by M. J. Carnal
“I need to fuck you.” I hardly recognize my own voice. I’m so turned on I can’t think straight. This won’t take long. My balls are pulled up tight against my body. I’m ready to explode.
I shove into her, my lips crashing onto hers. We’re both out of breath. Our tongues slide over each other, sucking, fucking each other with our mouths. We’re both so close to orgasm that I’m not sure who’ll let go first. It’s a race to the finish. I want her to win but I’m a selfish son of a bitch and I need to come right now more than I need to breathe.
My body moves against hers. Every time I hit her favorite spot, she cries out my name. I pull her up as close as I can so that my body rubs against her clit. Her nails scratch my back, breaking the skin and I couldn’t give a fuck. I can feel the tingle race down my spine.
Mia’s back arches and she screams. Her orgasm pulls me over and I explode, emptying every drop into her. I keep moving until we both come down from the most intense lovemaking we’ve ever had. I plan on doing this a couple more times tonight. Her body is my obsession. I won’t ever let go.
Max is sitting in the living room, staring right through the TV. Before I tell Joshua anything, I need to know the guys are behind me. Chance looks up from his phone when I sit down. I’m not sure where Harley is but I already know he’ll have my back.
“I need to talk to you guys.” I watch as Max shifts his eyes to me. “I want to come clean about Oksana. I don’t want to hide Mia anymore. It’s not fair to her or Oksana. I need to know you’re ok with all of it. I don’t want to do anything that will be bad for the band.”
“Go for it, man. I didn’t get the big deal from the beginning. Screw the label. Be happy.” Chance looks back down at his phone. “There’s always another gig.”
“Max?” I hold my breath waiting for his answer.
“How does Mia feel about all this?”
“She wants to be honest. But she’d never do anything to hurt you guys.” It’s the honest truth.
“Then do it. You don’t need our permission. Whatever happens, we’re a family. We’ve got your back.”
“And if you’re in the line of fire for going along with the bullshit?” My biggest fear is that Max will face a shit storm for getting involved in my fuck ups. If the label lets me go, I’ll be ok. I would rather be with Mia than let them run my life. But letting Max take the fall won’t sit well with me.
“Dude, Mia’s cool. She’s good for you. Everything changed when she showed up. Let them say whatever they want. We know the truth. Fuck ‘em.” Max shrugs his shoulders.
Max is a mystery. He doesn’t usually say much. But when he does, its genius. Chance usually says too much, digging a deeper hole that he has to climb out of. Both of them are on my side and willing to fight this battle with me.
I’ve known from the beginning that Mia would win. It’s obvious to everyone that I’m a better person with her by my side. It was never a question that I’d pick her. It was just a matter of timing. Us against the world. The ticking time bomb that Joshua was trying to keep hidden.
I grab my cell phone from my pocket and dial his number. He picks up on the second ring. “Hey, man. We need to talk.”
I listen to him take a deep breath. He knows what’s coming. I don’t need to say anything else. His voice is tired. It’s been a wild ride the last few months. We’re all exhausted.
“Do what you need to do, Damien. I’m on your side.”
His words are what I needed to hear. This ends tomorrow.
Chapter 22
The beach has always been my sanctuary. Being at Max’s house this week has been heaven. The steps off the back of the house lead down to a secluded area of beach that looks practically untouched. I’ve snuck down here every night. No, it’s not smart. But I can’t help myself. I need to get away from all the sadness. I feel like I’m getting sucked into a black hole of nothingness and if I let myself fall in, I’ll never climb out.
I sit in my usual spot. A tiny stump stuck in the sand where my toes can dig in and feel the water’s caress. It’s my little piece of heaven in the hell that we’re living in. The waves roll onto the shore, soothing my broken heart. The breeze allows me some deep breaths. I wonder if Della is looking down on us.
