Ma, It's a Cold Aul Night an I'm Lookin for a Bed

by Martha Long

  The song ended, and there was a silence, like everyone had been holding their breath. A woman sitting in the other corner shifted herself slightly, catching my eye. She had a tight perm in her hair that was beginning to grow out, making the top look straight, and it was thin and straggly-looking. She looked about in her thirties, I would say. Her brown overcoat was folded up nice and neat and left sitting beside her on the seat. Making it clear she didn’t want anyone sliding in beside her and disturbing her peace. Her headscarf was loosened, and she let it slide down and sit around her neck, on top of a baby-blue matching twin set, a thin nylon jumper and cardigan. The top buttons of the cardigan were open, showing off a gold chain and cross. She was wearing that over a dark-blue wide skirt.

  She’s a country woman, I thought, seeing her barely move her mouth in a little smile over at me, then shift her head back to stare out the window again. She looks very lonely to me, too. Just like meself. I suppose she has no one in Dublin to go out with. Probably all belonging to her are back down in the country, or maybe gone away to England. She was sitting here when I came in. That was hours ago. It must be her day off work. I bet she does housework. or shift work, like me. Most people don’t get their day off work until Saturday afternoon, then go back on Monday. Ah, God help her! She’s not married, there’s no ring on her finger. I don’t suppose she has any chance now. What has she got to look forward to? She’s already given up, by the look of her.

  Her eyes stared into the distance, seeing what was happening, yet not seeing anything. She was looking beyond the here and now, probably far back into some distant loss at what might have been. Maybe in her younger days she had some fella. But he went off to England or America, and she didn’t go with him. Maybe she regrets it to this day. He was probably the only one she ever had any time for. So now she thinks no man will ever match up to the first fella.

  God, all the lonely people! You only notice them when you have time to sit and stare, seeing in them what you are going through yourself! Only I have me whole life just starting ahead of me. I’m very lucky! I stirred meself, getting up and slowly made me way out the door, seeing the woman shift her head, letting her eyes rest on me, like the two of us had been part of something for a while. I nodded over, giving her a smile, and she smiled back, nodding her head at me. Much as to say, ‘It’s a pity when the lovely comfort of sitting here comes to an end.’

  I pulled up the collar of my trench coat, gripping it tightly around me neck, and took off out the door. Straight into a blast of freezing-cold wind that knocked me backwards, taking the breath out of me. Oh, I can’t wait to get out of this cold and into me bed. Right, I better get moving fast down to the bus stop. I don’t want to be late back. I’m raging I don’t have me hall-door key. I should have stuck to me guns and not given it up. I’m going to go to that aul Murphy and demand it back. They have no right to tell me what to do. I’m only working for them! The bleeding cheek a them. Acting like they’re me lord and masters. Thinking they can take it on themselves to tell me what to do.

  Anyway, back before eleven, she said. It can’t be any more then after ten. I looked back, seeing the Clerys clock. Twenty past ten. That’s grand. I should be back in time. I hope I’m not waiting too long for the bus.

  I stood waiting at the bus stop, getting more and more frostbitten by the minute, hopping up and down, stamping me feet to keep out the cold. Bloody hell! When is that bus ever going to come? I stared into the distance, seeing no sign of it. Oh, for Jaysus’ sake! The one night I’m wanting to get back in a hurry, and I’m going to be late. Usually I’m back well before this.

  At last! Me eyes lit up at the sight of the bloody bus coming. I could see it flying up the road, looking like it might not stop. I leaped off the footpath, putting me arm out wide, leaving him in no mistake I wanted to get his bus. It stopped a good bit ahead of me and I had to run to catch it. I swung onto the platform and the conductor smacked the bell hard a few times, and the bus took off flying.

  I looked, seeing another bus flying past. Two bleedin buses at the same time! My bus took out after it. The two of them looking like they were racing each other. Fucking eejits. Taking their time getting here, then coming together!

  I snorted at the conductor, taking out me tuppence and handed it to him as he rattled his machine in me face.

  Right, I’m here. I stood up in good time to make sure the driver didn’t fly past me stop with the speed he was going. I jumped off, with the bus barely slowing down, and headed up the road, seeing the lights going off in the shop. ‘Just on time! I made it, no thanks to that bus!’ I snorted, looking at it vanishing up the road in a puff of black smoke.

