Ugenia and Rudy sat among the mountain of cereal and mass of empty boxes with not one single green Lunar Park Funfair token in sight.
‘Uuuuh! Injustice! This is so unfair!’ cried Ugenia. ‘How on earth am I going get my VIP Death Wish?’
‘Well, I think I’m going to get mine,’ said Rudy. ‘I’m going to be in serious trouble if my parents see this mess . . .’
Ugenia gulped. ‘Ooh, Rudy, what have I done? I don’t even think I have enough money to pay for it all,’ said Ugenia, staring at her two pounds.
‘Don’t worry about it, let’s just get this cleaned up,’ said Rudy.
So Rudy and Ugenia began scooping the mountains of Wheatie Oatie Flakos back into the cereal boxes. Ugenia then got some Sellotape and began putting the boxes back up.
‘Hopefully no one will notice!’ she smiled, trying to make things seem better. Then the pair of them went and stacked the newly packed Wheatie Oatie Flakos in a great pyramid on the shop floor.
‘Very nice display! Thank you,’ said Mr Patel. ‘Ah, Ugenia, did we have what you were looking for?’
‘Not quite, Mr Patel, but never mind,’ said Ugenia, quickly pacing out of the shop.
Ugenia gave a look of thanks and remorse to Rudy, as if to say, ‘Oops, I’m really sorry. Thanks for being so cool about it. I hope we don’t get found out!’ and then she jumped on her bike and pedalled ‘tokenless’ back to 13 Cromer Road.
Ugenia felt very disappointed. Not only had she nearly got Rudy into major trouble. Now she was definitely not going to the Lunar Park Funfair. No green token, no VIP Death Wish.
Ugenia wandered into the kitchen, where her parents were having afternoon tea and toast.
‘Ah, Ugenia, did you find the token you wanted?’ asked her mother.
‘No, I didn’t,’ said Ugenia sadly, handing back the two pounds to her mother.
‘Ooh, I’m sorry,’ said her mum.
‘But I did!’ beamed her great-grandmother, Granny Betty, walking through the door, proudly holding a shiny green plastic token. ‘Your mum’s just told me you were looking for one. I’ve had this for ages!’
‘Incredible!’ cried Ugenia, punching the air. ‘All I have to do now is fill in the entry form and enter the competition! I’m going to be zooming upside down on that Death Wish before I know it!’
Ugenia ran upstairs and stared at the entry form, which said: Please give one sentence telling us why you think you’re a Lunar Park VIP winner . . .
Ugenia began to think of the best answer she could give. Hmm, well VIP means very important, so they need to know why I’m important enough to win? she thought as she pondered over this and chewed on her pen before practising her answer on a piece of paper . . .
I’m a Lunar Park VIP winner because Im . . . very nice and lovely. Nah, too naff . . .
. . . because I’m pretty special. Although we’re all pretty special in different ways, so my Granny Betty says. Nah, too fluffy . . .
. . . because I’m going to be really cross and have to kill you if you don’t give this to me. Nope, too pushy . . .
I’m a Lunar Park VIP winner because I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO RIDE THE DEATH WISH RIDE!
‘Perfect!’ said Ugenia as she filled in the application form, put it in an envelope and plopped in all the green tokens she had collected.
Ugenia then got a stamp from her mum and ran to the letter box around the corner, just in time to catch the last post.
One week later, on Saturday morning, Ugenia received a small parcel with a letter attached. It was from the Wheatie Oatie Flakos company and said:
Dear Ms Ugenia Lavender . . .
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE A VIP WINNER!
‘I’m a VIP winner!’ screamed Ugenia in excitement, bouncing around the kitchen like an electric kangaroo who’d had too much sugar. ‘I’ve won! I’m going to Lunar Park and I’m going to be zooming upside down on the Death Wish!’
‘That’s great, well done, Ugenia,’ said Professor Lavender from behind his large paper as he sipped his morning coffee.
Ugenia could hardly concentrate as she began to read the rest of the letter . . .
We are writing to inform you that we loved your entry to be a VIP Lunar Park guest. It was very good, in fact you almost won a VIP Lunar Park guest visit, but not quite, as the competition was very fierce . . .
‘Injustice!’ cried Ugenia, smashing through her father’s large newspaper. ‘I almost won? What does that mean? Who cares about “almost”?!’
