by Kit Tunstall
The whole group formed a frozen tableau until an odd sort of heat shimmer began to engulf each of the animals gathered. Lindy frowned at the odd blurring that surrounded the group, blinking her eyes in an effort to clear her vision. She could swear there was some kind of movement taking place, but she couldn’t make out exactly what was happening until the air cleared and where there once was a bear and seven wolves, now there was Rafe and seven other men, all completely naked.
A wave of dizzy disbelief swept over her and her hands gripped the tree she leaned against to keep from falling. How could she possibly be seeing what she was seeing? And yet there they were, eight undeniably naked, and from what she could see, gorgeous men. Her heart pounded as her head tried to make sense of what seemed totally impossible. She jumped as Rafe’s voice carried to her.
“Cade, you bastard, I’m going to have a bruise on my ass!”
The big man who’d once been the largest of the gray wolves grinned and laughed. “Aw, poor baby, you want me to kiss your boo-boo?”
“Fuck you! Are you sure you’re a wolf and not a hyena?”
Laughter rang out from the gathered men.
“Ooh, the bear gets in a low blow. You’re gettin’ soft, Rafe,” Cade said, and offered Rafe a hand, pulling him to his feet.
The men moved closer together, and Lindy strained to make out their muted conversation. “So how goes the patrolling?” Rafe asked.
“It’s quiet tonight, we haven’t found any poachers trying to sneak in. I think they’re getting a bit more cautious after those last two were picked up so quickly by park security.”
“Thanks to you and the rest of the pack. I know I’ve said this before, but I’m grateful you decided to settle in this area. You’ve really made a difference here.”
“We’re glad to help,” Cade replied. “It benefits us, too, you know. It’s nice to have a place where we can indulge our inner animal without worrying about getting our tails shot off.”
Rafe grinned and laughed. “I can see where that would be important.”
At that moment another wolf came running up to the group and again, with growing wonder, Lindy witnessed a wolf turning into a man. She desperately tried to hear what was being said, but the men had moved further away and lowered their voices. She could see the new arrival speaking to Rafe and Cade then he shifted and returned the way he’d come in.
Cade watched his pack mate leave then turned to Rafe. “So is she yours? Eric says she carries your scent.”
“No, she’s not,” Rafe denied flatly.
“Well, in that case—” Cade said seriously, “—since she’s seen us, we’d better get rid of her.” He signaled two of his men and watched as pure protective rage exploded in Rafe’s glowing eyes.
Growling in a low-pitched, menacing voice that would make a lesser man lose the contents of his bladder, Rafe rumbled, “Don’t you touch her.”
Cade waved his men off. “Why are you denying your mate, Rafe?”
Breathing hard, Rafe forced himself to regain calm. “She’s not mine. You know why.”
“You deny her because you still won’t accept who you are.”
“How can I accept this? How can anyone accept this half-life, this curse?”
“This gift,” Cade corrected.
“Gift?” Rafe raged. “To be an animal? To know there’s a beast inside that makes you different from every other man, a beast that keeps you separate and alone?”
“You are alone by choice, my friend,” Cade told him sternly. “All of us here have wives and lovers. My own wife is fully human and she accepts me, all of me, even that part of me that is wolf. You just don’t get it, do you? Inside every human is a part that is innately animal. We are the lucky ones. Our animal has a form, a shape we control. We can let it run and play and be. The animal in ordinary humans is trapped and must be denied, for it has no physical manifestation and, if released, becomes only a force of destruction.
“Rafe, you’re torturing yourself for no reason. This is who you are. Embrace it. That woman on the hill, she must mean something to you for you to let her see this part of yourself. You want her acceptance. I have a feeling you are someone special to her as well. Give her a chance to know the real you. You’re a good man, if she has any sense she’ll see that… And if not, we can still get rid of her.”
Rafe shook his head, a wry smile playing on his lips. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that, don’t you?”
