I wrap my arm around her, my thumb stroking her sun-kissed shoulder. "I was just thinking about the day we met and when I asked you about kids. The look on your face…" my voice trails off as I recall her devastating expression. I still remember the agonizing pain behind those beautiful eyes.
She nods solemnly. "I didn't even know I was pregnant…until I lost it." She pauses and bites into her bottom lip so hard I fear it might split open. "It was his fault that I lost the baby, and I made a promise to myself to never get pregnant by him again." She sighs softly. "He doesn't even know I'm on birth control."
Her words chill my blood to the core. It was his fault that she lost the baby. I try to reign in my temper, but I feel myself close to losing it. "You shouldn't have to live like that, Avery. No one should make you feel that way. Ever."
She closes her eyes and snuggles close to me. I wrap my arm around her, and instantly my anger fades. She softly says, "Let's not ruin our last night together by talking about him and things in the past."
I nod. And just like that, the conversation is over. We continue to watch the kids play until the sun goes down. And then I take her home --- my home, the home I wish I could call ours.
*
AVERY
I'm filled with such mixed emotions. On the one hand, I'm on cloud nine because of Max. On the other hand, Nathan is coming home tomorrow; and I am terrified. This past week with Max has been incredible. It gave me hope. Hope for a better life. But all of that might come crashing down the moment I return home and see Nathan. I have been ignoring him. I hung up on him numerous times. And I know the punishment will be great. Just when my body had gotten used to the gentleness of Max, it will have to go back to the torment of Nathan. Mentally, I don't know if I can handle it.
Max enters the kitchen. "Hey, do you want to have some wine out on the back deck?"
"Sure," I say, but even I can hear the tremor in my voice.
Max turns me to face him. His brows draw together, and he has a serious look on his face. "Are you all right?" he asks.
I nod, but all I want to do is break down and cry. "I wish we had more time," I tell him, my voice breaking.
He pulls me close. "Don't go home to him, Avery," Max whispers in my ear.
I still in his arms. "But…I have to."
"No, you don't." He holds me even tighter and kisses my forehead. "I don't want you to get hurt anymore. Don't go back to him. We'll find a way to hide you so that he won't ever find you again."
"That's impossible," I say, and it's the truth. No matter how hard I've tried, Nathan always finds me. He has resources that most people don't have and connections I probably don't even know about. And if he found out that Max helped me… "No," I say adamantly. "I'll figure out a way, but now isn't the time."
He pulls back and stares down at me. "Will there ever be a time?"
My palm cups his cheek, and he leans into my touch. "Yes. I promise."
He closes his eyes and nods once. "If anything happens, will you come to me? Will you let me protect you?"
I nod, because I don't want to lie to him. I won't let Max get hurt. No matter what happens.
Snaking my hands around Max's neck, I pull him down to me. Our kiss is urgent as if our time is going to run out, and I guess that's because it is. Our little world that we have been living in for the past week is going to come crashing down all around us tomorrow. Our little bubble that we have been safely contained in is about to burst, and I may never be able to be with Max like this again. The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me that I'm not wrong.
I pull back and say, "Go out on the deck. I'll bring the wine."
"All right," he agrees.
I pour two glasses and walk out onto the back deck where Max is reclining on one of the chairs. He's staring up at the night sky, and he looks completely content. A sliver of the moon keeps the deck from being consumed in total darkness. I set down the wine glasses on a small table, and the soft, silvery light cascades over both of us as I approach him.
He looks up at me with a grin, and I wish I could stay in this moment forever. This might be our last night together. And while that thought scares the shit out of me, I also want to make it count. I want to treat it like our last night together, so that I have something to hold onto forever.
Without fear or trepidation, two of my normal reactions to situations such as this, I reach for the hem of my dress and pull it up over my head in one sweep. Max watches with rapt attention as I remove my panties and bra and throw everything into a pile on the porch.
I climb onto his lap on the chair, straddling him. Leaning down, I place a kiss on his full lips. My fingertips reach for his shirt, and he helps me to remove it. We toss it aside, and then my fingers greedily reach for his pants. I unbutton and unzip, and he lifts his hips to pull them and his boxer briefs down and off his legs. With nothing left between us, his fingers find my pulsing clit, and I find his growing erection.
No words are exchanged between us as we stare into each other's eyes. I stroke his velvety length, and he closes his eyes for a moment and groans. He dips a finger into my channel and then adds another, pumping into me as I shudder in response. He makes me feel so good. I never thought it would ever be like this with anyone, but Max knows just how to touch me.
"You're so wet," he says with a husky tone. And I watch in awe as he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks my juices from them. "You taste so damn good, Avery," he whispers.
His words have me practically melting, and I pull him close for a hot, searing kiss. His fingers return to my slit, finding my swollen, little nub. I gasp, and his tongue accepts that as an invitation. Our tongues tangle together, and I can taste myself mixed in with his own minty flavor.
Breaking the kiss, he leans over and pulls a condom out of his jeans pocket. "I need to be inside of you," he confesses. After tearing open the package, he rolls the condom down over his rock hard length. Then he looks up at me as his thumb sweeps over my bottom lip. "Ride me, Avery," he begs, his voice rough with desire.
