She shrugs. She fucking shrugs. “So what? You finally realize that you’re a piece of shit. You move on, Hugo… you give back by being a better person and I’m not saying you have to volunteer at every soup kitchen or be kind twenty-four seven. I’m just saying you can start living your life with a purpose. Believe in something other than nothing but pain.” She grabs my hands and looks me in the eye. “And if you’re scared of Karma, well I can promise you that I will fight the bitch back with you.” My heart sinks deeper and she moves her hands up my arms to my face and pulls my head down, pressing her forehead against mine. “Just stay here with me… let me show you how great it could be to truly let go. I’ll show you everything if you just stay.” She kisses my lips gently, her eyes watering up, her lips begging me to stay in her room, to be with her. Be. With. Her. But my stubbornness is only a part of the wall that has been building all these years.
“You’re never really free,” I say and push away from her.
SCARLETT
I watch in awe as the drugs I slipped in Rebecca’s drink earlier kick in. Once Patrick and his mother left, I wasted no time. My mother wasn’t a problem seeing as she left to fuck whatever idiot. I told Rebecca Hugo was coming over. I told her he said she was cute. She’s excited. It’s what I need tonight after everything. After Hugo failed me. I don’t like to be failed. I don’t like to be skipped over for cunts like Juliet Spears. Someone has to pay tonight and unfortunately that’s poor little Rebecca, always in a hurry to grow up.
“This is very strong vodka,” she says in a hazy daze.
I smile at her and continue with my drink.
“Are you sure Hugo’s coming?” she asks.
“Yes, of course he is.”
She slowly sits up, her face contorted. “I don’t feel so good, Scarlett.”
“Really?” I nonchalantly ask. “Maybe you should go lie down. You want me to get anything?”
“Um…”
I’m surprised by how far she makes it. Straight to the bedroom Jane sleeps in.
I stand there watching her. My head turns as I hear the door open.
“Oh, hey Hugo,” I smile, still staring at a semi passed out Rebecca.
I look at Chad who’s eyeing Rebecca like it’s the greatest Christmas present.
“Did you have trouble coming in?”
“No.” He smiles at me. “Will you be joining us?”
“No,” I roll my eyes.
“Come on… I miss the times we had,” he says fiddling with the hem of my skirt. “Remember when Gabriel and I would share you… it was always wonderful.”
I smirk remembering the good times. “I was the one sharing Gabriel with you, Chad.”
His face frowns. “Let’s not be blind to the way you were not only obsessed with me but with Gabriel as well. Why do you think you never took well to levity? Your anger is all aimed at the carnal desires you have for both sides of the sexual spectrum. You hate Hugo for being the image of the one you sinfully desired. You love me for my dark heart… you loved Gabriel because he was the most beautiful boy with the most edible shaft to grace that pretty little mouth of yours.”
He wraps his hand quickly around my neck, pressing me against the doorway, squeezing tight.
“Now I’m turned on,” I grit out.
His jaw twitches as he squeezes tighter. I’m losing breath, but we’ve been here before. He’ll let go. Finally, he does, his chest heaving, fire burning inside him.
“Good… you always perform better in bed when you’re pissed off.”
He angrily takes off his jacket and heads into the dark room where Rebecca lays, open and unintentionally wanting.
“Hugo?” she whispers, feeling Chad’s hand crawl up her thigh.
“Yeah,” Chad whispers before kissing her neck.
“No,” she quietly says. “Stop… wait.”
I hear the fainted stop repeatedly, but she’s too weak to even fully comprehend what’s happening, let alone stop it. There is no stopping it. Never can you stop a man from taking your virtue… one way or another they always take what they can’t have, which defeats the purpose of the saying for me. You always want what you can’t have, but I learned from my father that eventually you can have it no matter what as long as you annihilate the moral compass.