“Remember that when you’re sitting on your bruise. Take care of yourself, Rafe, and your lady.”
Cade signaled his men, together they shifted and were once again a pack of wolves who gathered around their leader and, as one, ran from the valley. Rafe watched them go, Cade’s words echoing in his head. Trepidation sat like a lead weight in his stomach as he turned to climb the hill.
He found Lindy waiting for him at the top, one look at her expression and he felt a block of lead settle in his stomach. With a resigned sigh, he gathered his clothes and began sorting them out. “So now you know,” he ventured.
“So now I know? Is that all you’ve got to say? Rafe! I saw you as a bear. You can turn into a bear! Why? How do you do it? And who were those other guys? Are they werewolves? Does that make you a werebear?”
Rafe frowned at the excitement in her voice. This wasn’t the reaction and the rejection he’d expected and he felt a rising irritation inside. “It’s a curse I inherited from my mother,” he pronounced succinctly.
“You call that a curse? Wow, I wish I could do that. That’s some curse,” Lindy enthused. “So tell me about it. How did this happen?”
Rafe kept silent as he pulled on his jeans than sat in the grass to put on his socks and boots. He stood and bent to tie his boot laces, then straightened and slid into his shirt, walking away as he buttoned it, with Lindy hot on his heels.
“Are you going to tell me, or is it some kind of secret?”
Annoyed by her enthusiasm, he grumped, “A little patience, please,” and was gratified by her compliant silence. “All I know is what I gleaned from my mother’s journal. She hinted at things when I was younger, and I remember her telling me things that now make sense, but she never got the chance to tell me everything.”
“Because of what happened to her?”
“Yes. How do you know about that?”
“Nancy told me.”
“Should I be flattered that the two of you were discussing me?”
Lindy grimaced at his sarcastic tone. “She was only trying to help me understand why you were such a bastard. Now shut up and tell me more about your gift.”
“Curse,” he corrected. “So I’m a bastard?”
“Rafe, quit stalling!”
“All right! My mother was supposed to reveal all when I became a man, which by tradition, is when a boy reaches puberty. She was killed before I’d reached that time in my life.”
“So how did you learn about it?”
“Very painfully,” he replied and, refusing to elaborate further, went on. “Legend has it that a group of Shoshone warriors, intent on proving which of them was the greatest hunter in their tribe, engaged in the meaningless slaughter of more than a few grizzlies. They went against tradition and killed the bears for reasons other than need or survival. Thus, they angered the spirit gods, who decided to have them know, without doubt, what it was to be one of the great bears, and what it was they destroyed by taking their lives. The warriors were changed. They were given the ability to become bears and were entrusted with the protection of their brothers. And so it has been to this day that the gift is passed on, and the recipients can trace their line back to those original warriors.”
“You don’t sound as though you believe that.”
“I don’t know what to believe, other than the fact that I can’t deny this thing that is a part of me. Where it came from, I don’t really know, or really care. My only real wish is to be rid of it, but that’s a choice I’ve not been given.”
They
walked in silence for a while until Lindy asked softly, “So you really think it’s a curse?”
Rafe was quiet a moment, as though considering his answer. His voice was low and edged by emotion as he began to speak. “A year after my mother died, when I turned thirteen, my body began changing, I’d reached puberty. You’ve been through it—you know how difficult it can be to deal with. Not only the physical changes, but the emotional ones as well. I was alone, Lindy. My mother was dead, my father may as well have been, for all the good his being there did me. One night, while he was away on a dig, the curse kicked in.
“My dad said I was old enough to stay by myself—and I admit, it was something that made me proud, to know he thought of me as a man. I had my first wet dream that night and that part was good, but after the pleasure came a whole lot of pain.” Rafe struggled for a moment then continued.
“Being physically able to ejaculate was my body’s signal to shift. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. It took several very painful hours. I later found out from my mother’s journal that the first change is supposed to be muted by the administering of some special brew that reduces the first-time shifter’s awareness, both physical and mental. I didn’t have that. I got to feel the full force of that first change—and not only that. I didn’t know what was happening to me.”
