The look of despair on his face threatened to send her spiraling into blackness again.
“What?” she whispered. “What’s happening?”
Crew reached for her hand, squeezing it too tightly. She tried not to wince.
“The baby,” he began, then couldn’t continue for a minute, “the baby’s gone. Doc says he’s probably been gone for a couple of weeks, back when you stopped being so sick. Now you’re passing his remains.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry, Syd.”
Sydney couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. She shook her head. Tears trailed down her cheeks.
Crew wrapped her in his arms and rocked her slowly back and forth. He tenderly kissed the tears on her face. “Oh, Syd,” he groaned and pulled her closer.
Sydney gasped for air as her sorrow intensified. Her baby, their baby was gone. But she’d felt a connection with this little one. How could he just be gone? And if he was gone, what reason did they have to marry? She clung to Crew, praying he wouldn’t let her go. Sobs shook her as she realized she’d not only lost her baby this night, but possibly his father also.
Chapter Seven
Sydney paced the parlor as she waited for Crew to appear. Her mom was suddenly at her elbow. “Are you going to tell him tonight?”
“I don’t know, Mom,” she snapped, turning away. “It’s only been a week.” Since I lost my baby. Her mom hadn’t seemed the least bit sad about that turn of events. Just excited that now Sydney could pursue her future in ceramics and dance.
“You can’t go through with the wedding, Sydney. I’m not saying you can’t marry, Crew, but there’s no reason to rush into marriage now. Go to school. Live your life. Give it some time.”
Sydney nodded, even though she didn’t agree. She wanted nothing more than to be married to Crew and fight through life together. But did he feel the same way? Was she just a burden to him now? She had no clue what to say to him, where to go from here. She didn’t want to hold him back from pursuing his own dreams. Her parents seemed to think it was insane to rush into marriage without finishing college or dating other people. Maybe it was smart to wait, but the very idea sucked the happiness out of her life.
Her mom squeezed her hand, hard, and then walked in her mincing way to the kitchen. The mirror in the entryway shimmered and Sydney almost smiled. “Hi, Granny. You got any advice for me?”
“Not really, love. But you are pretty young to be getting married.”
Sydney sighed. “I know, but I just…” She wrapped her arms around her midsection and rocked forward. Buried under the pain of losing not only the baby, but now Crew, she could hardly stand up straight. “I love him so much.”
“Who am I to argue with love?” Granny glanced upward and scowled. “I’m just saying!” Granny had some sort of conversation with a higher being that involved a lot of gesturing and eye-rolling, then sighed and said in a monotone voice, “Crew’s a smartie, he’ll wait for you.”
“Why do I have to make him wait?”
The doorbell rang and Granny disappeared. Sydney swung the door open wide and couldn’t resist when Crew spread his arms. He held her close before giving her a lingering kiss that had her clinging to him for support.
“Do you want to go get some French fries?” he asked.
Sydney couldn’t help but laugh. She’d told Crew once that she fell in love with him on their second date when he bought her French fries. Her mother never allowed her to eat greasy food. A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
“I’m still not very hungry.”
His blue gaze darkened with concern.
“How about we walk out back?” she asked before he could start worrying about her, though it was nice that he and her dad were so concerned. Her mother obviously wasn’t.
“Sounds exciting.” He pumped his eyebrows.
He wrapped his arm around her and they walked behind the house into her mother’s gorgeous flower gardens. Sydney sat on a bench surrounded by maple trees, pine trees, and rose bushes. The weather was perfect in the shade and it smelled wonderful in the garden. It was still weird to not get nauseated with every different smell. She touched her abdomen. It was so empty.
Crew’s eyes followed her hand. “Are you doing okay?”
She nodded, but then shook her head. “I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out.”
He hugged her, the sorrow they both felt melded together as she simply held onto him. He pulled back and ran his hands down her arms. “I’m sure we’ll always feel like we lost a part of us.” He exhaled slowly. “It’s tough, but I’m so impressed with you. You’ve been so strong and never complained.”
