by Claire Adams
“It’s a very small percentage of people that have the skills to make a living from an activity most people do recreationally,” I said.
“A fact that I’m well aware of. But how do you tell that to a kid whose only dream has been to play basketball professionally? I’ve tried to talk to him about it. I’ve tried to put it nicely, I’ve tried to suggest that he have an alternate plan in case the basketball doesn’t pan out. But he doesn’t want to hear that. He keeps his grades up as high as they need to be in order for him to continue playing, but that’s it.”
“Well, shouldn’t that be enough then? For him to graduate?”
“But I want him to do well enough that he’ll have other options available. What if he decides he wants to go to graduate school? What if he finds something that really interests him, but he can’t get into grad school because he only did the bare minimum now?”
It was a rhetorical question, of course, but I shrugged. Carla was clearly delusional about her son, but I was beginning to realize that’s just how parents were. Like Tessa’s parents, thinking they were doing her this huge favor by cutting her off just because her grades weren’t perfect. But it was all coming from the same place—Carla wanted the best for Seth, Tessa’s parents wanted the best for her. They just had no clue how to go about ensuring that.
“That’s all well and good,” I said. “And I’m certainly not going to try to tell you how you should be raising your son. Like you said—what would I know about that sort of thing anyway? But how did you know about us, anyway?”
“It was obvious, Leo. That day I came into your office to borrow that book?”
“We weren’t doing anything.”
“You might as well have been. That outfit she was wearing?”
“So you surmised all this based on an outfit?”
“I figured if there was nothing going on between the two of you, then she’d just ignore the letter. But she didn’t. And that’s how I knew.”
“You do realize that Seth could probably get expelled for this. And you could probably lose your job.”
“I’m sure that was something you realized too, when you were deciding to get involved with a student. Sometimes we do things without fully thinking about the consequences.”
“You could say that again.”
We seemed to be at an impasse. “Tessa’s not going to write any more papers for Seth. You can go tell whoever you want about us, but she’s not going to be doing that anymore. She’s got enough on her plate as it is; she doesn’t need to be graduating college for him, too. Why didn’t you just write them yourself? I mean, does Seth think that the homework fairy is just making these papers magically appear or something?”
“I have too much on my fucking plate to be writing my son’s papers!” she snapped. “I’m trying to hold things together the best I can, but I certainly don’t have time to be writing any papers.”
“Yet somehow you expect Tessa to.”
“She found enough time to have an inappropriate relationship with you. And the papers she’s written so far have been quite good. So it looks like I wasn’t wrong about her being able to handle that.”
“You might not have been wrong, but your son should really handle his own shit. That’s the sort of example you want to set? That’s what you want him to think is okay?”
Carla closed her eyes. “This is obviously not going how I had envisioned it.”
“I understand how you feel,” I said. “I wasn’t exactly planning on getting blackmailed, either. So what would you like to do about it?”
“I don’t know.”
“I take it you haven’t seen the article that Tessa wrote.”
“I was going to check that email later tonight, when I finally had a minute to myself.”
“It might not be something that you want published. It’s quite good, but I think it’ll be fairly obvious that Seth didn’t write it.”
“What is it?” Carla asked suspiciously.
“It’s an expose, of sorts. Names have been changed, all that shit, but it’s obvious that what she’s writing about actually happened. Inappropriate relationships between students and their professors, other faculty finding out yet choosing not to go to the dean but to rather use their knowledge to their own advantage . . . that sort of thing.”
Carla cringed. “Are you kidding me?”
“Nope. So if it’s really Seth’s dream of seeing his name in print, he might just have to write an article himself. Or maybe you could do it for him.”
She was quiet for a moment. I think she was realizing that it would be best, for everyone involved, to just walk away from it all, pretend like she had never figured it out in the first place. Because though she could get both Tessa and me into a world of trouble, she herself would also get into trouble, too.
“I think there’s really only one clear option here,” she said.
“And that would be?”
“To just put this all behind us. I’m willing to do that if you are.”
“That’s what I was hoping you’d say. I think that would be best, too. In fact, we don’t ever have to talk about this again.”
She hesitated, her mouth set into a thin line. Clearly, she wasn’t happy, but we both knew this was the best deal either of us was going to get. And she was far more attached to this job than I was; I didn’t really give a shit whether I got fired or not.
I held out my hand. “Should we shake on it?”
She reached over and took my hand. “Fine,” she said.
23.
Tessa
I was heading toward the student parking lot when I heard someone calling my name. I stopped and turned. It was my mother.
“Mom!” I said. “What are you doing here?”
How long had it been since we’d last talked? Since she’d walked in on me and Leo. In a way, it was hard to believe that so much time had gone by; I’d never gone that long without speaking to either of my parents. My mother was wearing dark sunglasses and a sun hat; I had the sneaking suspicion she was trying to disguise herself.
“Tessa,” she said, hurrying over. She paused when she got to me, but then opened her arms and pulled me into a hug. “Things have gotten way too out of control, with all of this. I never thought that things would get like this. Where are you staying? I’ve stopped by your apartment several times, and you haven’t been there.”
