by Claire Adams
“He's a mechanic, too?”
“He said he's always been into messing around with cars and stuff. But anyways, that's beside the point. He helped with the car twice and didn't ask for anything in return. And the night I found Mom – I called him to help out, and he did, and he was supportive and helpful.
“And...I dunno, I guess I sensed that there was something there, that he felt something for me. And, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel something for him, especially after he kinda proved that I was wrong about what sort of guy I assumed he was.”
“And, what sorta guy was that?”
“You know – a guy like Tim. A selfish narcissist who uses his good looks to get women into bed, and then tosses them aside like old gum that's lost its flavor as soon as he gets bored with them. I mean, that's what you'd think about him, right, judging from what all that Hollywood gossip said, and the fact that he dated that trashy actress.
“But it turned out he's not that guy at all. At least, that's what it seems like now. He helped me without any expectation, without asking anything from me. And, he certainly didn't drop any hints about having ulterior motives.”
“All right, all right, I get it. But how did this kiss happen then?”
“Well, the last time he helped me with the car, which was actually just a short while ago, I asked if there was anything I could do to repay him for his help. He said something like 'a kiss would be good,' and even though it seemed like a joke – it also wasn't a joke. And both of us could see it, there was just this...this attraction between us, this real connection, you know?”
“Yeah, I know what you're talking about.”
“So I just did it. I kissed him. I'm not sure what came over me, but I kissed him. And, I won’t lie, Annie, it was freaking amazing. It felt so, so right. Like all this silent, unspoken tension that had been building up between us all this time, it just exploded.”
“So, you don't regret it? You don't think it was a mistake?”
“Well, those are two different questions. I don't regret it. But now I am thinking that maybe it was a mistake...if that makes sense.”
“I hear you. I mean, there's a serious conflict of interests going on here, isn't there? Because, you know, you've got your volleyball scholarship to think about, not to mention your spot on the team, and then there’s your future possible volleyball career, too. A relationship with your coach is just suicide.
“Look, Eryn, there's no other way it's going to be seen but as a scandal. I am just going to say this straight up because I love you, and I want the best for you. You and he might have these feelings for each other, and there’s no way I can say anything about how real or intense those feelings may or may not be, but the fact is, letting this go any further than that kiss is the worst thing you could do.
“There's our family situation to think about, and your volleyball career and finishing your degree. Not to mention how it would impact his life.”
I sighed heavily, the weight of her words and my situation pressing down hard on my shoulders as Anne spoke. She was right, and I knew it. I just didn’t want to know it. I wanted to live in ignorance and kiss him again and again.
“I know, Anne, I know,” I replied softly.
“Sis, you gotta think rationally and clearly here. You really do. If you take any further steps with Wade, you could get in serious trouble.
“First, he's out of the limelight now, but you know what kind of a scandal the press could make of it if they find out he's dating one of his players. Second, you know the university will not tolerate it – not a chance. Your scholarship will be gone, and probably his job, as well.
“And, you know without that scholarship you can't afford to finish your degree. Especially now that Mom is in this situation. Also, we have all of her upcoming medical bills to think of. I mean, that right there, that's three strikes you've just been given. You're out, kiddo; you're out.”
I didn't know what to say. She'd just laid it out for me, clear as day. No matter how much I might have wanted it, there was no way I could get around the fact that a relationship between Wade and I could not progress past a simple coach and player relationship. I was just going to have to forget about how good that kiss had felt, how right it had felt, and how intense our connection to one another was.
“I know, Anne, I know,” I repeated. “Everything you've just told me makes perfect sense, and it's been swimming around my head, as well. I guess I just needed someone to spell it out for me.”
“I'm sorry I made it sound so harsh and cold, Peanut, but you have to understand that your whole future is at stake here. I'm not going to stand by and let my little sister throw the amazing life she has worked so hard for away for the sake of a fling with her coach. You need good, cold, hard advice right now. Not that I’ve ever been one to sugarcoat things.
“You have to nip this in the bud, Eryn, you just have to. You should cut it off right now, and never let it happen again. Seriously, that's the only way to do this. Do you understand? You cannot risk your future. You just can't.”
“Yes, I understand, Annie. Thanks for putting it to me so bluntly.”
“I love you, Peanut. I really do. And I just want the best for you,” she assured me.
“I know you do.”
“All right, well, keep your chin up, and I'll see you soon. I'll let you know as soon as I've bought my plane ticket.”
“Thanks again, Annie. Love you.”
“Love you, too, Eryn. Talk to you soon.”
“Bye.”
I put my phone in my bag and strolled slowly through the park, trying to make sense of everything. It had been a total whirlwind of a day. But Anne was ultimately right. I couldn't afford to throw away my future – no matter how right that kiss had felt.
Just then, I heard my phone buzz in my bag. I took it out, and my heart immediately began beating faster as I saw that it was a message from Wade. I read it with eager eyes.