By this time they had reached the campsite and Rafe stood in front of his tent, his head down as he ran his hand over his hair in agitation. A light sheen of sweat had broken out on his body as he remembered the past. “When it was over, when I had fully shifted, I was compelled to go into the woods. A part of me knew who I was and was terrified, but there was another part that pulled me out and away from my home and into the forest. For three days I fought to return, but the bear was stronger, and so I was trapped, until one night I woke to find that I’d changed back into my human form.
“Fortunately, I was in familiar territory and was able to make my way home. Can you imagine how it felt to be out there alone and naked, a child of thirteen, wondering what had happened and dreading the thought of it happening again?” Rafe’s voice shook with emotion, the remembered anguish clearly present.
“Rafe.” Lindy spoke softly and reached for him, but he stepped back out of her reach.
“When I got home I remembered my mother’s journal and how she had told me it was important, so I read it and I learned about the curse and I…adjusted.”
Lindy stood before him and he watched her warily, hating the look of sympathy on her face. She felt sorry for him. Of all the things he wanted from her, pity was not on the list. It seared his pride.
“I can only imagine the pain you went through and how terrifying it must have been, but Rafe, that’s all behind you now. Can’t you see that you’ve been given something unique, an ability to experience something that the rest of us can only dream about?”
Rafe stared at her in disbelief. “You don’t have the slightest notion of what you’re talking about. It’s easy for you to say you would accept and take joy in this ability. You don’t have to live with it!” Lindy began to answer him but he held up his hand to stop her. “I’m tired, and I don’t want to discuss this anymore. I’m going to sleep.” With that, he entered his tent and effectively put an end to the conversation. He stood quietly, waiting, then heard Lindy utter a soft goodnight and enter her own tent.
Without undressing, he lay down on his sleeping bag and stared into the darkness as bitterness, anger and frustration churned inside. He was cursed, and no one would convince him otherwise.
Chapter Five
Lindy emerged early from her tent, bleary-eyed and yawning.
During the night she’d thought long and hard about what Rafe had told her. Determined to help him, she was sure she knew what Rafe’s problem was as far as accepting his gift. She just needed to find a way to get him to open up to her and talk about it.
Starting the fire and brewing coffee as Rafe showed her, she watched the flames and formed a plan, sure that she was on the right track. She intended to make Rafe confront himself and his repressed feelings. In the days they’d spent together she’d learned so much about him and realized that somehow, along the way, she’d been slowly falling in love. It was troubling in light of everything that had happened between them, especially as Rafe wasn’t exhibiting any signs of a man in love.
It was a sobering and unpleasant thought that in a few days she’d be returning home while leaving a part of herself behind, a part that no one wanted… Her heart. Lost in a melancholy silence, she started at hearing a muted grumble.
“G’morning.”
Lindy looked up and instantly hoped that she didn’t look as worse for wear as Rafe did. He’d obviously gotten very little sleep. Dark circles marred the space under his eyes, his lids were swollen and his eyes looked a bit bloodshot. Raspy stubble marched over his firm jaw and his hair had definite touches of bed head. She couldn’t help but concede that even rumpled, he still looked ruggedly adorable.
“You look like hell,” she complimented brightly.
Rafe squatted down and poured himself a cup of coffee. “Mmm, thanks,” he muttered before taking a sip of the hot bracing liquid in his cup. “I’ve decided we’re going to move on today.”
A frisson of shock ran through Lindy. “But I still have three days,” she told him. “I don’t want to go back yet!”
“We’re not going back, we’re just going to change locations. There’s a hot spring about three hours walk from here. I figure you’ve seen enough of the bears, and truthfully? I want a hot bath.”
Lindy quirked her eyebrows and gave him a crooked smile while shrugging her shoulders. “Okay by me,” she agreed.
