by Tee O'Fallon
As if reading her mind, he slid one hand down the side of her rib cage, feathering her breast, then cupping it lightly until his fingers found the hardening bud. She gasped at the lightning-sharp zing that lit her up from head to toe.
Moaning even more, Alex sifted her fingers through Gray’s thick hair. His kiss deepened, their breath mingling. She wanted him inside her. Deep inside her.
Alex eased her fingers beneath the elastic waistband of Gray’s skin-tight shorts then slid her hands around to cup his ass as he rocked against her. Suddenly, he stopped kissing her. His chest rose and fell. Their hearts beat in tandem, racing wildly.
“Alex.” Gray’s breathing was ragged. He released her gently as her legs slid to the floor. He shut his eyes and dragged his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not?” As he stepped away from her, cool air washed over her heated body. She gasped for air, her heart still hammering.
He took another step backward. “This can’t happen between us.” She watched in shame and horror as his expression changed from one of regret to unconcealed anger. “Ever.”
Alex pressed her hands to her cheeks. She couldn’t believe this was happening. A moment ago she was practically naked in his arms, offering her body to him, and he was rejecting her. “Why not?” She thought he’d wanted this as much as she did. Hell, she’d wanted this long before he’d kissed her so passionately outside her door.
“You’re a cooperator.” Gray clenched his jaw, the muscles in his face flexing. “A police cooperator.”
Alex shut her eyes for a moment. There it is. My new reality. I’ll never be anything more to Gray than someone he needs for his investigation.
It was probably for the best. As much as she wanted to tell him everything, she’d never be able to. If he didn’t believe that she hadn’t been using him, he certainly wouldn’t understand the rest of her past. The part she still hadn’t told anyone.
Even while the throbbing between her thighs eased, she knew he was right. It would only complicate an already far too complicated situation. He would always think of her as someone never to be trusted, never to be touched. The lingering physical attraction he must have for her was to blame, nothing more. But damn him for making her feel things for him and for starting something he had no intention of finishing.
Heat rose to Alex’s face. It took all her composure not to yell and scream at him, but she didn’t want to wake Nicky. “You’re right,” she said in a voice calmer than she felt. “This can’t happen between us.” Not as long as you don’t believe in me. “Get out. And don’t ever touch me again.”
Gray exhaled heavily. “Try to get some sleep.” He grabbed the recorder from the bedside table. “Tomorrow we’ll take Nicky to Hopewell Springs.”
Boneless, Alex slid down the wall to the floor. Touching herself lightly, she flinched at how sensitive she was between her legs, and her panties were drenched. Her body might still be on fire, but her mind was numb.
It really was over between them. Even if they’d made love, she knew he would walk away in the end.
And her heart would shatter into a million pieces.
Part of it already has.
Chapter Eleven
The rear door of Alex’s apartment building slammed shut behind Gray as he exited into the alley. With his coveralls back on and a duffel slung over his shoulder, he looked like a typical New York City laborer heading to work.
He glanced behind him to verify he wasn’t being followed. In the event that Alex and her apartment were being watched, the plan was to make it appear that business would go down as usual. He didn’t want to tip anyone off that either she or Nicky were going on a little trip. With that in mind, he’d emptied his own duffel bag and instructed Alex to pack it with enough clothing, toys, and any meds Nicky needed for at least two weeks.
A gust of wind shot down the alley, nearly dislodging his ball cap. The wind also brought with it the fetid smell of waste from the garbage bags piled high in both dumpsters adjacent to the building. Ironically, the nasty stink had him thinking about how good Alex smelled and how incredible her lips and mouth had tasted.
Christ, he was an ass and an idiot to boot. He never should have touched Alex last night. Never should have wrapped his arms around her to comfort her, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have kissed her.
At the end of the alley, he hung a right onto Broadway and blended in with the morning rush to the nearby subway entrance. A pedestrian banged shoulders with him as he crossed the street, but he hardly noticed. The only thing he felt was his body still craving the overwhelming need to bury himself in Alex’s hot, wet heat. The second he’d looked into her watery eyes, he’d been defenseless. They had been like a shifting, Caribbean-blue tidewater of emotions that spoke directly to his heart.