  I rang the new hall doorbell and waited. Nothing happened! I rang again. Still no sound of anyone coming to let me in. I kept me finger on the bell. Nothing! Jaysus! She won’t open the door. I rattled the letter box. Nothing! Then I shook hell out of it. Still no answer. I rang and rang but nobody would let me in. Then I ran around to the front of the shop. I was left looking in at the dark shop. It’s all closed up. Nobody there. I felt like crying with the rage. The fucking bastards! That fucking Molly one won’t let me in. She promised she would open the door. Why is she doing this?

  I went back and rang the bell and rattled hell out of the letter box at the same time. Still no answer. Then I kicked the door, screaming me lungs out. ‘MOLLY! OPEN THE DOO R! LET ME IN!’ I could hear someone coming. The bolt was pulled across and the door whipped open. The grey-haired man stood looking at me, then opened the door wider and let me through, into the hall and up the stairs. ‘Thanks very much! I was locked out. Molly was supposed to let me in,’ I said, nearly crying

  ‘Come on. That’s all right,’ he muttered, then locked the door.

  I tore up the stairs and belted into the room, switching on

  the light. ‘WHY DIDN’T YOU LET ME IN, MOLLY?’ I

  screamed at the lump hiding under the blankets. She didn’t move.

  I tore up the stairs and belted into the room, switching on the light. ‘WHY DIDN’T YO U LET ME IN, MOLLY?’ I screamed at the lump hiding under the blankets. She didn’t move. ‘I’M SPEAKIN TO YEH! ANSWER ME, YO U CULCHIE LYING FUCKING COW! YO U PROMISED ME YO U WOULD OPEN THE DOO R WHEN I GOT BACK! MORE FUCKING FOO L ME, I BELIEVED YEH!’ I was sweating with the rage, and the fright. At thinking I was going to be left out there, stranded in the street all night. She just completely ignored me. I stamped over to me bed, taking me clothes off after switching out the light. Then stamped out, banging the door after me, heading down for the bathroom. When I stamped back in, making as much noise as I could to annoy her and get me own back, she was gone. Her and the mattress! I gaped at the springs on her bed. She’s gone! Taking her mattress with her. That was quick. I was only a few minutes cleaning me teeth.

  Jaysus! Imagine stripping your bed this hour of the night. Wonder where she’s gone? To hell with her. I climbed into me bed and was out for the count in no time.

  The grey-haired man appeared in the shop as I was serving a customer and made straight for me. ‘Hmm, eh, Martha,’ he said, trying not to look at me, his eyes slipping over mine, then landing somewhere on the far wall. ‘Mrs Murphy wants to see you straight away, over in her office at the bookies.’

  ‘Me? Now?’

  ‘Yes, you better run over.’

  I looked at Molly listening, then turning away quickly from me. Making herself busy with the bread delivery, putting it on the shelves. ‘OK,’ I said weakly, getting a fright. It must be something to do with last night. Molly not letting me in. Wait until I tell her what that Molly one did. I rushed around the counter and out the door, making for the bookies across the road.

  ‘Missus Murphy is looking for me,’ I said to the girl behind the cage taking in the bets.

  ‘Hang on and I’ll let you through,’ she said, coming out of her little office. I could see men with the arse out of their trousers looking like they could do with a good feed. Studying the newspapers hanging on the wal
ls. Everyone looked very intent. ‘Go right through and up the stairs,’ the girl said, lifting the counter and letting me walk through, in a door and up the stairs. Onto a little landing with two doors. I knocked on the one straight ahead.

  ‘Come in,’ a voice said from the other door. ‘Oh, it’s you! Come in and sit down for a minute,’ Missus Murphy said, counting wads of green pound notes, and red ten-bob notes, and even big fivers and ten-pound notes. Jaysus! I wonder who would have gambled with ten-pound notes. Imagine that! Someone having whole ten-pound notes to throw away!

