Keeping It: A Navy SEAL meets Virgin Romance

by Rachel Robinson

  Leif looks completely pissed that Malena and Aidan are discussing a sex party. His eyes narrow at his friend and Aidan gets the message quickly, excusing himself to grab a quick drink from the lobby bar.

  Dinner is fabulous and the alcohol flows copiously around us. I try to stick to champagne until someone buys shots at the second bar and I’m told it is bad luck to turn it down. Tahoe sips water in between his drinks, mindful of every aspect of the dynamic happening tonight. The last time I was with him and he drank too much, everything went to hell. Aidan and a few of the other SEALs left the first bar to head to the strip club instead of sticking to Malena’s schedule.

  She wasn’t bothered. She’s boobs deep in Leif’s arms with hooded eyes and a thick agenda for the night.

  Shirley is dancing on top of the bar with Britt and I’m sitting in our booth wrapped in Tahoe’s arms. He’s staring at me—an intense look that lets me know exactly what he’s thinking. The music is loud, and it’s reverberating inside my chest as I let everything wash over me. The whirlwind happened so quickly. I thumb the back of my engagement ring to remind myself it’s real. I’m in this big city, for the first time in my life, taking in everything, with the man that I will love for the rest of time. The drinks go to my head and I lean in to kiss him. My intent is just a peck, but because we’re starved for each other, it ends up being more. He pulls away from me when his breathing speeds and his hands wander where they shouldn’t be in public.

  The music lulls into a quieter slow song and the bodies on the dance floor begin to sway in time. “Are you having a good time?” he asks, using distraction to halt the truth. We both want to tear off our clothes and go at it in this leather booth. “I know it’s a lot,” he adds, raising his brows at the fanfare surrounding us. “But you have to please everyone. Weddings are never about the bride and groom anyways.” He grins.

  “How did you get so smart?” I ask, scooting away from him. I need a breather and I know he does too if the bulge in his pants is any indication. “Maybe for us, it can be about us,” I say. “It’s going to be small, and the reception will just be dinner. Then the rest of the night is ours alone.”

  He sighs, fisting his hands by his sides. “I wish that was right now instead of next weekend.”

  “Me too.”

  Tahoe’s phone lights up on the table in front of us and he leans over to look. I assume it’s just one of the guys trying to lure him to the strip club, but he grimaces, and flips it so the screen is on the table. “I need to be honest with you about something, Caroline. Before you get worried, it’s nothing that I think is huge, but it’s something you should know.”

  My mood shifts a bit, but the alcohol helps keep me from spinning into a fear tirade. “Oh, okay. Do you want to go outside to talk? It’s important?” I ask. “I’ve had a lot to drink,” I admit. “But I’m sure I’ll remember it in the morning.”

  His face goes solemn. “Stella wants to talk to you, Sunny. She’s here,” he says, and my heart sinks down to the floor. Through it, actually. It’s probably halfway to China right now. “Well, she lives here. But she’s coming here because Leif invited her, but I didn’t say no either. It might be a good thing if you talked to her.”

  The closure. Stella. I should have known, yet it still hurts. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Tyler.”

  “Don’t call me Tyler. Come on. It makes me uncomfortable even asking, but that’s because she knows the man I was before there was you. That’s why I’m not scared. I’m that confident in my convictions, and my decisions, and my love for you.”

  “Why does she want to talk to me?” It comes out in a rushed panic.

  Before he can answer, I see her. What I assume is her, even in my drunken state, because she’s looking for someone, her eyes scanning the crowd and the booths, until she finally spots ours…and then me. Stella is blonde and tall, and as beautiful as you’d expect. “She’s here,” I tell Tahoe. His gaze traces mine and I can see his chest heave a huge sigh next to me. Stella walks toward our table, a small smile on her face, and for some reason my fear vanishes. She’s married, Tahoe said. She has a baby, a family. He said she’s happy. This woman is not a threat. She was never a threat if what Tahoe says is true.

  Tahoe stands to greet her, and helps me stand. “Caroline, this is my old friend, Stella. Stella, meet my fiancée, Caroline.”