The days since the funeral have been a struggle. Damien talks about her with me. Sometimes we laugh and sometimes we cry. She was a special person and I’m blessed that I’ve gotten to see how deeply her love touched Damien and the rest of the band. They’ve been writing again. The songs are beautiful and I can feel her spirit in the house when the music starts.
“Mind if I sit?” Harley’s voice startles me. He chuckles when I grab my chest. “Sorry, kiddo. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Have a seat.” I pat the stump next to me. “I could use the company.”
Harley sits and looks out over the water. He smiles. “Della loved it out here. When we were looking for our house, we stayed here for a few weeks. This was her favorite spot. She’d sneak down here almost every night. Drove Lex crazy even then.”
“I can see why. It’s nice out here. The rest of the world just kind of fades away when I’m out here.” I smile when he takes my hand.
“She loved you. The first time she met you, she said Damien would be nuts to let you get away. They talked about you for hours. I gave him so much shit about it. I’d give anything to hear them again.” He shakes his head and takes a deep breath in through his nose. He sighs when he lets it out. “You’re good for him. I know things haven’t been ideal with the media and the security detail and all the other bullshit. I hope you’ll hang in there. I think we all need a woman around right now.”
I lean into him as he wraps his arm around me. “I don’t plan on going anywhere. I love him. I don’t think I could walk away now if I wanted to.”
“That’s good.” He’s lost in thought for a long time. I sit with him in the silence and watch the water. It’s therapeutic.
When he shivers, I can’t help but ask. “How are you doing, Harley? I’m really sorry about everything.”
He nods his head and his eyes fill with tears. “I want a drink. Every minute is a struggle. I want something to make me numb. Something to take the pain away. Then I remember Della’s face the night I got my one year chip at AA. I’d been so close, so many times and I’d finally done it. She’s not here to pick me up anymore. I need to remember her face. I need to figure out how to still be alive when she isn’t.”
I pull him into a hug and let him fall apart. “It’s one minute at a time. One breath at a time. It’s all we can do. We just need to keep moving ahead and figure it out as we go. No one has the right answer. If you get lost, just ask her the way.”
He holds me so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. I don’t dare move. I can only imagine that this is the safest he’s felt since he got the news. I haven’t seen him let anyone hold him. I rub his back as he sobs in my arms. I hear the guys calling for us from the porch. It’s dark down here and I’m not sure they can see us. It doesn’t matter anyway. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be in this moment. As Harley takes his first step toward healing, I take one toward being a part of this family. We will take this journey together. Whatever it takes, we’ll all get there together.
I feel Damien’s hand on my shoulder. I don’t need to open my eyes to know it’s him. My body would recognize him anywhere. He’s home for me. He pulls both of us into his arms and holds us. I take my strength from him and give it all to Harley. It’s a gesture I know they’ve shared with Della. She told me about all the times she held them both when Harley would fall off the wagon again. It was a gesture of love and that’s exactly what it is for me now.
Harley pulls away first and wipes my tears. “Thank you. I needed that more than you know.”
He stands and looks up at the sky. It’s a private moment between him and Della. It’s beautiful and heartfelt. When it’s over, he walks away and doesn’t look back. I watch him leave. He takes a piece of me with him. I hope it will
keep him strong.
I woke up alone this morning. Damien told me he had something he needed to do with the guys and gave me a day to sleep in. It’s back to work tomorrow. It will be hard to get back into a routine. I know as each day passes, we’re one day closer to saying goodbye again. The rest of the tour dates have to be rescheduled and it’s where they belong.
I stretch and smile. My body is sore in all the right places. I’ve spent the last few nights making love to Damien. Neither of us needs sleep. I’ll sleep when they’re on the road. For now, I want to enjoy every minute we have.
He says he’s ready to tell the world about his engagement to Oksana and why the story was started in the first place. It scares me that he’ll look like a villain while she looks like a victim. She plays the role so well. I’ve tried to talk to her a few times since the funeral. We have nothing in common. Every conversation is forced. She’s way too comfortable living in the guest house. I don’t see her leaving any time soon. When she’s not all over Chance, she’s fawning all over Harley. It makes me sick to my stomach.
