You may not feel treasured, or even acceptable, but you are. In Ephesians 1:6, Paul says that all who believe in Christ have been “accepted in the beloved” (KJV). That means God doesn’t look at us and shake his head disapprovingly because of all our faults and imperfections. No! He accepts us just as he accepts Jesus. To him, our areas of imperfection are opportunities for him to bless us as he helps us to begin living in our new identity as children of a king.
It amazes me how much our attitude affects our success and how people view us. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.”2 This statement exudes truth. In the same way, I’ve been making a more deliberate effort to surround myself with positive people and to avoid those who lean toward negativity because I can get wrapped up in their mind-set and slip down the negative slope myself. Hence the saying “Misery loves company.”
We must deliberately choose a right attitude. We can’t change the past, frequently we can’t change our circumstances, and we can’t change how other people behave. But we can choose our attitude.
This morning in Texas, storms broke loose. Rain has poured for the past twelve hours and will continue for the next twelve. I slipped while loading my car for work. Rain then drenched my lower half as I ran from the car to the office door. I sit here typing while my pant legs drip dry and my trouser socks turn cold. Patients will be late for their appointments, and my son’s cross-country meet will be canceled. And so on. It would be so easy for me to react irritably.
Still, I have a choice. I choose to be joyous and grateful for this rain. The crops desperately need it. Our severe drought conditions have dried up many of the lakes, and where there used to be many feet of water, there is now only sand and weeds. And after a couple days of rain, I will appreciate the sunshine all the more when it returns!
In Philippians 4:8, we are admonished to take steps to ensure our attitude is right: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” This verse isn’t referring to just things or events; God also wants us to think about the positive, admirable, praiseworthy aspects of ourselves and quit listening to the enemy’s reminders of all the areas in which he says we don’t measure up. This verse reminds us to focus our attention on God’s truth and disregard the enemy’s denigrating whispers.
The Enemy Paralyzes Us with Shame
Have you ever said, “I am so ashamed”? Or have you ever been told, “You should be ashamed of yourself”? Perhaps you can recall times when you felt embarrassed. Embarrassment is another face of shame. Shame can be described as a painful feeling stemming from an awareness of having done or been involved in something disgraceful, inappropriate, unreasonable, or wrong resulting in guilt or remorse. In essence, shame says, “I am a mistake” rather than the truth, which says, “I made a mistake.”
The enemy uses shame as a tool to keep us from going deeper in our relationships with others and God. For many of us shame causes us to hide behind a mask, hoping others will like the illusion of ourselves rather than reject the reality of our imperfection. Shame causes us to believe we cannot risk being our true selves around others for fear of rejection because of our mistakes.
Consider the child who breaks his mother’s decorative vase when the ball he was told not to throw in the house accidentally slips from his hand, turning the treasured glass into shattered pieces on the floor. He attempts to clean it up (as well as a typical child might) and never mentions it to his mother, hoping she won’t notice. His mother, however, immediately notices the missing vase but waits patiently to be told of its whereabouts. Feeling guilty, the young boy suffers stomachaches, avoids eye contact with his mother, and does additional chores without being asked. The longer he hides the truth, the worse he feels. When he can keep the secret no longer, he tearfully confesses to his mother, fearful of his fate. She embraces him, assures him of her forgiveness, then chuckles before telling him her little secret. She never liked the vase much anyway but kept it on display because it was a gift from her mother-in-law.
Shame carries with it fear and causes us to hide. Clients share their most painful secrets with me—painful because they are hidden as a result of shame. I wish people knew that I am rarely surprised by what I hear, and I don’t judge. The pain my patients carry while holding on to their secrets is so much worse than anything they experience by telling me. Secrets only hold their power while they are kept in the dark. In our shame, we believe the enemy’s lies that “no one will understand” or “you’ll lose all your friends if they find out what you did.” Once those shameful situations are brought into the light, the enemy loses his negative hold over us and healing can begin.
We lose our peace when we hide our brokenness. We must choose to believe God’s truth, which says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1). Because Christ died to pay the price for all our imperfections, God doesn’t condemn us or view us as guilty. We are loved and accepted because of what Christ did for us when he wiped our slates clean.
Disappointment overwhelms me when I think of the damage inflicted on our hearts by the perpetuation of the stigma of mental health issues. I get frustrated that shame is hurled at those who suffer from conditions such as depression, as if anyone would consciously choose such suffering. Even worse is the message that there is something wrong with the afflicted, until a celebrity talks about suffering from the same condition. All of a sudden the stigma is lessened and the condition is almost celebrated, as if a celebrity is more worthy or worthwhile than the common person who struggles. We are all worthy, we are all important, and if anyone ever suffers, we should consider it a viable concern.
