“Oh, wait,” I say. “Twelve o’clock. Check it out.”
“She’s cute.”
“She is?”
“Sure.”
“I didn’t expect that.”
“Why, because she’s round? You know I’m not like that, Cat.”
“I know no such thing. The girls you’ve been with have always been babes. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. I mean, the other girls.”
“You are right. All the girls I’ve been with—all the girls—have been babes. But it doesn’t mean I’m fixed on that. Looks are the first attraction, but only the first.”
“So you’d go out with that girl?” I look at the chubby girl I pointed out to Johnny, the one who’s been making eyes at him almost constantly for the last five minutes. Red, frizzy hair, a round face, not thin by any standards. But beautiful. If I were to take a photo of her, she’d be a great model.
“Sure, I’d go out with her. If she was worth going out with. But I’d definitely take her on a first date.”
“OK?” I scan the park. “OK, eleven o’clock.”
“Oh, c’mon, Cat, that’s not fair. She looks like she’s on heroin.”
“Would you go out with her?”
“No.”
“Because she’s ugly.”
“You’re being unfair.”
I smirk mischievously. “Yeah, I am. But you started it with Mr. Fifteen-Year-Old Geek down there.”
“Hey, he was looking at you. The heroin chick was just picked randomly.”
I scan the park again, scanning, scanning, scanning.
But my mind drifts to the events of yesterday, to the thoughts I’ll probably forget every morning for the next three months when I wake up, and then remember again seconds later. “You have to forgive her, Johnny. You might not want to talk to her, you don’t even have to date her, but you have to forgive her. Otherwise it’ll eat you up inside.”
Johnny puts his soda down. Stares out across the park.
Says nothing.
~Johnny~
-18-
“I’m heading out of town,” I say to Thunder.
He looks up from the bar of the empty Club Abre, stares at me. I’m behind it, playing the bartender’s role.
“To clear my head,” I say.
Thunder looks down at his drink, swirls it.
The place is empty, dead-empty. It’s late afternoon on a Tuesday, and we’re not opening today. Thunder and I were supposed to be having a ‘business meeting.’
“Where you headed?”
I pull a glass out, start wiping it, nothing better to do. I shrug.
“How long?” he says.
A few months, years. “I don’t know.”
He looks up at me. “So you’re saddling me with the nightclub.”
“If you want me here, I’ll stay.”
He waves my statement away as if it were a fly. “No, I ain’t sayin that. Some time out might do ya good.”
I finish wiping the glass, put my hands down on the bar.
“Cat leavin today?” he asks.
“Uhm, yeah.” My voice croaks, and I didn’t plan it to.
He looks up at me, his glass dangling from his hand. Stares me down. “How’s she feel about all this...mess?”
“I...I don’t know.”
I wipe the counter, trying to find something to do.
Thunder’s ice-blue eyes look up at me. “You don’t know?”
“She’s beat up, but she still wants to keep some sort of friendship with Nic, which I don’t understand.”
Thunder raises his eyebrows. “They’re women. They tick differently than we do.”
I wipe the counter some more. “How...how is she? Nic.”
“She packed up, went west. Gonna be a movie star or something. I tried to talk her out of it. She’s...she’s in a bad way, Johnny.”
“Can you track her?”
“I know where Nic is. Haven’t taken my eyes off her since she ‘left’ us. She’s one of us, Johnny. Whether she knows it or not.”
My hand tightens around the rag. “She was one of us.”
“Oh, c’mon, loverboy. She is one of us. She and Cat have been friends for years—”
“And enemies before that.”
“Hey, didn’t no one ever tell you to let seniors talk first?”
“You’re no senior.”
“I’m gettin there quickly. Look at these white hairs.”
“Your buzz cut makes them look good.”
“Stop changing the damn subject, son.”
I throw the rag down, step back. “If I asked you where she was, would you tell me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“We have eyes on her to protect her. She has no idea we’re around. If she catches wind of our tail, she’ll be harder to track. Greater good, young man.”
