by Abby Ayles
She knew who she needed to talk to. Someone uninvested, someone with a clear head. Mr. Perry.
Sneaking downstairs, she slipped on a hooded cloak and gloves, seized a lantern, found her field boots and rushed out the back door. If she were fast enough, nobody would ever suspect she had been outside her room.
Crossing the fields and following the paths, she eventually reached his house and sighed in relief to see the light in the library window was still bright. She knocked loudly and waited for him to appear at the door.
“Again? I am starting to consider cutting you a key,” he said, holding the door so she could walk in.
Chapter 18
As Mr. Perry poured the wine, Antoinette relaxed into her usual chair. It felt good to be there. Mr. Perry's house was like a safe haven away from all the social expectations she met in her day to day life. There nobody complained if she kicked her shoes off, spoke too much, or drank wine too quickly. And there nobody would try and persuade her to do what they wanted her to do, furthering their own ideas and goals under the guise of being helpful.
She accepted the glass of wine he offered her and patiently waited as he poured his own, stirred the fire with a poker, and sat down in his armchair. “Very well, what matters do we have to gossip about, beg your pardon, discuss today?”
Antoinette giggled a little before sipping some of her wine. “Duke Godwin is no longer my suitor,” she replied.
“How did that come to pass?” Mr. Perry asked, clearly unsure how to react to the news yet.
“He found out that I had other suitors,” she said. “Apparently he was not aware, and he took it as an insult.”
Mr. Perry nodded. “Well, that explains his reaction when he heard we were dancing together, I suppose.” He sipped his wine. “But how can a man be so insulted by a woman having multiple suitors? It is...it is the done thing today, is it not?”
“He believes he ought to receive special treatment, I suppose,” Antoinette replied.
“It is my experience that the men who demand special treatment are those who least deserve it,” said Mr. Perry.
“Oh, but it is different with a Duke, is it not?” Antoinette asked. “At least...I suppose it is true that if one is raised a certain way, and always treated a certain way, one will expect to continue to receive that treatment.”
Mr. Perry began pouring his second glass of wine. “Just because someone expects certain treatment does not mean they deserve it,” he contested. “Do you believe Duke Godwin deserves to be treated better than your other suitors?”
Antoinette hesitated. “I suppose...I do not know.”
“You do not know?” Mr. Perry echoed. Then he laughed. “How can you not know?” He began to top up her glass of wine.
“I do not actually know him as well as I was assuming I did,” Antoinette explained. “I believed that I had seen who he truly is, but...all I have seen is grand gestures. A big act of heroism. An extravagant party. That is not who he is. That is what he is capable of. I have barely seen the man Duke Godwin truly is, the man I would be living with every day were I to marry him.”
“And that is why you are hesitant to talk to him again?” Mr. Perry asked.
Antoinette nodded. “My parents would, of course, want me to begin seeing him once again. And he would like that too. In fact, everyone would like that. Except perhaps whatever lady he is courting currently.”
“Well...what do you want?” he asked.
“I do not know,” Antoinette sighed. “I want to know what I am doing.”
“We all want that,” Mr. Perry answered, “but unfortunately we rarely see what we are doing until we witness the results.”
Antoinette nodded. “Then I suppose I want to get to know my suitors better,” she replied. “Get to see who they truly are, rather than who they want me to see.”
Mr. Perry nodded back, sipped his wine, and looked into the fire. “Then perhaps you ought to test your suitors.”
“Test them?” Antoinette asked.
“Yes, men do it with women all the time. Carefully, of course, so as not to get caught. But we do. We ask questions or put you in situations, and then look not only at your response but your whole reaction.”
“Whatever would you do that for?” Antoinette asked, feeling more indignant by the minute.
“To discover answers to questions we cannot ask in polite society,” he replied.
“Such as?”
“I cannot say such things in polite society,” he said with a soft smile.
“This is your home, you can say what you wish,” Antoinette insisted, sipping her wine and glaring slightly.
“Very well...If a man wishes to know whether a woman will be kind to him or cold to him, he may feign a sudden weakness and see how she responds. That way he will not insult her, or risk a false answer, by asking whether she is kind.” He sipped his wine.
“It all sounds very...cold,” Antoinette replied.
Mr. Perry shrugged. “It is. But courtship is cold. Courtship is the process by which we judge other humans and deem one to be our perfect mate, and the others to be therefore unsuitable. It is very selective, and must, therefore, be ruthless. Take, for example, your cousin and Duke Haskett. Do you not recall how he pretended not to be a Duke, as he feared women would love him only for his wealth. Or take me. I do not presume to be perfect, but do you not think I would have more suitors were I wealthier, or higher status?”
Antoinette looked into her wine. Mr. Perry was telling the truth. It should not be the truth. It felt wrong to her. But she needed to choose someone who not only made her happy, but had potential to make her, her family, and her children happy for their entire lives. It was not good enough to pick someone she loved. She had to pick someone who would make her life easy.
“How do you do it, then?” Antoinette asked.
