Lacey smiled triumphantly and produced a rolled up book from his cargo pocket. “So happens I got something right here.” he said and held the book up for them to see. Frays smiled a little and turned away when she saw that he had a copy of Goodnight, Moon. She sort of half chuckled when the man opened the book and started to read to them.
Frays’ chest hitched once or twice as the kids settled in to listen to their dad read them an extra story. All of a sudden she started taking deep breaths and held the children tight. She still could not really cry or anything but her eyes burned as she lay there with the kids listening to the storybook. Lacey stopped reading and took the woman’s hand, feeling his own eyes getting moist as he took in the scene. He loved his kids more than anything and he could not even imagine what she was going through right now.
She swallowed hard and tried to make a half hearted smile. “I’m starving.” Frays said at last as she took her hand away and glanced at her watch before hugging the children to her chest. “Could you see if they’re handing out dinner yet?” Paulie and Becca looked up at Amy then at their dad. She jostled the kids and grinned at the little ones. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on these two.”
Lacey nodded and ran his fingers through Paulie’s hair. “Sure thing.” he said and kissed the top of Becca’s head. His stomach growled. There was a rumor kicking around that they were going to crack open a case of T-Rats meatloaf for dinner tonight. “I’ll be right back. You guys keep an eye on Amy for me, alright?”
Doctor Haskins was waiting outside the door. “How is she?” she asked as she nodded towards the door. The woman had heard the ruckus her patient had raised a little while ago. Haskins glanced towards the door as if she considered going in. “She won’t let any of the medical staff near her.”
Lacey shook his head slowly. “She seems like she’s okay.” he muttered under his breath. The man glanced through the door and smiled at the sight of Frays cuddling with his children. Lacey shrugged. “Frays says she’s hungry so I was going to go try and find some food.”
Beth nodded thoughtfully. “Sure.” She pulled out her notepad and scribbled something down then handed it to the Marine. “Give this to the supply sergeant if they aren’t handing out dinner yet.”
“Thank you, Ma’am.” Lacey said as he took the note and stuffed it into his pocket. “I’ll be right back.” He turned and left, hurrying out of the medical center and towards the nearest tent where the rations were to be handed out. Lacey sighed heavily as he walked the enormity of the whole thing really starting to sink in. Despite their best efforts and traveling across a couple of states in the middle of a fucking zombie apocalypse Amy had lost her son. The entire journey was now just one big fucking waste of time. And to make matters worse those brutal assholes had kicked the shit out of Amy’s little brother. Then again, if Amy had gone into labor back at her family’s hunting cabin she likely would have died too since none of them would have been able to stop the woman from bleeding out…
To his surprise he saw Rodriguez and a couple other Marines dumping cases of shelf stable milk into a big green plastic cooler near the entrance of the tents. She chucked the piece of cardboard in her hand into a trash can and came towards him at a fast hobble. “How is she?” Rodriguez asked when she came within a few feet of him. The look on his face gave the woman all the answers she needed. She swallowed hard and gave him an awkward sort of half hug before leading him into the tent. “C’mon man. Let’s get you guys some dinner.”
Rodriguez looked longingly after the man after she sent him off with trays of food for himself, his children and Frays. She sighed heavily and turned back towards the interior of the tent. Rushing off the other day had put her pretty deeply in shit with Sergeant Wilcox. There was endless hours of spooning portions of canned corn onto Styrofoam trays…her mind started to wander a little bit as she doled out the soggy vegetables.
Frannie found herself sort of regretting ever coming here. Sure it was a little scary being on their own but on the other hand it was not like some unrelenting fucktard was giving her shit because her friend’s baby died. If it was not time to keep watch at night or make dinner or whatever then the day was more or less hers to do as she pleased with.
A little of the corn dribbled off the tray when she tried to hand it to a Navy guy. She caught something that sounded like a mumbled insult over the din of the people crowding through the tent and all of a sudden a white hot rage made her vision flash and spark with little white and red lights.
