by Mark Crilley
“Quickly! Quickly!” their leader shouted. “Remember your training!”
“I must be dreaming,” I whispered to myself, rubbing my eyes and trying to convince myself this wasn’t really happening.
BLAAAAAAAAAT!
The sound of a tiny trumpet pierced the air, and the soldiers all stopped and stood at attention. The silence that followed was somehow even more frightening than all the commotion that had preceded it.
“Prepare your weapons!” the leader shouted as it slowly dawned on me what they were preparing to do. “Attack the intruder!”
“Wait!” I shouted, raising my hands into the air. The men grimaced and some of them covered their ears. I realized that my voice must sound incredibly loud when heard by ears as small as theirs.
“Please stop!” I said in a quieter voice, raising my hands even higher. “I surrender!”
“Halt!” the commander ordered, even though none of the soldiers had actually started to attack. I’m pretty sure they were just as scared of me as I was of them. I remember my mom once telling me that bees only sting people when they get scared and they have to defend themselves. I think these soldiers were probably a lot like that: not mean or anything, just awfully frightened.
The leader guy turned once again to face me, and for the first time I got a good look at him. He had a big, bushy mustache and a shiny little monocle over one eye. His head was wider at the bottom than it was at the top, mainly because of his oversized jaw.
“Surrender, eh?” he said with a stern expression, as if he didn’t quite believe me. Then he slowly relaxed and a smile came over his face.
“I salute your good sense!” he cheerfully declared, replacing his sword in its sheath. “You’re bigger than we are, obviously, but we’ve got you outnumbered, haven’t we?”
“Men,” he shouted over his shoulder, “sheathe your swords!” There was a clattering as all the soldiers put their swords away. I’d swear I heard some of the soldiers breathe a sigh of relief.
“As you can see,” the commander continued, pointing to something behind me, “your accomplices have also given up without a fight.’’ I turned my head to find Gax and Poog similarly surrounded by hundreds of tiny armed soldiers. Gax had a confused look on his face, but Poog seemed calm.
“Who . . .,” I began, my voice still a little rough from sleep, “. . . who are you?”
“Silence!” the commander bellowed, pointing an accusing finger at me. “I ask the questions! You give the answers!”
He glared at me for a moment, then continued in a much quieter voice: “But since you’ve asked . . .”
He put one hand on his hip and thrust his chest forward proudly.
“. . . I am Admiral Frutz, special advisor to Her Majesty Queen Pwip!”
Queen Pwip! I couldn’t believe it. Suddenly I was very glad to see this little man, and extremely curious as to whether Queen Pwip was just as small as he was. It was hard for me to imagine that “Her Majesty” was only a few inches tall! Still, Poog had said she’d be able to help us, so I guess it didn’t really matter what size she was.
“You work for Queen Pwip?” I asked excitedly.
“Silence!” Admiral Frutz shouted, pointing another accusing finger at me. “You are not worthy to speak her name!”
“Sorry,” I said, and kept quiet. I could tell the best way to get along with this guy was to let him do all the talking.
Admiral Frutz opened a decorative canister attached to his belt and pulled out a tightly rolled piece of paper tied with a bright golden ribbon. He made an elaborate show of removing the ribbon and unrolling the scroll from top to bottom. Then he cleared his throat and began reading from it in a very formal tone.
“ ‘A Royal Decree from Her Majesty Queen Pwip!’ ” he shouted. A reverent hush fell over the already quiet troops. Poog, Gax, and I tried to remain absolutely still.
“ ‘In her infinite mercy, Her Majesty hereby orders that the foul intruders,’ ” he announced, staring at me as if to make sure I realized whom he was talking about, “ ‘are to be spared any bodily harm.’ ” I breathed a sigh of relief and he glared angrily at me for a moment before returning to the Royal Decree.
“ ‘Instead, Admiral Frutz and the SIRAR . . .’ ” He stopped briefly to explain. “That’s the Sprubly Islands Royal Army and Reserve, mind you. It’s an acronym.” He cleared his throat again, taking a moment to find the spot where he had left off.