After breakfast they packed up their gear, rolled up their tents, and, after having secured the campsite by making sure there was no leftover food and the fire pit was again reburied, they headed out.
Still determined to help him, Lindy decided to risk his wrath. “Rafe, do you resent your mother for giving you this…gift or curse, whatever you want to call it?”
Rafe shook his head giving her a resigned glare. “You are one stubborn woman, do you know that?”
“Yes. Now will you answer my question?”
Rafe continued to walk, then stopped and faced her. “I don’t resent her. If anything, I miss her more than I can say. I’ve never given up hope of someday finding the bastard who took her away from my dad and me.” His voice shook with the force of his need.
“How would you be able to do that? You weren’t there, how would you recognize him?”
“His scent. He touched her, probably to see if she was alive or dead.” Rafe’s gaze became distant. “I’ll never forget his scent, it haunts me.”
Shocked by the bleak and hollow tone of his voice, Lindy followed wordlessly when Rafe turned and walked away.
The sky was overcast with clouds, making it cool and the walk pleasant, as most of the terrain was meadowland and low grassy hills. On approaching the springs, the footing turned a bit rocky in places, but they found a fairly flat place that was sheltered by a natural rock wall and cushioned by grass, that was not too far from the spring.
Accustomed to the routine, the tents were quickly set up, gear squared away and food again placed in a BRFC that Rafe had left from a previous trip.
“You have those things everywhere?” Lindy asked curiously.
“In the places we frequent most often. It’s convenient,” he answered.
They walked to the springs, which consisted of several pools of varying sizes joined to each other by narrow channels that allowed the water to filter down to each successive pool. The last one was the largest, and far enough away from the spring’s source that the water was pleasantly warm and not too hot to bathe in.
Rafe allowed her some time to look around and explore, then indicated they return to the campsite, which was just out of sight around some piled boulders. He ducked into his tent and emerged with a towel. “I’m going for that bath. I’d be a gentlema
n and let you go first, but I feel like shit. I need this bad.”
Lindy smiled, waved him off and watched him walk away. A wicked smile curved her lips as a plan began to form. She had a surprise in store for Rafe. Ducking into her tent, she slowly stripped off her clothes and wrapped a towel around herself. She sat down and patiently waited for ten minutes, giving Rafe time to get into the water and to relax before she put in her appearance.
Stomach twisting, but determined to carry out her plan, she walked barefoot to the spring pool. Rafe was sitting loose and relaxed, his lower half hidden by the lightly steaming water. His bare chest had recently been splashed with water and tiny rivulets of liquid trickled over his skin, winding their way over the firm hills and valleys of his muscles.
He’d spread his arms to either side, and the effect was to make his upper body look even wider. Lindy’s appreciative gaze traveled over him, taking special notice of the dark hair that was just visible under his armpits, and the trail of similar hair that traveled from between his pecs, over his abs, separating at his belly button and rejoining to disappear below the water line.
Her imagination supplied a remembered picture of what lay beneath the water and she felt herself growing wet with desire. Now she knew what it meant to want someone so bad it hurt. The disconcerting thing was that the hurt was not only physical but emotional as well, a double whammy from which it might be impossible to recover.
Sure that joining him in the water would keep him trapped so that she could get him to open up to her, Lindy silently dropped her towel and slipped into the water. At the splash of her entry, Rafe’s eyes opened, widened with surprise, then narrowed with suspicion.
“What are you doing?” he grumbled menacingly.
“I wanted a bath, too. There’s no reason we can’t be civilized about this, men and women in some foreign countries bathe together all the time,” she answered glibly. “And while we’re bathing, we could chat to pass the time.”
Rafe’s scowl deepened. “You want to chat while you’re aiming those at me?” he accused, indicating her plump breasts bobbing above the water’s surface. “You’re tempting fate, woman. You seem to forget what I am. Get…out…now.”