“Lucky for me you can’t hear my thoughts.”
A small chuckle escaped from Crew. “You always make me laugh.” He caught her hand between both of his. “I can’t wait to be married to you.”
“About that…” She stared into his navy blue eyes, confused and wishing she knew how to proceed.
“Your parents want you to call off the wedding.” He blew out a long breath, shaking his head. “I figured as much. I’m sure to them that makes sense.”
She played with the petal of a yellow rose. “Not call it off, just postpone it.”
“For how long?”
Sydney shrugged then focused on his handsome face again. “If they had their choice, until we both graduate college. You know, go back to the original plan. The one we had before the baby.”
Crew’s grip tightened. “I’ll admit the baby was a surprise and the main reason we moved our plans along, but being engaged to you and going through all this just made me realize that we don’t have to wait and if we don’t have to, I don’t want to. I want to be married to you.”
Sydney looked down at their clasped hands. She should have never doubted Crew. He was faithful and loving, even during the hardest of times. It was her doubt in herself that kept her from agreeing.
“Do you agree with your parents?”
“No. I don’t, but…”
“You’re going to let them win.”
“This isn’t about my parents. It’s about…well, maybe we are too young.”
Crew released her fingers and stood. He paced the small clearing. “Of course we’re too young, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.” He knelt in front of her, clasping both of her hands in his. His fingers were strong and calloused and Sydney wanted him to never let go.
“I love you, Syd. I will never stop loving you. If you want to wait.” He shook his head and his voice went gravelly. “I’ll wait, but I won’t walk away from you. I’ll keep hoping and praying that you’ll know like I know. That we belong together.”
Sydney bit at her lip. An inner battle raged and she didn’t know which side she was on. “Maybe if we give it some time,” she finally said. “I just need some…time.” She needed more than that. She needed Crew, but she was so confused and losing the baby still ripped her heart apart. She didn’t know where to go from here.
Crew stared at her as if committing every feature to memory. Then he stood, pulled her to her feet, and lowered his head to hers. His kiss seared through her, so full of love and desperation. What was she doing? Hang her parents. They were adults. They belonged together. They could run to Vegas tonight.
When he finally pulled away, she wanted to tell him she was his and waiting was the stupidest idea she’d ever come up with, but somehow she couldn’t formulate the words. She’d heard of tongue-tied, but this was ridiculous. She swallowed and tried again but nothing came. He studied her, waiting, but finally broke the silence.
“If you want some time, I understand.” He shook his head, but his eyes were soft, full of love and compassion. “Call me when you’re ready.”
She could be ready now, but she couldn’t say anything. What was going on? Was this Granny? In her confusion, she stopped trying to speak and just stared at Crew helplessly.
“But you need to know.” He captured her hands and brought them to his chin. �
��I don’t care how young we are and it doesn’t matter to me what reason we initially got engaged.”
She cringed at that.
“I want to marry you, Sydney Richland. And I’ll wait as long as you need.”
He kissed her knuckles and then her lips and without giving her a chance to say anything, he strode from the garden. Sydney sank onto the bench and touched a hand to her lips. He wanted her. Crew wanted to marry her without the baby. She stared at the sun sinking behind the western mountains. But what did she really want? She’d never dated anyone but Crew. Did she really know what love was?
Chapter Eight
Another week went by and Sydney hardly saw Crew. She tried to text and call, but it was shallow and never what she wanted to say. After the way she’d responded in the garden, she wouldn’t blame him if he was having second thoughts. He worked long hours on the farm and she kept busy teaching dance at a neighbor’s studio in the morning, working the Snow Shack all afternoon, and doing her ceramics in the evenings. Most nights she went to the gym to relieve some stress of dealing with her mother nagging her to make a decision about the wedding and her father being so concerned.
Finishing her strength training routine, Sydney lay on an exercise ball. She arched her back over the ball, arms touching the ground. Her eyes closed in relaxation as she enjoyed the stretch.