“It’s not my apartment, remember?” I said. “There was no way I was going to be able to pay rent and stay on top of my schoolwork, Mom, so I moved out.”
“And you didn’t think about telling us?”
“Honestly? You guys haven’t made it seem like you really wanted to talk to me.”
My mother shook her head. “I’m sorry, Tessa. I really am. I’ve missed you so much, and I’ve been worried about how you’ve been doing. Your father didn’t want me coming here to talk to you, but I’m not just going to cut you out of my life completely. That’s crazy.”
“So he doesn’t know you’re here?”
“I told him I was going shopping and out to lunch. He might have guessed himself that I was coming to see you. I know I could’ve called, but I wanted to see you in person. It’s been too long.”
“I know it has,” I said. “I’ve missed you, too. I don’t want to be fighting with you guys right now.”
“So . . . how is everything going?”
“Pretty good. I mean, I’ve been a little stressed and really busy with everything, but things are actually . . . good.” I smiled, thinking about Leo. And since he had confronted Seth’s mother about the paper and they had both agreed to just keep quiet about everything, I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It seemed that things were actually working out, and that made everything else seem more bearable.
“I’m glad to hear that.”
I was about to ask how she was doing when I saw, over my mother’s shoulder, that Leo was walking toward us. I smiled and gave a little wave as he approached, a
nd my mother turned to see who I was waving to.
“Hey, Tessa, you want to . . .” Leo’s voice trailed off when he realized it was my mother. “Oh, hi,” he said.
My mother frowned. “Hello,” she said. “I was just trying to talk to my daughter.”
Leo nodded. “Yeah, of course. That’s fine. I can give you guys some space.”
“That’s not what she meant,” I said, even though I had a feeling that was exactly what she wanted. “Listen, Mom. I know you and Dad don’t approve of this. And I’m sorry that you had to find out about it the way that you did, but the semester is basically over, and Leo and I are staying together. I’m living with him right now, and I don’t have any plans to move out.”
My mother didn’t say anything for a minute. Finally, she took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “That’s not what I was hoping to hear, obviously,” she said, “but I’ve realized over these past few weeks that you’re an adult, and you are allowed to make your own choices. They might not be the choices I’d make for you, or the choices I would make if I were in your shoes, but we do need to let you make the decisions in your own life.” She looked at Leo. “I’m sure you’re a very nice person,” she said. “This whole situation has just been a bit of a shock to us.”
“I don’t think any of us planned on things happening like this,” Leo said. “And I do apologize that you had to walk in and see us like that . . .”
My mother and I both blushed. “Anyway,” I said.
“I’ll give you guys some time to catch up,” Leo said. “I think that might be a good idea.”
He gave us both a smile and then strolled off. My mother watched him go. “He is an incredibly good-looking man,” she said, almost to herself. She sighed and turned her gaze back to me. “I’m not going to try to tell you what to do anymore, Tessa. We have a lease on your apartment, though, so regardless of what your father might tell you, we will continue to pay for that because we have to. He’s certainly not going to go through the trouble of finding someone to sublet it, and I have no interest in that either. I suppose we can revisit the issue when the lease runs out in a few months and see where things are. Maybe you should try giving your father a call.”
“Why?” I said. “I thought you just said he didn’t even want you to come and see me.”
“Oh, you know how he can be. And I know that he does happen to miss you a great deal, and that he’s worried about you. It might help if he just heard your voice, if you took the first step.”
I sighed. “I’ll think about it,” I said.
“But since I’m up here, why don’t you let me take you out for coffee, at least? Could we do that?”
“Sure, Mom,” I said.
We went to a little café not far from the school. We sat at a corner table and I got a mocha, and my mother got a cappuccino. It felt a little strange to be sitting with her after not seeing or talking to her for a while, but it was nice, too. I was glad that she’d come to see me, even if it hadn’t been exactly what my father had wanted.
“So you really think I should call Dad?” I asked. “You don’t think he’s just going to yell at me and then hang up? Because that’s basically how our last call ended. He yelled at me and hung up.”
“Tessa, you’ve got to understand that what has happened this past semester hasn’t been easy on any of us. We didn’t realize that you’d gotten involved with . . . what was his name?”
“Nick.”
“We didn’t realize that you’d gotten involved with him, and that was why your grades suffered to begin with. And then to find out that you got involved with a professor . . . it’s not really what any parent expects to find out about their child.” She took a tiny sip of her coffee and then set it down. “Now, I don’t know all the details about you and Leo—and I don’t need to—but there were a few things that I did not tell your father.”
“About Leo?”
“I only told him that I happened across the two of you in a compromising position. I did not elaborate any further.”
“Well . . . thanks, I think,” I said.
“Your father didn’t need to know the specific details. And I also did not mention that this whole thing started because of a grade.”
“You know,” I said, “it might’ve started out like that. And that sounds sleazy or scandalous. It’s not the sort of story you want to be telling your grandchildren when they ask how you and grandpa met, I get it. But the thing is, Mom—I love Leo.”
Her eyes widened. “You do?”
