by Jamie Lake
“Why are you washing the cabinets?” Chip asked, “No one’s going to see that.”
“I’ll see it,” Peter said, a little annoyed. He was so sick of talking about it. He just wanted to clean and think about that. Anything other than his horrible situation.
Chip chuckled, his hands on his hips while he shook his head.
“What?” Peter asked.
“You,” Chip said, smiling and looking at him with loving eyes. Peter couldn’t help but smile as Chip kissed him on the forehead. “So, I was looking online and I think I found some great job opportunities for us both.” Chip said, clearly with pride.
“Yeah? What? As janitors?” Peter quipped. He couldn’t help but smirk. Making light of the situation helped and added some much needed levity.
“No honey,” Chip said with a cocky grin. “There’s a private school just outside of Portland that’s looking for a K through 3rd grade teacher and-”
“Really?” Peter said, his eyes lighting up. “That’d be great actually. How does it pay?” He felt like bouncing around like Johnny.
“It’s a private school, so it’s going to be a heck of a lot more than here. Besides, who cares? It’s two incomes now, not just one.”
“That’s true,” Peter smiled at the thought. To know that, independent as he was, that he wouldn’t need to be reliant only on himself was very appealing. They could work together as a family, just like it was supposed to be. It felt good to think of himself contributing.
“And since the economy isn’t the greatest in the world there, I’m sure we can get a rental, at least to start, pretty cheap.”
“Are we going on a trip?” Johnny asked.
Peter and Chip looked at each other. “Um … yeah, you might say that,” Peter answered for him.
“Actually, it’s a nice long trip. So long we may not be coming back,” Chip added.
“Why?” Johnny asked, his face splattered with concern.
“‘Cause we have a better place in mind,” Chip tried to explain, keeping his tone light and airy so that Johnny wouldn’t worry.
“But what about school?” Johnny asked. “What about Peter? Is he coming too?” Johnny looked to Peter anxiously and it melted his heart.
“Yes, he’s coming too and you never know, we might be able to get you into the same school that Peter will be teaching at,” Chip said with a hopeful expression.
“Really?” Johnny said, sounding a little more enthusiastic. “But what about my friends?” He bounced between excitement and worry almost all at once.
Poor little guy, Peter thought.
“Well …” Chip started to say.
“You’ll meet new friends,” Peter added, trying to sound cheerful, hoping to encourage him.
“But I don’t want new friends. I want my friends,” Johnny stamped his feet, lower lip jutting out, his eyes glossy with oncoming tears.
“Son,” Chip said rising, giving him the “look”. He was stern but gentle. Peter wished his father had been that way.
“No!” Johnny screamed, running off.
“Johnny, get back here right now!” Chip called after him until Peter pulled him by the arm.
“It’s okay, we’ll talk to him when he’s more calm,” Peter said softly.
He knew Johnny just needed time to adjust, just needed time to calm down and accept the major changes. Change was hard, even for adults.
“That boy,” Chip grumbled shaking his head. “Just like his dad.”
“Yeah, I’ll say …” Peter smiled.
“No, I mean … Johnny isn’t … he’s not biologically mine, actually.”
“He isn’t?” Peter said surprised. He arched a brow. This was new.
“No, technically speaking he was my ex’s. But I guess I kind of pressured him into having kids before he was ready; I thought maybe that it might bond us more. We were going through so many problems then. Just the beginning of the end really and well, even having Johnny didn’t do the trick. No, our relationship was doomed from the beginning.” Chip sighed, lowering his head. He hunched his shoulders.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Peter said, not sure exactly how to respond. Did Chip miss his ex? Did he wish that things would have worked out? It made Peter feel a little insecure.
“Well, lucky for us,” Chip said, enfolding him into a warm embrace and kissing his deeply.
“Yeah,” Peter smiled, kissing him back. “Why ….? Nevermind.”
“Why what?” Chip asked.
“Why are you so wonderful to me?” Peter asked him. Again, he was overwhelmed with his passionate feelings for the other man. He felt so grateful and he doubted he would ever be able to properly express that gratitude. He’d have to spend the rest of his life making it up to Chip. And he was perfectly content with that.
“‘Cause you deserve it,” Chip answered matter-of-factly “and ‘cause … ‘cause I’m in love with you. That’s why.” He reached down and snagged Peter’s hand, giving it a gentle, affectionate squeeze.
Peter smiled. It was just what he needed to hear in that moment. It made everything easier to bear. He thought he could even forgive himself for once. Maybe he could let go of the mistakes of his past and move forward in love and hope with his new family. He finally felt as though he belonged, as though he was wanted and adored. Someone, at last, accepted him, warts and all. It brought tears to his eyes and made his chest ache in longing.
“Peter, I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I mean anyone, even with my ex … all those years together, there was something wrong something missing. I never could put my finger on it but with you, it just fits, perfectly. And I know I’m not a perfect guy, far from it as you’ll see the longer we’re together but …. I really do feel like we’re meant to be together. I’m willing to go with you wherever that may lead and if that means Oregon or the fucking moon, we’re going. We’ll pack our bags and just go.”