“Hello, Mrs. Crew. That’s a good position for you.”
Sydney slowly opened one eyelid, then the other, searching Josh’s dark gaze. His glance sparkled with amusement and something else. She liked the way he looked at her, like he wanted to get to know her and more. Crew eyed her warily lately, like he wasn’t sure what either of them wanted.
“Engaged,” she replied, closing her eyes again, and wondering if she was lying to him. True, she hadn’t given the ring back, but the wedding date was approaching and no preparations had been made.
She could hear his throaty chuckle as he walked away.
The pattern continued for the next few days. She’d be on a cardio machine, in the free weight area, getting a drink. She’d hear him.
“Hello, Mrs. Crew.”
She almost wished she’d told him her name.
“Engaged.” She fought every time to hide her smile.
He’d laugh and walk away.
It was never anything more, but Sydney looked forward to the exchange. She couldn’t help but appreciate the way he looked. Sometimes he would catch her staring and wink. She’d try and pretend she hadn’t been gawking at him like a boy-crazy fourteen-year old.
She’d finished a miserably hot afternoon at the Snow Shack when her dad cornered her in the kitchen.
“How are you doing, sweetheart?”
“Fine.” She shrugged as she filled a glass with tap water and downed it.
“Can we talk?” He gestured toward the barstools.
Sydney stayed standing. She usually did anything her dad wanted, but she just couldn’t handle “the talk” again. Break up with Crew. Live your life. They acted like it was divine providence that took her baby. “Can it wait, Dad? I want to go the gym while I’m all sweaty.”
His eyebrows rose. “Don’t you get enough exercise in? You’re getting really thin, sweetie.”
She studied the granite countertop, not responding. Finally, her dad continued, “Have you had a chance to tell Crew you need to wait?”
“Dad!” she slammed the glass onto the granite, disappointed when it didn’t shatter. “You can’t force me to break up with Crew.” Even though she basically already had. They rarely talked any more. They were both working a lot and everything just felt awkward. She missed him so much she ached. “We had your permission to get married.”
“I know, love, but things have changed.”
She held up a hand. “Please, I can’t handle it right now.”
“Maybe you could just postpone the wedding. Give college a chance for a year, then if you’re still set on marrying Crew, your mother and I will fully support you and give you the most beautiful wedding you can imagine.”
Sydney didn’t care about the flowers, the dress, or the guest list, as long as she married Crew. She swallowed and finally looked at her father. He loved her so much. She knew waiting was what he thought was best for her, but Crew was best for her. Wasn’t he?
“I’ll think about it, Dad.”
He gave her a hug and then she escaped to change and head to the gym. Granny waited in her mirror. Sydney could hardly look at her.
“So, tell me about the not-so-smart hottie at the gym.”
Sydney’s head snapped up. She tugged on her socks and tried not to smile. “You noticed he’s hot?”
“I’m dead, not blind.”
Sydney laughed. It felt so good.
“But your Crew is a hottie too. This isn’t about looks, is it?”
“No.” Sydney shook her head. “What should I do, Granny? Should I make Crew wait a year and give guys like Josh a chance?”
Granny pressed her lips together.
“Come on, give me some advice!”
“I can’t,” Granny rolled her eyes. “They’re cracking down on me and it’s against some stupid code.” She shook a fist heavenward. “I can love you, comfort you, but if I try to give you advice that could change your life, I’ll never see you again. Unless…”
“Unless what?” Sydney’s fingers stopped tying her shoelaces. She looked at Granny expectantly.
“I can’t tell you that either!”
“That sucks.” She shook her head, not willing to pry and risk losing Granny from her life because of some rule. She chose her words carefully. “I just don’t know what to do. Crew claims he still loves me, but maybe he’d be grateful to have some time and date other people.”
Granny clucked her tongue. “I don’t know about that, but time isn’t a bad thing.”
