by Young, Luke
“What news?” Brian asked.
Jillian replied, “These two are—”
“Was he really taking a shower with Amanda Jo?” Victoria made a face.
“I’ll tell you about it later.” Jillian flapped her hand at her friend dismissively.
“Would someone please tell me this important news?” Brian frowned.
“Sure, um…” Sidetracked, Jillian’s eyes were immediately drawn to the still tented ‘groinal’ area of her towel-clad husband. She made a sour face. “How the hell are you still hard? I mean, what the hell? Did you take a Viagra?”
“No. No. No.” Shaking his head, he lifted his arms up in his defense.
“Then why in the world are you still, you know…?”
Victoria cringed. “Yeah, Brian.”
“Come on dude.” Wincing, Jim looked away.
“Okay…” Sneering at all three of them, he folded his arms. “Do you really want to know why I’m still hard? Do you?”
Victoria raised her hand. “I do.”
“Okay…” He sighed. “I just played a set of tennis with arguably the hottest movie star on the planet.”
Jillian scoffed.
“She really is,” Jim said slowly and Brian nodded in categorical support.
Victoria smacked Jim in the head. “Snap out of it.”
“And you know how hot tennis gets me?” Brian added.
Jillian raised a finger in the air in agreement. “It really does get him worked up— this one time we were—”
“Jillian?” Brian rolled his eyes.
“Sorry.” She curled her lip.
“So I was doing my tennis student a favor by playing a set with her. She was really stressed out and when we finished we were all sweaty. She went to the woman’s locker room and I, you know, came in here.”
“When are we getting to the part when you get a boner?” Victoria sighed. “I’m so bored right now.”
Staring at her gape-mouth, Brian shook his head.
Victoria rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, “Sorry, please continue with your riveting story.”
“You know, you can leave.” Brian fired back.
“Okay, I’m really sorry this time.”
“Where was I?” Brian asked.
“Um, you finished playing tennis with the celebrity skank then you went to take a shower.” Jillian replied matter-of-factly.
“That’s right, so I was in here alone… and I was sorta worked up and was trying to relieve the pent up… pressure when Miss Joseph surprised me just like all of you did.”
“She caught you jerking off?” Victoria asked.
“Yepper,” Brian replied with just a little pride in his voice. “Then wifey over here interrupted my shower with the Golden Globe and Emmy award winning actress and—”
“Wait, why is he not dead right now?” Victoria narrowed her eyes.
“Oh, you should have heard him telling her why he couldn’t have sex with her. It was so… uhhh…” Jillian crossed her hands over her chest. “I almost cried.”
“And she’s even on my celebrity free pass list…” Brian gave them a smug look. “…and I totally turned her down.”
“Wow,” Victoria said mockingly as she rolled her eyes. “You’re a real trooper.”
“I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Brian sneered at Victoria. “So where was I? Oh, so Amanda Jo left after Jillian kinda threatened to kill her.”
“I only threatened to slap her. I mean, she is America’s sweetheart.”
“That’s right,” Brian added in support. “After that, Jillian and I sorta had a moment in here and then YOU walked in.” He looked pointedly at his brother’s spunky girlfriend.
“Cool story.” Victoria frowned.
Jillian chuckled. “Oh my God, I still haven’t told you the good news.”
Brian widened his eyes, waiting.
“We all came by to tell you that these two are finally getting married.” Jillian pointed to the couple.
“Again?” Brian replied halfheartedly.
“No this time we’re really going to do it,” Jim said.
“Seriously, you’re really going to do it?” Brian asked.
“We are.” Victoria smiled.
Brian’s jaw fell open. “Wow, I, um, that’s amazing.” He took a few steps toward Victoria, then stopped looking down to his still rigid manhood and widened his eyes, speaking in an exaggerated voice, “And… he… just won’t go down. This is starting to get annoying.”
“Tell me about it,” Jim snarled, cringing.