  Stella shakes my hand, and eyes my ring. “You lucky dog,” Stella says, winking at Tahoe. “It’s so nice to meet you, Caroline. Tyler has told me so much about you.” He has? “Only the best of things. It’s like I’m looking at a legend right now,” she adds, eyeing me up and down. It’s not malicious or catty in the way that Britt sometimes regards me, it’s her taking stock of me. It’s curious and confusing.

  “I wish I could say the same,” I return. “It is great to meet you. Any friend of Tahoe’s is a friend of mine. Would you like to sit? Have a drink?” I ask, southern manners dictating I host, even when I’m not really hosting.

  “I just wanted to stop in and give you both my congratulations. I wouldn’t intrude on your special night,” Stella replies. Leif pulls himself away from Malena to greet Stella and I can see the daggers in my friend’s eyes. Aimed directly at her current threat. Stella. If I could will her cattiness away for a minute, I would. Right now. Because she has no clue.

  “Stella,” I interrupt. “Tahoe mentioned you’d like to chat with me for a bit. What do you say? They have a table in the other room we could sit at for a moment or two?” Leif pulls away, some other sense telling him to back away from the woman and return to the drunken one jockeying for his affection. Stella wishes Leif a goodnight, waves at Malena to show no ill will, and agrees to talk to me.

  “Are you sure?” Tahoe asks, seeing the exchange and understanding I only offered to save my friend from embarrassing herself.

  “Sure. It’s just a talk, right? What can she possibly say? I love you, Tahoe. Nothing will change that.”

  His gaze turns worried as he walks me around the table and all the way into a private room. When it is just the three of us, he kisses my cheek, walks out, and closes the door. The silence is the first thing I notice. “Gosh, I wonder what these rooms are actually for,” I exclaim. “You could kill someone in here and no one would know!” I steady myself on one of the plush chairs.

  Stella laughs. “You don’t want to know,” she says. Her smile is friendly and there’s no malice behind it. “Not for killing people, though.”

  I blush. “I probably don’t want to know, do I?”

  “You really are more beautiful than he let on. The innocence box was checked the second you said hello. You know what I think Caroline, flyer of planes and slayer of beastly hearts?”

  I grin. “Huh?” I ask.

  “That if one person was created for everyone, you were made for him. A few years ago I’d be upset about that, but now that I’ve found my own happiness outside of him, I couldn’t be more thrilled. He deserves to be happy, you know?” Her eyes glass over. “He’s had a really hard life. Had to make some tough decisions.” She looks away, almost as if she’s talking directly to him instead of to me. “He’s the best friend everyone hopes to have. I think losing him as a best friend was the hardest part for me.”

  My stomach sinks. I am Stella’s overdue closure. I am the walking talking happily ever after she didn’t get. “He is a great man. No one goes without flaws, but his are of the most forgivable variety. He makes mistakes, but his heart is big. He loves me more than I deserve,” I say. “I’m sorry you lost him as a friend, Stella. But didn’t you leave him?”

  “Sit down. Please. Should we grab that drink?” she asks. Suddenly, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. She has information about the man I’m about to marry. With her, she carries a perspective no one else on this entire earth will have. I’d be a fool to act like a jealous fiancée and turn this opportunity down. We both know I’ve already won. There’s no sense to be bitter about it. She’s not. I won’t be.<
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  We start with small talk about her husband and baby and I find myself engrossed with her life. The life she could have had with Tahoe if she hadn’t broken it off, right? But it doesn’t take long for her to veer back to our initial conversation. “Caroline, I broke up with Tahoe, because he didn’t…love me. Not like he loves you. The way you’re supposed to love a person you’re meant to be with forever.”

  I widen my eyes. “Oh.” It’s the only response I can muster.

  She smiles sadly. “It’s obvious how much he loves you. He told me he blew it with you. The whole drunken, truck cab incident,” she says, her voice trailing off. She’s embarrassed for him. For me. For having to bring it up. “He thought he’d lost you for good. Do you know what he told me?”

  Sighing, I take a sip of my water. “I’m not sure I want to know,” I reply, honestly.

  “You do,” she says, eyes twinkling. “That you were too perfect for him.”

