by Jessica Kim
Well, that isn’t very helpful.
“Thanks, Manuel,” I say anyway.
After he leaves, I’m a giant pretzel of conflicting emotions.
What does it mean to follow my heart, anyway? What if pleasing my parents and wanting to do comedy are both pieces of my heart?
Unheard Voicemail from Mom
Yumi, did you get a lot of studies done at hagwon today? I hope so. Just a few more days before the big exam. Remember what we always say, you can do it! Also don’t forget Daddy’s speaker installation is today, so we have to close the restaurant. We were thinking maybe we can go visit your sister. She has day off from Starbucks, too. Maybe we can go to the Diddy Riese for the ice cream sandwich? You love that walnut one! We will pick you up from library early at one o’clock. See you! Don’t forget to put on the sunscreen!
CHAPTER 19
I feel like a total fraud sitting here in the Haha Club lobby working on set design with my friends like everything is normal when really I’m heartbroken. In just a couple more hours, I’m going to walk out of camp for the final time without even saying goodbye. And no one knows except me.
But this is how it has to go.
Now that I see how Operation Show-My-Case was doomed to fail from the beginning, despite how much I wanted it to work out, it makes the most sense to cut my losses and leave it all behind. My friends, my idol, and my dreams of doing comedy. It sucks, but it’s the easiest way to get out of this mess I’ve made for myself. Once I sneak my note and Yuri’s check into Jasmine’s purse, I can disappear like I was never here at all.
Well, it’s a good thing that being invisible is one thing I’m pretty good at.
A heavy sigh escapes from me.
The sound of Felipe snapping his fingers in front of my face snatches me out of my whirlwind of thoughts.
“Hello, anybody home?”
“Sorry. Spaced out there, didn’t I?” My cheeks are hot from shame.
“No worries.” Felipe scribbles on the butcher paper. “I was just asking who you invited to come to tomorrow’s showcase.”
I pause, capping my marker. “Oh, I’m not sure yet.”
Felipe and Sienna look at me as if they want me to elaborate.
I poke around the marker box for another color.
Felipe rolls his eyes. “My mom is so embarrassing. She went all out and invited the whole familia. Even my tío Rogelio, who lives way out in Pomona.”
This guy. He has no idea how good he has it. What I’d do for my parents to support me like that. Shoot, I’d sign on to dishpit duty for a whole month if that meant Mom and Dad would come watch me perform.
“What about you, Sienna?” Felipe asks.
“My nanny is coming,” she replies.
“What about your parents?” I ask.
“Nope.” She doesn’t look up.
“What? Are you serious?”
“Why not?” Felipe asks.
“Work.”
“That sucks,” Felipe says quietly.
“It is what it is.” Then Sienna turns to me. “People think I’m so lucky to be Stanley and Jade Weston’s kid, but they don’t know about how lonely it is most of the time.”
“I’m sorry, Sienna.” I don’t know what else to say.
“It’s fine.” She sniffs loudly.
“How are you feeling about it?” Felipe asks.
“Not awesome.” She takes a deep breath. “I told them about the showcase weeks ago, and they promised they’d be there, but something always comes up with them. They gave me some excuse about how they didn’t get the shot they needed, so they have to go back on location again this weekend.”
I’m stunned.
“Whatever. I guess I should be used to it by now.” Sienna shakes the purple Sharpie, but it’s out of ink. “I’ll be right back.”
When she gets up to find another purple marker, Felipe leans toward me. “Really sucks Sienna’s parents aren’t coming.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“People aren’t always who they seem.” He scratches his chin and looks at me intently. “Did you get a chance to read the Beetleman comic book I lent you?”
I perk up, glad to switch the subject. “Yeah, I did.”
“What’d you think?”
“It was so good. The ending smashed me in the guts, though.”
“Right?”
“I can’t believe Beetleman revealed his true identity in front of everyone. Isn’t that, like, a big superhero no-no?”
“It was a good twist.”
“Yeah, I totally didn’t see that one coming. Thanks for letting me borrow it. I’ll give it back . . . soon.”
My mood plummets when I realize I will never be able to return it. In fact, I might not see him ever again after I leave here today.
“Keep it as long as you want.” Felipe pauses. “So, uh. Speaking of secret identities. I want to ask you about something that’s been on my mind.”
“Sure. What is it?”
He fidgets with his shoelaces but then stops. “Listen, you know that I’m your friend, and you can trust me. Is there anything you want to tell me . . . about who you really are? Yumi?”
A sudden coldness hits me at my core.
He knows.
Fear paralyzes me. What am I supposed to tell him? I can’t explain all this. Not here, not now. Besides, even if I did, he’d never understand.
I force out a quick bark of laughter. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Felipe.” I grab the butcher paper and start rolling it up loudly.
He crosses his arms. “Whatever. Forget it.”
I swallow hard, pretending not to notice.
In a week, he won’t even remember I ever existed.
* * *
• • •
I’m actually relieved that the rest of camp is dress rehearsal for the showcase. All I have to do is sit in this dark auditorium until it’s time to go. Two more hours. I can do this.