I growl as I get out of bed. She’s sucked so much of my energy just being in the same space. I giggle when I think about Damien coming clean about the whole charade. Where will that leave her?
Laney comes crashing through my bedroom door and I scream. She runs at the nightstand and grabs my phone. “I’ve been calling you. Turn on the TV.”
“You scared the shit out of me. How’d you get in here?”
“Harley’s home. Turn on the fucking TV.” She’s looking for the remote.
“Alright. Jesus. Calm down.” I grab the remote off the bed and aim at the TV. When it flicks to life, Damien’s face fills my screen. “What the hell?”
Laney sits down on the bed and claps her hands. “Turn it up.”
Harley comes in to see what’s happening. He laughs when he sees the screen. He sits on the bed next to Laney and puts his arm around her. “What’s up, Lane?”
“Shut up. Both of you.” Her eyes are locked on the screen.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. It’s like I’m in a dream. When I hear Oksana scream from the other room, I want to dance. It’s finally happening.
Chapter 23
The lies stop here, the truth takes flight.
I’ll take the chance and do what’s right.
– Liquid Regret
I can’t believe I’m about to do this. Max gives me courage just by sitting next to me. The lights seem hotter than usual. I’m a pro at press conferences by now but this one has me on edge. My career, and the success of the band, depends on everything I say right now.
I clear my throat and that’s all they need. Cameras go off, reporters shove tape recorders a little closer, trying to be the first to get the scoop. I know they all assume this is about Della. But, it isn’t. I’ve made a deal with myself that I will keep living. She’d want that for me. She’d kick my ass if she thought I wasn’t going to fight to do what’s right. I can feel her with me and she’s pushing me to love Mia the way I need to. Not the way the label thinks it should happen.
“Thank you all for coming today. I know this is last minute. We’ve had a lot to deal with the past few weeks and this is my first step toward healing. Della was my family. She was the one I’d turn to with just about anything. Her death made me open my eyes and realize how short life is and if I don’t take the chances I want to, it may be too late. A few months ago, my name was all over the tabloids. I’d lost my way and made some really bad decisions. I was stupid. I take full responsibility for all of my actions. I apologize to anyone that may have been hurt by my carelessness. One of those women was Oksana, who is probably watching this right now and imaging all the ways she’s going to kill me when I get home.”
I chuckle when Max starts laughing. He knows her as well as I do. I know this is kind of a douche move. A sneak attack of sorts. But I’ve talked to her over and over and she isn’t willing to let this charade go. I’m going to try to make her look like a saint when I’m done today. I just hope I don’t make myself look like an asshole.
“My career was heading down the toilet and I was the one doing the flushing. Oksana has a big heart and I used that for personal gain. She needed me as much as I needed her. We were two lost souls looking for anything to grab on to. She threw me a lifeline and I ran with it. The story of us being engaged was created by the powers that be. I was honored to stand at her side. In another lifetime, maybe that’s where I would be today. Who knows? We might have made a great team. But the story of our engagement was just something that was thrown out there to try and save me from throwing my life away. I will never be able to thank Oksana enough.”
The media is buzzing. The bomb I just dropped rips through the crowd. The questions start immediately. Everyone is yelling over each other in an attempt to get their questions answered first. Max holds up his hand to calm everyone down. When they settle, I continue.
“The other person this rumor hurt was a woman who means the world to me. Before we headed out on our first tour, I met someone. She was everything I wanted, everything I needed. I let her get away then but I’m not willing to do that again. She saved me from everything in my life that was dark. We reunited a few months ago and I fell even harder. If Harley was up here saying these things, he’d sound really cool. I just sound like a complete sap but I’m ok with that. Mia means more to me than anything in the world and I couldn’t live another minute without her by my side. I was having a hard time being away from her so Max stepped in and took his part in this big disaster of a lie and kept her close to us. Just knowing she was close was enough for me. She and Max would appear together in public and I would stand by Oksana and it was supposed to make everything ok. But, it didn’t.”