Professor Lavender stared blankly at Ugenia. ‘Hmm, let me see that letter,’ he said, decrumpling his newspaper as Ugenia handed it over. ‘Ah, it’s not all bad, you’ve won a consolation prize!’
‘What’s that?’ asked Ugenia.
‘Well, it’s given to people for their effort when they almost nearly win,’ Professor Lavender explained.
‘An almost-nearly prize?’ huffed Ugenia as she looked inside the package and pulled out a parcel. Ugenia unwrapped it and untaped the bubble wrap before pulling out . . .
A red plastic purse!
‘That’s it?’ cried Ugenia. ‘That’s it? All I get is a horrible almost-nearly-winner plastic purse!’
‘I think it might come in rather handy,’ said Professor Lavender.
But Ugenia wasn’t so sure, and spent the rest of the morning feeling rather miffed. Every time she looked at her red plastic purse she felt even worse.
At midday Ugenia got a phone call from one of her best friends, Crazy Trevor.
‘Er, my Uncle Terry has come into town. He works at Lunar Park Funfair. I’m allowed to take my mates . . . he can get us in for free. Do you wanna come?’ Crazy Trevor asked.
Ugenia nearly choked on her gooseberry minto with excitement. ‘Er, yeah! I would love to!’
‘Well, my dad is taking me this evening, so we’ll pick you up at five thirty,’ said Trevor.
Ugenia ran into the kitchen and dived at her dad, straight into the newly straightened-out newspaper he was reading.
‘I’m gonna get to ride my Death Wish!’ she shouted. ‘I’m gonna ride my Death Wish, Dad. Can I go to Lunar Park tonight, please? It’s with Trevor’s dad. Please?’
‘Only if you let me read my newspaper,’ Mr Lavender grunted. ‘And if your mum says it’s OK.’
Ugenia went hunting for Pandora Lavender. Her mother agreed, but only on the condition that she behaved and stayed close to Trevor’s dad the whole time . . .
At 5.30 p.m. Crazy Trevor and his dad, Kevin, pulled up in a large, rusty white van outside 13 Cromer Road. Ugenia was all ready to go. Pandora Lavender followed her out into the street, chatted with Kevin about details like safety and what time they would be back home, then handed Ugenia the red plastic purse. ‘There’s some money in there just in case,’ she said.
‘Thanks, Mum,’ said Ugenia, half grateful for the money but equally horrified at the nasty looking red plastic almost-nearly-winner purse. Ugenia shoved it in the back pocket of her jeans and climbed into the back seat, where Rudy and Bronte were already sitting.
Kevin started the engine and the white van clunked down Boxmore Hill, past the twenty-four-hour, bargain-budget, bulk-buyers’ supersized supermarket and into the town centre . . .
Then they headed to the edge of town towards the wasteland, where the lights of Lunar Park twinkled in the distance. Ugenia could hardly wait as they drove along the vast long road that swept up to the entrance of the funfair. She could hear the terrorized screams – her Death Wish dream was getting closer.
Crazy Trevor and his dad, Ugenia, Rudy and Bronte piled out into the dusty car park, where the large neon Lunar Park sign was glowing above them.
‘Once we’re through those gates, everything is free!’ said Rudy. ‘And we get to go on everything!’
‘This is so kind of your uncle to sort us out tickets,’ said Bronte.
‘And I finally get to go on my Death Wish!’ said Ugenia excitedly.
‘Follow me!’ said Kevin, who st
arted to walk in the opposite direction to the ticket entrance.
Ugenia, Bronte, Rudy and Crazy Trevor followed Kevin round to the side of the wire fence. It was a little bit dark and there were lots of caravans and electric dynamos whirling.
‘Where on earth are we going?’ asked Bronte, who was feeling a little bit uneasy.
‘We’re taking the cheeky VIP entrance, care of my bruvva,’ said Kevin. ‘He can get us in for nuffn’.’
‘But I thought your brother worked here? Surely he can get us proper tickets?’ said Bronte.
‘Ah, well, he doesn’t actually work here,’ said Kevin. ‘He’s just been hired to fix a generator for the bumper cars.’
