The stairs leading up to the porch and front door are stained a dark walnut, and the new double doors are a vivid blue adorned with a skeleton of a frog etched in the glass panel. One side is open, so as quietly as I can, I slip inside.
There are just as many people in here, so I’m safe, undetectable, for at least another moment or two while I take in everything. He redid almost everything, but the staircases are still the same. He left those intact. The walls are a bright white and the beachy feel meshes with the masculinity of the dark, sleek décor. It’s an odd combination I wouldn’t have put together, but it works well. It’s Tahoe. I close my eyes and take in a breath. This is my new reality. One I need to take control over regardless of how much it hurts. He is integrated into my world. In my absence, even more so. SEALs are around, chatting, drinking, being friendly. I haven’t recognized any of them as Tahoe’s friends. They’re just another indicator of my new reality.
Spotting the profiteroles, I grab one and a small plate and head for the stairs. When I’m at the top, my breath catches. “How much money did he throw at this thing?” I gasp. There’s a huge bay window that overlooks the bar, the docks, and the bay in the distance. The view is something from a beautiful painting. I look down and see the terrace that he left untouched, where Tahoe first kissed me.
I take a bite of the confection as I let the memory play softly in the background.
“It’s rude to ask prices. Where did you learn your manners anyways?”
With a mouth full of sugar and cream, I let the voice, his voice, soak in. I knew I missed him, but I didn’t realize how much. I avert my gaze from the window, to him. Nope. The mere sight of him makes me weak in my knees. There’s no way I’ll be able to coexist with this man. The town is too small. I hate it. I despise myself for this flaw, knowing it will be the greatest challenge I’ll face in this lifetime.
He smiles. It’s crooked. A dimple pops. His gaze dips to my body, the dress I picked out specifically for this reason. His gaze lands back on my face and holds. He heaves a long breath. “Caroline,” he says, voice cracking. He swallows hard. “You came.” Relief washes over him, his shoulders rising and lowering in a deep breath.
I set my plate down on a small console table next to the window. This is why I came here, right? To get this over with. “It looks fantastic, Tyler,” I say. His eyes narrow. Suspicion. “This is something to be proud of. It will be great for tourism and Bronze Bay residents alike.” The panty scorching smile drops from his face. At least this will be easier now. “Thank you for all that you’ve done for our small town.” Polite. Concise. Everything a southern woman should be. “We appreciate it.”
“Caroline,” he repeats. “Say something.”
I clear my throat, and turn my gaze to the hardwood floor. “I just said multiple things, Mr. Holiday.”
“Mr. Fucking. Holiday? What the fuck are you playing at?” he growls. “You avoided me for months. Half a year I tried to talk to you. Tried to see you. You’re finally here, finally. And you’re going to pretend we’re strangers?”
I shake a finger at him. “Not strangers. Friends. You broke up with me. I’m just trying to get on with it. You’re living here for the foreseeable future?” I ask.
“Of course. You knew that,” he replies, waving a big arm to the Inn.
“So am I. Let’s be civil to each other.” I make a move to leave, but he blocks the stairs with his body—his sheer size a deterrent to any further movement forward.
“Talk to me. Please, God. I’ve waited so long for this. You’re killing me here. Please,” he pleads. I see the desperation in his eyes and I want to erase it, but then I’m reminded of how quickly he threw everything we had away.
Folding my arms across my chest, I say, “Talk to me then.” I meet his blue eyes and it’s a mistake. My insides quake back to life, calling out for him.
“Will you come with me?” he asks. “Somewhere private?”
My traitorous body answers for me, walking past the stairwell toward the rooms. He calls from behind me, “Last on the left.”
I walk in. It’s a white room and it’s decorated in the fashion one might find in an inn, but it has personal items draped here and there. A black shirt hanging on the back of the desk chair, a uniform hanging in the open wardrobe. Man products on the counter in the bathroom. It’s his room. The king-sized bed looms large to my right and I bypass it to sit at the table under a large window. The door clicks closed, and I hear the deadbolt slide home. My pulse speeds, and my stomach swirls with the unknown. As he approaches his footsteps reverberate, vibrating a vase on the bedside table. It reminds me of jack and the beanstalk. The giant is coming. He’s coming for me. I’m defenseless, armed only with my feelings.