Reaching into my backpack, I take out the now-battered envelope containing my apology letter and payment and tuck it into my back pocket for easy access.
“Campers, please take your seats. This is our final run-through before tomorrow’s big show!” Jasmine says before turning down the house lights.
I’m headed to the very back row so I don’t have to deal with Felipe or Sienna, but before I’m even seated, my name is called from across the stage. “Kay?”
“Y-yes?”
“You’re up first,” Jasmine says.
Ugh, I forgot that I have to go onstage, too. It’s bad enough I’m going to miss the showcase. Now I have to fake-rehearse for a show I won’t even be at. Lovely.
I drag myself up the stairs.
The way the stage lights beat down on my shoulders reminds me of the first time I stood on this stage. That fateful day when everything changed. My first day of camp.
You lion cheetah.
That was the joke that got me my first laugh.
How ironic. Because that’s exactly what I’ve become: a lying cheater.
I look out at the campers’ faces in the audience. Then at Jasmine. This whole time I’ve been lying to them about who I am. Guilt wraps around my heart like a python squeezing its prey.
“Uh. Hi, everyone.” I take a quick glance at my notebook, feeling nauseous.
At that moment, the back doors burst open, and a girl around my age comes rolling down the aisle in a wheelchair. Both her legs are propped up in casts.
What on earth?
A petite lady wearing a messy bun and yoga pants chases after her.
“Slow down, honey! Not so fast.”
The girl points at Jasmine Jasper excitedly as she approaches us.
“There she is, Mom. It’s her!” she whispers so loudly we can all hear.<
br />
I look around, and every camper has the same confused expression as me. What is up with this random girl barging into our rehearsal?
“Hello, can I help you with something?” Jasmine asks.
“Whoa, I’m so stoked to meet you in real life, Ms. Jasper,” the girl says, with zero chill. “I’ve watched every single one of your YouTube videos, like, a million times. I’m your biggest fan.”
“I’m sorry, but we’re in the middle of camp right now. Is there something you need—”
The girl’s mother jogs over to them. “My daughter is here for your camp. The doctor finally took her off bed rest today.” She says it like Jasmine’s supposed to know what she’s talking about.
“I’m not sure I understand.” Jasmine waits for an explanation. A bad feeling comes over me.
The mom digs around in her purse. “Oh, I explained our situation when I called the office last week. I spoke to one of your interns. Also, I sent an email. Didn’t you get it?”
“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t,” Jasmine replies. “This is the first I’m hearing about this.”
“That’s strange.” The mom pulls her phone from her purse and scrolls with one finger. “I emailed the Haha Club from work yesterday. You sure you didn’t get anything from [email protected]?”
Oh no.
“Wait a second.” Jasmine pauses, and her eyes flicker to me. “Nakamura?”
This cannot be happening. Not right now.
“That’s right. Kelly Nakamura, mother of Kay Nakamura,” the mom confirms, still scrolling.
A collective gasp comes from everyone at the Haha Club as they start to connect the dots. Nineteen pairs of shocked eyeballs laser into me.
Jasmine looks like she’s seen a ghost. “If she’s Kay Nakamura, then who is . . .”
Her eyes meet mine, and it’s like she can see all the secrets inside me, like I have no skin to hide them.
I’ve been caught.
Everyone is waiting for me to explain.
I need to get out of here.
“I’m . . . I . . . I have to go.”
Instinctively, I take off running. I don’t even know where I’m going. I jet out of there as fast as my legs will take me. Away from the wall of eyes. Away from the whispers. Away from the pointing. Away from it all. I’m not supposed to be here anyhow.
I speed down the stairs. Through the room. Out the door. Out of the building. It doesn’t matter where—anywhere but here.
Jasmine bolts after me.
“Wait! Come back!” she shouts, chasing after me. “Who are you?”
She’s right on my tail.
My pupils burn as they adjust to the harsh afternoon sun, but I sprint ahead faster, dodging moving cars, tears streaming down my face, blurring my vision.
“Watch out! Careful!” she calls after me.
A car horn blares, and a tan minivan screeches to a halt a mere inch from crashing into my body, blocking my way.
Trapped. I look up, and I can’t believe my eyes.
It’s Mom and Dad.
CHAPTER 20
Mom leaps out of the car screaming, “Yumi!”
She grabs me by the arms as Dad slams the minivan into park.
“What happened?” She searches my face and body for injuries. “Why’re you crying? You get hurt?”
I sob hysterically, overwhelmed that this is unraveling and I’m powerless to stop it.
Jasmine comes running right behind me. “Thank goodness, I thought you got hit!”
My parents eye her suspiciously.
“Who are you?” Dad yells, looking her up and down. “Why you chasing our daughter? Parking lot is very dangerous place.”
Jasmine halts, suddenly out of sorts. “These are your parents?”
I nod.
“Yes, um. Where do I begin?” She takes a big breath. “My name is Jasmine Jasper, and, well . . .” Her voice drags for a second. “Sorry, but I’m a little confused myself.”
