by Claire Adams
She didn’t run out of the room like I expected she would; she just stood there, gaping, as I reached for the little lap blanket that was thrown across the back of the couch. Leo had grabbed a handful of his clothing and was holding it over his crotch, a cloudy expression still in his eyes, though I could tell he was trying not to smile.
I tried to arrange the blanket so it was covering me up, but it was too small; if I wanted to cover the top half, the bottom half was exposed; if I tried to cover the lower half, my breasts were right there for her to see. Leo solved this by handing me my shirt, which I got tangled up in as I hurriedly tried to put it back on.
“Now that you’re halfway decent,” my mother said, “would you like to tell me what the hell is going on?”
I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. How could I possibly explain this? She’d come in and seen everything. There was no way I’d be able to talk my way out of this one.
18.
Leo
“I’m waiting.”
Tessa’s mother was still standing there, looking at her expectantly. Tessa was stammering, trying to come up with an excuse on the fly, but really, there was nothing that was going to explain this except the truth. And my truth? Well, I wanted to finish myself off, since Tessa clearly wasn’t going to be able to, but there was no way in hell that was going to happen. The best I could hope for was I wouldn’t have to walk around for the rest of the day feeling like I’d been kicked in the balls.
Tessa’s mother looked at me. “And you!” she said. She shook her index finger at me, and I had to bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. “I don’t know what kind of professor you think you are, but I imagine this is most certainly against school policy!”
“You’re right,” I said. “This is really not the sort of thing that we expected you to walk in on.”
“Tessa must’ve forgotten to mention to you that I have a key of my own.”
I nodded. “I see that. Look, we’re really—”
“No! I don’t want to hear it!” her mother said. “There’s nothing you can say that’s going to make this better. There’s no excuse for this. How old are you?”
“Old enough to know better,” I said. “I’m 29.”
This tripped her up for a moment—I could tell she’d been hoping that I was going to say at least in my 30s, if not older, because then it’d really be scandalous, but she recovered quickly and resumed glaring at me. “It’s not acceptable,” she said, “whatever age you are. You’re a teacher. Don’t you have any self-respect? Don’t you realize that your job is important and by doing something like this, you’re abusing your position of power?”
“I’m sorry, Mom,” Tessa said, saving me from having to answer. “We’re both sorry. I really wasn’t expecting you to come in like this.”
“Clearly not,” her mother said sourly. “This is very disappointing, Tessa. Very disappointing. I thought you were so busy with your schoolwork and trying to get your grades back up. How is it you have time for this—” Her mother stopped abruptly, the synapses firing, connections being drawn. Her eyes narrowed. “Tell me you’re not sleeping with him to get a better grade.”
Tessa hesitated a second too long. If I were her, I would’ve been shaking my head emphatically. “What are you, crazy?” I would’ve said. “There’s no way in hell I’d do something like that. What kind of person do you think I am?”
But Tessa was clearly flummoxed (or maybe mortified) by this entire situation, and her shoulders slumped, and she sighed. “I’m sorry, Mom, I’m so sorry, I . . .”
“Jesus Christ!” her mother exclaimed. “Tessa, I don’t even know what to say to you right now. I just don’t. So I’m going to leave.”
“Are you . . . are you going to tell Dad?” Tessa asked, and I could hear the trepidation in her voice. Actually, scratch that—more like abject fear.
“I can’t even talk to you about this now. I just . . . I can’t.”
Her mother shot me one last glare and then left, slamming the door behind her. Tessa stood there for a moment, and then her shoulders started to shake, and she burst into tears.
I stood up and went over to her, put my arms around her. “Shhh,” I said. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not!” she wailed, her voice muffled against my shoulder. “That was the worst possible thing that could’ve happened. I can’t believe that my mother just walked in on us. She just walked in on us. Unless this is a dream. Am I dreaming? Because if I am, I’d like to wake up now, because this is more like a nightmare.”
I stroked her hair. “It’ll be all right. I mean, I don’t think any parent particularly enjoys walking in on their kid in the middle of sexual activity, but—”
“It’s not just that. She’s going to tell my father. He’s going to flip out. And it’s not going to be something he just needs some time to calm down about. He is absolutely not going to be okay with this!”
She started sobbing again, and I hugged her tightly, wishing that I could take back the past 20 minutes. My balls ached, which I tried to ignore.
“Do you want me to stay?” I asked.
Her eyes were red, and she sniffled. “No,” she said. “I mean, of course, I do, but I’m afraid she might come back, and if you’re here and she does that’s going to make things even worse.”
I nodded. “Of course. I’m sorry, Tessa. The last thing I wanted was to get you in trouble with your parents; I hope you know that.”
“I know,” she said. “And you don’t need to apologize. It’s not just your fault. Or it’s as much as my fault as it is yours. Oh, I don’t even know what I’m saying.”
I held onto her for a few more moments, and then I let go. She had stopped crying and was wiping at her eyes.
“I’ll call you later, okay?” I said. “Or if you want to talk or anything, go ahead and give me a call.”