  I laugh at that. “I’m not even close to perfect,” I muse, mostly for my own benefit. “He sees me in some alien light, I think.” We both make a joke about his obsession with perfection, and it’s easy. She knows him. It’s a strange sensation, but not wholly unwelcome.

  “That’s it. That’s what love is. What the real stuff is made of. Seeing through your person.” Her eyes light. “I just want you to know how much you mean to him because I know what it feels like to not mean that much.” Her voice catches. “Your innocence doesn’t play into this.”

  “How much did he tell you?” I ask, clearing my throat.

  “He took my virginity. It was awful,” she says, a smile playing on her lips.

  I choke on a sip of water. “Oh my God!” I laugh.

  She snickers. “Don’t worry. He got better at it,” she says. “Wait, that’s awkward. I’m sorry.”

  Well, he certainly brushed up on foreplay. I have to squeeze my legs together at the reminder of being naked with him. “I hope so.”

  She hides her surprise with a sip of her drink, but ignores my admission. “He’s attracted to the opposite of what his life is surrounded with. The death. The destruction. War. Blood. Fighting. Politics. His reprieve is loving, wanting that good inside the untouchable part of his world. He’ll do anything for you. I know he’s going to be the best daddy, too. I wanted you to know that despite any horribly stupid things he might have said and done that the man is worth it. One hundred percent worth it. I wasn’t as lucky as you are and I need to you know that.”

  Tears prick my eyes, because I know she’s right. My dreams are made of Tahoe holding our baby, kissing baby toes, being the kind of brave, strong father that I had growing up.

  “There wasn’t any hesitation before, but I have to say thank you for telling me this. Your perspective means everything to me. I’m sure it costs you to be honest like this and I appreciate it. So much,” I admit, taking her hands in the center of the small table.

  She looks down and thumbs my engagement ring. “He did good, girl.”

  Wiping at an errant tear, I laugh. “I know. It’s so beautiful.” The ring in question never was a big deal to me. The idea behind it was everything. He chose it for me. An object of his affection he wants me to wear for the rest of my life.

  “You’re welcome, Caroline.”

  After she finishes her drink we walk back into the bustling club. Tahoe is pacing next to the booth, the rest of our surly group nowhere in sight. They must have hit the next spot on Malena’s list.

  “Are you okay?” Tahoe asks, rushing me. “Everything fine?” he asks Stella when I don’t respond.

  “We’re fine, Tyler. We did a little reminiscing,” Stella calls out over the music.

  I’m staring. Because I just found another side of the man I love without knowing it. I’ll never question his love for me again. Not after tonight and the things Stella told me.

  “I love you,” I say, throwing myself into his arms. Tentatively I feel his arms close around my body.

  “Told you,” Stella croons. “You two enjoy the rest of your night. I’m meeting my husband at the bar across the street, we have a sitter until midnight!”

  Tahoe peels me away from his body. “You’re sure you’re okay? I love you, too.”

  I nod, happy tears spilling down my face. I hug Stella good bye, and she leaves, her light blonde hair disappearing into the crowd. I’ll probably never see her again. The woman he didn’t love enough. The one that happened so he could know I was what true love felt like. Does that eat at her like a disease? To be that close to having something spectacular and having it snatched away? I have to believe she’s happy now. With her life and her choices. It’s the only way I can be thankful and not sad.

  Commitment

  Tahoe

  Camaraderie and Commitment. The two words in my life that mean the most. To me, they can be exchanged as definitions for one another. Today I gained both in the form of a radiant bride. She’s twirling around the wooden dance floor under the starlight with her father leading. Her smile is huge and her laughter could be the only music I hear for the rest of my life and I’d be perfectly content. Her gaze catches mine, and I see more of her teeth. She’s breathtaking in every sense of the word. Her wedding dress is lace and modest, and her face isn’t painted like it was in New York.

  This is my Caroline.

  Her hair a tangle of waves, is pulled away from her face, but a few strands tugged free and cut across her face as she spins. Slow motion. Pause. Rewind. I want to do all of these during this moment. The camera flashes and I’m thankful the photographer saw what I just did and was wise enough to capture it.