Rodriguez lashed out with the serving spoon smacking the Squid upside the head and sending his cap flying across the tent. The man tried to lunge across the serving table at her but the men on either side caught hold of him. Thames put himself between Rodriguez and the struggling cursing Squid. He caught hold of Rodriguez and physically carried the smaller woman out of the tent leaving a trail of cusswords in their wake.
Once they were outside and well away from the tent Thames set Rodriguez down. “What the fuck was that?” he demanded, breathing heavily. It had taken just about everything he had to keep a grip on the woman. Rodriguez sank onto one of the green coolers and hid her face in her hands. “Well?”
It took him a moment to realize that Rodriguez was shaking. “Shut the fuck up, Thames.” she muttered quietly running trembling hands over her face, tracing the scars on her cheek. She pulled off her Kevlar and set it on the cooler next to her. “Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”
Thames stood over her making a strange face. He was not quite sure what to do. He liked the woman but it was obvious that she was losing her shit. Sergeant Wilcox came out of the FDP and looked around then strode up to them like an oncoming storm.
“What the shit, Rodriguez?!” Sergeant Wilcox demanded as he glowered down at the woman seated on the cooler. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Wilcox was a heavy set man in his mid thirties with a thick bull neck and a pretty pronounced beer gut. “Well? You gonna fuckin’ answer me or what?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know.” Rodriguez muttered into the palms of her hands. It felt like there was a whirlwind tearing around inside her head and she felt like she was going to throw up. “I dunno.” She was breathing heavily and a couple tears tracked down her cheeks, running through down the channels created by the old shrapnel wounds.
Thames looked at Sergeant Wilcox and shrugged. “Should I take her to the medics, Sergeant?” he asked, turning his gaze towards the woman. This was a sort of confusing thing to him. He did not quite know how to handle a psych casualty or whatever you call them. In Iraq he had handled his share of ‘real’ casualties -bullet wounds, shrapnel wounds, etcetera- but he had never seen somebody’s mind breaking. It left him a little confused and frustrated because his friend was obviously hurting but he had no idea how to go about fixing it.
Ten or fifteen minutes later Rodriguez sat on a chair in front of Lieutenant Haskins’ desk. The fat medic, Mike, had taken her weapons and gear then locked them up in the storage closet behind the nurse’s station. Haskins eyed the cabinet where she had locked up the grass confiscated from the Blue Diamond guys the other day. “I’m sorry we don’t have any more meds to give you.” the doctor said at last then stood and fished her keys out of her pocket. “I think I’ve got something that might help a little bit, though.”
Rodriguez burst out laughing when the lieutenant took what looked to be at least a pound of marijuana out of a cabinet on the wall and dropped it onto her desk with a thud. “I’m sorry, ma’am.” she said once she had caught hold of herself. Rodriguez regarded the dope with a wry grin. “It’s just that I almost got kicked out about a year ago because I kept failing piss tests. Now you’re ordering me to get high?”
The doctor smiled and shrugged innocently. “It’s the best I can really do under the circumstances.” Haskins said and tried to find something for her patient to smoke with. She nodded to herself when she discovered a couple packages of rolling papers that someone had thoughtfully stashed inside the bag with the weed.
To Rodriguez’s surprise the doctor took a pinch or two of weed out of the bag and expertly rolled a fat doobie. “Don’t look at me like that, Specialist. I wasn’t always in the Navy. Take it to the smoking area out back.” Lieutenant Haskins mumbled as she sealed the joint and handed it over.
Rodriguez looked skeptically from the joint in the palm of her hand to the naval officer then shrugged. “Yes, ma’am.” she said quietly. The woman stood up slowly and started slowly backing out of the room as if she expected the doctor to try and stop her. “Um…would you mind if I asked Frays if she wanted some?”
The doctor stood up and started putting away the bag of marijuana. “Ask at the nurse’s station for a wheelchair.” Haskins said as he secured the drugs in the metal cabinet and stuck her keys back in her pocket. “If she wants some I don’t think it’d do much harm.”