“Is she...using?”
“No. That was a once-off thing. And her dealer...” He sips some whiskey and grimaces. “Well, I don’t think he’ll be sellin much of anything for a very long time. We got no one on him, but I made him think we do. Dude probably thinks there’s ghosts around him right now.”
“I would’ve killed him.”
“Which is why I took care of it, and not you. I’m many things, Johnny, but I ain’t no murderer. A bad-ass motherfucker who can break bones in a snap? Yes. Murderer? No.” Pause. “When you leavin?”
I look at him. “Soon as possible.”
And then, like a bullet: “You ever see something happening between you and Cat?”
My heart sinks. “Uhm, well, I wasn’t planning it...”
“What, she not good enough for you?”
“No, fuck, it’s not that.”
“It’s Nicole.”
I shake my head. “Jesus, Thunder, it’s too soon. I wasn’t even thinking that—”
“Maybe you should.”
“That would be disrespectful.”
“To whom? To the bitch who killed your child?”
“I thought you said she was one of us.”
“She is. But she’s also a bitch. Any other questions?”
I shake my head. “You confuse me, Thunder.”
“You’re lucky you never met my wife. If I ran things my way, maybe I would be a murderer. But she’d be disappointed in me. So, yeah...” He swirls the drink, takes another small sip. “But I like Nicole. I confess. And it ain’t because she’s got a pretty face and legs that get a man’s imagination going. She and Cat were close. Nicole got that girl through some tough shit. I knew them on the road, y’know. They’re sisters, Johnny. Good as sisters. And that ain’t because Alice is her legal guardian. I mean, they could be related by blood the way they act together. If anything, Cat needs to finish her business with the girl. I believe Nic’s gone off the deep-end. I believe her value as a friend, and a lover, has reached its end.
“But Cat needs to see that for herself. And until she does, Nic’s still on our team.”
“So, Cat’s the boss?”
Thunder tries to hide a smile, fails. “No, her mother is.” Pause. “Where you headed?”
“You asked me that.”
“I’m asking you again.”
“Don’t know. Somewhere far away. Somewhere...relaxing.”
“Sounds like Florida to me. I got some friends there. West Rocks. Nice beach resort. They could hook you up with a place.”
“A place?”
“I’m assuming you ain’t goin for a weekend.”
My eyelids close. “No.”
“I’ll keep the nightclub for you. You clear your head, Johnny. On one condition.”
I open my eyes.
“You gotta keep in touch with Cat. Now, that ain’t an order. And I don’t expect nothin ta happen between you two. But she deserves it. She’s lost one friend. She doesn’t know it yet, but she has. She can’t lose another.”
“OK, I can do that.”
He stands, straightens his leather jacket. “And Johnny
.”
“Yeah.”
“If you and Cat fuck again, I’m tellin you now, she’s gonna be the last girl you fuck. And there’s gonna be wedding rings and maternity parties and all that bullshit these women are into. And you’re gonna be into it.” He smiles. “I’ll be watching.”
I remember Thunder’s threat to Tiago Espada, when he told him he’d kill the guy if he ever screwed Cat over.
Tiago did.
And Thunder nearly did kill him, if Cat hadn’t stopped him.
“Johnny, one more thing,” Thunder says before stepping out the door.
“What’s that?”
“Remember—I got eyes everywhere.”
-19-
“Who is he?” I ask my sister.
We’re sitting in the woods near what used to be my home when I was a teenager. The woods where Cat and I used to hide to, and where we used to do other things.
“Nobody.”
Daniela’s fooling nobody.
And, damn it, my sister has blossomed in the last few months, blossomed early, and that has me worried.
I cock an eyebrow.
“He’s just a guy.”
“And, are you two...?”
“Johnny, I’m fourteen!” Her face goes red.