“Hm?” Mr. Perry responded as he stood up and stirred the fire again.
“How does one go about testing a man?” Antoinette elaborated.
“Oh no, I could not possibly...” Mr. Perry laughed a little. “You do not ask a deer how to hunt, you ask the hunter.”
Antoinette looked into her wine. “I do not understand.”
“I have never needed to consider how best to choose the perfect husband, have I?” Mr. Perry explained. “You need to talk to people who do choose husbands. People who have, or who are, or who will. Women.” He shrugged. “I cannot tell you how to decide what makes a good man and how to test him any more than a rabbit can tell you how to set a snare or a candle how to light a flame.”
Antoinette nodded. Looking up at the clock, she sighed. “I suppose I ought to get home,” she said. “Thank you, as always, for everything.”
“It is nothing,” Mr. Perry replied, taking the wine glass as she held it out to him and pouring its contents into his own glass. “I enjoy our talks. They break up the evenings.”
“I enjoy them too,” Antoinette replied. “I am glad to have a friend like you.”
Mr. Perry escorted her to the door, and once again she could tell that he was not happy sending her off into the night. But that was how it had to be. Otherwise, their late night conversations would quickly come to an end.
She swiftly made her way back home, and was in her room, in her bed, in her knight gown before anyone was any the wiser.
Antoinette slept much better for talking with Mr. Perry and finding a solution. Not a true solution, of course. She would still need to work out what exactly she needed to say or do to test her suitors. But his ideas had given her the peace of mind she needed to rest comfortably and refresh herself for the next day. Besides, she already knew who to talk to about testing her suitors.
As soon as she awoke the next morning, Antoinette sent messages to Mary and Lucy. Hopefully, both would be at home to receive their letters swiftly and would appear at her doorstep in time for tea. They were perfect candidates. Mary had recently married and would understand the nuances of courtship and what traits were id
eal or undesirable in marriage. And Lucy was currently seeing suitors herself and would understand Antoinette's position and her motivations. It was perfect.
At tea time Antoinette asked her parents to let her have tea in the conservatory with some friends. The room was warmed with hot coal heaters, and the table was laid with sandwiches, tea cakes, and all the paraphernalia required for a formal tea ritual.
Mary arrived on time, as was expected. Antoinette rushed to greet her cousin at the door and embraced her. “I am so glad you could come at such short notice,” she said with a smile. “Please, do come in.”
“Well, you did say it was important,” Mary replied with a smile. “And I owe you so much from all the good advice you have given me over the years, it is only fair I should pay you back in kind.”
As Antoinette directed Mary to her seat and poured the hot water into the teapot, Mary looked around.
“Is someone else coming?” she asked.
Antoinette nodded. “Yes, we must wait for Lucy before we begin to talk. I wanted to speak to both of you on this subject, as I feel we all have different perspectives which could contribute to the plan.”
“Ooh, a plan,” Mary said, sounding slightly excited.
Antoinette nodded. “I did say it was important.”
They sat and drank tea and ate cakes for half an hour before Mary suggested beginning to talk and plan without Lucy. But Antoinette insisted on waiting at least a few minutes longer. And a few more. She had assumed Lucy would have been home. In fact, she had desperately hoped for it. Not only did she want to talk to her about how best to test her suitors, but she also felt she had not spent enough time with her friend since she returned. As the minutes passed to nearly an hour, Antoinette had almost given up on Lucy by the time she arrived.
“Sorry I am so late,” Lucy said as a servant took her cloak and Antoinette asked for a fresh kettle of hot water for the tea. “I meant to arrive earlier, but my parents have been a little more restrictive than I am familiar with. What are we talking about?”
Antoinette looked around to make sure none of the servants were still hovering around to eavesdrop. “Well, as you both know my parents have presented me with the fairly impossible challenge of picking my own husband from among my suitors. And although I know they had a preference, he has unfortunately lost interest in me. Therefore, I must once again consider all my options.”
Mary and Lucy nodded along and sipped their teas thoughtfully.
“What I wish to discuss is this,” Antoinette continued, “it has been brought to my attention that when a man is interested in finding out something about a woman which he cannot ask about, he will subject her to a small test. Ask her a question, or put her in a situation, and see how she responds. What I wish to do is test my suitors. See which of them are being honest and which are not suitable for me.”
“To test them? That sounds...interesting,” Mary said.
“Men put us to the test all the time,” Antoinette replied, “we are simply doing the same in return. To work out which suitor is most eligible. I have recently discovered that however much I believe I know my suitors, I have simply developed my opinion based on single, grand events. And something which happened over a matter of hours could be calculated and designed to conceal a man's flaws. It is no substitute for a proper knowledge of a person. I must uncover their true selves by moving beyond those events and experiencing candid moments of conversation and observation with these men.”
“Are you sure this is a moral thing to do?” Mary asked, sounding a little hesitant.
“Duke Haskett tested you when he concealed his identity,” Antoinette contested. “But that is a man's test. What I need is a woman's test, and that is where you both can help me. Mary, you are recently married, and therefore you know what I must look out for in a man.”