23
REBECCA
My head feels heavy, my body feels sore. I clench my thighs. I’m sensitive down there. I open my eyes and see the light in the room. Shit, it’s giving me a headache. I slowly sit up and stare around the bed I’m in. I think this is my mom’s room. My stomach feels horrible and I think I’m going to throw up. The sheets are ruffled and—what? My jeans and underwear are off. What happened last night? Why can’t I remember?
I lift the sheet off of me and see the condom rapper and blood on the sheets. I can’t breathe. What happened last night? How? With who? Wait… Hugo.”
“Scarlett!” I scream with tears falling out of my eyes.
I hear her feet slowly arrive and look up to see her. She looks worried. “What’s wrong?”
“Look.” I point to the sheets.
She stares at the sheets, her eyes widen. She’s horrified along with me. “Oh my God. What did you guys do?”
“Who?”
“You and Hugo. He came over last night as I fell asleep and you guys continued to drink.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She sits on the bed, brushing the hair out of my face.
“I don’t remember. Why don’t I remember? I don’t remember drinking that much, Scarlett.”
She pulls me in as my heart shatters and my tears fall. “My mom is going to kill me.”
This wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to lose my virginity like this. And why can’t I remember?!
“It’s okay,” she whispers softly. “I’m here. We will figure it out. I’m right here.”
SCARLETT
I run Rebecca a warm bath. The least I can do for the girl.
“Get in.” She undoes her robe and slowly gets in the bathtub. She winces the lower she gets and I bite back my amusement.
“I’m so sore down there,” she says, crossing her arms around her.
“It’s always sore after the first time… it will get better later in time.”
“Scarlett, I don’t…” She hesitates. “I don’t think I was fully aware of everything that was going on… I didn’t drink that much.”
I sit on the edge of the tub. I pull her chin up to me and smile at her. “You just got a little too intoxicated, Rebecca. It happens… but I suggest you don’t speak to Hugo about this.”
She’s confused. “Why?”
“Hugo doesn’t like to talk about his indiscretions. Besides, if he finds out that you don’t even remember, he will be mad. He prides himself in pleasuring women. I’m so angry. I will talk to him. He shouldn’t have took advantage of you like this.”
“Tell you the truth, I don’t even think I could ever be comfortable standing in the same room as him now.”
I brush her hair back. “Don’t worry. I won’t let you get uncomfortable. I only wish I had someone to walk me through this when I lost my virginity.”
She faintly smiles at me. “You won’t tell my mom… or Patrick, right?”
“No… it will be our little secret.”
This was all for fun, but I have fun in all my moves of mass destruction. This is just the beginning of the downfall of betrayal. A bomb planted and if Hugo doesn’t get his shit together… I will light the fuse.
HUGO
I can admit it now. I, Hugo Mandrake, am nothing but a coward. It’s been four days since I left Juliet in her room. Her plea for me to stay replays in my head over and over again. I‘ve stayed in my room most of the time. Kelly hasn’t called me back of course. Can’t blame her. My father hasn’t called me at all. I don’t really care about that. He’s still a dick.
Tonight’s the Century Ball in Connecticut. The maid and butler will stay
with August. Last time he went to the Century Ball, it didn’t go too smoothly. I personally think he can go; he just needs confidence, but I haven’t worked to convince him because my head has been everywhere. I stayed away from Juliet. She made it easier by partying with Jordana and Poppy.
“Cars are here, Hugo,” Cody comes in my room to tell me.
“Who’s riding in what?”
“Uh, Ms. Eleanor and her date, Diego, want the limo to themselves so the rest of us are in the other.” He gives me a nervous look.
“What?” I respond with an attitude. “I just wanted to know.”
He nods and raises his hands at my snappy tone. He leaves out. I pull my hair back and exhale. I grab my J. W. Hulme duffle bag and head into my brother’s room first.
“I’m out,” I say to him. August isn’t rude but he has the tendency to not say bye or thank you out loud. “August.” He groans and looks at me, angry that I would dare to ruin his concentration. “I’m leaving.”