Gray snorted. For a hardcore detective, you’re turning into a total sap. When a guy starts talking all poetic-like, he’s in deep, deep shit. The emotions he’d witnessed, anger over her child being threatened to absolute fear, undid every stitch of restraint. And he could see it in her eyes…
She wanted him as much as he wanted her.
The minute she started kissing him back it was all he could do not to rip that sexy little nightie off her body with his teeth. He hadn’t wanted to stop. He’d been out of control, and it wasn’t like him. It was like some unseen force obliterated every ounce of common sense in his stupid brain and made him push her up against the wall. And when she wrapped her legs around his waist, that same unseen force had him pressing his raging hard-on against her wet panties. God, when she began to move against him, his body blazed with the need to be inside her.
Somehow, common sense had intervened just in time, reminding him that Alex was a cooperator, and he’d managed to rein in his libido. It had to be the intensity of the circumstances, and it angered him that he would even think of bedding a woman he didn’t completely trust.
He shook his head, knowing in the depths of his soul that didn’t make sense. If he really thought she’d betrayed him, no way could he still feel anything for her. Then again, it could just be that damned physical attraction between them.
Somehow, he always knew this was how it would be between them. Hot. Passionate. Making him crazy with need. At least that’s what he imagined after that night he first kissed her.
Again Gray glanced over his shoulder, making sure no one was following him. It also gave him the opportunity to look down and make sure his brainless, ever-hardening dick wasn’t visible beneath the baggy coveralls. Thankfully, it wasn’t.
A speeding taxi blew by him, sending a gust of much-needed, though exhaust-filled, cold air into his face.
After leaving Alex standing against the wall in her bedroom with her nightie askew on that incredible body, he had tried unsuccessfully to get some sleep.
With a full-on boner? Not a chance.
When he’d dragged his ass from the sofa that morning, he couldn’t bring himself to use the same shower Alex used—the one where she stood naked, letting soap run down the valley between her breasts, between the cleft in those delectable ass cheeks, between her long, smooth legs… So he’d folded the linens and dressed faster than any man in history.
Fuck. Me.
His brain might know that he had to keep his randy paws off her, but his body didn’t give a shit. He knew his words had hurt her last night. He hadn’t meant to be unkind, but he’d had to say something to erect an impenetrable wall between them. Now she hated him. She’d made that clear as ice when she told him not to touch her again. Part of him breathed a sigh of relief, while the other part mourned the loss of something he couldn’t identify.
While he’d waited for her to come from her bedroom this morning, he’d called Lt. Frye to notify him of the meet tomorrow at noon, along with the location near JFK Airport. He assumed the Pyramid had a specific reason for choosing that area. Whatever it was, Gray had no choice in the matter. Since he’d be tied up today dr
iving Nicky to Hopewell Springs, Lt. Frye and Dom would organize and notify essential teams for the briefing at One PP tomorrow before the meet.
When Alex had finally emerged from her bedroom, she’d been dressed in conservative clothing. Dark slacks and a light blue V-neck sweater. If only that damned sweater hadn’t clung to her beautiful breasts quite so enticingly.
Before bolting from the building this morning, he’d given Alex strict instructions to head out at the usual time to get Nicky to school, take the usual subway route, and he would pick her up in an unmarked car topside when she got off the subway. Dom would trail them in a separate vehicle until they could be certain no one was following them to Hopewell Springs.
Lt. Frye approved the move and was pleased that Alex kept her cool and remembered to tape the incoming call from the Pyramid. Dom planned to use his contacts to analyze the voice for racial identity, including what country the speaker was from. Gray was ever-amazed at the connections his partner had, not only with other agencies but with his old military contacts.