“I really want to hug you now, but I don’t want to have to do one of those ass-out, awkward deals, you know.” Brian lifted his palms in the air. “Raincheck?”
“Oh, sure, yeah,” Victoria replied.
“They’re heading to Vegas the day after tomorrow and we’re flying out with them.” Jillian smiled.
“Oh, okay. Vegas, that sounds awesome. Let’s all go out for a drink and celebrate.” Brian pointed to the door. “Why don’t you three head out to the lobby and I’ll take care of, uh, this…” redirecting his finger, he pointed south.
“You want me to stay with you?” Jillian asked, hopefully.
“Oh, no, I think I better wrap this up before I need to be rushed to the hospital or something.” He rubbed his forehead and grimaced. “My head is pounding.”
“All right, let’s go.” Jillian ushered the newly engaged couple back to the locker room and out the door.
Tearing off his towel, Brian looked down impressed at his manhood and went to work.
63
Flying first-class three non-pregnant members of the foursome enjoyed a few too many cocktails on the west-bound flight. Neither couple participated in any extra-curricular mile high type activities, although after her third drink, Victoria was shimmying in her seat and eyeing the restroom with keen interest.
After checking in to their luxury hotel suites, which Victoria insisted she pay for, the group headed off to the Chapel of Love and their scheduled 10:00 p.m. wedding service. Selecting the Love’s Eternal deluxe package, Jim and Victoria enjoyed the most elaborate ceremony possible at this, the Cadillac of all quickie wedding chapels in sin city.
The couple opted to spend the extra one hundred fifty dollars for a live pianist to play the traditional wedding march. The music began as the groom and maid of honor waited along with the celebrant on the altar of the somewhat tastefully decorated room, adorned with six dozen peach roses, Victoria’s favorite.
Jim wore a gray suit with a yellow tie and Jillian chose a short red dress, which showed off all of her assets.
Brian wore a dark blue suit and red tie, which, of course, perfectly matched his wife’s dress as he walked the stunning Victoria down the aisle and toward her husband to be. The bride wore a gorgeous yellow strapless dress which was struggling to contain her abundant cleavage.
Brian guided her to his brother’s hand and kissed her softly on the cheek before winking at Jillian and moving to his position as best man.
Celebrant Rick wore a white tuxedo with a black shirt and white bow tie as he began, “Dearly beloved we are assembled here today in front of God and friends to join this man and this woman in the bonds…”
Victoria and Jim gazed into each other’s eyes as the Celebrant continued with his opening words. After a reading and a definition of marriage, Rick nodded to the groom, “Jim.”
Looking Victoria in the eye, Jim cleared his throat. “Victoria, I promise to love you and be true to you every day of my life. My life changed the day that I met you and by agreeing to be my wife you’ve made me the happiest man alive.” Placing his hand to his temple, he took a moment to compose himself. “Thank you for blessing me with a beautiful daughter. I promise to love you, hold you and honor you forever. Oh… and I promise to never pleasure myself again after I get a massage at work.”
Brian did a double take and whispered, “What?”
The celebrants smile sud
denly turned to an uneasy frown with Jim’s last remark. He muttered, “Okay then.”
Victoria smiled sweetly. Jillian wiped a tear from her eye as Brian watched her shaking his head and holding back a confused grin.
“Victoria,” the celebrant motioned to her with his hand.
“Jim, I thought I would never love again and then I found you.” She squeezed his hand tightly. “Thank you for putting up with all my… let’s call them issues and for never leaving my side. I promise to love you forever, to always trust you and to never again hijack your massage by impersonating your masseuse and grabbing you in an inappropriate place.”
Rick stared straight ahead like a deer in headlights.
Brian whispered to Jillian, “What the heck is she talking about?”
“I’ll tell you later,” Jillian replied softly.
“Uh-huh…” Rick widened his eyes. “All right… By the power vested in me by the State of Nevada, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
“He better do more than that.” Victoria flashed him a sexy grin.
