by A. E. Watson
I lift her, surprised at how light she is. She weighs almost nothing, and yet she is everything.
I see that now. The pieces all click into place.
I had to meet Mona. I had to bring her to Gill. I had to close off the garden so this perfect child could live free of evil and yet heal the world from the safety of her gates.
Where the garden is unaffected by the outside world, the same cannot be said of the world outside the gates. The garden affects us all.
Willow wipes her eyes, rolling them. “I can’t believe I am crying again. I think I do it every day now.”
My eyes draw to the giant ring on her finger. “What’s that?”
She holds the hand up, grinning like a fool. “I got it yesterday. Phillip, a friend of mine asked me to marry him. The wedding is weeks away. Now I guess I have to have another dress made.”
My face tightens but I hold my tongue.
“What?” Willow’s eyes narrow. She always knows.
“Nothing. It’s just I won’t be here.”
Willow loses all the joy and love she was just filled with but it’s Mona who speaks, “Why not? You can’t get out now.”
“I came with Yahweh. I have to go back at the end of the day.”
“No! You just got here. Tell him you want a few days. A week. Just tell him you want to stay.”
I shake my head. “It doesn't work like that. I have to go back.”
Ray decides she doesn't want to be held by me and reaches for Willow who takes her like she did me my whole life. “This is some serious S-H-I-T, Rayne!” I adore it when she spells cuss words.
“I realize that but the rules are the rules. I don't even know why he graced me with one day. But he has. So we have to squeeze a lifetime into it, okay?” I don't want to cry again so I smile but it doesn't trick my eyes. They leak anyway.
“Okay.” Mona reaches in, holding me tightly again. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“Did you see it all yet, Rayne?” Willow asks softly.
Confused, I glance over the mauling I’m getting from Mona. “What?”
“It’s been two years since the Antichrist died. It was the same day as Ray was born. It was sort of crazy. We felt the evil leave the world and then this great light shone brightly over everything and Mona’s water broke. You killed Wyatt and she was born.”
I shake my head again, pressing my lips together.
Her gaze scrutinizes mine until her eyes widen. “The dagger—you used it on yourself.”
“When I went back and reset the time by killing my sisters, the world ended up as a terrible mess. Not one sin eater was killed to cleanse the earth. The four horsemen never came.”
“You never claimed your rightful spot as the hand of God.” Mona’s jaw drops.
“No. I didn't. So I stole a piece of forbidden fruit and murdered Michelle in cold blood. It was only a matter of hours before the transformation was almost complete. I just made it to Constantine—” I can’t finish the story.
“You made him kill you?” Willow’s eyes fill with tears again.
“He couldn't.” Mine join hers as hot tears splash down my cheeks. “He couldn't do it.”
“You did it yourself?” Willow cries harder, upsetting the baby who starts to cry too. “It’s okay, darling. Granny’s crying because she’s happy,” she lies. Mona takes the baby as Willow pulls me into her arms, cradling me in her embrace. “I am so sorry, my sweet girl. I am so sorry you had to do this.”
“Rayne, I wish we’d been there.”
I lift Mona’s hand and kiss the back of it. “I am so glad you weren’t there in the end. The evil was eating me and I was dying. I hardly made it across the ocean. I wouldn't have without the nixie.” I can’t explain that but I must give them their credit. They sacrificed more than I did.
“You have to see what you did. What you changed. It’s remarkable. There’s so much light and greenery.” Willow pulls me from the room to another room where there’s a small mirror. It’s so tiny nothing would be able to fit through it, but when she waves her hand past it, an image appears.
“You have your magic again.”
She nods happily. “I do. It was remarkable. I got here and there it was, like it was waiting for me.”
I hear her but I am too busy staring at the intensely green world with trees and flowers and crystal blue rivers. “Where are the towns?”
“Gone. I think you set it back to the moment Lillith and Lucifer fell. The moment God intended the world to have. Adam and Eve have come from Heaven but there was no snake or forbidden fruit. There was no temptation. It’s just as he wanted it to be. Perfect.” She sighs and stares at the forest.
I don't know how to elaborate more than I did about the day when I died, but seeing this makes all that agony worth it. This is the best outcome that could have been expected.
I lean into her as the small mirror takes us on a lush jungle tour. There are animals and nature galore. The water is blue again and the skies are clear or dotted with clouds. There’s no fire. No ash. No ruin.
It was all for a purpose.
Our sacrifice took away our parents’ evil deed. Only we could undo the stain they created, because we were the stain.
That’s a painful realization when you see it.
The rest of the day is spent adoring the small girl, spending time with Gill and Mona, and of course meeting Phillip. He doesn't have the same look in his eyes when he stares at Willow as Fitz did, but he seems nice enough. Another sacrifice on the pile.
When the sun is gone and the evening has settled into the garden, I hug everyone once more.
“I will try to find a way to come and see you again. Even if I have to sneak in Yahweh’s back pocket.” It’s the best I can do for a promise, and I’m pretty sure it’s a lie. The garden is sealed and the world is saved.
