“Sorry, I’m busy.” Which was true. She planned on changing Sambo’s litter box. Not exactly an exciting prospect, but it gave credence to her words. She looped the strap of her purse over her shoulder, determined not to play the game.
“I was hoping you’d let me take you to dinner.”
“Another time perhaps,” she suggested, heading toward the door.
“What about the Birthday Ball?” Every October the Navy celebrated its birthday with an elaborate ball. The celebration was coming later this year because the admiral had been gone. “It’s two weeks away, and I was hoping you’d accompany me.”
Catherine didn’t have a single excuse. Her presence would be expected, but she hadn’t given the matter of a date more than a fleeting thought.
The idea of spending the evening with anyone other than Royce didn’t interest her. Her attitude was excessively stupid. They’d be able to dance once, maybe twice without raising suspicions. Risking anything more than that would be foolish in the extreme. The way matters were between them presently, it was doubtful Royce would go anywhere near her.
“Catherine,” Dan prodded. “The Birthday Ball?”
She forced herself to smile as though it was a difficult decision. “I appreciate the invitation, in fact I’m flattered, but no thanks. I’m…I’ve decided to go stag this year. It’s nothing personal, Dan.”
Commander Parker’s smile didn’t waver, neither did the light in his dark eyes dim, if anything it brightened. Slowly, without hesitation, he raised his hand and ran one finger down the side of her cheek. “I think I know why.”
Catherine’s heart thundered against her chest with alarm. She stared up at him and blinked, certain he could read everything she felt for Royce like a notice on a bulletin board.
“Don’t worry,” he whispered sympathetically, “your secret is safe with me.”
Squaring her shoulders, Catherine’s only choice was to pretend he couldn’t be more wrong. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I prefer to attend the Birthday Ball alone this year, and whatever connotation you put on that decision is of your own making.”
Dan chuckled. “You’re right, of course. Absolutely right.” He straightened and was about to leave when he turned back, his friendly eyes suddenly somber and dark. “Good luck, Catherine, but be careful. Understand?”
Before she could continue with the pretense, Catherine nodded. “I will.”
* * *
Royce was in a foul mood, but that wasn’t anything new. He’d been in a dangerous one for nearly two weeks, and frankly he couldn’t see it lessening anytime soon. The fact he’d recently spoken to Dan Parker hadn’t improved his disposition any. Of all the foolish, mule-headed deeds Catherine had committed since he’d met her, rejecting Dan’s invitation to the Birthday Ball took the cake. He’d like to wring her skinny neck.
“Ha,” he said aloud, discrediting his thoughts. The last thing he wanted was to see Catherine suffer. Anytime he was within ten feet of her it was all he could do not to haul her into his arms and breathe in the fresh, womanly scent that was hers alone. He wanted to drink in her softness, savor her warmth and her love. He needed her so damn much, he was about to go out of his mind.
Royce didn’t know what the hell he was going to do. One thing for sure, they couldn’t continue like this much longer.
Royce had done everything he could think to do to forget her. He was working himself into an early grave, spending all kinds of extra hours at the office. Kelly was barely speaking to him, and he’d lost just about every friend he’d made in seventeen years of military service.
Something had to be done, and fast, before he ended up destroying himself and in the process, Catherine, too. He just didn’t know what the hell the solution was.
A polite knock on his door interrupted his thoughts. Whoever it was possessed the courage of David facing Goliath to confront Royce in his current mood.
“Come in,” he barked.
When Catherine opened the door, Royce’s heart dropped to his knees. What now? He couldn’t be any less encouraging than the last time they spoke. He couldn’t have been any more sarcastic. No matter what he said, no matter what he did, she just kept coming back. By heaven, that woman was stubborn.
“Yes?” he demanded, giving the illusion of being busy, too busy to be intruded upon.
“I need to talk to you.”