“You’re agreeing with them?”
Granny shrugged. “I can’t say.”
“Lot of help you are.” For the first time in Sydney’s life she stormed away from her grandmother’s image.
A text from Crew came as she climbed into her beat-up car.
We need to talk. Now.
“Everyone wants to talk!” Sydney yelled at her steering wheel. She was so confused. She didn’t want to talk.
I’ll be at the gym for an hour, could meet at seven.
If that’s the best you can do.
Why was he being so jerky? He barely called her and then he sent a demanding text. She was fuming when she arrived at the gym. Mad at her parents, Granny, even Crew. Maybe Crew didn’t deserve her anger, but he wanted a decision just like everyone else. Couldn’t she just mourn her baby, marry the love of her life, and let the rest work itself out?
Jumping on the Stair-master, she set the program on intervals, level ten. She could sense the moment when he stood next to her.
“Hello, Mrs. Crew.”
Sydney wasn’t in the mood for his games. She didn’t bother looking his way.
“More sullen than usual.”
Josh stepped onto the machine next to her. “Interesting. I take it all isn’t well in Mrs. Crew’s world.”
“Sydney! My name is Sydney! I have my own identity you know.” He had no clue how un-well things were in her world.
“Oh, I know.” Josh cocked an eyebrow at her. “Believe me. I know. Sydney.”
The name rolled off his tongue like a chocolate-covered cinnamon bear. Spicy and sweet and perfectly delicious. Sydney couldn’t help but look at him. His dark eyes sparkled like they shared a secret. She loved the way he caressed her name. Her mind flashed back to that kiss.
Whoa. Not something she should ever think about. The problem was she’d never kissed anyone but Crew. She hadn’t even realized there were different kissing techniques. Was Josh’s better? She wasn’t prepared to go there. Different was all she would allow herself to think.
“You’re warming up to me,” Josh teased.
His smile increased her pulse higher than
any exercise machine could hope to accomplish.
“Just look at you,” Josh continued. “Telling me your name. What’s next? Are you going to dump your fiancé and give me a chance?”
He may as well have dumped the Gatorade cooler over her head.
“No!” she yelled, eliciting glances from several participants on nearby exercise machines.
“Shhh.” Josh pressed a finger to her lips, not an easy task when they were both pumping Stair-masters at a high frequency. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that the option is always there. I’ve never met anyone like you before.”
“Sad for you,” Sydney retorted.
She stepped off the machine, partially to move away from Josh, mostly because she couldn’t breathe. Was that from the exercise or the look in Josh’s eye? She didn’t want to pass out again, she may find herself in his arms. The thought wasn’t as terrifying as it should have been. Sydney needed some distance. She walked toward the drinking fountain.
Of course Josh followed her.
“Where’s Crew tonight?” he asked over her shoulder.
“Working,” Sydney replied, not turning around. She took a long drink from the fountain.
“Working? If I had a woman like you, I’d never waste time working. I’d never let you out of my sight.”
Sydney whirled to face him, steeling herself to look into those eyes.
“He has to work,” she retorted. “He has to save up for college. Maybe you should take life more seriously and you might have a decent woman.”
“I’ve already graduated from Weber State and started my own investment business here in town and I don’t want just any woman.” He paused, eyeing her, carefully enunciating his next three words. “I want you.”
Sydney’s face flamed red, but she wouldn’t reply to that comment. She raced away from him to the only sanctuary available, the women’s locker room. Fidgeting with her phone, she debated her next move for several minutes. Should she call Crew? She could tell him she wasn’t feeling well. It was the truth. She was sickened by her own feelings.
She knew Josh would follow her outside. The thought terrified her. What if he tried to kiss her again or kept saying things that made her melt a little more each time? Was she strong enough to resist him? She almost wanted Josh to kiss her. Maybe then she would know if she should date other men like her parents wanted, or commit herself fully to Crew and marriage, no matter how young she was.
Reality Ever After Page 5