“Bye.” He waves with one hand while rubbing his eye with the other.
That wave. Juliet got him doing that. He really likes waving. He really likes Juliet.
“August,” I set my bag down and walk closer to him, watching as he continues back drawing the maze. “August, I need you to answer something for me.”
He finishes a line before facing my way, staring down at the floor. “Are those my shoes?”
“No.” He’s referring to my black Hugo Boss’s leather Oxford shoes. “We have the same pair. August, I need to ask you something.”
“I didn’t do it.” He shakes his head.
“No, that’s not… whatever you did, I’m not talking about that. I just… I want to know… what is it about her? What is it about Juliet? Why do you like her?”
He looks up over my head. His face contorts and he gently scratches the back of his head.
“She’s nice,” he raises one finger up. “She’s so beautiful,” two fingers. “And…” he laughs, “I like you better when you’re happy.”
My mouth drops and I quickly close it before speaking. “You mean when we are happy. She makes you happy. I…”
He shakes his head and comes closer to me. He stares at my chest and I don’t know if I can take this. He presses his hands on my chest.
“You… you happy. This…” He presses harder against my chest, his eyes raking over it. It’s like he’s trying to search for my heart. “This is happy now. I see it.” I almost lose the feeling in my body. I grab onto my brother’s arms to keep myself up.
“We love her… right, Hugo?” he asks me and I try to swallow the lump in my throat.
“I… I really don’t know,” I tell him the truth. “I don’t know what to think or feel anymore.”
August looks back down and laughs. “Well figure it out, you fucker!” He winces then laughs again. “I got that from Poppy.”
He goes back to his maze unaware of what just happened. Holy shit, am I starting to cry? I quickly wipe the tear away and clear my throat. I glance back at August and the lines he is drawing now are steadier… just like my heart.
JORDANA
“Your father is a child. A fucking child.” This is usually how me and my mom’s telephone conversations start.
“What did he do this time?” I expect the usual.
“He’s dating that new pop singer.”
“Which one, Mom?”
“The hell if I know. They’re all the same. She’s twenty-one.”
“Oh, an age younger than me. Usually it’s at least two years.” I’m staring at the high ceiling as my mom continues her rant.
“Why can’t he just grow up?”
I sigh. “I don’t know, Mom. Does this mean you’ll stop hooking up with him now?”
“Don’t be a smart ass, Jordana.”
“Me? Never.”
“When was the last time you talked to your dad anyway?”
“We texted yesterday. He emailed me some new music he’s been working on with this pop singer… oh, well now I know why he’s been so interested in producing bubblegum pop artists lately.”
“Ugh, enough about that buffoon. How are you, sweetie? Are you ready for the ball tonight? I miss you; you should meet me in Siena next week.”
“I miss you too and I’ll think about it.”
“I know that tone.”
“This is my usual tone.”
“Yes, but it’s more dry, meaning something is up. What’s up? What’s new?”
“I’m in love.” It just comes out.
“With who?! Who’s the lucky girl?!” Her excitement is unexpected. She must be drinking. Not saying she doesn’t support me, it’s just that, well, I get my dry sarcasm and less enthusiastic side from her. My dad is more shout out on the rooftops type of guy.
“I can’t tell you.”
“What? Oh, baby, don’t tell me you’re seeing a girl that’s still in the closet.”
“Well, like mother, like daughter. We sure know how to pick the non-committed types.”
“No throwing jabs at your mother, but have you told this girl that you love her?”
“Nope.”
“Are you going to?”
“Nope.” I roll my eyes at my wanting an answer to the next question. “What do you think I should do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want you getting your heart broken, but you should also understand this girl’s fear.”
“I do.”
“Jordana…” She pauses. It’s about to get serious. “I know your dad and I aren’t the best examples when it comes to healthy relationships, but I do know that love will turn you out.”
“Is that pun intended?”