“ ‘Admiral Frutz and the SIRAR,’ ” he began again, “ ‘are to escort the trespassers back to Queen Pwip’s palace for her personal interrogation. There they will be detained until such time as Her Majesty deems it fitting and proper that they be granted freedom. Her Majesty has spoken!’ ” He made a quick little bow before rolling up the scroll and carefully replacing it in its container.
I glanced quickly at Poog, who was smiling peacefully as if this were all part of some plan he had. I wish I could have been so calm about things. All I could do was think about how I’d promised that we’d stay right there in that same spot until Spuckler returned with Mr. Beeba. What if they came back and found us gone? They’d probably think we’d panicked and abandoned them or something. The possibility of the five of us becoming permanently separated was almost too scary to consider. I figured I had to at least try to delay our departure as long as possible.
“Look, uh, Mr. Frutz—” I began.
“It’s Admiral Frutz, you meatheaded monstrosity!” he bellowed, stabbing one of his little arms into the air. “And besides, I have not given you permission to speak!” There was a long pause as Admiral Frutz turned to face his men, who had stood obediently at attention the entire time. He raised his sword as if he were about to call out a new order, then stopped, replaced the sword at his side, and slowly turned to face me again.
“Oh, all right, what is it, then?” he asked with an exasperated sigh.
“Couldn’t we stay here just a little bit longer?” I pleaded. “I promised my friends that I wouldn’t leave until they came back.”
“What do you think I am? A baby-sitter?” he shouted angrily. “I will allow no such delays!’’ He spun around, raised his sword, and called out to his troops.
“Prisoner Escort Formations! Right! Left! Center!’’
The troops swarmed around us into an entirely new series of rows and columns, all facing in one direction. Suddenly I felt like Gax, Poog, and I were giant floats in a miniature Thanksgiving Day parade, with all the men ready to march us down the middle of Main Street. There was no real street, of course. But looking carefully, I could see a narrow path running through the forest that had been entirely invisible the night before. The path was covered with millions and millions of tiny footprints from all the tiny soldiers.
“Prisoners!” Admiral Frutz shouted up at Poog, Gax, and me. “On your feet!”
I knew there was nothing I could say that would change the admiral’s mind, so I slowly stood up. There were a few muffled gasps from the soldiers as they became aware of my full height. I’ve never felt so tall in my entire life! It was like I was looking down at them from the top of a skyscraper or something.
A trumpet blast sounded and the soldiers began marching forward. They were so small, though, that they couldn’t move very fast. I had to take little baby steps just to be sure I wouldn’t leave them all behind or accidentally squash one of them like a little bug. I glanced back at Gax and Poog, who were quietly following me. Then I looked up into the trees, half hoping to see Spuckler and Mr. Beeba floating back down to rejoin us, but all I could see was the hazy morning sun light coming through the leaves. I shuddered a little as I realized we might never see them again.
Admiral Frutz’s army marched us through the woods as fast as they could, which is to say, at a snail’s pace. Eventually we came to a clearing in the trees. At that point the narrow path became a slightly wider dirt road, and the pace of the soldiers picked up just a little. On either side of the road were gently rolling hills covered with
miniature grasses and wildflowers. Off to one side in the distance I could see the Moonguzzit Sea. The sun had risen higher in the morning sky, and some of the haze had burned off. One or two clouds dotted the sky, but otherwise there was nothing but blue as far as the eye could see.
“Will you please slow down?” Admiral Frutz shouted up at me, temporarily marching backward to glare at me from his position at the head of the procession. “My men’s legs are much shorter than yours!” I had begun to outpace everyone and the entire army was almost sprinting to keep up with me.
“Sorry!” I said, going back to my baby steps. “Is Queen Pwip’s palace very much farther?”
“Silence!” came Admiral Frutz’s reply.