I keep my gaze focused out the window to control my thoughts. He sits in front of me and waits. I stay silent. He waits some more.
Sighing, I blink slowly, and look at him. “What? What can you possibly have to say?”
His eyes are sad. “I have everything to say to you. You gave me months and months to concoct the perfect thing to say to you, Caroline. When you wouldn’t see me, I didn’t blame you. At first. I did a bad thing, said awful fucking things, but I told you I wasn’t a good person. You knew it the whole time. Then, after a few months went by and you didn’t return any of my calls or letters I got angry. So angry that I thought I might torch Bronze Bay to the ground.” Tahoe pauses, breathing heavy through his nostrils. His rage permeates the air. “I didn’t deserve that.”
I want to tell him he did. He broke my heart and acted like an immature jackass, but I can tell he’s not finished yet, so I let him continue. “I threw myself into the Inn, hoping I could distract myself from you, our past, and your accident, but that didn’t work. After all of this time has passed I look at you and I never want to look away. I’ve missed your sun so much and I am so, so sorry.”
An apology. I never expected that from a prideful man. “You hurt me,” I reply.
“And you hurt yourself,” he says, looking me over, shaking his head. “I thought you weren’t going to make it. I was there, you know? At the site. I’d just gotten home from New York when it happened. It was the last time I saw you.” He closes his eyes and he’s taken back to that dark, rainy day when Caroline May did something stupid.
I knew he was there. My friends told me as much, but I didn’t think about it much after that. Or how it would affect him. “Don’t remind me of my mistake please. Now I look at you and think about the accident. You left me here. We had plans, Tyler. I gave you everything despite having reservations and you threw it back in my face. Your motives were questioned for good reason. Look what you did.” A tear slips and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. “I do have a question for you.”
He makes a grab for my hands in the center of the table. I fold mine in my lap. Touching him will be a mistake. Shaking my head, I close my eyes. “Why? The real reason you freaked out that night and ran away.”
He runs his hands through his hair, his biceps bulging with the movement. “It was because I thought I couldn’t be with a virgin.”
“That’s lame,” I reply. He smirks, shaking his head. “If I never told you, you would have fucked me to next Friday,” I continue.
He clears his throat, his posture changing. I chose my words very methodically. “Don’t swear,” he chastens.
Laughing, it’s my turn to shake my head. “You’re going to have to tell me more. What’s wrong with me? It’s not because I’m a virgin.”
“So you still are?” he asks, eyes lighting.
Scoffing, I quirk one brow. “You’re serious? Of course I am. Men don’t find a hospital bed the best place to have sex. I could be wrong though. Maybe I should have tried a bit harder with my physical therapist. Those exercise balls are quite the rage in the bedroom, aren’t they?”
He looks at the table, embarrassed. “I heard you were trying to date guys so I couldn’t be sure. I’m glad you didn’t do anything out of spi
te.” Of course he heard. He’s the one who reverse cock-blocked me.
“Do you even know me at all? Don’t be my superhero. Keep your goals obtainable, Tahoe. Save the world. Not my virginity.”
He stands. “I do know you. And what if I can save both?”
My mouth is open, ready to retort, but his question takes me aback, and I don’t have a quick reply. “What is that supposed to mean? How do you propose you save my virginity?”
He paces to his bed, picks something up, and strides back in front of me. “You didn’t want to see me so I wasn’t sure this was ever going to happen. I had a perfect plan, you see? But I feel like if I don’t do this right now. Right this second, too much time will have passed. In my quest for perfection, I realized that sometimes perfection can be defined in different ways.” His words are passionate, and my heart wants to leap out of my chest when his gaze scans my body. “Caroline, you are perfection and it scares me that I’ll never be able to live up to those kinds of standards. You deserve the best. Perfection as defined by the Merriam Webster Dictionary. While you were avoiding me all of these months, I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head. “Because no one is going to love you as perfectly as I do. That’s what matters. I was scared of my feelings before. If I did one wrong thing I’d scare you away, so I left before I could fuck it up.”