How sweet her voice sounded, how soft and feminine. Royce had lain awake nights tormented by the memory of her making delicate, whimpering love sounds. How close he’d come to breaking the very code of honor he’d sworn to uphold.
“There’s nothing more to say,” he said, forcefully pushing all thoughts of her and that night from his mind. “I thought I made that fact perfectly clear.” His voice was as brittle and hard as he could make it.
“It’s about Kelly.”
“My daughter is none of your business, Lieutenant Commander.” Royce felt as though he’d been kicked in the stomach. Catherine had no way of knowing that Kelly continued to bring up her name night and day until he’d absolutely forbidden his own daughter to speak of her.
“If you have no objection, I’d like Kelly to spend the weekend with me and…”
“No.” The word was edged with steel.
“Wanting to spend time with Kelly has nothing to do with you and me,” Catherine insisted softly. “But everything to do with Kelly. She needs…”
“I’ll be the one to determine my daughter’s needs.”
The silence between them stretched to earsplitting proportions. Royce half expected the window glass to shatter under the pressure. Neither spoke. Neither daring. Neither willing to give an inch.
Royce feared an inch would soon lead to two and three, and before he could stop himself, he and Catherine would become lovers. The very word brought a tight hardening to his loins. It didn’t take much for his tormented mind to envision her soft and willing beneath him, opening her life and her heart to him. The ache grew worse, but he wasn’t sure which hurt worse: the pain in his loins, or the one in his heart.
“I understand you turned down Commander Parker’s invitation to the Birthday Ball,” he said when it became apparent she was going to continue with the same argument. His best tactic, he decided, was to change the subject.
“How’d you know that?” she asked, her beautiful dark eyes narrowing.
“Dan told me.”
“Like hell, he did,” she flared. “Commander Parker is a typical man. He isn’t likely to tell anyone I refused his offer unless he was asked and…” She paused, and a deep shade of red seeped steadily up her neck and invaded her cheeks. “You…you asked him to invite me, didn’t you?” She made it sound as though he’d attempted to involve her in treason. “You went to Dan and encouraged him to take me to…to the Birthday Ball.” She closed her eyes momentarily, as though mortified to the very marrow of her bones.
“Listen, Catherine…”
Leaning forward, she pressed her hands against the side of his desk. “How dare you.”
“You’re out of order here, Lieutenant Commander.” Royce could see he was digging himself in deeper than he intended. The most expedient way of extracting himself was to pull rank. Not the wisest means, but the most practical.
She ignored him as she straightened, then started pacing the length of his office, her steps clipped and angry. “You have one hell of a nerve, Royce. What makes you think you can rule my life?”
“Our discussion is over.” He reached for his pen and commenced writing. He didn’t know if a single word was legible, but that wasn’t the point. Catherine, her eyes bright with unshed tears, stared at him with her heart on her sleeve. He had to get her out of his office before he did something foolish. Before he succumbed to what would, in the end, destroy them both.
“Why?” she asked. The lone word was saturated with emotion.
“You know the answer to that,” he informed her stiffly, fighting back the urge to shout at her. She
wasn’t stupid; surely she could figure out his motives on her own.
“You honestly think it would help if I were to become involved with Dan?” Her words were low and disbelieving. When he didn’t answer right away, she raised her voice. “Do you?”
“This discussion would be better left for another time,” Royce informed her in his best military voice. “You may leave now.” This was the tone he used often, expecting immediate and unquestioned compliance to his words.
“No way,” she said, then stalked across the room and slammed closed the door, although they both knew they were alone. “We won’t discuss this another time, because we’re going to have this out here and now.”
Royce bolted to his feet, as angry now as she. “If you value your commission, Lieutenant Commander, then I suggest you do as I ask.”
She didn’t so much as blink. “What exactly have you asked? That I date Commander Parker?”
“It certainly wouldn’t hurt matters any,” he said pointedly.
She knotted her fist at her side, and Royce had the impression she did so in an effort to hold on to her anger, and it required both hands.
