larna into a fight? I did not know what his motivations were. I just wanted him to stay away from me.
…
Several days later, I woke to the smell of water. It had rained the night before. Even though I was inside the hut, dampness and earth were in my nose. I was still adjusting to my stronger senses. I opened the door and stepped out onto the wet grass. The scent of the storm hung somewhere over the treetops. It was overpowering. In their own huts, the rest of the pack did not stir. I felt strangely alone. It was a peaceful sort of isolation. I smiled to myself.
I squinted up at sky, trying to see through the leafy forest canopy. Gray patches of cloud blocked the morning sunlight that usually made dancing patterns on the forest floor. A lonely morning songbird called out twice and then flew to another tree. When I turned to go back inside, I nearly ran into Larna. She was standing in the doorway. I took a breath to scream. She clamped a hand over my mouth faster than I had known a person could move, even a Wyr.
“Shhh…” she said, pulling me against her chest.
My heart beating at double speed, I relaxed against her body. I sighed into her neck. She smelled warm and clean and good. Her familiar scent reminded my body that it was not in danger. I looked up into her face, my cheek resting just above her small, high breasts. Close to her heart. “I frightened you,” she said, sounding disappointed.
I would have shaken my head, but did not want to move away from Larna. “It was nothing,” I lied.
“Why? Sometimes, when I touch you, or when you’re startled…” Her forehead tightened, and her words trailed off. She did not want to finish the sentence. When I did not answer her, she added, “are you afraid of me?” Her voice did not break, but I could hear the tears in her throat.
“No,” I cried. I threw my arms around her, holding her as tight as I dared. It was a strange and wonderful surprise to feel tall, strong Larna melt in my embrace. “No, I promise. I could never be afraid of you…”
“Most people would be,” Larna said darkly. I wanted to kiss her cheeks and the corner of her mouth until she smiled and her heavy heart lifted. I held myself back.
“Not me. You would never hurt anyone unless you needed to.” Larna had already rescued me once. My brave defender. She was so different from Luciana, who hurt people because it brought her pleasure. It made me angry that she had such a hold on me, even in the forests of Amendyr.
“Then why?”
Larna’s dark eyes were so concerned that I had to tell her something. And I could never lie to her. I pulled away from her warmth and sat down in the doorway. Larna sat next to me. “There was someone…” I did not want to say her name. It was hard to even think it.
“She was the stepsister of my friend, Ellie.” Larna’s eyes widened slightly with recognition. “She used to…”
“I can be after guessing,” Larna said. A shadow crossed her face. She frowned, her smooth cheeks tight and strained. “You don’t have to-”
“I do have to…” This time, tears rose in my own eyes. Before I could swallow them back, they were rolling down my cheeks and chin. They left the line of hair that touched my face wet. “Larna… I’m not… innocent… If you don’t want to be with me, I can leav-”
Larna had been stunned into silence when I started crying. This guilty admission shocked words back into her. “Of course I want to be with you! Oh, sweetling, here… Softly, Cathelin, softly…” She held me, rocking me in her strong arms like a child. I felt my heart tearing and stitching itself back together at the same time.
The tears passed quickly, a light storm. I was left trembling in her arms. She kissed the top of my head and murmured, “I never meant to make you cry, little bird…”
“The past made me cry,” I said. My voice was strained, close to cracking. “You make me happy and safe.”
And then she asked, “Cate… if I make you feel safe… tell me, did she hurt you?”
“Yes,” I blurted out before I could change my mind. Larna said nothing as she held me, only kissing my hair again and rocking me softly. Her loose white shirt was stained with wet patches. Neither of us cared. “I was fourteen… it lasted five years.”
“Five years?” I could not see her face, but I could tell from Larna’s voice that she was shocked. “Five years…” she repeated.
“I am so ashamed. I wish I was a virgin for you,” I confessed in a low whisper. I was not sure that Larna heard me, even with her sharp ears. “You should have been the one…”
“But you are,” Larna said in a rush. She drew comforting circles over my thin back with her large hands. “You are a virgin, Cate.”
My face was hot with shame. My lips trembled. I could barely speak. “But she broke-”
“She forced you. Little bird, your virginity… your innocence… that’s something that canna be taken against your wishes. Only given. Like your heart.”
I stared dumbly, still shaking. The truth of what she was saying slowly dawned on me. I started crying all over again, and buried my face back in the folds of Larna’s damp shirt.
“You – you think that I’m…”
“You are my moon and stars and sky. And if you choose to give that gift to me… I would be honored. But that is your choice. No one else can be making it for you.”
My Larna did not know it, but the choice had already been made. I was relieved that Larna did not hate me because of my past with Luciana. The idea that I could still be a virgin had never even occurred to me. It was too wonderful and frightening to consider all at once. I tucked it at the back of my heart to examine later, when I was alone. But deep inside of me, a small piece of my soul that I could hardly remember stirred to life again. Hoping… dreaming…
…
Chapter Four:
I woke with a strangled cry. My eyes darted about the small wooden cabin, searching for whatever movement or sound had disturbed my sleep. I sensed nothing unusual and settled back down onto my blankets. However, my body refused to calm. My heartbeat was heavy and quick, as though I had been running in a short burst. My skin felt hot.