Mary nodded. “I suppose for me the biggest problem was men concealing their identity and their true intentions. Not just Duke Haskett, but all the men who courted me were wary of revealing some aspect or another of themselves. Usually their wealth or social connections.”
Antoinette smiled and sipped her tea. “So I must discover why my suitors wish to marry me, and what their financial and social circumstances are?”
Mary nodded again. “Precisely.
“But...why am I here?” Lucy asked. “I know even less of courtship than you do.”
“But that is why I need you,” Antoinette replied. “Everyone around me is socially experienced and jaded. I need someone to talk to who does not yet have any strong opinions on courtship, marriage, or my suitors. You can tell me when a man's actions appear suspicious, or when they are innocent. I am myself too suspicious at times, and I read too much importance into things which probably mean very little. Your innocence and kindness will be helpful.”
Lucy smiled and nodded. “But...however can we put your suitors to the test? They know who you are, who your parents are, and what they are like.”
“I know, we must catch them off guard if we intend to uncover what sort of a person they truly are,” Antoinette replied.
“You ought to host a party. A Christmas masked ball,” Mary said. “It would be a wonderful way of mingling with everyone.”
“And the masks may encourage everyone to let their guard down somewhat,” Antoinette said. “That sounds like a wonderful idea, I shall tell my parents as soon as tea is made that I wish to hold a ball and invite all my suitors.”
Mary smiled, and Lucy nodded eagerly. “A ball...I hope I shall find the man of my dreams there,” Lucy said.
“Still no luck?” Antoinette replied. “Don't worry, these things take time.”
“Oh, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the letter you sent my parents,” Lucy said.
“The letter?” Antoinette asked, perplexed.
“About Mr. Perry. I was taken aback at first, what with his lack of title, but we have done a little...investigating...and he really does seem fascinating, does he not?” Lucy explained.
“Oh, of course...And yes, he is,” Antoinette replied. “If you like, I shall make sure to invite him, then perhaps you can get to know one another better.”
Chapter 19
Arranging a masked ball was harder than it sounded. Especially around Christmas, with so many balls underway. It was not enough to hold a ball and expect everyone to come to it. After all, they had countless options, some of them being held by people far wealthier and more important than her family. Of course, with the potential to become her newest suitor, many eligible young men would be attending. And with many eligible young men in attendance, the young women and their parents were bound to appear.
But Antoinette knew she needed to offer more than that. On her own, she would only stand to attract very young men, and less wealthy older men, and the women who would be interested in them. This would ordinarily discount people such as Dukes, who would have better things to do. Duke Haskett was the first step towards elevating the ball from a small affair to a standout success. His presence sent the message that this ball was going to be a higher class affair. This message would tell other men of his status to attend, ensuring that it became the high-class ball it sounded like.
Antoinette's work was still far from done. It was not enough for these important people to attend. If they had no reason to stay and enjoy the ball, then they would leave and either attend another event or simply go home. And the crowds would go with them, ruining the party. Antoinette made sure that there was enough high-quality wine to keep everyone pleased, and asked for Mary's cook to assist in the Byrd kitchens, to ensure the food was of the highest calibre. Antoinette also had musicians hired to play some engaging and popular songs to dance to. Not to mention the decoration, which involved having the servants empty half the rooms downstairs and arrange side tables with candles and platters, and line the walls with chairs.
The final touches were Christmas decorations, to inspire a festive spirit in all. A great fir tree was placed in e
very room and Antoinette and her mother decorated these trees themselves, to ensure they were resplendent and refined. Small ornaments and even bunches of holly and mistletoe were brought in to add some Winter charm.
But once everything was put together, it looked splendid. The candles glowed, the fires roared loud and bright, the paintings and ornaments were clean and resplendent. And Antoinette, looking around, felt reminded of that grand party at Duke Godwin's house. She knew her event could never match up to a Duke's, nor would she want it to, after all, outshining a Duke would be insulting to him. But to mirror the class and beauty of his party made her proud.
Standing in her best dress and shoes, Antoinette gracefully greeted every guest as they walked through the door. Most were people she knew, if only by name and face, but a few were invited by her parents or accompanying another guest. In some ways, this pleased her, as she knew it would guarantee a good mix of important people. But in other ways, it made her nervous, as she knew she would not be able to fully manage how people interacted with one another. She could only hope that the event would remain dignified by virtue of the class of people present.
As people began to pour in, Antoinette kept an eye out for her various suitors and for any single men from the area. She knew that now she was down to only one serious suitor, Sir Dodge, she would need to either settle for him, or to find another candidate or two, to ensure Sir Dodge, and society at large knew she had not decided yet. And her other suitors and would-be-suitors knew this too. They greeted her with a smile, and would even try and stop to talk to her, holding up the entry of other guests and forcing Lady Byrd to usher them along.
And then, she saw him. He was walking with his head held high, purposefully through the door and past a few other guests, straight towards her. They locked eyes, and dizziness consumed her mind.