“It may come as something of a surprise to you, Commander Nyland, but it’s none of the Navy’s business whom I date. It most certainly isn’t any of yours!”
“In this case it is.” Royce amazed himself by remaining calm, at least on the outside. Inside, he was a mess, something he wasn’t willing to admit often, but Catherine had driven him to the outer edges of sanity.
“What makes you think dating Dan would help either of us? Answer me! I’m downright curious.”
“Just do it, Catherine, for both our sakes.”
“No,” she cried, “if you want me out of your life, that’s your business, but I refuse to make it easy for you.”
A tear rolled down the side of her face, her precious sweet face, and it was all Royce could do not to reach out and comfort her. He slumped back in his chair and rammed all ten fingers through his hair in an urgent effort to regain control of himself. Shouting at each other wasn’t going to accomplish anything. Neither was pretending.
“Sit down, Catherine,” he instructed, motioning toward the chair.
“I prefer to stand.” She was as stiff as plastic, eyes focused straight ahead. The evidence of that lone tear or any others had long since vanished.
“Fine. Have it your way.” The fight was out of him, and he leaned back in his chair and braced his index fingers beneath his chin the way he did when he needed to think. “You were right,” he stated after a while.
She blinked as though she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. “About what?”
“About what would happen if we’d made love that night.”
Catherine’s eyes briefly found his. “Even if everyone in the entire office hadn’t guessed afterward, it would have been wrong.”
“Only because the rule book claims it is,” she argued. Her look told him the love between them was right, and always would be, no matter what the Navy decreed.
“No,” he argued, gaining conviction. “Don’t you understand? Can’t you see? That night would have only been the beginning. Once we crossed the physical boundaries, there’d be no going back for either of us.”
“I agree, but that doesn’t make it wrong.”
“We’d live in constant fear of being discovered, of someone, anyone finding out the truth,” he continued with conviction. “We’d both make an effort, but it wouldn’t be long before we’d be so desperate for each other that we’d be meeting in out-of-theway spots—”
“We wouldn’t,” she cried, shaking her head in denial.
“Renting cheap hotel rooms,” he added, and cringed inwardly at the thought. Catherine was too much a lady for clandestine meetings in dirty rooms. An affair would destroy the warm, generous woman he’d come to love. An affair would destroy them both. What had started out so pure and good would become tarnished and ugly. In the end it would devastate them both. He loved her too much to put her through that kind of heartache.
“No,” she cried a second time, “we wouldn’t let it go that far.”
“Do you honestly think we’d be able to stop? Do you?” he demanded.
Catherine had gone terribly pale, so pale that Royce was tempted to take her by the hand and lead her to a chair before she collapsed. He was grateful when she chose to sit of her own accord.
“What about your transfer?” she asked, lifting her eyes to his.
Her gentle pleading was back, and it cut deep at his heart to deny her anything. If he had received the NATO assignment, although it meant they’d be separated by thousands of miles, the Navy restrictions would no longer apply.
“What I heard was a rumor,” he reminded her, “nothing more. It’s not going to happen.” Kelly would be able to remain with him, but the blessings were mixed ones. His life with his daughter would go on without disruption, but he was going to be forced to drive the woman he loved out of his life.
“I see,” she murmured, her words layered with defeat.
“What happened that Saturday night was entirely my fault.” Royce felt he should admit that much. “I was so sure I was going to receive that transfer that I let matters go too far. Way too far. Monday morning I learned Commander Wayne Nelson out of San Diego had been given the assignment.”
“It isn’t necessary to assign blame.”
In theory Royce agreed with her, but he wanted to accept the responsibility. He’d felt so close to Catherine that evening. Closer than he had to anyone ever. They’d kissed, and the sensation had struck him as powerfully as a bolt of lightning. It seemed melodramatic to compare her touch with the forces of nature, but Royce could think of no other way to describe it. His skin had felt branded by her gentleness, and his heart…his heart had swollen with a love so strong it left him weak and trembling. He’d never desired a woman more than he had Catherine that night.
