by Tee O'Fallon
“When?” he asked, crossing his arms.
She began to reach for him then let her hand fall to her side. It was clear from the tight set of his jaw that he wouldn’t welcome her touch. “I planned to tell you last night, but then we—” Her face grew hot at the memory of exactly what they’d been doing the previous night that had prevented her from telling him about Jan.
Without looking, Alex knew the looks she’d see on the faces of the other men in the room. Knowing smirks, no doubt, particularly from that self-righteous asshole Simonetti. She remained focused on Gray, who sat rigid and stone-faced.
“Then this morning,” she continued, knowing her words were useless but needing him to hear them. “Things were so rushed, I never got the chance. Please believe me.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper, her words meant only for Gray. “Most of all, please believe how sorry I am.”
Alex sat in her chair. When she laid her hand on Gray’s bicep, he leaned back and pulled from her grasp.
“Why didn’t you file for divorce before you bought counterfeit identity documents and left California?” he asked, his tone chilly.
“I couldn’t have done that.” Alex shook her head. “For starters, he would have contested it just to keep Nicky and to continue stealing my hard-earned money. After I came to New York, I couldn’t take the risk of filing because it would have meant lawyers and court dates. Lawyers cost money, which I no longer had, and showing up in court was too risky. I couldn’t chance that he would follow me home one day. I truly believe he would have stolen my son and taken him out of the country.”
“Jesus, Alex.” Gray smacked his fist on the table. His tone was beyond angry. “You should have told me.”
“I meant to. I planned to, really I did.” She searched Gray’s eyes for understanding. And found none.
“So your husband dipped into your accounts,” Simonetti said as he slowly massaged his chin. “That doesn’t justify your actions.”
“No?” Alex slammed her hands on the table and leaned in toward Simonetti. “When I was five months pregnant, I learned my unborn child was a boy. Jan couldn’t give a shit about having a daughter, but when he learned we were having a boy, he rarely let me out of his sight. When I wanted to visit with friends up the coast for a long weekend to get away from him, do you know what he did, detective?”
Simonetti said nothing, just continued to stare at Alex with that smug, irritating look she detested.
“Of course you don’t.” Her lips trembled with rage and she didn’t care who saw it. “He locked me in my bedroom for three days. He took my cell phone and only opened the door to smack me around or bring me food. I don’t think he would have fed me anything, except for the health of his unborn son.”
Alex paused to take a breath and refuel, because she sure as hell wasn’t finished educating this pompous little prick.
“I was held captive by my own husband, detective.” She gritted her teeth, so pissed at Simonetti’s I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude. “When he finally let me out of my own bedroom, I confronted him. That’s when he threatened to take my child and leave the country. Without me. I couldn’t believe he would do that, but when I researched stories of women in my situation, I discovered the prospect of having my son taken from me was very real. For God’s sake, Hollywood makes movies about this kind of thing.”
The room remained silent. Alex swore she heard the clock ticking on the wall, but it was digital. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell this to any of you, but I’m not sorry I took my child and ran. I couldn’t afford for my son to be raised by someone like Jan.”
“Someone like Jan?” Gray looked at her incredulously. “So you knew he was a terrorist. Did you report your suspicions to anyone? Like, say the police? The FBI? Homeland Security?”
“No,” Alex shouted. “I didn’t know he was a terrorist. I didn’t know what my husband was becoming. I only knew his behavior was erratic and angry, that he had become abusive and controlling, and I didn’t like his friends. And yes, his friends were Muslim, too, but that doesn’t automatically make them terrorists. To assume they were would have been pure speculation on my part.”
She let her head sag forward. She doubted anything she could possibly say would make a difference, but she had to try getting through to Gray. “Getting me and my son away from Jan was my priority. None of you have any idea what it’s like to be abused by your husband, locked up like a prisoner, and worry every second of every day whether he will take your child away from you.”
No one in the room said a word, and for a few seconds, Alex thought she might have actually gotten through to at least some of them.
Simonetti shook his head. “So on top of all the lies you’ve told, you kidnapped your own child.”
Alex had rarely felt the urge to hit someone. She was feeling it now and clenched both her hands into fists so tightly her nails dug into her palms. “And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
“The problem is,” Simonetti continued, “during your employment with the department you’ve lied and withheld information so many times I’ve lost count. There seems to be a continuing theme of dishonesty and false statements with you.”
“Do you have children, detective?” Alex glared at Simonetti, ready to take on this sonofabitch if it was the last thing she did outside a jail cell. “I suspect not, or you would understand. The love a mother has for her child is one of the strongest bonds in the universe. A mother would do anything to protect her child. Anything.”
More dead silence filled the room.
Lt. Frye tapped his fingers on the table. “Do you have any more revelations, Detective Simonetti?”
Alex closed her eyes and held her breath. Can this get any worse?
Simonetti gave a brief nod. “Due to Ms. Romano’s cooperation yesterday, the DA had all but decided to decline prosecution. For anything.” Simonetti paused. “But with this new information, I may ask him to reconsider.”