Suddenly, out of the darkness, Uncle Terry appeared from behind a caravan inside the fence. ‘All right, kids, come on in . . . ready for some funfair action!’ he said as he began pulling the wire fence away from the ground.
Kevin got on his hands and knees and wiggled on his round belly under the fence.
‘This is ingenious!’ said Ugenia.
‘This is dishonest,’ said Bronte.
‘This is cheaper,’ said Rudy.
Ugenia, suddenly feeling like her favourite action hero, Hunk Roberts, dived and rolled under the fence.
‘Come on, Bronte. Don’t be a scaredy-cat, I dare you!’ said Ugenia from the other side of the fence.
‘Oh, very well,’ gulped Bronte as she followed everyone else and crawled under.
Once they were all finally through and everyone had straightened themselves out, Ugenia, Bronte, Rudy and Crazy Trevor followed Kevin and Terry into a white tent.
‘Now, me and Kevin are going to have a nice can of something,’ said Terry. ‘So that means you can all go off and enjoy yourselves. Remember you can go on anything you like.’
‘What, by ourselves? Without an adult?’ said Bronte.
‘Yeah, you’ll be fine, just keep together. Don’t get up to any mischief, cos we’ll be right here keeping a close eye on you,’ said Terry, who was waving a five-pound note, trying to get the barman’s attention.
‘Great!’ said Ugenia.
‘Fabulous,’ said Rudy.
‘Er . . . yeah,’ said Crazy Trevor.
‘Let’s be real daredevils and find my Death Wish!’ said Ugenia.
And so Ugenia, Crazy Trevor, Rudy and Bronte quickly walked out of the tent before Kevin and Terry could change their minds.
Directly in front of them was a black tent that had an old swirly sign saying: MYSTICAL MYSTERIES . . .
Crazy Trevor, Ugenia, Rudy and Bronte stared at the sign. They were just about to go in when Trevor said, ‘I’m not going in there – it looks boring, thanks very much.’
‘Come on, Trevor – now you can’t be a scaredy-cat, I dare you!’ said Ugenia, dragging Trevor into the tent before he had any time to argue.
Ugenia, Trevor, Bronte and Rudy were welcomed by a man who was wearing just a pair of underpants. He had a bald head and his body was completely blue all over with jigsaw-puzzle-shaped tattoos.
‘Hello, I am the Blue Enigma,’ said the blue man, ushering Ugenia, Rudy, Crazy Trevor and Bronte inside the tent.
‘Why are you blue?’ asked Ugenia.
‘Ah, that’s the enigma – I’m a mystery,’ he said.
‘Yes, you certainly are a bit different,’ smiled Ugenia politely, desperately trying not to stare at his underpants.
‘Er . . . yeah,’ said Trevor.
‘Now, ladies and gentlemen,’ the Blue Enigma started. ‘Are you ready to meet Mystical Marge? Do you have enough courage to look into your futures? Go through into the back room, but trust me it’s not for the faint-hearted.’
Ugenia looked at the red velvet curtains that the Blue Enigma was pointing to. ‘Come on, let’s go on in there!’ she said.
‘Nah, I’m not that bovvered about my future, thanks very much,’ said Trevor.
‘Yes, my dad says we should just trust and live for the day!’ said Rudy.
‘And I’d rather not know, thanks,’ said Bronte.
‘Ah, you bunch of chickens!’ said Ugenia, who then marched through the red curtains without them.
The back room had dark red lined walls and was dimly lit by tiny little red lamps. There was a lady with a large crystal ball sitting at a table.
‘Aha, come in, come in. I’ve been expecting you!’ said Mystical Marge, who was wearing a black headscarf and big dangly earrings.
‘Really?’ said Ugenia as she walked over to the table suspiciously.
‘Yes, and something red and nasty is following you,’ said Mystical Marge.
‘OK, thanks a lot,’ said Ugenia politely, thinking this lady seemed quite batty, when suddenly she noticed a short figure standing in the corner hiding in the shadows.
Ugenia could barely see the little man’s face as it was masked by a red hooded cloak, but he had a large nose that was poking out and he was breathing very heavily.
Ugenia took a slow step forward. Suddenly the red dwarfed figure glared at her, as if he could read every single thing she was thinking. He then made a hissing sound like a spiteful cat that had seen its worst enemy. Ugenia jumped back with fright.