The cameras are pointed at Max now and he just smiles like the champ he is. I will never be able to repay him for what he’s done for me. “Max had to put his life on hold because I had fallen in love with a woman that I had to keep hidden from the world. Thank you for that, man. I couldn’t have made it through the past few weeks without her or without you.”
Max shakes my hand. “I’d do it again if it meant you were happy.”
That got them. The women in the room have officially swooned over Max Callum. His moment in the spotlight is just beginning. He’s stolen the hearts of the world with one sentence. Bastard.
“When Della was alive, we spent hours talking about my relationship with Mia and how I needed to come clean about the Oksana engagement. She told me that Mia was the one and I’d be crazy if I did anything to let her get away. She said it every day. I would just smile like a lovesick puppy. I couldn’t help myself. Now that she’s gone, I need to honor her memory by being truthful with all of you. And being truthful with myself. I need to let Max live his life and not have a responsibility to me. I need to let Oksana take her career back and travel and live. She’s gorgeous and one hell of a model and I know success will follow her wherever she goes. I need to apologize to my label, and to all of you that I’ve wronged, for being so unpredictable and not giving a second thought to who my actions hurt. I apologize to my agent for putting you in a position where you had to clean up my mess. More than once.”
Holy shit. I have to take a deep breath. I feel like such a pussy. My eyes have filled with tears. There’s no way I can cry. “I need to apologize to Mia for not being able to be the man she deserves at the beginning of this second chance we got. I’ve been given more second chances than anyone I know. I don’t deserve them but I’m thankful for all of them. I won’t take any of them for granted any longer. I’ve got a guardian angel watching over me now and I refuse to do anything to make her less than proud of me. I’m thankful to the men of Liquid Regret for staying by my side through everything. You’re my family and I love you guys more than you’ll ever know. We’ll be heading back out on tour soon and I’d like to have Mia by my side. I’m in love with her and I can’t imagine walking through this life without her.”
&nbs
p; The room is quiet for a second. I’m able to make eye contact with some of the media in the front row. The smiles I see put me at ease. I’ve opened myself up to criticism and judgment and I don’t care. All that matters is that the lies are behind me and I’m able to look toward tomorrow with my head up. Harley always says fuck the haters. He lives his life the way he wants to. I’m taking a page from his book. It’s time to start living.
“Max. Does this mean you’re single?” A female reporter yells out and I can’t help but laugh. Max just winks and nods his head. The man of few words thrust into the spotlight with my lie and coming out as America’s most eligible bachelor. He’s like a cat. He always lands on his feet. He’s tall and blond and doesn’t even recognize when women fall at his feet. His eyes are wide open now.
“How’s Harley handling things?”
“What is Mia’s last name?”
“Will you be getting married?”
“When will you go back out on tour?”
“Where is Oksana now?”
“Do the police have any leads on who killed Della?”
The questions are fired at us and we do our best to answer them. Harley’s healing. We’d like to protect Mia’s privacy and we’ll take our relationship one day at a time. Oksana is heading out to shoot for a spread in a magazine. The investigation continues and we won’t stop until someone pays for taking her from us. Tour dates are on hold at the moment. Max is grinning as I answer what I can. Every so often, his deep voice comes through the microphone with a short answer that gets their attention.
When we’ve had enough, we stand and wave before being led back to our cars. Security detail has increased for all of us. There are days I feel like I’m the president. I might even have more than he does at the moment. Until we find out what happened that night, we’ll be more careful. Della’s death will not go unsolved. There’s no reality where that’s an option. We’ve brought in our own experts to comb through evidence. The day they catch this sick bastard, we will all rejoice and know that Della can finally rest in peace.