Rodriguez ambled down the hall towards where she guessed Frays was recovering. As she walked she tried to think of something to say to her friend. Sorry just did not seem to cut it. She could not say ‘I know how you feel’ because…well…she could not really come close to that. Sure she had lost friends and lovers but that was different from a life carried inside her. She could not even imagine how lonely and…sorta empty that must feel.
She was surprised to hear what sounded like Lacey and the kids in the room down the hall as she approached. The sight that greeted her in the room as she eased up to the door and peeked inside the room made her breath sort of catch in her chest. Lacey sat there next to the bedside reading from a children’s book to Frays and the little ones as they ate. Well…Frays did not seem to be so much eating as sort of pushing the food around her tray. The little looks the woman was giving Lacey made it seem like she would like nothing better than for him to hold her tight until the hurting stopped.
The kids were on either side of Frays leaning against her listening intently to their father as they wolfed down their dinners. Occasionally one of them would snuggle up against Frays’ side and she would lean over and kiss the top of their head. Rodriguez’s heart ached and the sight awaked a deep longing as she took in the scene before her.
She realized that she wanted children and a family of her own. The idea came to her like a bolt out of the blue. What would Carl think of it? Never mind what he had just gone through with his big sister…was he mature enough to be a daddy? Rodriguez sighed heavily as she considered bringing it up with him later.
Frays smiled slightly when she finally noticed Rodriguez leaning against the doorway. “Hey, Frannie.” she said in a quiet, slightly drugged sounding voice. A puzzled look came slowly to her face. “Where’s your stuff? Is everything okay?”
“Don’t worry about that right now.” Rodriguez mumbled awkwardly as she came in and took a chair next to the woman’s bedside. She tried to smile a little bit as she reached out and tousled Paulie’s hair. “How’s it going, buddy?”
“Daddy’s reading us a story.” Paulie said drowsily. The little boy snuggled against Amy’s side for a second then climbed off of the bed and reached out for Frannie to pick him up. He grinned up at the woman as she swept him up into her arms and then sat down resting him on her uninjured thigh. “Did you get another owwie too?”
Rodriguez smiled at the concern in the little boy’s voice and kissed the top of his head. “No…I just came in for a checkup, little man.” she explained and squeezed the boy to her chest. All of a sudden Rodriguez felt like she just wanted to slink off in a hole some place and hide. She was about to come in here to try and get Frays to come out back with her and get high for Christ’s sake. Meanwhile Lacey was doing what good people did and was being all supportive and shit. She took a couple deep breaths, the beginnings of tears coming to her eyes. Paulie sensed that something was wrong so he leaned against Frannie and let her hold him tight.
After a few moments Rodriguez picked up the boy and set him down on the edge of the bed. “I gotta go out for a few minutes, guys.” She smiled at the children then stood and made her way towards the smoking area at the back of the building. Rodriguez took the joint out of her pocket and looked around shamefully. However the anxiety did not stop her from jamming the marijuana cigarette into the corner of her mouth and sparking it up.
She closed her eyes and inhaled the smoke deep into her lungs. The smoke escaped after a few heartbeats in a cloud of quiet laughter. “Medical marijuana.” Rodriguez muttered with a small tittering laugh. She took another long drag and savored the feeling of the marijuana slowly starting to kick in making her giggly and relaxed.
Rodriguez spotted a frayed lawn chair a few feet away so she plopped down into it, nearly falling right through the worn fabric. This only made her laugh harder. “Are…Are you fuckin’ high?” a familiar voice called from the door a few feet away. She looked up and grinned at Carl, the cherry on the end of the joint springing up.
“Getting that way.” Frannie said quietly. She took a drag on the joint and blew a cloud of smoke over her shoulder into the night. Carl stood there as if he was not quite sure what to make of what was going on in front of him. “Look…Carl…Lieutenant Haskins gave it to me. They’re out of my medication. I’m…I’m…I dunno…” Frannie sighed heavily and started rocking herself as she took another long drag on the joint “I started a fight at the FDP a little while ago. I-I hit this Navy guy with a spoon and I don’t even know why…”
Carl frowned and went to his girlfriend. He helped her out of the chair and sat down then pulled her into his lap. One of the vinyl straps let go with a ripping noise and for a moment they were both afraid that they were going to end up stuck in the chair. They exchanged nervous laughter once the chair decided that it felt like supporting their weight. Carl held her tight. “I…I love you, Frannie.” he said quietly and kissed her scarred cheek. She smiled and squirmed up against him as she continued puffing on her ‘medication’. “I just wanted you to know that. I love you no matter what.”