Peter had never believed in destiny or the guiding hand of fate. He didn’t believe that love was forever. Love was just for right then and always over in the morning. He didn’t believe in kismet, love at first sight, soulmates...none of it. But now, he did. It was written in the stars above for them. It was poetry and love song lyrics. It was the moon and stars and the deep, wide ocean. It was beautiful and sublime. It was everything he’d ever wanted and then some. Despite all that had happened, love was bringing him through it. Peter felt like he could do anything.
“Thank you,” Peter said sincerely. “I feel that way about you. You make me believe in magic,” Peter gave him a watery smile. “I just love you. Love isn’t even the right word. It’s more than that. Just meant to be.” Peter’s smile was lopsided now but when he moved, his neck gave a painful cramp. He stretched his neck and back, “Ugh.” He felt like he’d been beat up he was so sore. Probably from nerves and stress, he thought, knowing his body ached from the strain of all that worry and self loathing.
“Want me to work your shoulders a little?” Chip offered.
“That’d be nice actually but I think I need a little break, maybe I’ll watch a movie or something.” Peter said. “What do you got?”
“Netflix, whatever’s on there,” Chip said, getting up too as he rolled his shoulders back and went with Peter into the living room.
Peter plopped himself on the couch, reaching for the remote as he leaned back. His body was so tense and every muscle whined and complained. He stretched out.
“Mind if I join you?” Chip asked in that sexy tone of his. How could Peter say “no”?
“Please, do…” Peter said, loving the feel of Chip as he climbed and nestled beside him and rested Peter’s head on his chest.
Peter turned the TV on, and flipped through the channels. “How do you turn on Netflix?” he asked.
“You just …” Chip started to say but then the phone rang.
“Jesus Christ, now what?” Peter grumbled. He was sure it was more trouble. It always was lately. He just wanted them to have a break. He
wanted to be able to enjoy Chip’s company for once. It didn’t seem fair that everything they tried to do got interrupted in some way or another.
“Who cares? Don’t answer it.” Chip told him, his tone dismissive.
“But what if it’s important?” Peter asked, getting a little anxious. He was a lot more anxious about the phone nowadays, lately it had brought nothing but bad news.
“Nothing’s more important than right now, just us,” Chip said with a reassuring smile.
Peter liked the sound of that and decided to just let the phone call go to voicemail. Chip was right, whatever it was could wait. At least, he hoped.
CHAPTER 10
The next few days were spent planning and packing. Chip and him didn’t tell a soul about their plans. The last thing they needed were some leaks. They both agreed that avoiding the news and TV other than Netflix or Hulu were the best things to do. They didn’t even let Johnny watch any cartoons except for those that were on DVD, no matter how much he whined.
Peter loved spending time with Johnny but he also had this lingering fear that made him worry whether or not he’d make a good father to him. Of course, he was good with kids, he was a teacher after all, but this was a long term, lifelong commitment. What if things didn’t work out between him and Chip somehow? What if they ended up separated and Johnny had to go through losing two dads instead of just one? Peter never asked Chip the details of their breakup nor his ex’s death, there was part of him that didn’t want to know but at the same time, he knew in the past that many times people repeated the same mistakes in a relationship and he only hoped that that wasn't going to happen to them.
He knew he thought too much, analyzed way too much but he couldn’t help himself. Things were so wonderful between the two of them when it was just them, and he didn’t want to fuck it up somehow.
It was the night before they were going to pack the truck and leave and Peter was actually getting a little excited. This was their chance, both of them, for a fresh new start, a new city, a new state, a chance to put the past behind them.
If Peter had to dye his hair and change his name, he would, whatever it meant at least until things died down. He knew in today’s day and age that they were just one Twitter cycle away from it being a non-news item before a Kardashian or some other reality star did something to embarrass themselves and the news would be all over them, at least he hoped. He held that thought out as he helped Chip pack the last of the boxes in the truck.
They decided to go ahead and do it the night before so that they could just sleep on some mattresses together in the living room and get up in the morning and go.
That’s when the phone call came.
Peter figured he’d just answer it. There was really nothing that could happen to him that hadn’t happened already he figured and as he reached for the phone, he looked at the number strangely. It looked familiar, it was long distance. Where did he know that number from?
“Hello?” Peter answered, leaning against the wall.
“Son?” a gravelly voice answered.
“Dad?” Peter said.
“What the hell did you do?” his father asked him. Not a “hello”. Not a “how are you?” Just an immediate accusation. He could hear the disgust and disappointment for him in his father’s voice.
Peter swallowed hard, his heart in his throat “What-What do you mean?” Peter stammered helplessly.
He knew his father knew, but he hoped against all hope that he was talking about something else. He sat down, feeling numb and dizzy. His hope that his parents might one day accept him was quickly washed away.
“I knew things were hard for you. I warned you that would happen if you didn’t take a job with me at my firm but a hooker?” his dad said. His father sounded more than angry. More than disappointed. He sounded devastated and it cut to the quick.