He said that he was confused about what had happened, but like me, he didn't deny that it had felt right. But like Anne, he was very concerned about the implications that it might have for my volleyball career. His solution was to simply pretend like it hadn't happened.
I admit it. It stung a little...it did. But at the same time, I knew why he was saying that. He wanted to protect me, and he wanted to do the right thing for us both – and that meant keeping his job safe and my volleyball career safe.
I typed out a quick reply, agreeing with what he'd said and emphasizing that we couldn't cross that line again. Ever. I felt my throat tightening up and tears stinging at the corners of my eyes as I typed it. When my thumb hovered over the send button, I almost felt like I was gonna need to sit down. It was a little unsettling how pushing this man away was affecting me.
But this was the reality of our situation, and there was no way I could pretend otherwise. I simply had to accept how things were. He was my coach, and that's all he could be, as much as each of us might have wanted more. Anne was right. I had my career to think about, and my degree, and my mom – and his job was on the line. We both understood what was at risk, and we couldn't throw it away.
I hit send.
Then I sat down on the grass, feeling too weak and a little sick to my stomach to do anything else. Not exactly the most logical reaction. I lay back and stared up at the sky, watching the clouds drift by overhead, wishing I could forget the way being close to him had made me feel.
My phone buzzed, and I read the reply from Wade with tears in my eyes. Not that I’d expected otherwise, but he’d agreed with all that I’d said and that would be the end of things between us. I didn't know how to reply or what to say – so I didn't say anything at all. I just slipped my phone back into my bag and continued to stare up at the clouds in silence.
Chapter Fourteen
Wade
I didn't hear from Eryn for the rest of the weekend, which was probably a good thing. As much as that kiss had been occupying my thoughts, I under
stood that it wasn't meant to be. At least, most of me did. The logical part, anyway.
I couldn't be selfish here. This wasn’t about me. I reminded myself that if Eryn were to be with me, not only would she put her entire future at risk, but I'd be putting my own future at risk, as well…not to mention my job.
Florida was meant to be a fresh start for me, a chance to get over the mess my life had become on the West Coast. If I were to start a relationship with my star player, it would just throw me right back into a life of scandal and controversy – and that was the last thing I wanted.
Still, even though I knew all of this, it was almost impossible to get my mind off Eryn. After being drawn to her from the moment I saw her, that kiss had sealed the deal. It had been powerful, intense, and in that one moment, all of my repressed feelings for her – and it seemed her feelings for me – were released and then resolved themselves gloriously. I couldn't remember ever feeling so comfortable with a woman, so right.
Life sure could be cruel sometimes.
Despite that we both understood we couldn’t pursue this thing, in the back of my mind, I was still praying that there would be some way things could work out between us. Not that there was a chance in hell of that happening.
The best thing I could do would be to simply concentrate on my job – and even though that meant seeing what I wanted so badly on an almost daily basis, getting lost in coaching and the game was definitely something that would help distract me from this misery.
*****
Monday afternoon, I walked into practice with my head held high, my mind as focused on the game and training as it could be, and got to work.
The girls were all waiting as I stepped onto the court, warmed up and ready to go. Eryn was there, of course, but she and I both avoided eye contact. Neither of us wanted to make this any more awkward than it was already.
“Girls!” I said sharply. “Before we get started, I just want to say that you all rocked it on Saturday! That game was a killer start to the season. And for that reason, there's no way in hell I'm letting anyone slack off.
“We are going to work even harder than before. You're good, yes, but if you let that go to your heads, you'll get complacent, you'll get overconfident, and you won't be hungry anymore. And do you understand what that will lead to?”
“Losing!” they all replied in unison.
“Exactly. So, I hope you are all ready...ready to get broken down, and then rebuilt into pure, volleyball machines! Are you ready?!” I shouted.
“Yes, Coach!” they all replied.
“I can't hear you. Are you ready for this?!”
“YES, COACH!” they shouted in response.
“That's what I like to hear. All right, we're gonna start out with three laps around the whole area here! And I'm gonna make it interesting! The three girls that come in last get to do 20 push-ups! Got it?”
“YES, COACH!”
“The start is over by the door. And don't worry ladies, I'm not gonna sit here like a lazy asshole on the sidelines and watch you work; I'm gonna get right in there and run with you!”
I jogged over to the start area, and the girls all followed me. “All right, three, two, one, go!” I counted down.
I took off at a steady run and heard the footsteps of the girls pounding the floor close behind me. I started off pretty good; my mind was off Eryn. Well, it kind of was. After all, she was just a few paces behind me, and her presence was almost impossible to ignore.
But I was focused on the run, focused on my breathing and the way my muscles were working, and I was focused on the rhythm of the pace. It was hard to have scrambled thoughts when you were working out with intensity. I started pushing myself harder as the sound of one girl grew closer, getting right up behind me as if she was preparing to pass me. I felt a pleasant burn in my muscles as I pushed myself harder – but then, I wondered if the girl who had pushed until she was behind me was Eryn.