Smiling, Jim moved to her and kissed her softly. As the kiss grew more passionate the three spectators glanced away and smiled at one another awkwardly.
A few second later, Brian shrugged. “They, um, really like each other.”
The celebrant nodded then checked his watch.
Jillian cleared her throat. Ignoring her, Victoria slipped her hands down to cup Jim’s ass.
Jillian admitted, “They also had a few drinks on the plane.”
“So did I, but you don’t see me acting that way.” Brian took a step toward the amorous couple and tapped them each on the shoulder. When they looked his way, he whispered, “Why don’t you guys save that for later.”
Turning to the celebrant, Jim shook his hand. “Thank you.”
“Congratulations.”
Victoria smiled. “Thank you.” She turned to Jillian and they shared a hug as Brian headed toward his brother with his hand extended.
Twenty minutes later the two couples were enjoying a late dinner at the nearly empty Sensi restaurant at the Bellagio hotel.
With the group poised to open their third bottle of expensive champagne, the buzz carried off the plane was now renewed and then some, at least for the non-pregnant members of the party.
Jillian put her hand on Brian’s arm. “We should renew our vows tomorrow.”
Brian scoffed. “We’ve been married only six hundred eighty thr…” His words trailed off and he covered his mouth.
“What?” She looked at him concerned.
He cleared his throat. “I mean, we’ve been married less than two years.”
“So.”
“Maybe we should wait until our tenth anniversary.”
“Okay.” She frowned.
“I’ve got a better idea.” Brian smiled. “How about we just relive the honeymoon sex.”
She narrowed her eyes, confused. “What did we do that was so…” Then her eyes widened. “Oh… yeah.”
Jim perked up. “What are you two talking about?”
“I’ll show you later.” Victoria winked.
“Cool.”
After taking a sip of her glass, Jillian said, “Babe, if you get waxed again, I’m in… otherwise uh-uh.”
Brian’s sphincter tightened at the thought and he cringed, bringing his shoulders up and close to his neck. “Maybe we could do something else, instead.”
Jillian laughed.
Jim shook his head. “What the hell are you two talking about?”
“Don’t you remember I told you I got a…” Brian looked to Victoria. “…what the hell do they call it, it’s not a Brazilian when they do a guy is it?”
“No, I think you got the Hollywood.” Victoria paused to think. “Or wait did they do… everything— even the ass-al area?”
“Ass-al?” He held back a laugh. “What’s that?”
“You know, ass-al… the area in and around the ass.” She rolled her eyes.
“That can’t be a real word. And you claim to have a PhD.”
“Okay.” Victoria sneered. “How about I call it the whole undercarriage? Did they do all that?”
“Believe me they did everything,” Brian grumbled.
“Well, they do call that a male Brazilian,” Victoria confirmed.
Turning his attention to his brother, Brian frowned. “Come on. Don’t you remember? We were out by the pool and I told you I got waxed just before the wedding.”
Jim returned a sickened look. “First, if you did tell me, I’m pretty sure I blocked it out in order to keep from throwing up and second why the hell would you tell me that right before we’re going to eat.”
“The pain…” Brian shuddered. “It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced.”
“So, we’re still talking about it.” Jim nodded, then topped his glass off. “I have a feeling this could go on and on.” He motioned to the group with the bottle. “Anyone else?”
Brian and Victoria nodded and Jim topped them off. Victoria lifted her glass. “To hairless asses.”
Jillian and Brian raised their glasses and repeated the toast. Jim cringed and said, “I’m not drinking to that in general.” He pointed to his wife. “I’ll drink to yours, but I’m not drinking to his.”
“Hey, what’s wrong with my ass?”
“Brother, if I need to tell you, I think you’re in real trouble.”
The four shared a laugh then when they composed themselves, Victoria said, “Brian, I always wanted to ask if when the hair grew back did it come in thicker or was it fine? I heard even if you only do it once, it’s supposed to come in fine.”