It’s then that the campers spill out of the building onto the sidewalk, surrounding us. Watching us. Whispering. Like I’m some kind of one-person freak show.
Jasmine begins again. “So it looks like there’s been a bit of a mix-up with your daughter, well, we know her as Kay . . .”
“Hey, that’s my name, too!” the real Kay interjects from her wheelchair.
“Her name is really Yumi Chung,” Felipe shouts, with his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s amazing the information you can find on Google.”
“The plot thickens,” Sienna says, glowering at me.
Mom’s eyes bulge with recognition. “Those kids, you said they were your hagwon tutors! Explain this.”
Jasmine, thinking Mom was talking to her, starts to explain. “So, Kay, I mean Yumi, well, she’s been in my comedy camp—”
“Comedy camp?” Dad interrupts, jerking his head to face me. “Why are you going to comedy camp? EXPLAIN!”
Tears stream down my face as I tell it all in a jumbled heap of hard-to-follow facts—the mix-up with the names, my continued attendance at comedy camp, PAMS, everything.
“Yumi, why did you do this?” Mom’s face wrinkles with hurt, the same way it did when Yuri told her she’d quit medical school.
“Is this true? You’ve been lying to us? To everybody?” Dad asks.
I nod, my tears dripping onto the hot asphalt like rain.
Dad’s jaw tenses. “Ms. Jasper, I’m sorry our daughter brought so much trouble to you. We are so ashamed.”
“I’m really sorry,” I whisper to her. “I never meant for it to turn out like this.”
I take out the envelope from my back pocket. “I was going to give you this today. It’s a letter and the payment for camp.”
Jasmine stares at the crinkled envelope before finally taking it. “I don’t know what to say. I didn’t expect this from you.”
Hearing her say that destroys me. I let her down. I let everyone down. All because I was trying to be the New Me.
“Well, it looks like you have a lot to discuss with your family,” Jasmine says. She turns to my parents. “Please, if you need anything from me, you can call me at the Haha Club.”
She waves her hand at the gawking crowd. “All right, campers, let’s get back inside. We have rehearsals to finish.” She herds the curious, whispering kids back inside, leaving me alone with Mom and Dad.
We drive home in silence, my future completely up in the air.
CHAPTER 21
When we get home, Mom goes straight to the kitchen and clangs around like she always does when she’s upset. Nabi whimpers but won’t leave my side, sensing my unease.
I follow Dad to the living room like a lamb to slaughter, bracing myself for a scathing lecture with lots of yelling, but instead he collapses into his armchair and stares into the space in front of him with unfocused eyes. He grips his forehead with his palm and squeezes his eyes shut like he’s got a severe migraine.
“So, this is why you haven’t scored ninety-eighth percent yet. You have been wasting your time with comedy foolishness instead of studying like you were supposed to?”
I knew he’d say this, but his words still slice me inside.
“No, Dad, I’ve been studying. So much. I’ve done everything Mrs. Pak told me to do. I’m actually really close—”
He shakes his head slowly, willfully ignoring my voice.
“Your Mom and I sacrifice so much. We’re working like dogs at the restaurant for you and your sister to have better life.”
I don’t have enough courage to lift my eyes when his voice quavers.
“And this is how you repay? So ungrateful!”
He turns his back to me.
“Go to your room. I have no more to say.”
I scoop up Nabi and climb the stairs with tears falling s
teadily down my cheeks. He’s so wrong about me. I’m not the unappreciative daughter that he thinks I am. I do appreciate how hard they work. How can I not? I’m tired, and I only do half of what they do. Every time I go to the restaurant, I see how tough it is for them. And every cent they make has gone toward our education—Yuri’s medical school, Winston, hagwon.
But just because I want to do comedy doesn’t make me selfish. Mom and Dad don’t understand that the stage is my lifeboat. The one place where I’m able to let go and make mistakes and figure it out as I go without penalty. I wish I could make them see how much it frees me.
But I can’t. I’m not allowed.
I do as I’m told and go to my room, jam-packed with things I don’t have the courage to say out loud.
Like I always do, I reach for my Super-Secret Comedy Notebook, but when I open it up, it brings me nothing but sadness. The thoughts, observations, and secrets that I’ve been recording are what got me into this mess, and there’s nothing funny about that.
Bitter, I fling it across my room as hard as I can, and it crashes against the back of my closet wall, sending Nabi fleeing under the bed.
I pull out my phone to text Sienna and Felipe. I want to explain everything, but I don’t know quite where to begin. After a few attempts, I simply type “I’m so sorry.”
Send.
I wait and wait for who knows how long, but the three gray dots in the reply box never appear.
They’re ignoring me.
I guess I can’t really blame them. After all, I did assume a fake identity, build a friendship on deceit, and point-blank lie to Felipe’s face when he asked for the truth. Even I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like me.
I dial Yuri, but it goes straight to voicemail.
Surprise, surprise.
Lately, she’s hardest to track down when I need her most. It’s just as well, I suppose. Pretty soon she’ll be halfway around the world doing stuff that’s way more important than me. She won’t be able to pick up the phone and help me with my petty problems then. Might as well get used to it now.