If we destigmatize a condition like depression only when a celebrity or someone famous talks about their struggles, then perhaps we should consider some of the earliest well-known individuals who made their despair known. In the Bible, David routinely wrote of his despair; Job suffered with symptoms of depression; even Jesus wept. Some of God’s greatest men struggled, and their stories were included in the most inspired book in history. I believe that if God included their stories in his Book, then he doesn’t attach shame to their experience, and neither should we. Unfortunately, that is where the enemy disagrees.
What we have to remember is that anxiety, shame, and a distorted view of ourselves are all tools utilized by the biggest liar to roam the earth. They are not from God. Nor are they consistent with God’s truth. And they steal our peace.
How to Live a Life of Peace
Depend on God
The enemy of our souls strives to kill our peace by keeping us focused on ourselves instead of depending on God, the giver of peace. We so easily set our sights on what we have to accomplish, too often forgetting that God prefers to set the course for our day. As Proverbs 16:9 declares, “We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps” (NLT). We have traded in our peace and bought into the mantra (which is based on another lie of the enemy), “If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.”
It wasn’t until I was bedridden and unable to do anything for myself that I realized the enemy had convinced me of a lie, but God’s truth says, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you” (Isa. 26:3). Rather than depending on myself to accomplish everything, I had to trust God and depend on him for everything I needed. Depending on myself means depending on my own limited strength, whereas depending on God grants me the assurance that “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:13).
Sometimes the word dependence conjures up a negative connotation. We are praised and recognized for our independence. We honor pioneers in various fields for being independent thinkers and daring to believe what others wouldn’t. In shifting our dependence from ourselves to God, however, we can experience peace knowing the responsibility for the result rests on
his capable shoulders. He promised us in Matthew 5:6 that if any of us hunger and thirst for more of him, he will fill us. If we depend on him, he faithfully provides for our needs, allowing us to rest in the peace of his provision.
It took the suffering of a helpless little one for me to appreciate how much God delights in providing for his children. One day as I sat typing reports at my office desk, I heard an unusual but endearing sound. I glanced down near my feet to see our office mascot, a nine-pound Pomeranian named Maddy, whimpering softly. Most days she accompanied me to the office, sleeping in her little puppy pod while patients remain unaware of her presence. Hearing her whimper, I reflexively asked, “What?” She answered with more whimpering while she looked straight into my eyes. I studied her, then noticed the reason for her anguish. Her fur had become matted around a bur, and her nail had become lodged in the matted knot, ensnaring her paw. She couldn’t free herself and whimpered for me to come to her assistance. As I did, she quickly licked my hand, then returned to a peaceful slumber.
I’ve replayed this scene in my mind. This young creature became trapped in a predicament she was helpless to fix without assistance. She cried out in distress, and I rescued her. In return, I received a quick thanks before she returned to her plans for the day. While her suffering saddened me, it also made me feel needed, then disillusioned by how quickly she went on her way.
I wonder how often God feels that way with me. At times, I’m tentative and apprehensive, while too often I blaze ahead with an independent streak, working myself into a tizzy and waiting to go to him until I have no other option but to ask for help. Then I wave the white flag in distress, pray for his rescue, and offer a quick thanks before going off again to do my own thing. Surely he must think, “I wait here eagerly every day for you to call on my name. I come when you call only to receive a brief acknowledgment before I begin my eager wait all over again. How I wish you would grant a little more time in my presence.”
I now realize that just as peace is God’s gift to us, peace comes from being in God’s presence. “I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me” (Ps. 55:16–18). Peace is also found when we ignore the lies of the enemy and share our concerns with God. “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken” (Ps. 55:22).
I have never heard God in an audible voice, although I know some people have. I frequently sense God’s presence through music and in nature. One evening, nearing the end of a walk, I stood outside and stared at the stars. The song “The More I Seek You” wafted through my earbuds and led me into a prayerful conversation with God about recent events in my life—events for which only he could provide answers and solutions.
I poured out my heart and told him I wanted to see him more and to know him more. I wanted to sit at his feet, hear him speak, know his heart toward me. As tears started to roll down my cheek with the gut-wrenching honesty of my plea, I begged him to let me feel his arms around me, to let me know his love in a deeper and more intimate way. As I felt the cool evening breeze envelop me, it was as if the Lord said, “You just did.” With that, I melted in his peace.
Rid Yourself of Bitterness and Resentment with Forgiveness
Bitterness prevents us from having peace. Bitterness begins with unforgiveness. When we hold resentment and unforgiveness in our hearts, they are like a clogged septic tank—they begin to stink.
The Word of God is clear on this issue. There is no way to sugarcoat it. Bitterness in our hearts causes many of our problems. “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Heb. 12:15). It’s not merely a suggestion but a command that we forgive others, and then God will forgive us. “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matt. 6:14).