As planned, Dom was waiting three short blocks from Alex’s apartment. Gray opened the passenger door of the tan Dodge Durango and fell onto the seat. Without a word, Dom pulled into traffic and headed for Gray’s apartment. Gray noted dark circles under his partner’s eyes. Golden-brown stubble shadowed his face, as if he hadn’t shaved that morning. Hell, if he didn’t know better, he’d say Dom hadn’t even made it home last night.
“Damn, partner. You look like shit.” Gray expected Dom’s usual witty comeback, but all he got was silence. “Get any sleep last night?”
Dom grunted as he turned left onto Gray’s block. “Not really.”
“Did you hit the bars after you dropped Alex’s friend off?”
“No.” Dom blew out a harsh breath.
A long moment of silence stretched between them. Not unusual, since neither of them were ever full of details about personal stuff, but Dom’s hard-edged response made Gray think something happened last night that got his partner in a jam.
“You good?” he asked as Dom doubled-parked in front of Gray’s building.
Dom dragged a hand down his face. “Did something stupid last night.”
“What?” Gray already sensed where this was going. “Did you get Daisy home all right?”
“Yeah, I got her home all right. Problem is, I didn’t leave right away.”
Gray chuckled as Dom confirmed what he’d already guessed. “She’s a handful, isn’t she? Doesn’t hurt that she’s a knockout.” Dom said nothing, but there was something his partner wasn’t copping to. “So what’s eating your ass?”
Dom began shaking his head. “Damn. I didn’t know… I didn’t expect to…to…”
“Like her?” If Gray didn’t have his own problems, he would have laughed outright. Dom was notorious in the precinct as a love ’em and leave ’em kind of guy. This reaction was so out of whack it wasn’t funny.
“It’s more than that.” Dom looked up at the ceiling of the Durango’s interior. “But I can’t go there again. You know that.”
Gray nodded. Now he understood. The last time Dom got seriously involved it didn’t end well. In fact, there were deadly consequences that still haunted them both, fifteen years later.
He shifted in his seat, angling to face Dom. “Sooner or later you gotta let it go and stop kicking yourself in the ass, or it will kill you. It wasn’t your fault. I was there. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.”
“Wasn’t there?” Dom turned, and Gray got a good look at the deep-seated torment in his partner’s eyes. “There are things you haven’t let go of, either, my friend. You still don’t trust anyone for a shit second.”
“Touché.” And he didn’t see that changing, another thing keeping him from wholeheartedly believing Alex was innocent.
“You talking about Alex?” Dom asked.
“No. I don’t know. Fuck, maybe.”
“You think you should cut her some slack about what she did,” Dom said. “But you can’t completely believe she isn’t still hiding something, and that she didn’t use your ass.” Dom caught his gaze for a moment then turned to stare out the windshield.
For several seconds longer, neither of them spoke.
“Seems like we both have issues,” Dom said finally. “Embrace the suck, partner. Embrace the suck.”
Gray leaned against the headrest, absorbing the cruel reality of Dom’s words. It did suck, and there was nothing either of them could do about it.
Or was there?
Maybe all Dom needed was a good, swift kick to shake his head loose from his ass.
Gray grabbed his partner’s shoulder and shook him none too gently. “You can’t spend the rest of your life dumping every woman you meet after one date and a night of hot sex. Anika wouldn’t want that for you.”
“I can’t risk it.” Dom shook his head. “I can’t risk—”
“Risk what?”
“Forget it.” Dom shrugged off Gray’s hand. He sniffed the air. “Don’t you have to take a shower? You stink.”
“Jackass.” Gray grinned, wishing like hell Dom would exorcise whatever demons he had breathing down his neck and get it over with.
Like I should give advice to anyone.
Gray dug the digital recorder and the plastic baggie containing the note from his pocket and handed them to Dom. “This is the recording Alex made this morning.”
Dom handed him an identical recorder. “Fresh batteries.”
Gray grabbed his duffel from the floor between his feet. “I’ll be down in twenty, then we’ll pick up Alex and Nicky.”
“Speaking of which…” Dom slanted Gray a sly look. “Did you really sleep on the sofa?”