Eventually we began to pass evidence of people living nearby. There were tiny stone walls separating one property from another, and small plots of land with neat little rows of leafy vegetables. Then I spotted a miniature farmhouse, surrounded by a tiny wooden fence. The farther we walked, the more houses I saw, each surrounded by strips of farmland and pastures grazed by tiny barnyard animals. It was very weird being able to look down on it all from my point of view, kind of like walking and looking out an airplane window at the same time.
Finally the farmland began to give way to little villages and towns. Gax clicked and whirred as he rotated his head left and right to take it all in. I think he was just as fascinated as I was. There were tiny cobblestone streets and open-air marketplaces, miniature chimneys spouting tiny puffs of smoke, and hundreds of little Sprublian men and women going about their tiny lives. Wherever we went people stopped and stared, pointing and whispering excitedly to one another. There were so many strange and wonderful sights, I wanted to stop and get a closer look at everything.
Admiral Frutz kept us marching, though, and by the looks of things Queen Pwip’s palace wasn’t very far away. For one thing, we now found ourselves marching through the hustle and bustle of a much bigger city. The road we were on had widened considerably and was decorated on both sides by elaborate street lamps and ornate little statues. The buildings were larger and more stately (though even the biggest came no higher than my waist), and there were beautiful parks and gardens on all sides. The city people were not easily impressed, though. They glanced up at us from their newspapers, squinted, and went back to their business.
Finally we came to the gates of the palace grounds. An enormous wall surrounded the complex, a beautifully detailed structure that stood about six feet high. There were elaborate turrets and guard towers, with domes that looked like they been plucked from an Arabian mosque. The entire surface of the wall was covered with polished yellow and turquoise stones that sparkled and shimmered in the morning sunlight. The road we were marching on led directly to a large gateway that was sealed by two ornate doors.
“Halt!” Admiral Frutz shouted. There was a trumpet blast from the rear of the procession, followed by a series of deeper notes sounded by trumpets inside the palace. A minute or two of silence passed as we waited for the gates to be opened.
Then slowly, almost without a noise, the doors parted. Before us, a series of wide stairways led up to a beautiful miniature palace. The whole thing was no more than seven or eight feet high, but it was just about the most amazing building I’d ever seen. It was made up of at least a dozen towers, each topped with an onion-shaped dome that glittered and sparkled like a piece of jewelry. There were elaborately decorated balconies, silvery-shuttered windows, and glistening urns overflowing with exotic plants and flowers. The building was surrounded by dozens of lanterns and incense burners, some embedded in the polished marble of the palace’s foundation, others perched atop ornate golden pedestals.
I heard a muffled clattering sound as Admiral Frutz’s soldiers dropped to their knees and bowed their heads. Admiral Frutz marched forward through the gates and got a foot or so into the palace grounds before stopping and turning impatiently to me.
“Come on, then!” he said in a loud whisper. “And don’t touch anything!”
Gax, Poog, and I followed Admiral Frutz through the gates, leaving his army outside. As soon as we passed through them, the gates quietly closed behind us, shutting out all the sounds of the surrounding city. The only noises remaining were the squeak of Gax’s wheels as he rolled along behind me, and the echoing clank of Admiral Frutz’s boots as he marched up the tiny marble steps in front of us. When we got within a couple of feet of the palace, Admiral Frutz ordered us to stop.
“No funny business, now,” he warned. “An audience with Queen Pwip is a very auspicious honor, and you are expected to behave accordingly.’’ I wasn’t even sure what the word auspicious meant, but I got the general idea of what Admiral Frutz wanted from me. I nodded solemnly and kept my mouth shut.
Admiral Frutz clicked his heels and marched into the palace through a side door. There was a minute or two of absolute silence as we stood there all alone. I took the opportunity to ask Poog a question.
“Poog,” I whispered, “Queen Pwip isn’t real mean or anything, is she?’’
Poog just smiled and said nothing. It was hard to tell if he could understand anything I’d said, I suppose even if he had understood, there was no use in his answering me, since everything he said came out in that weird garbly language of his. I sighed and wished Mr. Beeba were still around. I started worrying about Spuckler and Mr. Beeba again but made myself think of something else.