“Seriously?” Brian scoffed. “You want to know if my ass hair is now fine.”
“Yes I do, because I remember when Rafael was preparing to wax you and you were up on the table all spread apart…” Victoria winced. “… that it wasn’t a pretty picture.”
Jillian began, “I think it’s—”
“Wait…” Jim’s jaw fell open. “You went with him to get waxed?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I mean, are you saying you were actually in the room with him?” Jim asked, dreading her reply.
“Yep.”
“How do I not know this?” Jim looked around the table, stunned.
“I guess it never came up.”
Jillian took a sip from her glass. “Well I bet you never told your wife that you showered with me at your parents’ house.”
Victoria smiled. “No, no, he didn’t. I would have remembered that.”
“That was a mistake. She actually climbed into the shower with me. I was there first,” Jim said defensively.
“Okay, okay. Calm down,” Victoria rolled her eyes before she turned her attention to her best friend. “And you never told me this, I can’t believe it because you tell me everything.”
“I guess I just forgot about it.”
“You saw his, you know, and you forgot?” Victoria looked at her, dumfounded.
“No, that I remember. But I just forgot to tell you.”
“Okay.” Victoria took a sip from her glass and shot Jillian a smug look. “Jim is still mostly hairless back there, balls and the whole under carriage. He has just the lightest blonde tiny baby hairs.”
“Victoria?” Jim shook his head.
“What?” Victoria shrugged. “We were talking about what a jungle Brian has down there and I just wanted to brag about my man.”
“It’s not a jungle.” Brian scoffed. “And can we please stop talking about how hairy my ass is and how perfect his is?”
“You’re just jealous.” Jim sneered.
“Am not.”
They each took a sip from their glasses and Brian slumped back in his seat. Switching gears, Brian said, “Is anyone else hot in here?”
“Your hairy ass probably really sweats in this kind of weather.” Victoria said, holding back a smile.
Brian looked at her dumbfounded. “I was try
ing to get us away from the subject, but you keep bringing us back.” With one gulp, he emptied his glass then poured himself another. He held his head high and began, “Well if you must know… unfortunately, the hair has been coming in thicker for some reason since the torture you put me through.”
“Oh.” Victoria cringed. “That’s too bad.”
Brian sighed. “I wanted this to be a surprise for my beautiful wife, but right before we got on the plane I shaved everything down there… everything. And I think I did a pretty good job.”
“Now I’m going to be sick.” Jim made a face.
“Oh, knock it off hairless boy.”
Jillian put her hand on Brian’s arm. “Sounds like we’ll be having some fun later.”
“I hope so.”
The newly married couple watched as Jillian leaned over to Brian and whispered in his ear. His mouth dropped open then he smiled. “Okay.”
“What?” Victoria asked.
“I’m not telling you.” Brian folded his arms.
“Oh, come on.”
“No.”
“Jillian what did you tell him?” Victoria asked, frowning. “You know you’re going to tell me later anyway.”
Jillian turned a pretend key on her lips.
“Good girl.” Brian said.
Victoria sighed.
Brian looked around the restaurant. “Where the heck is our waiter?”
Jim shrugged. “I haven’t seen him.”
“Is anyone really hungry? I know I’m not. Why don’t we take our respective semi-hairless bodies and head back to our respective suites for some respective fun?” Brian flashed Jillian a sexy grin.
Suddenly the door to the kitchen burst open and two waiters came out carrying large trays of steaming food— huge steaks for the boys and big bowls of spicy pasta for the girls.
When the waiters disappeared, the four looked down to their plates. Brian grimaced. “Yeah, I don’t know.”
Jillian shook her head. “If I eat this, I know I’m going to be too sick to do what I just whispered in your ear.”
The four exchanged hesitant looks until in unison they stood and moved away from the table. Brian said, “I insist on paying.”
“Knock yourself out.” Victoria moved to Jim and they shared a chuckle.
Brian looked down to the table of food. “Maybe they can give it to a shelter or something.”