by Debra Kayn
Still shocked over the proposition, Sydney nodded.
"Oh, and snacks. If all else fails, ply the little ones with food." Johanna laughed, walking to the door. "You'll do fine. I'm going to let Stassi go to the playroom—she's grown so much."
"She's three now, right?" Sydney asked.
"Yes, and acts bossy like she's thirty. I thought Jackie kept me busy when she was that age, but Stassi...I swear, she has Chief, Jett, Olin, and Thorn's personality all rolled up into one tiny body." Johanna widened her eyes. "The truth is, I love her to death, but I am so looking forward to a break Saturday."
She had a difficult time believing one child could be hard to watch. As a baby, Stassi loved to be held and was a happy little thing.
"Oh, shit. I almost forgot." Johanna stopped outside the door and grabbed her purse. "I'm supposed to give you this."
Sydney took the cell phone from her. "What's this for?"
"Jett wanted you to have it." Johanna squeezed her arm. "Our phone number is on there in case you need anything, and Jett wanted me to tell you that he plans to call you tonight."
"Tonight?" Her heart raced, grasping at the news. "On the phone?"
"Yep." Johanna pressed her hand to her forehead. "Don't say the club's name over the phone and don't talk about any of the members or he'll hang up."
"I...I wouldn't talk—"
"I know." Johanna lowered her voice. "You should've seen the list of rules I had when Chief was in prison. I practically went mental worried that I'd screw up. You've only got two to follow. You'll be fine."
Johanna walked to her car. Sydney stepped back inside, numb and sick to her stomach. She held up the phone for Kylie to see and continued to the kitchen and sat at the table. Placing the cell in front of her, she stared at the black phone as if at any moment it would ring and Jett's hand would come out of the screen and touch her.
"Wow...that was a lot of information, huh?" Kylie sat down opposite of her. "Does this mean Jett has forgiven you for something you didn't do?"
Her vision blurred. She rubbed her hands over her face. The job offer and the cell phone came from Jett. She was sure of it as much as she knew she loved him.
"He still hates me," she whispered, glancing at her sister.
"Why would you say that?"
Her pulse thundered. Everything was apparent now that she had time to absorb the offers and changes.
"Because Johanna mentioned Chief visited Jett yesterday. That means he's allowed visitations again, and he hasn't asked to see me," she said.
Good at manipulations herself, she recognized what he was doing. He was going to slowly give her back everything she'd had with him, and then take it all away.
She'd never survive.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Sydney hung the showerhead back on the bathroom wall, bent over, and wrapped her hair in a towel. Bubbles from her shampoo slid down her ankles. She grabbed the second towel and wrapped it around her body, sliding the shower door open, in her rush.
She shivered as the cooler air touched her wet skin.
"Sheesh, did you even wash off the soap?" Kylie sat on the bathroom counter, holding the cell phone, and shook her head. "I don't know why I had to sit here holding the phone."
"In case I couldn't hear it ring."
"I could've sat at the table in the other room or even outside and came in when it rang," said Kylie.
"I wanted to hear it ring." She walked over, took the phone, and went into the bedroom.
"That's a whole-lot of insane coming from you. You're going to go crazy waiting for him to call and acting like he alone keeps you alive. What if he doesn't call?" Kylie plopped down on the bed while Sydney dressed.
It'd been almost a week since Johanna gave her the phone. She tucked the shirt into her jeans, looked down, and pulled the hem back out. "I don't know."
"Maybe he got in trouble and can't."
She wanted to scream or cry. Every second of the day and night she waited for a call. She hadn't slept, even though she was positive, he wouldn't be able to call at night. She shoved her feet in her sneakers. More than anything, if he still cared, she wanted to yell at him for treating her like a second thought. She didn't deserve his anger, and he was too stubborn to listen to her side of things.