Minute after minute passed, and still there was no sign of Queen Pwip, I turned around and started to examine a decorative little lamp just a foot or two behind me. It was built entirely out of a beautiful brass-colored metal and covered with decorative carvings. I ran my fingers over its surface and found it surprisingly cool to the touch.
“DO BE CAREFUL, MA’AM,’’ Gax cautioned me. “THE ADMIRAL TOLD US NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING.”
“I know, Gax,” I answered, leaning over to see my own reflection in the highly polished surface. “But it’s all so pretty.”
“It had better be pretty,” said a tiny, high-pitched voice in reply, “what with all the trouble I had to go through to get this thing built!”
I spun around and looked every which way to see where the voice had come from.
“Over here, my child!” called the voice, and this time I realized that it was coming from inside the palace. My eyes darted around until finally I saw a tiny figure deep inside one of the balconies, half hidden in the shadows cast by the late-morning sun. The figure glided forward into the sunlight, revealing a beautiful little woman no taller than Admiral Frutz. She was dressed from head to toe in satiny white robes with blue embroidery, and wore a large round hat that made her head look even smaller than it was. Her eyes were shiny and black like two tiny drops of ink, and her hair was long and straight, falling over her shoulders and about halfway down her back. She wore a happy little smile on her lips that told me at once I had nothing to fear. I smiled back at her and she gave me a wink.
Admiral Frutz stepped forward from behind her, bowed, and spoke to me in a very stiff voice as if he was reciting something from memory.
“It is a profound honor and privilege to present to you the Greatest Monarch of this or any age, the Fairest Ruler ever to grace the surface of the Sprubly Islands, the Brightest Shining Beacon of virtue and beneficence ever to—”
“Frutz!” the woman interrupted impatiently. “Can’t you abbreviate this introduction of yours? I’d swear it gets longer every time you do it.”
“I, er . . .,” Admiral Frutz stammered, suddenly sounding very mild and harmless, “I’ll see what I can do about it, Your Majesty.” The woman stepped forward, motioning Admiral Frutz to one side.
“I’m Pwip,” she said in a very casual voice, “Queen of the Sprubly Islands. Welcome to my palace, Akiko.”
“H-how did you know my name?” I asked, genuinely startled. I’d never told Admiral Frutz, after all. Queen Pwip let out a pleasant little laugh.
“I know a great many things about you, Akiko,” she said with a
smile, “and about your friends here, Poog and Gax.” Poog smiled and nodded, and Gax lifted his head higher with a brief series of electronic clicks.
“But that shouldn’t surprise you,” she continued. “Why, it’s the only reason you’ve come looking for me, isn’t it? To find out the things I know.”
“Well, um, yes, that’s true, I guess,” I answered nervously. There was something unsettling about talking to a woman who knew so many things without having to be told. I suddenly realized there was nothing I could keep secret from her.
“That’s nothing to worry about, though, dear child,” she responded, as if she’d heard my thoughts loud and clear. “Why would you want to keep anything secret from me anyway?” She smiled warmly, and I began to feel a little less nervous.
“Your Majesty,” Admiral Frutz whispered urgently. “Your kindness toward these prisoners is most generous, but we mustn’t forget that they were caught in flagrant violation of the Antitrespassing Act of 1403. The stipulated punishment is beheading, is it not?”
“Frutz!” Queen Pwip said, raising her voice. “I know quite well what violations have taken place and the punishments that are stipulated. This matter is now under my jurisdiction. Why don’t you run along and do some . . . I don’t know, drills or something?”
“But, Your Majesty,” Admiral Frutz protested, “I couldn’t possibly leave you alone with these dangerous criminals.”
“They are not criminals, Frutz,” Queen Pwip explained wearily.
“But, Your Majesty—”
“Are you disobeying my orders, Frutz?” Queen Pwip asked, her face tightening into a threatening scowl.