“Fuck you.” Gray got out and slammed the Durango’s door shut, but not before hearing Dom laughing his ass off.
…
As Alex pushed open the apartment building door, a gust of blustery March air threatened to slam it shut in her face. She held it open for Nicky, who adjusted the backpack on his shoulder and hopped down the stairs to the sidewalk, his dark hair ruffling in the wind.
Despite the danger surrounding them both, a sense of relief warmed Alex, and she smiled. Nicky had responded well to his treatment last week and was feeling better. The positive effects of the intravenous drug that was administered under the watchful eye of Dr. Maxwell normally lasted at least a month. Gray instructed her to pack two weeks of clothes for Nicky, but hopefully this would be over long before his next treatment was due.
When the door closed behind her, she glanced in either direction along the street, wondering if anyone was truly watching them. A shudder of relief went through her when she didn’t see anyone out of the norm, but Gray thought it was a remote possibility and had directed her not to leave the apartment with anything but her pocketbook and the little backpack in which Nicky carried his school things. “Try to make it look like business as usual,” he’d said.
While she’d been packing Gray’s duffel with Nicky’s things, she explained to Nicky that he would be staying with Gray’s sister for a little while. At first, Nicky didn’t like the idea of being away from Alex any more than she did, but when she told him about the beautiful Belgian sheepdog Cassie owned, his eyes lit up with the vibrancy she’d hoped for. Baseball and dogs were the way to her son’s heart, and she silently thanked Gray for mentioning Cassie’s dog to her before leaving so abruptly this morning.
With a deep sigh, Alex looked back at the building that had been their home for nearly seven years. She wouldn’t miss it when the time came to move on. It was a dump, after all. But the idea of having to start over again was overwhelming. The first time, she’d given up her name, her job, and the business she’d worked so hard to build from scratch. Once again, she’d have to relocate and reinvent herself. She’d persevered through it before and could do it again.
Alex yawned and blinked rapidly to keep her eyes open. What little energy she’d gotten from the few hours sleep
she’d managed suddenly drained away. Life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. She wasn’t supposed to be doing this all alone. She could only hope Gray would make good on his word to keep them safe. They’d both said some harsh words last night, and this morning the awkwardness between them was as palpable as a brick wall. But Alex was counting on Gray’s professionalism to never let any harm come to them.
Ironically, even with everything between them, she did trust him. Unlike Nicky’s father, Gray would never hurt her. Physically, that was, but he had the power to hurt her emotionally. Alex didn’t know which was worse, physical beatings she could recover from, or emotional ones that could scar a person’s heart forever.
As she went down the stairs, she touched her fingers to her lips. Jan—Nicky’s father—had bruised her lips more than once with the back of his hand. Gray had bruised them with passionate kisses that made her body burn hotter than a bonfire.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. Forgetting those moments wouldn’t be easy, but she could do it. She had to, because it was the one and only time it would ever happen. She meant what she’d said to him. The words had been spoken in anger and disappointment, but there was another reason she’d told him never to touch her again. If he did, she wouldn’t have the emotional strength to stop him.
At the intersection, Alex clasped Nicky’s hand in hers and crossed the street, comforted by the crowd of other New Yorkers heading for the subway entrance a block away. She tried not to call attention to herself by looking over her shoulder, but something—a gnawing curiosity—made her do just that. As she did, a man met her gaze and held it. Nothing about him looked evil, but Alex took stock nonetheless.
He had dark hair, wore a knit woolen cap, and a short, dark-colored winter jacket. In other words, his appearance was normal, his attire seasonally typical. Alex understood that the Pyramid was made up of Middle Eastern men and women, so she took comfort in the man’s pale complexion. A second glance over her other shoulder had her stiffening with anxiety.
Another man kept pace with the first and glanced at him, as if they were together, yet trying not to appear so. His skin was swarthy, his uncovered hair jet-black. Dark eyes bored into her, and she gripped Nicky’s hand tighter as they neared the subway entrance.