“Well?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Of course it’s my business. I’m your older brother. It’s written in the Older Brother Code: Make life as uncomfortable as possible for your little sister’s boyfriends.”
“I’m not little. Not anymore.”
Man, she is, she’s a kid. Was I like this at fourteen? Yes. Which is probably why I’m freaking out. “Y’know, if you dress like you’re dressing, guys will get the wrong idea.”
“No, they’ll get the right idea.”
“What’s—his—name? You know I’ll find out somehow.”
She runs a hand through her gorgeous brown hair, flowing down all the way down her back. Her legs are in black tights, her skirt way too short...
Goddamnit.
“Tyler. His name’s Tyler.”
“Also fourteen?”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Fifteen?”
Her eyes flick away.
“Oh, no no no no.”
She looks at me with puppy eyes. “Johnny, please, I...like him.”
“He’s older, isn’t he?”
“He’s a good guy.”
I feel my fists tightening. “I wanna speak to him.”
“Johnny, for fuck’s sake, I’m not a little girl.”
“I’m just gonna talk to him.”
“No!”
She stands.
A small stream laughs quietly behind her.
I stay seated. “Dani, I’m not gonna embarrass you, but older boys, well, they want one thing...”
“So? You’re such a hypocrite, Johnny.”
“Hey, if this dude’s dating my sister, he better know that he is dating you and no one else.” Christ, I sound like Thunder now.
She shakes her head. “No.”
“Dani?”
“No, Johnny.”
“We could do this by choice, or I could have Thunder’s crowd follow you around. How would a biker Club make your boyfriend feel?”
“This is blackmail.”
“All in the interests of family.”
“Fuck, Johnny, what are you going to say to him?”
“I imagine I’ll say Hi. Then I’ll shake his hand. I’ll be sure to be wearing a tank top so I can show him just how much bigger I am than him. Then I’ll tell him I’m Daniela Abreu’s brother. Smile. I’ll judge his reaction. If he gets nervous—”
“OK, OK, I get the point. Just—Johnny, if you screw this up for me, I’ll never forgive you.”
But your heart won’t be broken. “I can live with that.”
“Christ, I can’t believe I’m doing this.” She rattles off his number for me, and tells me where he usually hangs out. And she gives me his address.
She looks mortified, absolutely mortified.
I stand, put my arm around her. She’s so short, and yet the clothes she’s wearing make her look taller. But she’s nothing but a girl. “Dani, tell you what, I’ll hold onto these, and I won’t see him. Yet. But if anything goes wrong, anything, I have his details. And all you need to do is tell me. OK?”
She looks up at me, fury in her eyes. “You tricked me into giving those to you.”
“All in your best interests.”
“Johnny, you’re an asshole.” She pushes me away, saunters away to my car. That skirt is way too short.
When I reach the car, she mumbles, “Asshole.”
“Backatcha.”
“I hate you, Johnny.”
“I know you do.”
In the car, she folds her arms, very melodramatic. “Johnny?”
“Yeah.”
“I haven’t slept with him, OK?” I certainly hope not! “I saw how that screwed things up between you and Cat, and I don’t wanna go down that road.”
Two emotions fill me: Relief that my sister is still a virgin (I hope), and such horrible sadness that she thinks this is the reason me and Cat never worked out. “That’s not what screwed things up between us, Dani.”
“Then what did?”
“Life, I guess.”
“No, that’s bullshit, when you’re in love, you can find a way.”
Ahhh, the young and naive. “So you love this guy?”
“I wasn’t talking about me.”
“Of course not. Well, do you?”
Dani pouts, looks out the window. “Johnny?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t really hate you,” she mumbles.
“I know you don’t.” Internally, I’m grinning from ear to ear.
“And I’m...glad...you’re looking out for me.”
My throat closes up. “Uhm, yeah, sure. No problem. Sorry if I came across a little—”
“Macho?” She snaps her head toward me.