“That’s not exactly right, there’s a lot more to this story,” Peter babbled, “Really, I’m getting ready to go to bed soon, can we talk about it tomorrow?” He fumbled this, he realized. He needed time to formulate what he was going to say to his father. He needed to calm down, talk to Chip, scream, something.
“Well, it’s all over the news. Even your Auntie Carol in Connecticut told me she saw it too.”
“What?” Peter said standing up straight, “How could she see it in Connecticut? Did she see it online or something?” He didn’t understand. Why would she have seen it all the way on the East coast?
“No, Peter. It’s all over national TV. One of my partners in Georgia even heard it on the radio down there. It’s everywhere,” his dad said.
“What the ….?” Peter said. All over the news, nationwide? He’d hoped that it would stay local. But to know that it was everywhere now broke his heart. There wouldn’t be a place he could go, a place he could hide to avoid it. And somehow, Peter knew Tony must have been behind it. He had to hand it to Tony, at least he was true to his word. There would be no running from this.
“Peter? Peter, are you listening to me?” his dad said, breaking his concentration.
“Uh, yeah,” Peter answered. He felt shell-shocked. Like the rug had been pulled out from under him. He was going to lose everything, he realized. Tony was right. He wasn’t going to stop until Peter was alone and miserable utterly.
“You’ve got to do something.” his dad told him. His father’s tone left no room for argument.
“I -- What do you want me to say, dad? I mean, I don’t know what to say,” Peter babbled.
“Well, you can start by pulling your head out of your ass and getting your head straight. I’m flying in first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll have my secretary email you my itinerary.”
And that was it, he hung up and Peter was left with deafening silence. He hadn’t heard from his father in years and it had to be over something like this. Now, he had to break the news to Chip that no matter where they ran to, no matter what they did, this sin that he’d made was going to follow them around forever.
It just wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right that Chip had to suffer too. It wasn’t right that he was being smeared in the press. In his mind, he hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d helped a few guys relax. Any sex that came from it was consensual and not for money. Even when Tony paid him, Peter told himself it wasn’t for the sex, but just to help him out.
But strangely enough, he didn’t feel weak. He didn’t feel broken or victimized. He had a calm over him that told him somehow things were going to work out. Maybe it was because his father was one of the best attorneys in the country or maybe because he knew things couldn’t get much worse or because he was backed into a corner. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do but he knew he wasn’t just going to sit down or bend over and take Tony’s bullying like a stick up the ass. No, not this time. This time, he was going to fight and fight hard.
He was at the very bottom of the barrel, just scraping up all the muck. This, Peter decided, was rock bottom. He took a deep, steadying breath and smiled fiercely. Because it was the bottom, because he couldn’t sink any lower, things had no where else to go but up. At least he hoped.
CHAPTER 11
“So, what am I supposed to say?” Peter asked his father who sat down at the restaurant table like he owned the place. His dad took up a lot of space, arms and legs akimbo in his power suit. He was, after all these years, still a very imposing man. Age hadn’t changed that about him one bit. Peter found himself feeling very small around his father. He couldn’t keep with someone like that. Still, he wasn’t going to let his father push him around. If his dad was here then that meant he should help just like everyone else in his small family unit.
“Absolutely nothing,” he said, laying his briefcase on the table across from Peter and Chip. He fished through his case for some paper work as Peter and Chip exchanged concerned looks. As per usual, his father’s demeanor was all business. It used to really bother Peter when he was younger. It just seemed like his father didn’t care, that Peter was jus
t another job, another case to work on. But now, as Peter sat there in the darkest moment of his life, he thought that maybe, just maybe, his father cared.
That’s why he’s here, Peter thought with a flare of hope. He’s here to help me.
“Well, Dad, this is Chip. He’s my-” Peter started to say.
“Is it relevant to this case?” his father interrupted, arching a brow.
Peter was so stunned by his abrupt comment, he didn’t know how to respond. Not that he should be surprised, he’d seen his father in business-mode many times before but he just didn’t expect that kind of reception after they hadn’t seen or spoke to each other in years.
“I’m a police detective,” Chip said with confidence, steepling his fingers on top of the table. He met Peter’s father’s gaze evenly, without flinching or looking away. Peter felt so proud. He wished he had Chip’s strength.
“And…?” his father drawled, waving a hand by circling his wrist, as if telling Chip to go on. Say something that will impress me.
“Well, Peter and I are together and ….” Chip started to respond.
With a snap, Peter’s father shut his brief case. He cut Chip off. “Look, what you two decide to do in the bedroom is none of my business and I really don’t want to hear about your intimate details, all I care about -”
“What I started to say,” Chip said, firmly, “is I work or at least I worked in the prostitution department and from my knowledge based on what Peter has told me occurred, he did nothing illegal.” Chip sat back, folding his arms over his broad chest.
“Thank you, for your opinion,” Peter’s father said, his tone more than a little dubious, “But I think the best thing you could do for Peter and for yourself and your son is to distance yourself from him.”
Peter’s heart sank. He knew his father was right. It was what he’d said all along. Not for him, no. But for himself. Chip didn’t deserve all of this. He deserved peace. Peace to raise Johnny in, not this tumultuous mess that was the storm of Peter’s life.