“Yeah, I do,” I said, smiling. It was the first time I had admitted it out loud, but it felt good to say, because it was true. “And we haven’t said this to each other yet, and maybe he doesn’t feel the same way about me, but you know what? That doesn’t matter. Well, it does in that I’d be sad if he didn’t love me, too, but even if he doesn’t, it’s not going to change the way I feel about him. And so maybe the way we got together wasn’t the best, it wasn’t some storybook meeting, but maybe it had to happen that way because it was the only way it was going to happen. And if that’s the case, then I’m fine with it.”
My mother nodded slowly. “He loves you too,” she said. “I can tell. I could tell by the way he was looking at you.”
I felt a tingling happiness spread throughout my chest and my heart fluttered just hearing her say it.
“We want to be happy for you,” my mom said. “I don’t want you to think that Dad and I don’t want to be happy for you, or that we don’t want you to be happy. Because we do—more than anything. I don’t want this fight to keep going on. Life is too short to hold grudges like this, and it’s ridiculous to think that we would just stop speaking to you for the rest of your life because we didn’t like how you got involved with the man that you love. This is not going to turn into some Shakespearean tragedy!”
“I hope not,” I said. “And I would like nothing more than to not be fighting with you guys, either.”
My mother reached over and patted my arm. “Let me talk to your father,” she said. “We’ll get this sorted out.”
24.
Leo
The end of the semester was always a happy time—it either meant the start of winter break, or a nice, long, summer break. In this case, it also meant that Tessa was no longer my student and we didn’t have to worry about who happened to see us when we went out. Which didn’t mean that we were skipping down the street holding hands or making out right in the middle of the green, but it did mean we’d go out occasionally to places right around the school, and it didn’t really matter who saw us.
Tessa had managed to pull off what she had thought was the impossible, and she got her grades back up, finishing the semester and her junior year with a 4.0. I could tell by the expression on her face how relieved she was.
And the first issue of the Benton Daily Journal would have to wait to be published until next semester, as there was simply a lack of quality articles submitted for consideration. It had pained Shannon to make that announcement, though the truth of it had become painfully clear not long after Carla and I had our talk. She had been the one to talk with Shannon about postponing the project, and when Shannon sent out the email announcing that we were going to hold off, I think that everyone was relieved. Out of all the articles, though, Tessa’s really was the best of the bunch.
I could hear the water running in the shower. Tessa and I had slept in and she’d just gotten up. I was still lounging in bed, though after a few more minutes, I got up and went into the bathroom. She was in the shower, soaping herself up. I pushed the curtain back slightly and was hit with a waft of steam and the sudsy smell of the botanical soap.
“Mind if I join you?” I asked.
“Of course not,” she said, taking a step back.
I got in and felt the water running in rivulets down my torso. My dick was already half hard and getting harder just at the sight of her, the suds of soap clinging to her wet skin, her hair slicked back. She turned to face me, and I pulled
her close. I started kissing her neck, running my hands down her sides, over her breasts, feeling her nipples get hard underneath my fingertips. She groaned and raked her fingernails down my back.
I pushed her back into the corner and spread her legs apart, the warm water cascading down on me as I knelt in front of her. I buried my face between her legs, kissing and licking her, feeling her run her fingers through my hair. I put one hand on her inner thigh and then brought the other up and slid a finger inside of her. Her whole body trembled, and she was whimpering, grinding her hips against my hand while my tongue worked on her clit.
I stopped when I could tell she was close to coming, and her eyes flew open and she gave me a look of such longing that I almost came myself. I lifted her up a little higher and pushed my dick into her, the water actually making things less lubricated. The head of my dick was right there, sort of in but not quite, but then I pulled her hips down a little, and I slid all the way in, all the way where she was nice and wet and warm and her muscles clenched around me, and she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close.
I could’ve been done in about two minutes, if I just went for it, but I wanted this to last because it felt so fucking good. How long could I make it last for? How long could I stand it? I kept my eyes open and I tried to watch her and gauge how close she was—I wanted to prolong it for her, too. Every time one of got close to coming, I’d slow way down, sometimes stop completely. Even when I stopped though, she’d contract those muscles of hers around me, and a couple times it almost sent me over the edge. I gritted my teeth and growled into her hair, and I tried to take deep breaths. And then I’d start again, and with the water cascading down on us and the steam all around, it was like being in some sort of cocoon, where the only thing you were aware of was how fucking good you felt.
I could only prolong it for so long. We got into a rhythm, and I knew that we weren’t going to stop this time, and as the feeling started to peak I tried to just keep going, but then the most amazing thing happened. Instead of the feeling reaching its apex and then falling, it kept coming. It was like being on a rollercoaster and thinking that you’d reached the highest point, but then it just keeps going and going. It was like a wave that had no end. I just kept thrusting myself into her, and she was scratching my back and biting into my neck, and her legs were now wrapped around my waist, and she was squeezing me, and time seemed to have stopped. I had no clue how long we’d been in there, how long this feeling had been going for, if it had been seconds or minutes, or maybe even hours. It just kept going.