The Word not only tells us to release bitterness and forgive those who have hurt us but also gives us the example of God forgiving us for all our sins and imperfections. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Eph. 4:31–32).
If we desire to experience God’s peace, then we must live peaceably with others. The only way to do this is to forgive them for any offense they knowingly or unknowingly committed against us. “Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you” (2 Cor. 13:11).
Check Your Thoughts
I knew from my over two decades of work as a clinical neuropsychologist that our thoughts have a powerful effect on our beliefs and behaviors. Scripture declares, “As he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Prov. 23:7 NKJV). I very much dislike giving my patients diagnoses, because too often I see those labels used as excuses rather than explanations or motivations for change. Tom Ziglar has said, “What you feed your mind determines your appetite.”3
We often cannot control what happens to us, but we can control our responses. And our responses often directly influence the outcomes. When I was struggling, I responded to someone’s question about my thoughts with “I didn’t have a choice.” As the words effortlessly flowed across my lips, my body reflexively shuddered. It was as if my mind, my mouth, and my heart knew there had been a seismic disconnect in that exchange. Something wasn’t sitting right within me.
With my mouth I was repeating the lie I had been offered by the enemy, while my mind knew that we always have some degree of choice. My heart knew this was a lie that needed to be transplanted with God’s truth. God’s Word tells us, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5). If God tells us to take every thought captive, he must give us the ability to choose what we will think and what we will believe.
I had to face myself in the mirror and decide how I was going to respond. Was I going to let depression define me? Was I going to believe I was a depressed person, or was I going to take that thought captive and choose to believe I was more than an overcomer and victorious in Christ Jesus?
Did I truly want peace badly enough to seek it, or was I going to continue to believe the lie that I was a victim of my circumstances? I had worked with enough patients and I had seen enough scenarios play out with various friends and family members to know it was my choice.
To a large extent, I had to take responsibility for the outcome. I had to consciously determine to look at my situation from God’s perspective and disregard any other, including my own habitual frame of reference. I had to determine not to keep my eyes on my problems and get lulled into self-pity, which never accomplishes anything but makes depression worse. I had to put my eyes on him. Don’t let me fool you. It wasn’t easy. Some days were so painful and hard it made me wonder if I was peace-immune.
That was just another lie of the enemy, a lie I had believed far too long. I was finally sick of it. I deserved better than that. My Savior died so I could have better than that! “I have told you these things so that you can have the same joy I have and so that your joy will be the fullest possible joy!” (John 15:11 NCV, emphasis added). It’s possible for me not just to experience joy and peace but to have a peace- and joy-filled life. You can too. God said it. It’s true. Do you believe it?
God desires to be our peace. One of his names is Jehovah-Shalom, God of peace. His peace can mitigate all our chaos, all our anxiety. We are promised a reward of peace if we keep our mind on him and willfully take every thought captive, aligning it with God’s truth and trusting in him. “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you” (Isa. 26:3).
Your Rx
Think about how
the enemy kills your peace. Pray and ask God to show you how and when you’ve given up your peace. Ask him to reveal his truth.
Look up the following verses: Isaiah 26:3; Matthew 5:6; John 14:27; 16:33; 2 Corinthians 13:11. Write them on index cards and place them where you will see them frequently. Read each of these passages aloud three times daily, committing them to memory.
Three of the ways to regain our peace are to depend on God, rid ourselves of bitterness and resentment with forgiveness, and be vigilant in checking our thoughts and aligning them with God’s truth. Pray and ask God whom you need to forgive (which may include yourself!). Then ask for his help to depend on him, forgive those he brought to mind, and take every thought captive to line up with his truth.
My Prayer for You
Father, my heartfelt cry is that you will bless and keep this dear one who is journeying through the valley of depression. We often forget where our priorities should lie. We allow ourselves to become deceived by the urgency of this call or that, and before we know it, our day is full, we are tired, and you are still waiting to share it with us. Help us to remember you created us for companionship with you—nothing delights you more—and that in time spent with you our peace is renewed. I pray you will be true to your Word as you make your face to shine upon us and be gracious to us. I pray you will turn your face toward us and give us peace. Because Jesus came to give us peace, amen.
Recommended Playlist
“It Is Well,” Bethel, © 2014 by Bethel Music
“Here,” Kari Jobe, © 2012 by Sparrow Records
“Speak Life,” TobyMac, © 2012 by ForeFront Records
“Bless Us and Keep Us,” John Waller, © 2011 by City of Peace Media Inc.
“Letting Go,” Bethel, © 2014 by Bethel Music
“I Don’t Know How,” Jason Gray, © 2014 by Centricity Music
“As I Am,” Jason Gray, © 2014 by Centricity Music
Hope Prevails Page 9