  She went back to examining her notes along with the bags of silver coins, leaving me sitting there with me eyeballs springing outa me head. They were left hanging, sitting on me cheekbones, at the sight of all that money. I blinked away the fog in me eyes, getting a better look. Gawd! Yer woman is rolling in the money! That’s all on the back of the poor, judging by the poor unfortunate wasters downstairs, spending the only few bob the family have! I looked up at her fat red ugly face with the greedy look in her beady little eyes that had sunk into the back of the mound of flesh that passed for a face. She pulled all the notes and coins away from me, wrapping her big fat arms around the money and dragging the lot towards her, looking to make sure there was nothing left at arm’s distance for me to rob. As if I would even bleeding think about it. I didn’t like her not trusting me, miserable aul cow.

  ‘I got a bad report about you,’ she said, looking at me.

  ‘About what, Missus Murphy?’ I said, keeping me face steady and looking her straight in the eye. She stared back at me, her little beady eyes narrowing, taking me in. I waited.

  ‘You came back at all hours last night and drove poor Molly out of her bed.’

  ‘What? I did no such thing, Missus Murphy! I was back by eleven o’clock and she wouldn’t open the door to let me in. I was left standing out in the freezing cold nearly half of the night,’ I snorted, feeling very annoyed she was taking that one’s part.

  ‘Nooo, that’s not what I heard. You were certainly not back by even half-eleven at the latest. I asked her. She said it was well after twelve.’

  ‘Yes, it was well after twelve by the time I was let in, frostbitten, by the grey-haired man, Mister O’Brien. Only for him I would still be left standing out there waiting to get in.’

  ‘Well, you were not in by eleven o’clock, that’s for sure! I believe what Molly tells me. I know she is very honest.’

  ‘How could I not be back by eleven? Or even half-eleven, if it comes to that? The buses stop running after eleven o’clock,’ I snorted, trying to get her to believe me.

  ‘Well, anyhow,’ she puffed, ‘that poor girl had to sleep in the storeroom all night. It was freezing cold in there. You came in making an almighty racket. Roaring and screaming at the poor girl in her bed, which is where you should have been!’

  ‘But she took me key and said she would let me in,’ I said, trying to make her understand. ‘She had no right to do that!’

  ‘Yes, she did. I told her to take the key off you. I didn’t realise you were only sixteen! Where are you from? You are a Dublin girl, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said, on me guard. ‘So?’

  ‘Why don’t you live at home with your mammy?’

  I said nothing, thinking it’s none of her business. She studied me, her beady little eyes trying to work this out. ‘Are you by any chance out of a convent?’ she said slowly, making it sound like I had killed someone. Her eyes lighting up, then narrowing like I had definitely done something wrong.

  ‘No,’ I said quietly, shaking me head slowly and holding her eyes.

  ‘Well, I don’t want to know your business. But whatever it is, I don’t want to be involved. You are too young. I’m going to have to let you go.’

  The shock hit me like a blow in the stomach. I felt the blood drain outa me. ‘But . . . surely you had no complaints about me work? I’m a hard worker! What complaints could you have had with me? Why are you letting me go? I’ve never interfered with anyone. I’m always behind the counter on time . . . I’m—’ I was desperate to plead me case. But she just stared at me.

  ‘Look,’ she said, interrupting me, ‘I can’t have my staff getting upset by you. They have worked for me for years. Molly has been with me these last ten years. Now, I can dispense with you, but I can’t afford to lose someone of her calibre! She’s very experienced. Now, you needn’t bother working out the rest of the week. You can pack up your stuff and collect your wages, I’ll pay you the back week you’re owed and for the rest of the week. So, go on! Get ready,’ she said, throwing her head to the door. ‘I’ll get your wages made up for you now, you can collect it from downstairs. I’ll leave it with Collette.’

  ‘Right, OK,’ was all I could say with the shock.

  I stood up, walking to the door, staring at the floor, trying to take in what had just happened. I went down the stairs and through the door into the bookies, hearing the tinkle of money jangling in an aul fella’s pocket as he stared, looking nervously up at the racing paper on the wall, moving himself from one side to the other, searching for a winner.

  I ducked under the counter, not waiting for the girl to lift it, and went out the door, heading back to the shop. I walked through, seeing Molly serving a customer, her eyes flicking up, seeing me then suddenly looking very shifty, pretending to be all business while serving the customer and not taking any notice of me. I went up the stairs into the room and stood looking around for a few minutes. So, that’s it! I’m gone from here. Just like that. I liked working in this place. Having me time off and going into town every second day, with no one to bother me.