Then, I remembered the dream. Something stirred in my lower belly. Images and sounds flashed through my fevered brain, fresh and familiar at the same time. I was running, weaving through a cluster of pines with another wolf following my scent. The other wolf was still too far back to see me, but they could smell me and hear me.
I pushed myself faster. Roots and earth moved under the pads of my paws. I raced around a thick tree trunk, changing direction. The other wolf was closing the gap between us. I could hear a river ahead of me. I changed course, heading towards it, hoping that the water would hide my scent.
My strength was fading when I reached the bank of the river. Part of me wanted to stop running. But I knew that I could not stop, not yet. It was too soon. A lean silver body flashed through the trees. I leapt into the river, holding my nose above the water as I swam for the opposite bank. I heard a splash behind me as I hauled myself on to dry land. The other wolf was swimming after me.
The urge to stop running grew stronger, but I charged forwards into the trees, water flying from my fur. The other wolf had crossed the river. Within a few moments, it was on me, its teeth gripping my throat. The jaws did not close in a death bite. Instead, the wolf bent its head, forcing me to lower my body to the ground. Instinctively, I rolled onto my back, revealing my soft, vulnerable belly to the stranger…
A ripp
ling heat consumed every inch of my skin. I howled, returning to my body. Returning to Cate. My lips parted in a silent scream. My body ached with emptiness and need. I stumbled to my feet. Something was wrong. Something was happening to me, and I had to find Larna. My muscles thrummed with energy and I wanted to run again.
“Larna!” I called, not caring who heard me, “where are you?” There was no answer. I raised my chin, trying to pick up her scent. It was thicker than usual. Once I found it, I was off, out of our home and tracking her deep into the forest.
I found her with her back against a slender ash trunk, arching her spine and tossing her head back as she fought off half-shape. I did not understand. I thought half-shape only came out at the full moon and that had been days ago. Her breath came in short gasps and I felt my own breath quicken as I watched her, longing to hurry over to her and… and…
Another wave of heat crashed over me. I yelped, almost losing my balance. Larna looked up, seeing me for the first time. There was a mixed expression of fear and hunger on her face. “Don’t run, Cate,” she ordered, her voice cracking. “Walk far away until it passes…” I did not move. Larna bared her fangs at me, her eyes clearly more wolfish than human. She growled low in her throat. “Fight it! I dinna want it to be happening like this…”
The desire to run swelled in me again, twice as powerful as before. My legs shook and I turned to look at the trees. Run. All of my instincts were telling me to run. “Cate…” Larna started, but I was already off, shifting into my other body. I hurtled through the grove of pines from my dream.
Larna was close on my heels, panting seconds behind me. She was too close, closer than she had been in the dream – for I was sure that the wolf in my dream had been Larna. I summoned my strength, dodging away, trying to throw her off by circling a pine tree. It worked. I listened for the river, my paws drumming over the forest floor. At the bank, I launched myself into the water. My body crashed past the surface and I swam furiously for the other side.
Larna jumped in behind me as I scrambled onto the shore. I tried one last time to find cover in the trees. I was not fast enough. Larna’s teeth closed around my neck and she pressed me gently to the ground. I lifted my paws in the air, whimpering as Larna released my throat and nuzzled my exposed belly.
I changed back at the same instant that Larna did. Her nuzzle turned into a light butterfly kiss just above my navel. She looked up at me with familiar brown eyes, snaking up my body and brushing her breasts over mine. At last, she bent down to taste my lips. I sighed into her mouth, surrendering myself completely.
Instead of kissing me again, Larna jumped back as if she had been burned. She started clawing frantically at the tender skin of her own belly with nails that were too sharp to be human. She bit at her wrists until she drew blood. The red liquid spilled over her lips and rubbed itself across her cheeks. She whimpered as her body thrashed and contorted on the hard earth. I crawled over to her, horrified, but still desiring her.
“No, Larna, stop… love me instead… love me…” I tasted blood on her pretty mouth as I kissed her. I did not care. The taste quickly faded. My tongue traced the outline of her pointed teeth, but I did not kiss her too forcefully. Something deep and primal in me knew that I was not meant to be the aggressor in this dance.
“No,” Larna moaned, pulling her head away from mine. My heart ached when she scrambled away from the warmth of my body. “You need… better…”
“You are what I want,” I pleaded, not ashamed of begging. I needed her like sunlight and air. I wrapped my arms around the strong, chorded muscles of her torso. Locking my fingers behind her back, I pulled her tight against me, wanting to draw her in until she was a part of me. “I love you, I love you, I love you…” I told her over and over again in whispers, pressing kisses over her cheeks, her eyebrows, her forehead.
“I – canna…” she tried to say. I pulled her on top of me. The warmth I felt pressed against my thigh told me what she could not. Her lips covered every inch of me, sucking roughly at a vulnerable point on my throat, pressing light kisses to the soft undersides of my wrists, biting the tips of my breasts. She devoured me. I cried out into the open air, tossing my head back. I did not care what creature or person could hear.