I slowly lower myself onto him, allowing my body to adjust to his girth. Max's teeth clench, and he lets out a long hiss as I take my time. When I quickly seat myself down to the root, he lets out a resonating growl. The sound echoes through me, making me even hotter. He cups my face in his hands, kissing me fiercely.
We establish a steady rhythm as I rock back and forth and he plunges in and out of me. The feeling is indescribable. His hands lock around my back, and he holds me as we make love out on his deck with the cool night air caressing our bodies. And when I finally collapse onto his chest after our orgasms have subsided, I feel a sense of love, but also loss. I don't want to lose Max, but that's all I can focus on. I'm not going to get to experience this with him for a while…or perhaps ever again. And the feeling grows inside of me until it overwhelms me.
*
MAX
We get dressed slowly, and I can almost feel the overwhelming sadness radiating off of Avery. I hate to see her like that. After she slips on her sandals, I pull her into my arms. "Hey," I whisper. "Everything's going to be all right tomorrow."
"What if it isn't?" she asks before releasing a shaky sigh. "I don't think I can go back to the way things were with Nathan. I feel like my blinders have been lifted, and I don't think I can live in the dark anymore."
"Let me take you away from here. Let me protect you." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I can feel her begin to tense.
After a long pause, she finally says, "I can't let you risk everything for me, Max. It's just not right."
"What's not right is living with a person who abuses you. That's not right!" I say, exasperated. We stand there in silence for a long time. I don't want the last moments of our amazing week together to end on a sour note. Sighing, I pull her closer to my chest and breathe in her soft scent. "I don't want to fight. Let's just focus on the here and now. That's all we can ever do until something changes. And, God, do I hope it changes soon.
"
"Me too," she breathes.
I close my eyes. I don't know why she is so stubborn about this. I want to help. I love her even though I haven't spoken the words out loud yet. I need to do it when the time is right, and it doesn't feel right at this moment. Maybe I'm waiting for her to say it first since I feel so damn vulnerable in this situation.
"Wait here," I say before disappearing into the house. I return a few moments later with a small box. I hand the box to her, and she looks at it apprehensively. I watch carefully as she opens it.
She pulls out the small cell phone and looks up at me.
"It's a burner phone. With only my number programmed into it," I explain. "You can call me anytime you need me."
Her bottom lip trembles, and I suddenly doubt my idea. I thought the phone would give us a way to communicate in secret.
"Thank you, Max." She holds the phone to her chest tightly.
I put my finger under her chin, and raise her teary gaze to meet mine. "If you don't like it ---."
She shakes her head softly. "I love having something that will give me a chance to talk to you whenever I need to."
I sigh in relief and pull her into my chest. I kiss the top of her head and whisper, "If you ever need anything, call me. I'll be there. I'll always be there."
She swallows hard and wraps her arms around me tightly. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" she asks.
I pull back and look down at her. "I ask myself that same question every day." Before she can put any self-doubting thoughts into her head, I grab her hand and say, "Let's go to bed. I want to hold you in my arms tonight." And never let you go. But I don't say that last part out loud even if it's the truth.
*
AVERY
I wake up early and crawl out of bed slowly so as to not disturb Max. I leave a quick note on his nightstand telling him thank you for everything, and I kiss him sweetly one last time before I quietly leave.
I'm not sure what time Nathan's flight is landing, but I want to make sure the house is in perfect order before he comes home. I already know his temper is going to be flaring based on the number of phone calls and texts I never returned. Mentally, I'm already trying to prepare for the backlash, for the punishment, but it's so much harder this time. My entire body shakes as I attempt to get back into my normal, robotic, passive mode.
After taking a shower and getting dressed, I decide to run to the store for groceries. I haven't cooked in over a week, and most of the fresh fruit and vegetables in the fridge have spoiled. I leave a note on the counter for Nathan in case he returns before I get home, and I set out for the store.
Concentrating on shopping and sticking to the list I made proves to be difficult when my mind keeps reverting back to the memories of the week I spent with Max. It's hard to believe that so much has happened in that short amount of time. It's a whirlwind romance for sure, and I have loved every single second of it. I find myself smiling as I shop, and I don't stop smiling until I pull in front of my house.
My lips pull into a frown as I see Nathan's BMW in the driveway. I try to steel my nerves for the confrontation that's bound to happen. I tuck the burner phone Max gave me into a little zippered compartment inside my purse. The charger is safely hidden inside the house, and I left the box at Max's house. I don't want Nathan to ever find any connection to Max.
I pull out my anti-anxiety prescription and pop two pills in my mouth, swallowing them quickly. I haven't had the need to take my pills in almost a week, and I'm sure the numbing effect that will eventually kick in will hit me like a ton of bricks. However, I know I'll need to feel some numbness after my talk with Nathan.
Taking a deep, calming breath, I climb out of the car, grab a few bags of groceries and carry them up the sidewalk. With a trembling hand, I open the front door. Nathan is nowhere in sight, but I see his car keys hanging on one of the hooks on the wall. I know he's in here.