I turn in my chair to face him, tears pricking my eyes as the emotions he’s speaking hit me square in the chest. Tahoe clears his throat. “I’m sorry for being scared. I’m sorry for not defining my love for you earlier, Caroline. I love you more than anything. I’ll always love you more than anything. Even if you say no. Even if I sit in this house by myself for the rest of my life and watch you find happiness with someone else. It’s only going to be you for me. I know that now.”
“Say no to what?” I ask.
His lips press in a firm line, as his gaze darts to the side. “Whatever it takes. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have you. I’ve never been more certain about anything in my entire life.” In a life-sized move, most only dream about, Tahoe drops to one knee, a red velvet box in one hand.
“I can save both, to answer your question. Your response to my question decides one fate.”
I’m too shocked to say anything, to even move an inch. He must sense my confusion, because he takes my left hand into his right and works the box open against his chest.
“Marry me, Caroline? Will you be mine forever?”
A tear rolls down my cheek. “You realize you could have just asked for my virginity,” I reply, smiling through the barrage of wetness flowing down my face. “I probably would have told you yes. No one else in this town will take it.” I wipe at the tears, while laughing.
His confidence bolstered, he slides closer, the square diamond sparkling against the dark velvet. He pulls it from the box and slides it on my finger. “I want you. All of you. Every single part. Forever. I never want to wake up without knowing you’re mine in all ways. I can live without you. I’ve done it for a while now. I checked my pride at the door when I fell for you, because I know without a doubt, and against all odds, I don’t want to live without you.” He shakes his head, and moves in closer. “Love is a luxury men like me don’t indulge in. You’ve made it essential. I need it to live.”
I think of all the things left unsaid, all of the sadness and grief after my accident. How angry I was with him for breaking my heart. He’s mending it, or at least trying to. He’s dangling an olive branch in front of me in the form of a lifetime commitment. I blink a few times to make sure I’m not dreaming, and he’s still there, still as handsome as ever, and still holding my hand. As I look at the beautiful diamond on my finger, and then his eyes as he awaits my response, I know that I feel the same way as he does. My fresh start doesn’t look the way I thought it would. It looks like something out of my dreams. A kiss the sky, blue hue, dream come true. “This isn’t just a grand gesture to apologize?” I ask, my voice wavering.
He sighs, then grimaces. “Would sky writers be too grand?”
I widen my eyes, horrified. “I’m joking, I’m joking,” Tahoe says, laying a hand on my knee. “I wasn’t even sure you’d show up today. I hoped you would.” He rubs the bare skin on my thigh, and a shiver hits me, reminding me of the monster in the room. Unchecked Desire. “Marry me and let’s define happily ever after for ourselves,” he says.
“You’re sure?” I ask. I’ve loved him in every way you can possibly love a human. I think I’ve also hated him in every possible way you can hate a human. “I love you, Tahoe, and while this is probably the best way to earn my parents’ love and respect back,” I say, pausing, trying to think of how best to phrase what I want to say.
In the pause, he slides forward, between my knees and pulls me forward for a kiss. My eyes flutter closed as every sense in my body is wracked with Tyler Holiday. With one hand, he works my head, to tilt toward him, slanting his lips over mine. After feeling nothing for so long, feeling everything is almost too much to bear. I can’t control anything except my need for him, and it’s peak. Prime. I break the kiss to utter, “I love you so much.”
My confession sends him into primal mode. He grabs me under my ass and picks me up from the chair. A second later, I’m on my back on his bed, the coolness of the duvet in stark contrast to the fire raging from my face down to my toes. My flip flops fall to the floor, as I scoot back on the bed. “I couldn’t wait another second to taste you,” he says, brushing my blonde tangle of hair from my face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for that,” I reply. “Kiss me more,” I say, mesmerized by the ethereal quality of the moment. I love this man so much.