  My chest aches. The love I have for her so encompassing, I’m not sure she’ll ever truly know how much she means to me or how far I’ll go to make her happy. Finally. Finally. I have what I desire most in this crazy world. My very own sunshine. Even on those days when I’m thinking about dark things, I know that by walking into the room she’ll steal those thoughts away.

  How do I tell Caroline she’s saving me without telling her why?

  “Tahoe,” Caroline calls. Her mouth grinning around my name. “Come here.”

  Standing from our little table, I approach her and her dad. The blush of her cheeks and the sheen on her neck call out to the beast that lies dormant. I finally get to tap him on the shoulder. Tonight. Our wedding night is here.

  “The band is playing our song next. Are you ready?”

  I grin, and her gaze darts to my lips. The dimple she loves. “I’m never not ready,” I reply. May shakes my hand and kisses her on the cheek and heads back to Mrs. May who is crying and laughing in the same measure. She knew all along. Or so she told me when I asked them both for permission to marry Caroline. They were both overzealous in their acceptance of my offer, even going as far as telling me I needed to propose as soon as possible. That was when she was recovering, though. I think we all thought her acceptance or refusal was a shot in the dark.

  I was the one to get her back in a plane. I think that’s when they knew she’d be back to her old self in no time. I was fucking petrified we would crash. Not because she was piloting, but because that’s what happens anytime you hear about an airplane crash on the news. You wonder if yours is going down next. The fact that I saw her fiery wreckage didn’t help my phobia either.

  “Have I told you how ravishing you look tonight?” I take her into my arms and the camera flashes.

  “Only about a thousand times,” she replies. “How are we going to do this dance? Malena was probably right. We should have practiced or something, right?”

  Malena did an awesome job. But I think most of this wedding came together because of the small town of Bronze Bay. They drop everything to help one of their own, and the fact is we didn’t want anything fancy.

  The band came from the next town over and we have the restaurant hook up already. I’m wearing my uniform, and Caroline’s dress is a remake of her mother’s that the town seamstress updated for this decade. For something so imp
ossible, it came together effortlessly, like this was how it was always supposed to happen.

  My buddies shout out from the corner bar when the band starts the familiar twang of our song. She wraps her hands around my neck and presses her lips into a thin line. Someone is clinking their glasses, signaling they want us to kiss. I lean down and give her a chaste peck and she narrows her eyes.

  I laugh. “We can’t give them too much. That’s ours, remember? After we finish up here?”

  The reminder sets her on fire. I know what to say and it thrills me to no end. “Mrs. Holiday.”

  “I’m like Mrs. Claus now,” Caroline jokes.

  I lean over and lean into her ear. “Ho. Ho. Ho.”

  She gasps. “You’re Mr. Holiday, tonight.”

  I swallow hard. “You’re my wife. Thank you, Caroline. Thank you.”

  The music slows. “Thank you for loving me.”

  “I never had a choice in that,” I reply. “First, I took over the beach. The one you took your first steps on. Then I took over your airport. The one your family owns. The next logical step was to love you. For the rest of my life.”

  Holding her face with my left hand, I hope she feels the platinum band rest on her cheekbone. “You’re so suave sometimes,” she says. Resting the side of her face on my chest, she stays that way for a few moments.

  “Sometimes?” I mock. “I feel like you’re shortchanging me.”

  “All the time. Fine. When you’re not being silent and stoic, that is.”

  “That’s a defense mechanism,” I argue. “It’s how I try not to fall in love.”

  “Remind me of that when you’re being stoic with your friends,” she says, smirking.

  I laugh. “You’re feeling frisky tonight.”

  “In more ways than one.”

  I glance at my watch. “Not long now,” I soothe. Rubbing her exposed back.

  The moment crystalizes as my time in Bronze Bay comes together. The utter awful feeling of being sent to a satellite base, to the sheer joy of exploring the small town, to falling in love. With not just Caroline May, but with this this place, my new home. The people surrounding us have played a part in our relationship in some form. My buddies from San Diego flew in for the occasion, and seeing them and their wives gives me more than hope, it gives me proof that real love survives anything.