“All right,” she said, trying to smile, her chin trembling slightly. I got dressed and then I gave her one last hug and a kiss on the forehead. My dick was still hard, and my balls were aching, but I ignored it the best I could and gingerly walked out of the apartment. It was uncomfortable, but it was Tessa I really felt bad about. Rather, her mother walking in on us like that. Under other circumstances, it would have been fucking hilarious, but in this case . . . not so much. I didn’t really know Tessa’s mom, and I’d never met her dad before, but from what she had told me about them, they certainly seemed like the sort of people who wanted things done a certain way, and if it wasn’t, then there would be hell to pay.
19.
Tessa
I kept waiting to wake up, like I’d open my eyes and realize I was still in bed and that the day hadn’t started yet and the whole thing with Mom walking in on Leo and me was just a nightmare that hadn’t just taken place. But there didn’t seem to be any waking up from this, because it wasn’t a dream.
There was also a part of me that really didn’t want Leo to leave, that wanted him to stay, and maybe we could just pretend like that whole thing with my mother had never happened. But it had, and her expression was basically seared onto the inside of my eyelids, so every time I shut my eyes, that’s all I saw.
She hadn’t given me a direct answer when I had asked if she was going to tell my father, but she didn’t need to—of course she was going to tell him. All she’d need to say was she had walked in on me with one of my professors in a compromising position and he’d hold his hand up, tell her he’d heard all he needed to hear, and say that I obviously wasn’t taking him seriously at all, and to cut me off.
I got dressed and then started to pace. I didn’t know what to do. I called Lindsey.
“My mother just walked in on me giving Leo a blowjob,” I said when she answered. She started laughing, thinking that it was a joke. “No, I’m serious,” I said. “I’m not joking.”
She stopped laughing. “Oh, shit. Are you serious? She just walked in on you guys together?”
“Yea
h, it wasn’t good. Not just walked in on us together, but I was literally sucking on his cock when she came in. I don’t even know how long she was standing there watching. And she wouldn’t give me a straight answer about whether or not she was going to tell my dad, but obviously, she is. Do you think I should try to call him first? And tell him myself?”
“Um, no!” Lindsey exclaimed. “Definitely not! Because what if she doesn’t tell him? What if she decides to just keep it to herself, and then you call him up and confess to something that you really didn’t need to in the first place? I absolutely do not think you should call him first!”
“You’re right,” I said, even though I knew there was no way in hell that my mother wasn’t going to tell my dad. But on the total off chance that she didn’t, I certainly didn’t want to be the one to confess that sort of thing to him if I didn’t have to.
“What did Leo say?”
“I don’t know, not much. He offered to stay, but I told him it’d be better if he didn’t right now. I don’t know if—” My phone beeped. Incoming call. I pulled it away from my ear and looked at the screen. “Shit,” I said, bringing the phone back to my ear. “It’s my dad calling.” My stomach twisted. “I better answer it.”
“You’re going to be fine,” Lindsey said, with much more optimism than I felt. “Call me when you’re done on the phone.”
“Okay.” I switched over and said hello, trying to make my voice not shake.
“Tessa. It’s your father.”
“Yes, I know, hi, Dad.”
“I just got off the phone with your mother,” he said. “I could barely understand a word she was saying, she was so upset. So you probably know what this call was about. This is really something that should be talked about in person, but you’ve made the situation so uncomfortable, Tessa, that the phone will have to do.”
“Dad,” I said, “I know you’re disappointed, and you have every right to be—”
“You’re damn right I do,” he said. “This is not what your mother and I meant when we said we wanted you to get your grades back up. What you’re doing is morally wrong, Tessa. Didn’t we teach you better than that? Don’t you just know better than that?”
“Of course I do, and this isn’t any reflection on you guys at all. I wasn’t trying to disrespect you guys or anything like that. And I’m sorry. I’ll . . . I’ll call Mom when we’re done on the phone, and I’ll apologize to her. I know she’s probably really upset.”
“I think it might be best if you gave her some space right now.”
“Okay, fine. I’ll call her tomorrow or something. Whenever it is I end up talking to her, I’ll tell her that I’m sorry. I didn’t realize she was coming over right then.”
“Your mother wanted to hold onto the second set of keys, not because she was trying to spy on you, but because she liked to stop by sometimes and surprise you. The sort of surprise that you gave her just now was definitely NOT what she had in mind.”
“It’ll never happen again.”
“You’re right—it won’t. At least not in a place that I’m paying the rent on. You’re cut off,” he said. “I’m not going to support someone who is simply unable to tell right from wrong. This isn’t just some mistake, Tessa. This was a decision you made, and that you’ve probably been carrying out for quite some time now—is that correct? How long has this been going on for?”
“A little while,” I said.
“A little while. I don’t need to know exactly how long ‘a little while’ is, but it’s long enough. You’re on your own now. There’s nothing more I can say about that, other than you’ve embarrassed yourself, you’ve embarrassed our family.”