I lift my head, seeking his mouth, but he leans away. “You didn’t answer my question.” There’s a sly hint to his voice.
Can it really be that simple? I say yes, and everything unfolds the way I imagined six months ago, minus a veil? Would everything work out? Running my hands down his face and neck, I relish the feel of him under my palms. I wasn’t okay living without him. Even if I convinced myself my misery wasn’t tied to him, my happiness rests next to him. I’m sure of that, and it’s a start. “Will I marry you and let you save my virginity from the dark corners of Bronze Bay?” I ask.
“If you want me to take it now, I will,” he says, his smile falling. “Whatever you want, Caroline. Say the word. I’ll take it.” He leans down, and drags his lips across my neck. He’s tense now—body rigid, and he wasn’t before. It means something to him.
It. Means. Something. To. Him.
I never considered that before. My virginity means something special to him. His kiss on my neck is tender and molten at the same time. I take his face in my hand and shift him so he’s looking down at me, his blue eyes hesitant and turned on. I lean up and kiss him gently on his mouth. Neither of us close our eyes. We watch this magic moment. A moment that when you consider all things, shouldn’t be happening.
“Save it for our wedding night, big man.”
I’ll never forget his smile, that particular one, for as long as I live.
Or the orgasms he gave me with his tongue directly following.
Chapter Twenty
Tahoe
Caroline is naked in my bed. I can die a happy man. If today is the last day earth exists, I’d smile and wave on my way out. She makes me deliriously happy and I’m almost shocked at how seamlessly the proposal went. She walked right into it. Her hand, the one with my diamond on it, is resting on my chest, and it feels like my heart has finally found its lost rhythm. She said yes. Caroline is mine. If I could, I’d throw her over my shoulder, take her out to the docks and marry her this instant, just so I can be sure she won’t change her mind. A sweet sigh escapes and my thoughts switch. We have to do this right. The proper way. Get one thing right in the sea of fucking disasters I created in my quest for perfection.
“Was Malena supposed to send me inside when she did?” Caroline says.
Chuckl
ing under my breath, I let her take from that what she will.
“This whole thing? The party? Was it to get me here?” Now she sits up, propping her head on her hand. Caroline strokes me, her finger nails cutting figure eights across my chest. I have to hold my breath. Her touch feels like a fire on a cold day. Like coming home after a brutal deployment. The safe place I always wanted. Holding her close would be my dying wish. “Well, the party was the mayor’s idea, and I did go along with it because I knew if everyone was here, maybe you’d show up.”
“My parents were in on it, too,” she says, growling while she pinches one of my nipples.
“Ouch!” I bite. “I asked them to tell you about it and coaxed them to get you here any chance I could, but I didn’t expect you to listen to them. Your mom said you were worse off than you’ve been in a while. It truly was a surprise to see you walking up the drive.” I watched, from one of the upstairs windows as each person walked through the entrance of the property.
She’s thoughtful, her blue eyes downturned, and her bottom lip caught between her teeth. “But you had this ring,” she says, looking at her hand. “How long have you had it? If you didn’t plan on asking me today?”
I swallow hard. “Since New York.”
Her face drops, and I know I’ve surprised her. “Why didn’t you call me or text me from New York? What changed? You broke up with me before you left!”
Deciding how much to tell her is tricky. The very last thing I want right now is the ruin the moment. I also don’t want to lie in any shape or form. “I found closure in New York, and I guess you could say, it took a little distance to realize what I wanted. Caroline,” I say, using one finger on her chin to direct her gaze to mine. She raises her brows. “When I want something and make a decision, that’s it. I’m not changing my mind, and this wasn’t some spur of the moment proposal. I asked you to marry me because I’m certain there’s no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
She smiles, and it warms the icy confines of my heart. There was a point when I was so angry I thought I might not ever be able to look at Caroline May again. Or if I did see her, I’d feel nothing but bitter rage. She did what no other woman had done. Ignored me. Let me stew in my bad decisions. I found myself outside of my career again, without any interruptions except the Caroline sized hole in my heart.
Keeping It: A Navy SEAL meets Virgin Romance Page 22