“You may ask him?” Alex stood, wishing she had the balls and the strength to launch herself across the table and beat Simonetti to a pulp. “You bastard.”
“In the meantime,” Simonetti continued, “it is still the recommendation of Internal Affairs that Ms. Romano be suspended immediately, pending termination proceedings. Submitting false statements on her application form, particularly statements concealing marital ties to someone on the Watchlist, is unforgivable. Had the department been aware of this, Ms. Romano would never have been hired.”
“Unfortunately, I agree.” Lt. Frye looked at her, regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Alex. As of this moment, you are suspended. Someone will drive you to Hopewell Springs to get Nicky then take you both home. And before you ask, the department will make good on its promise to fund Nicky’s treatments for the next twelve months.”
“Thank you.” Alex swallowed, her throat dry and burning again. She turned to Gray, who wouldn’t look at her, but she could feel the betrayal and anger radiating from his body.
“We’re done here.” Lt. Frye stood, as did the rest of the men. “Alex, let’s go.”
She pushed her chair back, wincing at the scraping sound it made on the wood floor. The shuddering breath she inhaled burned her throat, but she didn’t care. She willed Gray to look at her, to offer some semblance of understanding and forgiveness, but she knew he wouldn’t. Mr. Black-and-White Detective didn’t have it in him.
Though some of this was on her.
She’d lied since the day she’d walked into One PP. She not only lied about being married, but it turned out her husband really was a terrorist, someone Gray protected the country from in Afghanistan and now in the City of New York. None of the lies she regretted, except for the fact they’d inflicted wounds on Gray’s heart.
“Lieutenant, could I have a moment?” she asked.
Lt. Frye looked to Gray, who nodded. Across the table, Dom packed up his notes, then filed out behind the other men and closed the door behind him.
“Gray?” She rested her
hand on his shoulder. His muscles went rigid beneath her fingers. Beautiful, silver-gray eyes that had looked down at her last night with such passion as they’d made love in her bed, now stared coldly at her, as hard and unbending as frigid steel.
A piece of her heart shriveled and died—the piece that was desperately in love with Detective Gray Yates. With that one look, Alex knew.
She’d lost him.
…
Gray stood and towered over Alex. His mind, his guts, and his heart were all twisting inside.
Anger. Betrayal. Loss. He didn’t know which emotion topped the other. “Are there any more lies I should know about?”
Alex raised her chin, almost in defiance. But her eyes gave her away. Big blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears. The sight of those tears ripped Gray’s heart in two, but he wouldn’t go there again. God help him, less than eight hours ago he’d nearly confessed his love to her.
“I don’t know who you are,” he said softly. “I don’t know what the truth is with you, because most of the words that come out of your mouth have been nothing but lies. Simonetti was right. It’s a never-ending cycle with you, and I can’t do this again.”
The last time I did, people died.
Alex’s voice quivered. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I’m sure you didn’t, Mrs. Mohammad.” But she had. It was all he could do not to smash a chair through the nearest window. “This whole time I’ve been sleeping with a married woman. Yet another piece of critical information you chose not to share. At least now I understand where Nicky gets his dark hair and eyes.”
Alex took a step back. The shocked look on her face made him feel like a shithead, but it was the truth and it needed to be said.
He shook his head, uttering a grim laugh. “As much of an asshole as Simonetti is, your lies really did put people at risk, and that’s exactly why the department screens applicants. To protect the city from criminals and terrorists getting into positions of authority and from being privy to classified information.”
“I know.” Alex tipped her head up as tears streamed down her face, but her voice remained steady and strong. “I was wrong to do that, but I didn’t do any of this to give Jan or the Pyramid information. You have to know that.”
Gray took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. Christ, he was a sap. After everything she’d done and everything she lied about, part of him still wanted to take her into his arms and never let go. But there was too much between them now.
“I believed in you.” He clenched his jaw. Even when the facts said otherwise, he’d gone against his ingrained value system and had faith in her. But this…was too much. He couldn’t risk his heart to a woman who consistently lied. Fuck, but if Lt. Frye hadn’t interrupted them this morning, he would have made the ultimate mistake—telling her he loved her.
“Did you?” With jerky motions, Alex swiped at her tears. “I wonder.”
“Wonder what?” Gray shouted, not caring if anyone else heard him. “I did believe in you. Right up until the time I found out you were lying again. You could have told me everything. I wouldn’t have outed you.” But would he have really trusted her again? Damned if he knew.
She’d been—and still was—married to a terrorist. How could he ever know for sure whether she was feeding her husband information?
You know she wasn’t, his mind screamed. You know her, and you know the kind of woman she is.
And he’d thought he knew Marina. Trusting her was the biggest mistake of his life, and he’d go to hell and back before traveling down that deadly path again.
When Alex headed for the door, he almost reached for her. When she turned to look at him, his heart clenched in agony.
“I don’t think you have it in you to understand.” Her voice shook. “I don’t think you could ever consider that sometimes people do things because they have to, and it’s not with the intention of hurting others. You’ll have to forgive the rest of us frail human beings. It’s a flaw we have.”