“Yes, and I’m serious. If you decide to tell this girl you love her, you make sure that you also tell her that you are worth more than some secret. I have a feeling I know who this girl is.”
My nose scrunches up and I press my cell harder to my ear. “No, you don’t. How?”
She laughs. “Jordana, you could be a model.”
“Okay?”
“I remember distinctively you told me at thirteen that you would never be a model like I was.”
“And?”
“And I also remember when you modeled for your high school fashion show and I was so beguiled that I had to see it for myself to believe it. I remember visiting you backstage and I also remember your lingering gaze that just couldn’t help but fall onto a certain daughter of a certain bigot.”
I frown while she probably smiles. I have nothing to say. I remember. Margaret Jacobs threw a fashion show our freshman year and I signed up for her. I did something I loathed for her. I’m more pissed off than I was before. Thanks a fucking lot mom.
“Bye, Mom,” I say bitterly.
“Bye, sweetie!” I hear her snickering before I end the call.
JULIET
“Just make sure to sit next to me, Poppy. No matter what anyone does or says, yeah?” I tell her once we get outside.
“Okay,” she nods, smiling.
I don’t want Hugo to be near me and Jordana seems to be in a bad mood so I don’t bother her. Cody would probably give in like my Uncle Ned would give up his own children for a bottle of scotch. Poppy is my best bet.
“See you in Valhalla, my darlings!” Ms. Eleanor in her gigantic sunglasses and white hat blows kisses at us from the sunroof of the limo. Her Spanish lover rises next to her with a glass of Champagne. We wave as the limo pulls off. I look back and see Hugo walking out. I quickly get in. I sit right next to the mini bar because I’m going to need a few drinks for this hour and forty minute trip. Poppy sits right next to me. Cody sits across and Jordana sits in the back section.
Hugo gets in and I avoid looking at him.
“Poppy, trade seats with me and I’ll let you have my last joint.”
“Okay.” I gape at Poppy who is smiling as Hugo passes her the last joint out of his gold cigarette case. Okay I was an idiot. Poppy is my Uncle Ned.
I look back
towards the driver window once Hugo sits next to me and we pull off. I’m not going to look at him. I practically threw myself at him a few days ago and I was rejected… again. No way. That’s not me. I am not going to spend the rest of my summer in a tidal wave with him. I can’t do it. It’s too intense even for me.
I feel his eyes on me. Why is he doing this? He ignored me all week—why now? I now look across at Cody whose eyes are drifting back and forth between Hugo and me.
“So, Cody, how is everything with Anika?” I try distracting myself from the feeling of his arm against mine.
Cody smiles hard. “Great. She’s amazing. We like all the same things and… she’s a great kisser.”
“Aww, look at little Cody,” Jordana teases him.
“How is everything with Margaret Jacobs?” he asks with a knowing look.
“What about it?” She narrows her eyes at him.
“I heard you on the phone with your mom.” He looks at her with sympathy.
“No one else talk to me until we get there,” she sneers putting on her headphones and blocking us out with her music.
“I’m sorry Jo ”
“Shut up.”
Cody sits back with guilt and Poppy passes him the joint.
I wonder what’s going on with Jordana and Margaret and the phone call with her mum. I can sort of maybe guess though. Jordana must’ve told her mum about a girl. When you tell your parents about someone, it definitely means you fancy them. In Jordana’s case, it’s love. She’s already admitted it to me, but I’m sure it’s getting tough. Being with someone you can’t have fully. The more time you spend with them, the more you love them.
This thought makes me look at Hugo who is staring at his hands. He’s squeezing them tight before letting them go. His left hand then drifts to the hand on my thigh. My hand he touches. My hand he gently grabs hold of. My hand that doesn’t move away. Instead our fingers intertwine and he pulls them into his lap, covering them with his other hand. Just like that I’m back, but once I look into his eyes, the beautiful ocean is no longer furious with hard-hitting waves. The sea is calm and clear.
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