The misunderstanding between them could've been fixed in two minutes, face to face if he would've allowed her to talk. With him in prison and her at the house, the whole situation had been blown out of proportion, and she refused to talk to one of the bikers outside to try and have them pass on a message to Jett. She wanted no information mixed up to further anger Jett.
"I doubt it since Johanna said Chief visited Jett, so he's not being punished any longer for breaking the rules." She pressed her hand to her stomach. "I’m starving."
"Probably because you skipped dinner last night." Kylie rolled off the bed. "Come on, I'll fix us something to eat and then we're going for a walk. We need to get out of the house. We'll plan all of the world's problems while we get some exercise."
"I can't. He could call."
"The phone works outside, Syd." Kylie raised her brows. "Welcome to the real world."
"We're going to be trailed by the bikers outside," muttered Sydney, following her sister and sliding the phone in her pocket.
"Who cares," said Kylie. "We need sunshine and Vitamin D. It'll boost our moods."
In the kitchen, she looked out the window into the backyard. Tomorrow, before Family Day started, she was going to ask Johanna if she could speak to Chief. She wanted permission to visit Jett. The longer this went on, the more likely he'd never forgive her.
She wrapped her arms around her middle and closed her eyes. At one time, Jett stood in this room, holding her, and at that time, nothing bothered her. She had let go of the past, stopped worrying about the future, only loved the moment.
A moment when someone loved her unconditionally.
Now, Jett placed conditions on her, and it all left a bad taste in her mouth.
"Hey, check this out," said Kylie.
Sydney turned around, spotted the bag of frozen snapped peas in her sister's hand, and lunged for them. "Where did these come from?"
"They must've been with the last bunch of groceries the bikers brought to the door." Kylie opened the fridge. "I'll fry us some bacon."
"No way. I would've seen them." Sydney opened the bag of snap peas and popped one in her mouth. "I want to use the skillet when you're done."
Kylie glanced at her. "Strange, huh?"
Goosebumps broke out on her arms. The only two people who knew her love for snap peas were Kylie and Jett. Positive they weren't there before, she wondered if someone was in the house yesterday when they were in the backyard taking turns riding the lawn tractor through the knee-high grass. They'd found the mower in the garage, gassed, and the key in the ignition and for the next four hours thought of the chore as exciting entertainment.
The more she thought about the snap peas, the more excited she became and hoped it was a sign from Jett. A sign that he wasn't lost to her.
Twenty minutes later, she sat down with her sister and enjoyed food for the first time in a long, long time.
"Remember Ms. Millson's house?" Kylie picked up her last piece of bacon.
"What about it?"
"She wouldn't allow us in the fridge or in the pantry." Kylie wrinkled her nose. "She sent tuna sandwiches in our lunches for school."
Sydney groaned. "Nothing says foster kid like wearing hand-me-downs and bringing stinky tuna in a brown bag."
Kylie stared down at her plate. Sydney watched her. Her sister had something on her mind. They'd been so wrapped up in her problems with Jett, she hadn't noticed until the last couple of days that Kylie often brought up the past.
Her sister raised her gaze, and her cheeks flushed. "Carol and Tony Mathew weren't bad fosters."
She leaned back in the chair. "I never thought they were."
"I mean, they were strict, and I wish they
would've welcomed you into their house without making you feel like a criminal. But, in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't fair of us to lie about you being over eighteen and a different sister than the one who'd run away."
She shrugged. "I was a criminal of the court."
"You were a child." Kylie sighed.
"What's really going on with you?"
Kylie's eyes filled with tears. "I never told you, while you were in JDH because I didn't want you to be sad that you didn't get to experience things that I was doing."
"I would never be sad about your happiness." She paused. "Tell me."
Kylie inhaled deeply, and blurted, "I went to prom."
"You did?" She smiled. "Tell me everything."
"His name is Milo. He's a snob...you know, his parents live on the hill." Kylie laughed. "He really liked me."
"Why haven't you told me about him." She leaned forward. "Do you want to see him?"