As we walk to spot where he will be waiting, Willow squeezes my hand. “Try to have a second chance at life, Rayne. It’s remarkable the difference in the world now. No one deserves to walk it as much as you do.”
“I will.” I’m just saying it. I don't know if I will do anything beyond sit in my room at our old house and sigh with contentment.
Mona nudges me on the other side. “And try to find some love. And dude, no more love triangles. No one likes them. No one. I want to spy on you from the looking glass and see some happiness, not another complicated man situation.”
“Here, here!” Willow nudges me too.
“Oh my God, you guys act like I brought that on myself. Try to remember I had five lives and only two dudes. Those are not bad numbers.”
“Whatever.” Mona wrinkles her nose.
Yahweh steps from the woods, his eyes pale and yet peaceful. “Evening, ladies.”
They both bow so I do too. He chuckles. “Rayne, you don't bow to anyone.” He offers me his arm.
I turn and hug Willow once more. “Take care of them and yourself and remember I love you.”
“You will always be my baby.” She kisses the side of my face. Letting go of her is hard.
Mona attacks me though so I don't have much choice.
“Don't just die and be alone. Find something to do. I’m going to be watching for you.” Her fingers tremble when they press into my back.
“Keep that baby safe. Love her for me and tell her to love you for me too.”
“I will.” She sniffles and steps back, letting me step back. I offer my awkward wave and take Yahweh’s arm.
In one blink I go from them being my whole view and then there is nothing. I am gone. Or they are. I don't feel like I moved at all, but I’m in my little house—in my little room.
“What do you want to do, Rayne?” he asks.
I shake my head. “I don't know. I do want to ask how much precision effort went into that plan. You had it to a science. How could you see the big picture so clearly?”
“What do you mean?”
“Ray is the hand of God, the lamb
. She is for sure the prophesized baby. I know it so don't bother denying it.”
He chuckles and steps back. “I wouldn't dream of denying it. You are right on the money. But I had to work it so that the garden closed, sealed up tight. And that the baby would be born strong enough that she could defend herself. Being half fae isn’t going to hurt that cause.”
“Does anyone else know?”
“I don't believe so.”
“Poor kid. She has no idea the pressure that will fall upon her.” I can’t help but wrinkle my nose at that.
“She won’t ever face your challenges, Rayne. She will always be free from it because she’s safe in the garden. She will be protected from everything. And she holds the balance of the world in her tiny soul, so the balance won’t ever fall out of place again. It’s the perfect set up.”
“Why didn't you just do it right the first time?”
“I did. There are no mistakes, only lessons.” He laughs. “I didn't know that man and fae couldn't be in the same world. It was a lesson learned.” He nods his head at the door. “You have a bit of time to come up with a plan for your Heaven. Think about it.” He heads out the door, which has nothing on the other side, and he’s gone. I’m alone and confused at what to pick for my great future.
All I can think about is my past though.
My past and some sleep.
I climb into my bed, noticing the softness of the sheets and the way the bed squishes ever so slightly to allow for the mattress to mold around my body.
I close my eyes and nestle my cheek by wiggling it back and forth on the pillow. It takes a second for the buzzing in my head to stop and for my eyes to go completely dark but when they do, I give a huge exhale and relax completely for the first time in a while.
I don't know how to fall asleep like a normal person, but it only takes me a second to figure it out.
Chapter Twenty-Two
There’s always been a piece of me missing.
It started when I was twelve years old and ended today.
I have finally slept all week, at least I think it was a week, like a proper teenager.
I’m not a teenager anymore but the bliss of sleeping in, ignoring the world, is finally mine.
Sighing and stretching, I roll over and stare out the window to the same scene I have looked at since I arrived. It’s my yard and the neighbors’ houses and all their cars that were there at some point in my memory. The cars don't move and the people don't come out of the houses lit with Christmas lights, and the snow doesn't shift, not even a flake.
It’s what I would consider being in a snow globe is like. I am waiting for someone to come and shake it up so the world will move again, even if it’s just for a moment.
But no one comes and I don't leave and the snowflakes don't fall.
I sleep and stare and try desperately not to focus on solving all the parts of the story I don't understand. There are so many. So many loose ends created by changing the time.
I have to tell myself they don't matter anymore.
I have to live with the fact that not everything worked out.
In my opinion, nothing but Ray being born in a completely protected environment and the end of days coming to an end, worked out.
Everything else was an insane crapshoot I think God got lucky on.
We were pawns, moving about the board in a way that ensured the few goals our maker had would succeed, but he only had one goal, protect Ray.
The fact Willow is in the garden is a miracle.
The fact I am here with conscious thought is also a miracle. But I don't think it’s the miracle I want.
That's the moment the loneliness seeps in and the small room that has always been my haven no longer feels right.
I sit up and watch as the walls become charred, shrinking to the broken pieces. The floor falls away and the bed disintegrates with me on it.