“That’s not what I was trying to do,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter whether that was your intention or not. That’s what happened. And you should frankly be ashamed of yourself, and this professor of yours should also be ashamed. I haven’t entirely ruled it out to go to the school with this, because he shouldn’t be holding a teaching position there if he’s going to use it to take advantage of students like this. It’s not right.”
“It wasn’t just him!” I said, suddenly more afraid for Leo than I was for myself. Even though I knew he said he didn’t care if he got fired from Benton or not, I didn’t want this to turn into some scandal that would be all over the internet. “It was me, too. He didn’t force me into doing anything. I wanted to. But it’s turned into something more than that, we actually really both like each other—”
“Oh for Christ’s sweet sake!” my father roared. “Will you listen to yourself? Have you gone insane? This is college, not a goddamn dating show! Am I paying 40 thousand dollars a year in tuition for you to be finding your soul mate? No, I’m paying for you to get a good education so you can do something worthy and productive with your life. And it sounds like all you’ve been doing is taking advantage of that! Well, no more, Tessa. NO MORE. If you want to spend your time goofing off and falling in love and whatever the hell else it is you’re doing, go right ahead, but it won’t be on my dime!”
He hung up.
I tried to take a deep breath but my whole chest felt tight, my father’s angry words still reverberating through my mind. I blinked, holding the tears back. I didn’t want to start crying like a little girl just because my father had just yelled at me. But there was a part of me that felt as if I’d just been transported back to childhood, like I was 7 years old again or something, and had just gotten into trouble.
I knew Lindsey wanted me to call her after we got off the phone, but instead, I texted and asked if she wanted to meet with me in an hour.
How’d it go? she wrote.
I’ll tell you when I see you, I wrote back. But let’s just say it wasn’t good.
We met up at the Haymarket and sat at a table in the corner, which was good because I didn’t want the whole place to be able to see me if I started to cry. I’d been trying to hold the tears back ever since I got off the phone, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to do it.
“So I take it the news didn’t go over that well with your father?” she asked. “Did he freak out?”
“That would be putting it mildly. It went about as good as you’d expect it to,” I said. “He’s cutting me off. He’s so pissed. And I made the mistake of saying that Leo and I actually had feelings for each other. I think that was really the final straw for him. He’s acting like I’ve just been taking advantage of them this whole time and only going to college because I was hoping to meet a guy.”
Lindsey rolled her eyes. “Come on, Tessa. We both know that’s not true.”
“I know, but that’s the way he’s making this sound. And now I just feel completely screwed. I mean, I guess I always knew how much I depended on them, but I’m really realizing it now. I know how much of a spoiled brat I probably sound like.” And I was aware of that. If anyone could overhear us right now, they’d probably be rolling their eyes. Oh, the poor little girl was cut off from her parents and now doesn’t know how she’s going to make it. I knew plenty of my classmates didn’t have rich parents that were footing the bill for them, and they were managing. I didn’t want to feel so stressed out about this; I didn’t want to feel like it was the end of the world, even though there was a part of me that felt exactly like that.
“You don’t sound like a spoiled brat,” Lindsey said. “It’s not like you were demanding this stuff from them. They offered. You never took it for granted. And you never abused it.”
“That’s not how my father is making me feel about it. I just feel completely overwhelmed by everything. I feel like I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.”
“First, you’re going to take a deep breath. Trust me—it’ll help.” I took a deep breath. Lindsey nodded. “Good,” she said. “And second, you’re going to know that everything is going to be okay.”
I didn’t know if everything was going to be okay, but it felt good to have someone else reassuring me that it would be. “I am
trying to believe that,” I said, “but I don’t know if it’s just what I’m telling myself to make me feel better and that in reality, I’m totally screwed.”
“You’re not the first person who has ever been suddenly cut off by their parents before,” she said. “And you definitely won’t be the last. It happens to plenty of people. It’s probably happening to someone right now, in fact. Things just have a way of working out.”
“I really want to believe that,” I said. “I mean, more than anything. But how am I going to pay rent? If I have to go out and get a job right now, there’s no way I’ll be able to work enough hours to be able to cover my rent, never mind the rest of the bills, if I’ve got my schoolwork to stay on top of. So it’s one or the other. I completely fucked this up.”
I put my head in my hands. I wasn’t trying to be dramatic—I just felt as though I’d been steamrolled with the reality of my situation and the consequences that had resulted because of my actions. But why had I gone to Leo in the first place about the extra credit? Because I knew my parents would cut me off if my grades weren’t up. So it didn’t seem to matter what I had done; this seemed like an inevitable conclusion.
“This is all because of a guy,” I said. “And I don’t even mean Leo. My grades started to slip in the first place because of Nick. I should just be celibate.”
Lindsey wrinkled her nose. “Now where’s the fun in that?”
“It might not be fun, but at least I wouldn’t be involved with all of this drama. If I didn’t get involved with Nick, I’d just be coasting along, doing my coursework, not worrying about any of this.”
“But you wouldn’t be having all this fun with Leo. And think about it, Tessa. When you look back on all of this, do you think you’re really going to have all these fond memories of sitting in the library or at the Haymarket, studying? Is that what you want to remember?”