Her sister's shoulders sloped. "I can't. It wouldn't have lasted anyway."
"Why?"
"He's going away to college in the fall, and I knew I was coming to stay with you. It made no sense to keep seeing each other. He's from a different world than me, and his parents...well, you know how rich people are. As soon as they found out I was that foster kid who lived with the Mathew's, they didn't want Milo to see me, but we still saw each other at school. But, then we graduated..." Kylie whispered, "I miss him though."
"Oh, sis." She rounded the table and hugged her sister. "We'll figure something out. Does he have a car?"
"Of course."
"Then, he can come to you. Do you have his telephone number?"
Kylie nodded, her eyes lighting up. Happy to put a smile on her sister's face, Sydney pulled the phone out of her pocket. "Here, you can—"
The cell rang, vibrating in her hand. She stared down, confused for a split second before she realized that it was Jett calling her.
"Oh, my God." She straightened.
"Answer it!"
"Okay, okay." Her hands trembled, and she pushed connect. "Hello?"
"This is Seattle Penitentiary; will you accept a collect call from inmate... Jett Stanton?"
VOICES SHOUTED IN THE hallway of the prison. Jett stuck his finger in his left ear and pressed the phone receiver to his other ear, turning his back to the prisoners lined up behind him.
"Hello? Jett?" said Sydney.
Her sweet voice, needy and trembling, gut punched him. "You'll have to talk louder. There's a lot of noise here. I'm on the prison phone."
"Okay. H-how are you?"
Skipping her question, he said, "Tomorrow, I expect you to do what needs to be done and not cause any trouble."
When Johanna brought the suggestion of having Sydney and her sister babysit for the club to Chief, who discussed it with him, he'd been against having Sydney anywhere around the members.
But, Chief suggested they use the time at Family Day to test her loyalty instead of letting her live off the club. His mouth instantly shot down that idea, but by the end of the conversation, he listened to his heart, hoping she'd pass Chief's interrogation.
And, he couldn't forget how she'd acted around his little sisters, creating new worlds where little girls could play, run, and giggle, surrounded by their favorite things.
She'd given him a touch of what he could have in his life. A world that his grandmother created for Rollo and Johanna had given Chief.
Everything they'd gone through showed him what he couldn't see before. Sydney never had a chance to be young. She'd taken on the responsibility of keeping her sister safe and cared for when she found herself put into foster care as a child. Her fears, her dreams, her strengths were those of someone much older.
Sydney had taken on the role of a leader. And, at the very base of their bond, it was his respect for how she'd lived her life that he couldn't forget.
"No, yes, of course, I'll do my job." Sydney sighed. "I didn't do whatever it is you think I did. You have to believe me."
"I don't believe shit because I'm sitting in prison, because I talked to your sister." He ducked his chin. "Nobody, especially you, needs to tell me the facts. I was there."
Sydney remained quiet. He rolled his lips over his teeth. It ate him up knowing she was on the other end, struggling, frustrated, and hurt.
Yet, she deserved to hurt. He'd hurt for so fucking long, he no longer remembered how pleasure felt.
"Syd?" he whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Be there when I get out." His voice came out rough, hiding the pain of admitting his fear that she'd be gone from his life, that there was no salvation. Her pure innocence that had wrapped him in warmth. That brought purpose to his life.
"Promise me, Syd," he whispered.
"I'll be here," she said, a sob coloring her promise.
He hung up the phone, straightened his back, and walked past the line of prisoners throwing insults at him. Ignoring them all, he went to the door to be escorted back to his cell.
Chapter Twenty Eight
Stassi stood on the top of the table in the playroom of the clubhouse. Sydney scooped her up from behind and set her on the floor without letting her go. "All right, let's lay down and listen to Kylie tell a story."
"No sleep." Stassi wiggled trying to break loose. "I want to play."
"You don't have to sleep, but the other kids want to find out what happens when you touch a rainbow." Sydney carried Stassi to her sleeping bag. "Let's see if you know how to roll out your bag."