Gray nearly faltered. His mind warred with his instinct to stop her from leaving. If he let her go, he knew he’d never see her again.
“I guess we disappointed each other.” She stopped with her hand on the doorknob. “For that I’m sorry. I’d hoped for something more, but I know now that it would never have worked. You would always wonder if I was lying to you. I can’t live like that.”
“Somewhere out there I’m sure there’s a man who doesn’t mind being with a woman who keeps secrets. I’m not that man,” he said with a slow shake of his head.
With every breath he took, Gray wanted to understand, to forgive her, but lies were no foundation on which to start a marriage.
Marriage?
Yeah, he’d actually been thinking about it. That when this whole mess was over, he, Alex, and Nicky could start fresh. As a family.
She took a deep breath. “Good-bye, Gray.”
With his heart threatening to burst from his chest, he could only watch as Alex opened the door.
“Alex.” She turned to look at him over her shoulder, her eyes bright with hope. “I’ll have a squad car stationed outside your apartment for a week. After that, if you have any problems…call nine-one-one.”
The expectant light in Alex’s eyes quickly faded. “Thank you, detective.” Then she went out the door.
He continued to watch through the open doorway as she was escorted from the squad room, no doubt by the same uniformed officer who would seize her department ID, access cards, and keys.
When she disappeared around a corner and out of his line of sight, his brain hammered inside his skull, reassuring himself it was the right thing to let her go. But the big muscle inside his chest slamming against his rib cage told him he was a fool.
Worse, his gut—that thing he would never, ever trust again—kept shouting that he’d just lost out on the best damn thing that could have happened to him.
Chapter Twenty-One
Two weeks had passed since the debriefing, and Alex hadn’t heard a word from anyone in the department. Not Gray, Dom, or Lt. Frye.
True to Gray’s word, a marked police car guarded the front door of her building for a week. Now the car was gone, and Alex had never felt more alone. Nicky’s bubbly presence was the only thing keeping her sane.
Immediately following the debriefing, an officer drove her to Hopewell Springs to bring Nicky home. It was all she could do to pry her son away from Raven, who was now his new BFF—best furry friend. Luckily, Cassie’s husband was working when Alex arrived, so she didn’t have to deal with his deep scrutiny. Cassie was civil but disappointed, her words still resonating.
I understand what you did. Protecting Nicky came first. But Gray loved you, and you should have been straight with him from the beginning. About everything. You broke his heart, something no woman has ever done. That tells me the depths of his feelings, and the depths of his pain.
Alex hadn’t thought her heart could hurt worse than it already did, but at hearing Gray’s sister use the past tense, loved, it shattered into a thousand more pieces. She had something wonderful within her grasp and now it was gone.
Focus on Nicky.
Her son was back in school and doing well, the trauma of what happened in the subway and during the car chase having faded to a distant memory. Nicky was, however, beginning to get unexpectedly tired at the end of the day. He was starting to sprout, leaving Alex wondering if he needed a different dosage to accommodate his body’s changes. His next treatment wasn’t for another five days, but a call to Dr. Maxwell was in order. At least the department would make good on their promise to pay for Nicky’s treatments for a while. Soon even that would end, bringing her to the next thing on her to-do list.
Finding a new job.
A week ago, she received two letters. The first was a declination letter from the DA’s office, notifying her charges wouldn’t be filed. The second was a formal letter stating that she was suspended, pending termination proceedings. Staying ou
t of a jail was a relief, but the suspension letter hurt more than she’d anticipated. She really had loved her job, and without it money would soon be a problem, and obtaining any job requiring a recommendation from her previous employer wasn’t happening. With great sadness, she resolved to make a change for the better.
With Nicky back at school during the day, she resumed studying for her interior design license. She had nearly all the required credits with only one class to go but still didn’t have enough spare money to pay for the license.
If she focused on life’s necessities, maybe one day she would stop thinking about Gray. For now, it was impossible.
Every time she heard a siren wail, Alex thought of him. Every time the news broadcast a story involving the police, she couldn’t help but worry about him. For the last two weeks, just before she fell asleep, it was his face that came to her. Kissing her deeply, holding her tightly as he made exquisite love to her.
Alex cursed herself at how weak she was to still yearn for him. Cassie said Gray loved her, but how could she really know? Not that it mattered. The only thing she could be certain of was how much she loved him.
Shaking her head to clear it, she cued up the last online exam necessary to complete her curriculum, when a knock sounded at the door. Peering through the peephole, she smiled. Daisy. Perched in the crook of her arms was a bouquet of red tulips, and under her other arm was a paper bag.
“Let me in, these flowers are wilting and our lunch is getting cold.”
Alex slid the security chain out of its slot and twisted the deadbolt open. Daisy burst inside, sporting a full-length purple leather coat, bright yellow V-neck sweater, and a colorful orange and red silk scarf around her neck. Large gold hoops dangled at her ears. Alex wished she could carry off an outfit the way Daisy did. Flamboyance suited her friend, and she made it look so easy.
She shut the door and relocked it, something she was even more prone to do lately.