by Claire Adams
When the climax happened, my whole body went rigid, as if it was trying to capture that feeling and keep it there forever, though of course no one could go around feeling that intensely amazing all the time. As it peaked, it felt almost like I was about to black out, but then there were Leo’s hands, gripping my hips, grounding me, pulling me back just enough that I was able to stay fully coherent.
I collapsed down on top of him, and he wrapped his arms around me, our bodies slick with sweat, both of us breathing heavily, skin still tingling.
“Holy fucking shit,” he said. “I don’t even know what to say about that. Worth the wait.”
I smiled and closed my eyes and let myself wish that we could stay just like that forever.
I met up with Lindsey for coffee, and because I wanted to talk to her about my new living situation. “Thank you so much for offering to lend me the money,” I said, “but I’m not going to take it.”
She stirred a sugar packet into her latte. “Really? Why not? My parents would be totally cool about it if they found out. So don’t worry about that.”
“It’s not that. I just don’t know how and when I’ll be able to pay you back, and let’s just say they did happen to find out and they weren’t okay with it . . . I don’t want you to get in trouble over it. I had originally thought that I’d be able to get a job and keep up with my coursework and everything, but there’s no way that’s going to happen unless I cut back on how many classes I’m taking and end up enrolled in college for like six years or something.”
“Are you sure?” Lindsey asked. “I really don’t mind. That’s what friends are for.”
“I’m sure,” I said. “And I got another letter, and they want another assignment. So on top of all my own work, I’ve got to do this, too.”
“They sent you another letter?”
“Yeah. Supposedly this is the last one, but it’s like the worst timing ever, just because the end of the semester always feels like a huge scramble.”
“That’s such bullshit. What do they want it to be about this time?”
“I’m supposed to write an article to submit to the Daily Journal.”
She rolled her eyes. “I don’t think you should do it.”
“Yeah, but I have to. Especially now.”
“Why?”
“Well . . . I’m going to stay with Leo for the time being.”
Her eyes widened. “Seriously? Like, live with him?”
I nodded. “He offered, and it seems like the best thing to do for right now. Of course, there’d be no way to deny anything if the person comes forward about it, so I need to just do this last assignment. And then hopefully they’ll be happy and leave me alone.”
“Wow,” Lindsey said.
“I know; it seems kind of crazy. This whole semester has been a shitshow,” I said.
“But you’ve been handling it,” she said. “I actually really admire how well you’ve been handling everything. I know it might sound kind of cheesy, but if I were in your position, Tessa, I’d be freaking out and completely failing on every level. You should be proud of yourself.” She picked up her mug and toasted mine with it.
I didn’t know if I felt proud, exactly, but it was nice to think I was at least an inspiration to someone.
20.
Leo
I had never cohabited with a woman before. Not like this. I wasn’t sure how long this thing with Tessa would last, but I was going to enjoy it while it was happening.
Our first weekend together, I woke up early and made coffee, pancakes, and scrambled eggs. I brought the whole thing to her on a tray while she was still in bed, and though I felt like it was a bit of a cliche, I was also reveling in the fact of how nice it was. I’d never brought someone breakfast in bed before, and when I slid the tray across her lap, Tessa grinned sleepily and said that she’d never had someone bring her breakfast in bed.
“Well, then I am happy to get that honor,” I said, sliding back under the covers. There were two mugs of coffee on the tray, and I took one and had a sip. I couldn’t ever remember actually having coffee in bed, either with someone or by myself, and it was quite nice.
I would’ve been more than happy to spend the entire day in bed, alternating between sex, dozing, more sex, and maybe getting up to bring another tray of food in. But Tessa had to get up, eventually, and get started on her schoolwork, and I actually did have some papers I needed to grade. Since it wasn’t too windy, and the sun was out and the air was warm, we sat outside on the patio, Tessa with her laptop and books, me with a stack of papers and a red pen, and we got to work.
I finished grading the papers in about an hour and a half, and then I looked shit up on my phone, flipped through a magazine, and tried not to bother Tessa, who was still clearly deep in the midst of her schoolwork. I decided to give Aaron a call and see what he was up to.
“How’s it going, man?” I asked when he picked up.
“Hey, not much,” he said. “Funny that you called; I was just thinking about you. How’ve you been? How’s it going with that student of yours?”
I had come inside to call him so I wouldn’t bother Tessa; I was sitting on the couch, which gave me a clear view of her sitting out on the patio, her back to me.
“She’s great,” I said. “You’re not going to believe it, but she’s actually staying here with me.”
“The two of you are living together?”
“Yeah. For the time being.”
“Shit, man, that sounds serious. I’ve got some news, too.”
“Oh yeah? What?”
“I’ve decided to stay in Paris.”
“Really? For good?”
“For the foreseeable future, anyway. Just signed a lease on a really great place. I’ll still travel around and everything, but I want to call this my home base. You guys should come out and visit! Would really love to have you guys out here.”