She set Chief and Johanna's youngest child down and sighed in relief when the task kept her interest. If Stassi wasn't climbing whatever surface she could find, she was hiding. The girl needed two bikers guarding her at all times.
Kylie walked up to her. "The two babies are asleep. I'll keep the toddlers entertained as long as they'll let me."
Sydney laughed. That could be two minutes to two hours.
Considering it was almost nine o'clock at night and a celebration party was going on in the main part of the clubhouse, it was anyone's guess what would happen next. Even after babysitting the club kids for the last six months, she'd learned to expect the unexpected.
That unpredictability made her job fun. Sometimes the kids kept her busy from start to finish and her nights flew by. Other days, she had time to sit and rock the babies, and she found her mood lightened.
She helped get all of them settled on their sleeping bags, brought stuffed animals from the corner over to those who wanted to hold one and turned the lights off in the back of the room, leaving the front still lit.
Kylie dragged a chair over by the three younger children—Joey and Keith who were mellow and quiet, compared to Stassi.
Not wanting to disturb them, she sat by the cribs in the back of the room, close enough to hear if one of the babies fussed and leaned against the wall.
"Last week, the little boy and girl made it all the way up the vine of the ivy and reached the top of the cloud. Do you remember the boy and girl's name?" asked Kylie.
"Jenny," said Stassi.
"Yes, Jenny and Benny." Kylie smiled. "On top of the cloud, they saw a beautiful rainbow."
Four-year-old, Keith, scrambled to his knees. "What's a rainbow?"
"I thought you'd ask." Kylie reached into her pocket and pulled out a keychain with a rainbow dangling from the chain. "It looks like this, but it's huge. As big as the sky."
"Can I hold it?" Joey reached out his hand.
Kylie stretched and gave it to Joey. "You can hold it for a few minutes, and then pass it around so everyone can see, okay?"
"Okay." Joey sat back down.
"The rainbow in the sky had the brightest colors they'd ever seen, and Jenny wanted to touch the rainbow, but Benny was afraid..."
Sydney removed the phone from her pocket while her sister retold the original story, with a few changes, that they'd made up when they were little and scared about being in a new foster home. Looking at the phone screen, she brought up the call
log. It'd been six months since Jett called her.
Never in her life had time gone so slow and she was thankful for her job. The nights she babysat at the club, she could distract her thoughts from dwelling on Jett.
He hadn't asked to see her again at the prison, and every day, she hoped for another call and to hear the words that he wanted her to come visit, that maybe he was wrong, that he was sorry for doubting her.
She put the phone back in her pocket and settled in to hear the rest of the story.
An hour later and one hundred questions from the children answered, the three kids slept, and both babies were snuggled in the cribs still sleeping. Sydney pulled all the sleeping bags up to the children's shoulders, and then stretched her back.
Kylie approached her and whispered, "I'm going to walk down the hallway and go to the bathroom."
"Okay. When you get back, I'll go." She opened the door and closed it quietly behind her sister before the noise and music from the main room woke the kids.
Walking back across the room, she stood between the cribs. The babies were her favorite to watch. They never asked questions she couldn't answer. All they wanted was hugs, kisses, a bottle, and their diaper changed. If she had a baby, she'd hold it all day long and forget about everything else that she needed to do. Loving that child would be her job, and she'd be the best mother possible.
She'd never leave her child.
She blinked her eyes rapidly, caught unaware by the motherly hunger rushing through her. She was almost twenty years old. Too young to be thinking of being a mother.
"Sis, your turn," whispered Kylie behind her.
Caught up in her thoughts, she hadn't heard her sister return. She kept her face averted. "Do you ever remember anyone telling us how old our mom was when she got pregnant with me?"
"No, but she had to be young."
She looked at Kylie. "Why would you say that?"
"Because if she were older, more mature, she probably would've loved us."