It wasn’t until later, after Royce learned that the NATO assignment had gone to an acquaintance of his, that he realized his mistake. He’d lowered his guard, allowed to happen what he’d promised himself never would. As a result, he was faced with an even more difficult problem than before.
“What about Kelly?” Catherine asked, her voice so thin he could barely hear her. Slowly she raised those same pleading eyes to his. She seemed to be saying how unfair it was to punish the little girl for something that was beyond Kelly’s control.
Royce had learned early in life that the book on fair had yet to be written. He wanted to do what was right for his daughter, but he couldn’t do or say anything that would mislead the ten-year-old into thinking there could be a relationship between him and Catherine.
“It’s a delicate situation, and best left alone,” he said reluctantly.
“No,” Catherine argued with surprising strength. “I won’t let you do it. I won’t use Kelly…you have my word on that—but she needs a woman just now, and I…I seem to be the one she’s reaching out to. Please, Royce…”
He hesitated. Saying no to Catherine was as difficult as refusing his own flesh and blood. “All right,” he agreed, praying he was doing the right thing.
* * *
“We sat up all night and talked and talked and talked, and Catherine painted my toenails and she even let me paint hers.”
“So you had a good time?”
“The best.” Kelly squeezed him tight around the stomach. Friday night and all day Saturday the house had been as quiet as a tomb. Royce had aimlessly walked around feeling lost and alone. Kelly had spent the night with friends before, and he’d never felt as he had this time. This particular aloneness. Perhaps it was because he’d wanted to be with Catherine so much himself.
By noon, he found himself glancing at the clock every five minutes. When Catherine dropped Kelly off around three, it was all he could do not to run outside and greet her. Only it wasn’t Kelly he was so eager to see.
It was Catherine.
Hell, he’d been
a fool to think this was going to work.
“…I don’t think she’s feeling very well, though.”
Royce heard the tail end of his daughter’s comment as she blurted out the details of each and every minute she and Catherine had been together.
“What makes you say that?” Royce asked, trying to hide his concern behind a casual facade.
“We went shopping, and then…oh,” Kelly cried excitedly, “I nearly forgot to show you, Catherine bought me a surprise. Just a minute and I’ll go get it.” Before he could divert Kelly back to his original question, she was racing up the stairs. Two minutes later, she returned wearing a pair of hot pink earmuffs. She put them on her head, then twirled around to show him the full effect.
“Aren’t they cute?”
“Beautiful. Now what makes you think Catherine isn’t feeling well?” Gone was the carefully concealed apprehension.
“Oh.” Kelly frowned and removed the earmuffs. “After lunch we went out for Mexican food and Catherine ordered a chili something…”
“That explains it,” Royce teased.
“No. She wasn’t feeling bad until she got her mail. I think it had something to do with that. She opened a letter, and the next thing I knew she was staring out the window, looking real spacey. I think she might have been crying, but when I asked her, she said she had something in her eye.”
The gutsy woman Royce knew wouldn’t easily give in to tears unless something was drastically wrong.
Kelly hesitated. “I think she was crying, though…I don’t know. Catherine’s not the type to let on about that sort of thing.”
“What happened next?” he pressed, losing patience.
“Well, she made herself a cup of tea and said it was time to run me home. I didn’t want to come back so soon, but I didn’t say so because I knew she wanted to be alone.”
“How did things go on the ride home?” Royce was beginning to feel like a detective, ferreting out each bit of information he could.
“She was real quiet. That’s why I think she’s not feeling very good.”
Catherine was on Royce’s mind for the remainder of the day. Hell, what was so unusual about that, he asked himself as he turned out the lights before heading up to bed. The beautiful Lieutenant Commander was in his mind about ninety-nine percent of the time, despite his best efforts to forget about her. Having Kelly chatter about her for hours on end certainly didn’t help matters any.
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