“We’ll see,” I said. Out on the patio, Tessa sat up straight and stretched, rolling her head from side to side, her hair cascading down her back.
“I think it’d be dope if you did, man. And seeing as I’ve never met any of your ladies before, you should do it. Free place to stay and everything.”
“Trust me, there’s nothing I’d rather be doing than traveling all over the place again,” I said. “Do you think staying in one spot like this has been easy?”
“I don’t know—you’ve been doing it for a while now, so I assumed there must be some part of you that was enjoying it.”
“There’s a few parts of it I’m enjoying,” I said, watching Tessa as she resumed tapping away at her laptop. “But it’s good to know we’ve got a place to stay if we decide to head out that way. And we will; I’m just not sure when.”
“Sweet. Looking forward to it when it finally does happen.”
We talked for a few more minutes and then Aaron had to go. I tossed the phone down on the cushion next to me right as Tessa came in, stifling a yawn.
“I was just talking with my brother,” I said.
She nodded. “Oh? I didn’t know you had a brother.”
“Yeah. He’s a professional skateboarder. He invited us to visit him in Paris.”
“I’ve never been to Paris before. My mom’s been a bunch though, before I was born. She really liked it.”
“Well, I told him it might be something we could do some day.”
Tessa came over and sat down next to me, draping her legs across my lap. “If I can ever get all this schoolwork done,” she said, “there’s nothing more I would rather do.”
It was a little strange—but in a good way—to have feature writing class and be there at the front of the classroom, Tessa sitting amongst the sea of faces that made up my students. Every so often, I would look over and see Tessa watching me, and we’d exchange a tiny smile. I caught Kristin looking at us once, but she didn’t say anything.
Was it Kristin that was sending the letters? It seemed possible that she would have figured something out, b
ut the letters didn’t make sense. Rather, what the letters wanted didn’t make sense—Kristin wouldn’t have someone else write her papers. There was no possible way. She took her schoolwork much too seriously and would never stoop to the level of having someone else complete her assignments.
But who, then?
There didn’t really seem to be an obvious suspect. After class got out, Kristin was getting her stuff together.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
She gave me a weird look. “What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “I mean exactly that. How’s everything going with you?”
“It’s fine,” she said slowly.
“I mean, not just with this class, but how are things going in the rest of your classes? Do you feel like you’ve got too much on your plate, being a teaching assistant and all?”
“I’ve got a full course load, if that’s what you’re asking, but no, I don’t think I’ve got too much on my plate. And I actually really enjoy getting to be a teaching assistant.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I can tell that you like it. You’ve done a great job this semester.”
She zipped her backpack up. “Well, thanks. I appreciate the vote of confidence.” She slung her bag over her shoulder and was about to leave but then stopped. “What about you?” she asked. “How’s it going with you?”
“Things are good.”
“Are they? Because—and don’t take this the wrong way or anything—you don’t really seem like you like teaching that much. I’ve kind of always wondered why you’re here. Not that your students aren’t learning from you, but it’s always seemed to me like you want to be somewhere else.”
I leaned back in my chair, a little surprised that she had picked up on that. I thought I’d done a better job at hiding it. “You’re not totally off base,” I said. “Teaching wasn’t what I envisioned myself doing. But, it’s kind of how things have worked out, at least for right now.”
“I’m not saying you’re a bad teacher or anything like that at all,” she said. “It just seems like this isn’t your first choice.”
“Well,” I said, “thanks for letting me know I’m being a little more obvious about it than I thought I was.”
“It’s not like it’s too late for you to do something else, you know,” she said. “Something that you actually want to be doing. Whatever that might be.” She smiled. “Anyway. I better get going. See you next class.”
“Later,” I said.
After Kristin left, I sat there for a few more minutes, even more certain now that it wasn’t her who was behind the letters. Which left me with no real clue as to who it was, though I realized I’d be able to figure it out eventually. The final assignment they wanted Tessa to do was an article for the Daily Journal, and I’d be one of the people going through the submissions. All I had to do was look for the article she’d written, and the name would be right there on the top.
That evening, Tessa went down to the Haymarket to study with Lindsey, so I met up with Jack at the Corkscrew. I figured I might as well break the news to him about Tessa now, in person. It’d be better than him randomly stopping by one day to find Tessa there, in a T-shirt and underwear.
“So, I’ve got something to tell you,” I said.
“Do you?” he said, and he sounded anxious, as though he expected some sort of bad news or something.
“Yeah. And I figured it would be better to tell you in person.”
He frowned. “I’m not sure I like the sound of this. I . . . I have something to tell you, too. But . . . you go first.”
“Tessa’s staying with me for the time being,” I said mildly, taking a sip of my beer. I watched his face to gauge his reaction, which was surprisingly not as severe as I expected it to be. In fact, he seemed almost distracted.
“Staying with you? Like, living at your place?”