‘Beware of your death wish,’ whispered Mystical Marge to Ugenia.
What a load of rubbish, thought Ugenia as she quickly backed out of the room to where Bronte, Rudy and Crazy Trevor were waiting. ‘Let’s forget about all this, I wanna go on my Death Wish ride,’ she said, feeling rather uneasy as she tried to forget the creepy dwarf and what Mystical Marge had said.
Ugenia’s friends quickly followed her outside and into the summer evening breeze.
Ugenia instantly felt better as the smell of candyfloss and hot dogs wafted under her nose . . .
‘Come on, let’s get some supplies!’ said Trevor with excitement, running up to a large van that had ice creams, meat pies and fizzy cherryade.
‘I’d like a chocolate milkshake and a large raspberry ripple with a fake in, please, with extra sprinkles of nuts and hundreds and thousands,’ said Crazy Trevor. ‘Oh, and some cherry fudge sauce. Yeah, and don’t hold back with that.’
‘I’ll have a hot dog,’ said Ugenia, just about to reach for her red plastic purse in her back pocket, when she suddenly remembered that everything was free in Lunar Park.
Rudy and Bronte shared a candyfloss.
And they all walked happily towards their next target, the T. REX TWISTER . . .
The T. Rex Twister ride consisted of small green pods, each with four seats in them, that were whizzing in and out of a large Tyrannosaurus rex’s mouth, which was snapping ferociously.
‘That looks fantastic!’ said Ugenia, running towards the gate for the next pod. ‘Come on, let’s go on it!’
‘I can’t, I’m busy eating!’ said Trevor.
‘I dare you, come on and eat at the same time . . .’ said Ugenia. ‘It’s stopping. Let’s get on it!’
‘Er, I’m not sure about this,’ said Trevor, climbing into the pod with his raspberry ripple and chocolate milkshake.
‘Erm, I’m not so sure about this either,’ squirmed Bronte, staring at the large teeth. ‘It looks like it might be dangerous . . .’
‘Don’t worry, it’s electric, it won’t really eat you!’ laughed Ugenia, dragging Bronte towards a green pod.
And before Bronte had any time to protest, she and Ugenia, along with Trevor and Rudy, were held in with an iron bar across their laps.
The pods whipped and jerked back and forth as they narrowly missed the sharp dino gnashers that snapped at them.
Bronte and Ugenia screamed and giggled.
‘This is fantastic!’ squealed Bronte as the pod jerked sideways, squashing her into Ugenia, who lunged into Rudy, who then lunged at Crazy Trevor, who was still trying to eat his raspberry ripple and sip his chocolate milkshake without spilling it.
The chocolate milkshake few over their heads on to the pod behind them, straight into a man’s face, just as his pod was flung forwards and whi
zzed out of the dinosaur’s bottom, which made a large farting sound.
‘Perfect timing!’ laughed Crazy Trevor as the music slowed down and the ride came to a halt.
After the ride was over and their heads had stopped spinning, Ugenia and her friends staggered over to the Evolution Log Ride – it was a roller coaster that sped through a river and soaked everyone with water.
Rudy sat at the front. Ugenia sat behind him, then Bronte, then Trevor.
‘Why do I have to sit in the front?’ said Rudy.
‘It means you’re a VIP – a very important person,’ said Ugenia, smiling.
‘Erm, I not sure about this,’ said Rudy, who was trying to get Trevor’s raspberry ripple out of his jeans. ‘I really don’t want to get my hair wet.’
‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine!’ said Ugenia.
And before Rudy had any time to protest, they were zooming down the steep waterfall on a huge log.
They all screamed with laughter as they reached the bottom and a humongous wave drenched Rudy at the front.
‘I’m not impressed. I’ll get you back,’ he grumbled, trying not to smile.
‘Ah, it means you’re an extra-special VIP the more wet you get,’ said Ugenia as she ran them over to the Midsummer Night Scream Phantom Ghost Train.
Bronte and Trevor got in a separate car in front of them. But just as Ugenia was about to get on board with Rudy, she noticed a flash of red cloak among the crowds of people coming towards the train. Was that the creepy dwarf? Nah, it must be my imagination, thought Ugenia as she got into the small car with Rudy, who was trembling slightly.
Ugenia Lavender Home Alone Page 3