“Larna.” Her name was the only word in my mind, the only word on my lips. Her trembling hands stroked my legs, her mouth tried to cover all of my skin at once. Everything was happening in a rush. But Larna was holding back. I could feel her shaking. “Larna. Take me…”
“No, no…” she whispered against my throat. She kissed a trail to my lips and tugged on the lower one with her teeth. The tips of her breasts, two hard, beaded points, were pressed against me.
“Take me now ,” I said again.
And at last, my noble lover gave up her fight and surrendered. “I’ll be gentle,” she whispered along my cheek. And she did try to be careful as her fingers probed inside of me, her thumb resting against a swollen point of hardness. But she quickly forgot. There was a little pain, but not the kind of pain I knew. This was a long, steady ache. It stretched out like a ribbon and made me forget my name.
The thrusts of Larna’s hips, which drove her hand inside of me, were unsteady at first. She squinted her eyes, the fine muscles of her face tightening and concentrated. Gradually, the pumping motion grew smoother. The two of us moved as one, skin sliding together. My lover was a quick study. “Oh, Cate,” she gasped against my neck, nipping just beneath my ear. “You’re so soft… warm… I’ve never felt… anything… so wonderful…”
Those words made me want to feel my lover, too. My fingers found her easily and she sighed deep in her chest. The coating of wetness made her skin impossibly slick and smooth. My stomach twisted. She was right. I had never felt anything so wonderful.
“Cate, inside,” she ordered, and I obeyed, surprised when her muscles trembled and pulsed around my fingers. I tried to move against her, but I was caught. After a few deep breaths, her grip relaxed. I could still feel Larna inside of me. Being inside of her at the same time was almost too much for my senses to handle.
With her hair brushing against my shoulders and cheek, she gave me quick, open-mouthed kisses with each thrust of her hand. She pushed herself against my fingers, sharing my pleasure. Her scent was in my hair, my skin, and all around us, driving me into a frenzy. Every touch, every sigh, every movement screamed of Larna. I could not forget who was loving me.
“Harder,” I heard myself gasp.
“I’ll hurt you…” Larna mumbled, kissing a line of fire across my shoulder. Her left hand, which was not stroking between my legs, explored the strip of fur that still rested above my hips, where Mogra had sewn it in to my flesh. I could feel her touch on the wolfskin belt as though it was a part of me.
“Then hurt me.” But she could never really hurt me. Larna’s Wyr blood made her stronger, but I was stronger, too, and I wanted all of her. And so Larna had me harder, our arms and legs tangled together. She had forgotten her promise to be gentle. Neither of us cared. My mate was finally claiming me as hers and it was wonderful.
Larna was tireless, slabs of muscle rolling under her warm skin as she moved against me. My head was spinning; my blood was burning. Something terrifying and wonderful was happening to me, and I was afraid. “What… I don’t – Oh, please…”
My lover stopped my words with a kiss. She whispered in my ear and along my neck. “Shh… My little bird. Let go for me.” Finally, our gazes locked and I found paradise. My eyes rolled back. I lifted my head and howled. Waves of pleasure broke over me. My first release. I was never interested in achieving it on my own and it was impossible with Luciana. Two seconds later, I felt Larna flutter wildly around my hand. She clutched my hips tight against hers.
Both of us collapsed in to each other, breathing shallowly. We were still pressed close. I could feel her heartbeat thundering against my arm. Looking down our white bodies, illuminated by the moon, I saw a dark shadow on my leg. I forced myself to sit u
p and look at the skin of my thigh, checking for a bruise. Instead, I found blood. I rolled over and looked at Larna’s wrists, but the cuts had already closed. Fighting exhaustion, Larna sat up, too, and watched me.
A sudden thought struck me and I checked between my legs. No, Larna had not torn me, but I felt very tender. I hissed at the touch, even though it was my own. “Do you be hurting, Cate?” Larna asked, stroking the side of my face.
“No,” I said, “but–”
I had another thought, and this time, I glanced between Larna’s legs. There was more blood. Not enough to be alarming. I realized what had happened. “Larna, why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered, lying back down beside my lover.
Larna tucked her chin over my head and closed her eyes. “Wolves mate for life,” she said. She was blushing just a little and I smiled. My lover was shy about her inexperience.
My throat hardened, and I fought off tears. My heart felt too big for my chest. “I didn’t feel – I wasn’t thinking… Did I hurt you?”
Larna gave an embarrassed laugh. “No, little bird. I was worried I would be hurting you.” I looked up into her brown eyes and saw the moon shining in them. I fell in love with her all over again.
“I wanted you to hurt me. But just a little. Not really.”
“Not really,” Larna agreed. There was a nervous, hopeful expression on her sharp-planed face. Instead of a sleek, powerful hunter, she reminded me of a half-grown puppy, still unsteady on her long legs. “Did I… please you, Cate?” She made such an adorable picture that I had to take her in my arms and hold her tight.
“It was the most amazing thing I have ever felt,” I said truthfully. “Larna… you were beautiful. I’m so glad I was your first lover.” I could tell that Larna was embarrassed, but she squeezed me harder. My brave warrior was not used to being vulnerable, even around me.
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