  Jesus! I’m going to have to find another job today, or I’m out on the streets! Me heart leaped with the fright. No, I’m all right. I can pay for somewhere to stay for a few nights. I have me savings and whatever Murphy gives me. OK, I had better get a move on. I’ve no time to waste.

  I headed over and opened the wardrobe, taking out me suitcase, putting me night stuff and hot-water bottle and wash things in. I put in me two books. I haven’t finished The Carpet Baggers yet. It’s good, and I still have the second one to look forward to. Oh, me coat. I took all the stuff out again and left me green school coat sitting on the bed. Gawd, I’m still wearing that for everyday wear. But it’s better then me new trench coat for keeping me warm. This one is wool. Right, I’ll wear me old clothes, the ones I’m wearing now, and put the good clothes in the suitcase. I folded them, keeping them nice and neat, and put them in the suitcase, with the rest of the stuff sitting at the side. Then closed it shut and took down me handbag from the shelf in the top of the wardrobe. Nothing left! I looked up and down the wardrobe, seeing it empty, and shut it, watching it swing open.

  ‘Right, Molly! Yer welcome to the aul wardrobe back,’ I muttered, looking at me bed and stripping it. I was doing this out of habit from the convent, when we had to change the sheets. I folded the blankets and left the pillow sitting on top, and took one last look around the room. It really did grow on me, I thought, looking sadly around at the room, feeling empty at me loss. Reminded of all the happy times I spent here on me days when I had to start work in the afternoon. I never went out on that day, knowing I would have to start work at three o’clock.

  Now I better go across and collect me money. I’ll leave the suitcase here. I’m not going out the front carrying this, letting Molly think she’s got the better of me, with her thinking I’m going with me tail between me legs. Anyway, I want to make sure Murphy gives me the money she owes me. I don’t trust them bastards, not one little bit after the fast one they just pulled on me. They know only too well I was back on time. Taking the key off me was just a ruse to walk me inta a trap! Fucking Molly didn’t like me, that’s the long and the short of it. No matter what I did, she always found fault with me. I was quick with the till, being able to calculate a bill like greased lightning, even faster then her. I learned very fast the prices of everything, not making the same mistake twice with the read
y-rubbed tobacco once I found out what was what. I even stopped eating the expensive sweets, knowing you can’t do that. The first time I had the stupid idea that if you worked in a shop you could help yourself to the sweets and loose cakes. But Molly soon put a stop to me gallop there. No, she just didn’t want to be working with me and having to share the room. I think she treats this shop as if it’s her own, and she could run it by herself. Stand morning, noon and night behind that counter, not bothering to take her day off. She never went out anyway. So aul Murphy was right. If I had a gobshite running me shop for me like Molly, then my feet wouldn’t touch the ground I’d be out the door so fast! But, then again, I don’t think I would throw someone out onto the street. No, I know I wouldn’t, not even for money. I’m not that bleeding heartless! I’d give them time to find another job. Me ma was right. The more money people get, the more they want!

  Right, better get me money or that aul one won’t be moving me until I do. So, I’m leaving me suitcase here. I went down the stairs, out the side door and across the road to the girl behind the cage. ‘Hello, did she leave me wages with you?’ I asked the girl, holding me breath in case of trouble.

  ‘Yeah! Here, she left that.’ I took the little brown envelope with the wages and opened it, checking to see what was in it before I left the bookies. I took out three green pound notes and four half crowns. Three-pound ten shillings? How did she work that out? A back week is three pounds and three pounds for this week. That should be six pounds. Hold on. She stopped the money for the electricity and the rent for the room in the back week. So that’s one pound ten shillings she owes me. So she’s giving me two quid for this week and only stopping thirty bob. OK, that will do me. ‘Thanks,’ I said to the girl watching me count me wages from behind her cage.

  I flew back into the shop, catching Molly’s eye, and she turned away from me with a shifty sleevin look on her face, expecting me to start fighting with her. I ignored her and dashed up to the room, grabbing me suitcase and lifted me handbag. I opened it and put in the three pound notes, putting them together with the ten pounds I had saved. Grand. I have thirteen pounds saved to keep me going until I get a new job. I will use the five shillings for bus fares and eating. Oh, and to buy a newspaper to look for a job. Dear God, I hope I get one today. I need somewhere to stay.