The younger man’s words echoed in Frannie’s ears as if he had shouted them down a deep dark well. She could hear him swallow hard. Rodriguez searched her muddled brain for the right words. “I know. Me too.” She turned a little and kissed Carl on the forehead then settled back against him.
Chapter Five
10 July 2011 0812 hours NorthCom Forward Operating Base Freedom Sanford, Maine
Frays tied her boots and tucked the laces in. She paused and looked in the mirror mounted to the back of the door to the room she had been staying in the past couple of days and blinked at what looked like a tired scarecrow wearing a hodgepodge of Marine and Army uniforms. They had found her a Marine top but she was wearing an Army undershirt and ACU trousers, both of which had travelled in her rucksack all the way from Massachusetts.
Days without much of an appetite had more or less made her stomach tighten back up though it still felt a little strange to the touch. She sighed heavily, her face wrinkling up around the edges as she ran her hand over where her little boy used to be… “Time to get back to work.” Frays reprimanded herself as she straightened the top and put on her LCS. It went on a lot easier than it did before.
Once she was satisfied that she was at least somewhat presentable Frays left the room and walked down the hall towards the nurses’ station. To her surprise Rodriguez sat behind the desk with Tommy. “Hey, Amy.” the man said with an awkward grin. “I was just about to come down and make sure you’re ready to go.”
Frays looked at him flatly and held her hand out. “Gonna let me sign for my stuff?” she asked and scribbled her signature on the sign out sheet when the medic handed it over. “Thanks.” Frays gave the man just about the most forced smile Rodriguez had ever seen as the man got up and unlocked the little room behind them where her friend’s gear and weapons were being secured. Rodriguez’s own M4 and pistol were in there too…
Frays leaned on the desk and regarded her friend with a raised eyebrow. “Frannie…have you been smoking dope?” she asked in a harsh whisper. Frays glanced over both shoulders and le
aned in closer. “Are you out of your friggin’ mind?”
Rodriguez sighed heavily. “They ran out of my meds, Amy.” she said quietly as she slowly got up the nerve to look her friend in the eye. “Lieutenant Haskins gives me a joint once a day or so. They won’t let me carry a weapon anymore because I…started a fight a few days ago. So now I work here.”
Frays frowned at her friend and put a hand on her arm. “I’m sorry, Frannie.” she said quietly and stared into her eyes for a second. “If you ever need to talk or whatever come and find me, alright?”
Rodriguez smiled at her. “The same goes for you, Amy.” she said as she held Frays’ hand for a few seconds. It was plain that she was not eating very much and she had become cold at best towards the medical staff, even becoming curt almost to the point of disrespectfulness with Lieutenant Haskins. Carl had told her about the mean things that his sister had said to him too…
Frays got her weapons and other gear back and walked outside without so much as another word to Tommy. She could not help but notice that the same people who had been so friendly towards her when she was pregnant now avoided even making eye contact as she made her way towards the Security Forces building. One brave soul came up and tried to give her a hug but Frays waved the older woman off.
A few of the Marines in the open area came up and welcomed her back to work or simply smiled sympathetically and clapped her on the shoulder on their way by. Sergeant Hanes was nowhere to be found. She sat down hard when she got to her desk and put her head in her hands as she tried to think of something to do with herself. The trainees were around someplace and she had to get back to them.
“Hey, Sergeant Frays.” a voice said just loud enough to be heard over the din of the office. Frays recognized the blonde female trainee…PFC Stark her name was. “Sergeant Hanes sent me over here to find you.” It took Frays a second to realize that the woman was standing at parade rest for her.
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