I laugh. “Yeah, uhm, I guess.”
“Anyway,” she says, unfolding her arms. “You’re...right. I mean, I trust Tyler, I do. And he doesn’t push things too far. But, yeah, I guess...look, I’m just trying to say Thank you, OK? I don’t wanna make a big deal about it.” She looks out the window again.
“OK.”
“OK.” Pause. Longer pause. “Johnny?”
“Yeah.”
“I never liked Nicole.”
A needle stabs my heart. “Well, I did.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t. Just like you might not like my boyfriends.”
“Point taken.”
“That’s not the point I’m making.”
“Then what is?”
“I like Cat. I really like Cat. We get along. We grew up together, all three of us—you, me and her. She’s, y’know, part of the family. Nicole was always, I don’t know... There was something about her, I couldn’t put my finger on it. Girls can sense these things, y’know? Guys can’t.”
My hand gets sweaty on the steering wheel. I look over at my sister. “What things?”
She looks at me, right eyebrow pointing to the sky. “A flirt, Johnny. Guys go nuts for it. Your cocks get hard and you can’t think anymore. But we don’t fall for that shit. I’m not saying Nicole was fully like that, but she has it in her. She was flirting with you, trying to make you horny. She was trying all the time. Cat never did that. Cat was just herself.”
Having my younger sister talk about cocks and horny is a little disconcerting.
“You fell for it, Johnny. Nicole wanted you in her pants, and you fell for it.”
“She’s not a bad person, Dani.”
“No, but you still fell for it. There’s love, and there’s lust. They’re different, Johnny.”
Let me introduce you to my teenage sister. The expert. We’ll be opening up the lines for live calls into the studio in just a sec.
“I know that,” I say.
“No,
you don’t.” We reach my parents’ house and I pull up into the driveway. Dani puts her hand on my seat, glares at me. “You don’t know it, Johnny. You confused it. You thought with your dick.” Whoa. “And look what it got you. You’re miserable.” Dani has no idea what Nicole did to lose the baby, and somehow she knows. Like ‘women know things.’
“I didn’t know you felt this way about her.”
“You say guys can read guys, and that’s why you wanna talk to Tyler. Well, girls can read girls.”
-20-
We have a dinner at my place.
Nobody asks what’s up with Nicole. And yet, I think everybody knows. Probably Thunder told Alice who in turn told my dad or my mom, or both.
In a way, it’s good. A family dinner, quiet, happy, red wine.
As if nothing’s wrong in the world.
I decide to spend the night, and head out to Florida tomorrow morning. A bit of sun will do me good. I don’t need a lot of time, maybe a few days, a week. Cat’s gonna be gone a week or two. Maybe I’ll come back when she does.
I’m already feeling better. Being with family, with parents.
I want this, I realize. I want this more than anything, a kid to call my own, putting food on the table for it...
I shake the thought from my head. I’m so young, and yet...
Walking into my old room is not as pleasant as I expected.
I see the bed Cat and I used to share, see her old house across the street. I remember her dad catching me with my hand down Nicole’s pants in the back yard when I was fifteen or sixteen. Not a good moment.
I remember him hating me for it.
And then I remember Christmas, all of us together, even Jack Ramsey, when he was alive. How happy Cat was.
And then everything went for shit.
Dani’s wrong. Love doesn’t conquer all. And life does get in the way.
I crash onto my old bed. My mind’s playing tricks on me, because even now I can smell Cat’s scent on these sheets. Even now I can hear her murmur, feel her lips against my ears as my hand slid down and found her heat, found her ready. I can feel the roll of her hips against me, hear her chants, her whispers, feel the tautness of her pink nipples under my teeth...
Maybe it was a bad idea to sleep over here tonight.
-21-
My phone rings at six AM.
Nicole.
I wanna throw the thing against the wall, but I realize that’s only a knee-jerk reaction. I take two deep breaths, answer.
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