Landing on my butt in a pile of dust is not the situation I imagined I would be in when Yahweh came strolling through the burned-out doorway.
“You woke up.” He smiles softly.
“My house looks the way it did after it burned down.”
He nods. “Indeed. But like everything else it’s not real, Rayne. None of this is real. It’s you figuring out the world, your place in it, and your feelings on everything that happened. You’re processing and this is part of that.”
“I feel sad.” The sensation hits me like a wall as my house crumbles around us. “I’ve lost everything and everyone.”
His white eyes narrow. “What is your miracle? What is your wish?”
“How can I choose one thing? I want it all.”
“What do you want the most?” The way he grins tells me he already knows the answer to that.
“I don't know. I’m scared.” Answers fill my head. “If I pick a new life, I will lose them all. The memories of my friends and the love I have felt.” Tears fall from my eyes as I nod. “But I’ll also lose all the bad. I’ll be free of the memories of the betrayals and the pain. I won’t remember the horrors. But again, I have to sacrifice. If I want freedom, I have to let go of everyone, again.”
His grin doesn't change and he doesn't speak or nod with me. He knew this all along, and he’s now just watching me see it.
“I guess I want to have a family and be a girl who sees everything and tastes all that life has to offer. I don't want to be afraid. I want love and friendship and a fresh start, but I want everyone there. I don't want to miss them. I want it all.” I blink away the tears and wipe my face, because I also don't want to cry anymore.
He turns and faces the neighbors’ yards with their Christmas lights and impeccable houses. “You know it’s not perfect there, not really. The world is missing the stain of Lucifer and Lillith’s original sin, but there will always be something to keep the balance. The sun sets and rises, casting shadows across the world for the evil things to hide in. If you go back there will be challenges, there will be hardships. You will lose other things, people. Love and loss are two parts of the same emotion. We don't even know we loved until we’ve properly lost.”
“I don't need perfect. I just need a life that’s all mine.”
The smile on his lips changes to one that suggests he might know what I am speaking of. Maybe he wishes he could have the same thing and that’s why he made us and our world. He lives vicariously through us, enjoying the view from outside the snow globe.
Seeing the way he looks reminds me of one face, one stare that still holds my entire heart within it. “Is Constantine going to be born again?”
His lips toy with the amusement in his head. “Indeed. He will be. Much will be the same. The world is made up of patterns. Your parents were the blips in the pattern.”
“Is Constantine going to be a vampire?”
He shrugs nonchalantly. “It’s up to him. He must choose his path. I cannot choose for him. Free will and all.”
“But there will be vampires?”
“Again, I don't know. That has not happened yet; that time has not come about.” He walks to a piece of glass that's charred and broken, lifting it up and showing it to me. “Time moves like dominoes, each block falling and causing the next one to fall. This is where the world is.”
Stepping over debris, I walk to him, marveling at what I see. “It looks the same.” The people are in villages and castle towns. It looks the way it did in the Dark Ages.
“And it will. Fate is fate. People cannot change their stars or destiny, but you can change how you get there. The evil stain on the earth, the unnatural amount of darkness, is gone which means light and love have balance with the dark and evil. But all of them still exist.”
“So he will be born?” I stare into the glass and realize my wish. I desire nothing like I do a second chance with him, even as he was. That bit of him was better than not having him.
“Done,” he says and everything goes dark.
There’s light and dark.
Water sloshes and for so
me reason I don't think I’m a human being. Maybe I’m the water and the light and the dark.
I’m in the snow globe for sure and he’s shaking it. I know that much.
I blink and then everything hurts.
The pain is everywhere, smothering me.
I can’t get my breath.
The world stands completely still for a second before the excruciating pain is back and I am blinded by light.
There’s screaming and crying and I think some of the voices are mine.
It’s cold but the hands touching me are warm. Human touch. I’ve forgotten how wonderful it is.
It’s a girl!
Someone is screaming again, but I don't know whom.
My head aches and my heart is beating so fast. I get my breath again.
Somewhere in the span of moments a calm settles in me.
The hands touching me and the warmth cradling me is the best feeling I’ve had in so long.
Hello, sweet angel.
Her voice. Those words.
I know it and them.
I’d know her anywhere.
I close my eyes since they don't seem to be working anyway, and rest my head as she holds me and presses soft kisses against my forehead and cheeks. She whispers things, perfect things.
Everything.
That’s what I have in that moment.
There’s touch, warmth, love, care.
She’s breathing me in.
I am her air and her heart.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Snuggles.
Warm baths.
Pretty dresses.
A governess I adore named Giselle. She’s French. I like that.
Hot days and rainy nights.
Snow, not sure I like that.
The beach, everyone likes that.
A girl my age.
A dog.
A cat.
Soft things I can hug and chase.
Crisp grass under my toes as I chase the dandelion seeds I’ve blown.
Finding shapes in the clouds.
Grapes!
Oranges!
Stars.
My father’s French shaving soaps.