"Nathan?" I call out with a tremulous voice.
The moment I step into the kitchen, I can sense him. Every muscle in my body begins to tense. It's almost like my mind is trying to prepare my body for the inevitable pain.
He walks from the living room into the kitchen. His eyes never even glance in my direction as he takes a bottle of water out of the fridge. He practically tears the cap off, and I can almost feel the anger radiating off of him in waves. "I called the phone company," he says in a low voice. "They said there's no problem with the line. Cell phone company said the same thing. So I know you were ignoring my calls and texts on purpose."
I swallow hard. "I was sick. I didn't even hear the phone ringing half the time," I explain, sticking with my lie. I place the grocery bags and my purse on the counter, stalling for more time.
He slowly turns to look at me. His eyes peruse my body. "Funny how you don't look sick. You told me you were practically on your deathbed, and yet not one single phone call to Dr. Seiger."
I realize Nathan has been checking up on me even from afar. I wonder who else he called. Closing my eyes, my tongue darts out to lick my suddenly dry lips. "I started to feel better a couple of days ago, so I didn't bother making an appointment."
He takes a long drink of water and sets the bottle down on the counter. "I didn't know you could still volunteer at the hospital if you were that ill. I would think they would want you to stay home and get some much-needed rest. You know, not infect the other patients." His eyes dart to me, and the look is murderous. "I almost came home early. But then your sister said she had lunch with you the other day and that you appeared fine."
My stomach twists into one giant knot. He talked to Allison? Why? My heart pounds hard against my ribcage. Did she tell him what I said? Did she tell him that I want a divorce? Does he know?
"Did you not worry at all if I made it to Seattle in one piece? Did you not worry if I was all right, Avery?" When I don't answer, he continues by saying, "You are so fucking selfish. You always have been. You only think about yourself." He shakes his head solemnly. "Sometimes I wonder if I married you before you were ready. The age difference has definitely come into play more than once in the past several years. You are so immature, Avery."
The way he says my name is like a curse on his tongue. "I'm sorry," I say, because it's the only thing I can do to try to placate him.
"Sorry," he spits. "You're sorry?" I watch the rage suddenly build within him, and I automatically take a step back. My move irritates him. "Come here," he whispers.
A shiver runs up my spine as I stay where I am. My emotions drain from my body, and I can almost feel them pooling at my feet and bleeding out onto the floor. All of the happiness that Max has created over the past week is gone within an instant.
"Come. Here," he demands, menacingly.
It's a double-edged sword at this point. If I go to him, he'll hurt me. But if I turn and run, he'll hurt me perhaps even worse. I'm screwed either way, and my feet refuse to budge. I can't willingly walk to pain. I just can't.
"I won't ask you again, Avery." He folds his arms in front of his chest, his muscles clenching under his t-shirt with pent-up anger.
"Please, Nathan. I'm sorry for not answering the phone. I told you I was sorry. How many times can I apologize?"
He stares at me in disbelief. I usually listen to him the first time he tells me to do something, and I think he's shocked that I'm not obeying his commands. "Avery." He jabs his finger towards the floor in front of him. "Come here. NOW!" he screams.
"No." I hear the word leave my lips, but I can't believe I said it. My time with Max changed me. I know that now. A small part of the old me has been rebuilt, and I'm standing up to Nathan just like I did years ago.
Nathan stalks towards me, and I quickly back myself away from him to the wall. "I think my time away was a mistake. You are reverting back to your old ways, Avery. And I don't like it," he hisses.
"I don't care what you like," I hiss back.
The smack from his hand hits my cheek before I can even blink. The force o
f it causes my head to whip around, and the back of my head smacks hard against the wall. My hand instantly goes to the hot skin on the side of my face. It's painful to touch, and something inside of me instantly changes. Instead of crying, instead of wanting to tell him that I'm sorry, I get angry. In fact, I'm seething as I stand before him. My brain is screaming for me to fight. Don't just stand there and take it! Fight! I glare at him and scream, "Fuck you!"
Nathan stares at me for a few moments, unmoving, and the room grows eerily quiet. "Say it again." He's breathing hard, and I know he's trying to control the beast inside of him. "I. Dare. You."
I stand my ground, not backing down this time. "Fuck. You." I spit out the words with as much gusto as I can manage. I find myself feeling suddenly empowered. This has been a long time coming. I should have never stopped standing up to him. I should have never let him lay a hand on me. But the past is in the past. I can't change what was.
His eyes never leave mine. "Oh, I see you've grown a backbone while I was gone." His lips curl up into a sinister sneer. "Well, I guess I'll just have to break you down all over again."
The blows come in succession. One hit to my face has me crumbling against the wall behind me. One punch to my stomach has me doubling over in pain. His hands keep striking me, and I can feel my resolve slowly leaving me piece by piece.
I'm cowered down on the floor from the last punch to my ribs, and I desperately hold my trembling hands up. I can't handle any more. "Please. Stop," I sob.
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