“Yes, like, living at my place.”
“Oh.” He took a sip of his own beer and looked down at the table, then up, over my shoulder at something, then back down as he took another sip of beer.
“Is that all you have to say about it?” I asked, unable to keep the surprise out of my voice.
“Um . . .” His fingers drummed the top of the table. “Well. Of course I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Leo. What exactly led you to doing that?”
“It’s just the way things worked out. Her parents cut her off.”
“Because they found out about you guys?”
“Yeah. In a rather unfortunate way.”
He didn’t ask me what that unfortunate way was, so I didn’t elaborate. “Is everything okay?” I asked. “You’re being weirdly neutral about this.”
“I’m not neutral about this,” he said. “I think it’s an awful idea, and I have from the beginning. And hearing that her parents found out and cut her off is just a further example of why it’s a bad idea. But . . . there is something that I wanted to talk to you about. Not that I’m trying to change the subject or anything.”
“Oh yeah,” I said, my interest piqued. “What’s up?”
He rubbed a hand across his face. “It’s . . . well . . . I’m not really sure how to say it.”
“You could try just saying it.”
“I’m not even really sure how it happened.”
“Okayyy . . .”
“I . . . Colette and I slept together.”
He had a pained expression on his face, like he thought I was going to jump out of my chair and sock him. Which was actually the last thing I wanted to do; this was great news! I reached over and clapped him on the shoulder.
“No shit?” I said. “Good for you guys!”
He stared at me. “You’re not pissed? It was an accident. Neither of us were planning on doing that, it just sort of . . . happened.”
“Well, I hope it was good. I hope it’s something that the two of you plan to do again.”
“You do?”
“I wasn’t joking when I said that I thought you guys would make a great couple! I really wasn’t. If anything, I am very happy for the both of you!”
Jack looked visibly relieved, though still a bit flummoxed. “You’re really cool with all this?” he asked.
“Hell yes I am! And frankly, I’m a little surprised that you thought I’d be pissed. Have I not encouraged you to get together with her?”
“Well . . . yeah, I know, but . . . sometimes people say that they’re okay with things, but then when they actually happen, it’s a different story.”
“Yes, I’m aware of that. Fortunately, this is not one of those situations. So are you two dating now?”
He held his hands up. “I don’t know,” he said. “We haven’t really talked about it. I know I’d like to, but I’m not sure if she’s just totally weirded out by the whole thing. And I know she’s worried about what you’ll think of it.”
“You can tell her that I think it’s a great idea. If you want, I’ll tell her myself.”
“No, no, I can do it. I’m just really relieved that you’re being so cool about this!” And he laughed, and I could tell that he’d thought I was going to take it much worse than I had.
21.
Tessa
After Lindsey and I were done with classes for the day, we went to the library to do some work. I finished reading Beloved for my feminist fiction class and then I wrote out a bullet list of everything that I had due. There was no way I was going to be able to write two different articles for submission to the Daily Journal, so I’d just write the one and send it to that email address and hope that it was the last time that person would ever be in contact with me.
“What’s that?” Lindsey asked, looking over at my notebook.
“It’s just all the shit I have to try to finish before the end of the semester.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Damn, that’s a lot. I was freaking out because I have two papers to finish.”
I sighed. “I wish I had just two. I’ve got a start on pretty much everything, excep
t the article.”
“You should write something totally ridiculous,” she said. “Something like . . . oh, I don’t know, maybe something like what it says about your personality if you hang the toilet paper over the roll or under the roll.”
I laughed. “I don’t think so. What does it say about your personality, though?”
“I have no clue! It’s totally ridiculous. But it would serve that person right, whoever the hell they are. You could just make something up.”
“Maybe I should.”
“It could be something like you’d read in The Onion.”
“Except those articles are actually funny. Whoever sent this doesn’t deserve something that people are going to like. I’ll think of something.”
When Lindsey and I were done studying, we packed up our stuff. She had parked in the smaller north parking lot, so we went opposite directions after we left the library. I dug through my purse for my phone to text Leo and see if he was still here or if he’d already left for the day. I tapped at the screen as I walked along, glancing up every so often to make sure I didn’t run into something.
I heard some commotion, and as I rounded the corner into the main quad, I saw that there was a group of people hanging out by the benches. It was Nick, Seth, and a bunch of their friends.
They were horsing around, and Nick shoved Seth, and Seth shoved him back, and then Nick tackled him, and they both went sprawling. They were laughing as they hit the ground, throwing their backpacks off their shoulders so they could really try to get each other into a headlock or something. Seth’s backpack was open, though, and when it hit the ground, his stuff spilled out; a spiral notebook, a three-ring binder, a few textbooks. The wind caught some of the loose papers and they spiraled away. I made a grab for one, but it skittered just out of reach; I stomped my foot down on another stapled bunch right as it crossed my path.
“Hey!” I said. “Your shit’s blowing away!”