Dammit! Why was this so hard to shove to the back of my mind?
I pushed myself harder, surging forward and breathing hard as I began to out-pace whatever member of my team had caught up to me. I managed to get into a solid rhythm and began surging on ahead. Thoughts of Eryn were starting to fade from my mind as I focused on my rhythm and pacing and how my muscles and lungs were working in tandem.
I grinned to myself as I passed the door once more to mark the first lap down, and began to think that perhaps I should've made this run longer. It was a bit of a relief to be so intensely focused on the run that my mind was clear. I didn't want it to stop.
It did, though – and far more quickly and abruptly than I had imagined it would.
A loud thud sounded followed by shouts from behind me. Several of the girls were calling out, but Leena was the loudest, calling out my name. “Wade! Wade, come quickly!”
I slowed down and turned around, and saw that all the girls had gathered around someone on the floor. That was never a good sign.
“Coach, hurry up!” Leena shouted again.
I jogged quickly over to where they were. The circle of players parted to make a path to the player on the floor. The last person I’d wanted to see was revealed: it had been Eryn who had taken a fall.
“Oh shit,” I muttered under my breath.
I quickly moved the other girls out of the way. Eryn was lying on the ground, gripping her right ankle, her face was twisted with pain.
“What the hell happened here?” I asked.
“I...I tripped,” she stammered, looking around. Something about it seemed like she wasn't telling me something.
“Are you all right?” I questioned her, trying to examine the ankle she was holding.
“I’m going to have to go with not really. My ankle hurts like hell.”
I glanced up and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tammy and Kelly stifling amusement. Something definitely wasn't right here.
“Leena, lead the rest of the girls around the court to finish up those laps, and then do some serving drills. I'm gonna get Eryn over to the nurse's station to get this ankle checked out. I'll be back in 20 minutes or so.”
Leena nodded to me and gave a reassuring look to Eryn. “Come on, girls,” Leena called to the rest of the team, “you heard the coach. We have to keep running.”
They murmured words of sympathy and encouragement to Eryn before they all carried on running. I looked down at her and sighed, my face wearing an expression of worry.
“Can you walk?” I asked.
“I can try.”
“Here, let me help you up.”
I reached down and positioned one arm around her as she wrapped one arm over my shoulder for support. I couldn't deny that it felt amazing to touch her again, even though it was under these circumstances.
She tried to walk on the foot and was able to get along by limping, but she was relying heavily on the support she was getting from me. The last thing I wanted was to take a chance she might injure her ankle further, so I insisted on carrying her, instead.
She didn’t seem to be too keen on the idea, but she didn’t put up too much of a fight, either. She did make me wait until we got into the hallway, though, so none of the team would get the wrong idea, as she put it.
My heart raced a little having her in my arms and close to me. I wanted to kiss her again and tell her it was going to be okay. Instead, I fought the urge and focused on the situation from a coach’s point of view. “All right,” I said as we headed down the hallway, “now you can tell me what really happened back there.”
“Not so sure I want to say,” she admitted.
“Why’s that?”
“We’re a team. I don’t want to come across as stirring up more friction.”
“Look, Eryn, if anyone on my team is causing friction, I’m fairly certain you aren’t the culprit. And, if something’s going on, I need to know. I can’t coach effectively if I don’t. Now, tell me what happened, and be honest. That’s all I’m asking.”
“Fine. So
meone tripped me from behind,” she said.
“What? Like, on purpose?”
“I felt a foot kick my ankles together as I was running. It was hard and sharp, and definitely not an accident.”
I nodded. “Any idea who it was?”
“I went straight down and tumbled. All I could see around me were legs.”
“But you have an idea of who might have done it?”
Up to that point, she’d been making a serious effort to look straight down the hall as we walked. I was certain it was because our faces would have been inches apart had she turned.
However, she paused for a moment, then swiveled her head to look at me, and I could see that she knew. The look on her face told me she didn’t want to rat anyone out, even if they had purposely caused her harm.
That look also set off an intense, protective instinct inside me. Seeing her suffer was not something I ever wanted to see again, and I desperately wished that there was some way I could take the pain for her.
“I think I have an idea of who it may have been,” she murmured reluctantly.
“And? Are you gonna tell me?”
She bit her lower lip and looked down. It made me want to kiss her even more.
“Tammy? You think it was Tammy, am I right?” I questioned.
“Yeah,” she replied uneasily.
“I figured so,” I replied. “Do you think anyone else saw it?”
“I don't know, but even if they did, they might be too scared to say anything about it. Tammy can be...vindictive, to say the least.”
“I see.”
We reached the nurse's office, and I knocked on the door. The nurse, an older, plump woman named Millie, came out and gave Eryn a motherly smile.
“Oh no, have you hurt yourself dear?” she asked softly.
Eryn nodded.
“See what's wrong, and let me know as soon as you can please, Millie,” I said to her as I placed Eryn on one of the exam tables in Millie’s office.
“I'll do that. I will take very good care of her,” she replied.