by Terry Fallis
“You can bunk in here,” Matt said, flicking on the light in bedroom number three. “I’m just down the hall if you need anything.”
I just nodded in a bit of a daze and fetched my suitcase.
Matt walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge.
“Beer?” he asked.
I really shouldn’t. We’ve been drinking all afternoon.
“Um, sure. Thanks.”
He grabbed two and walked to the sliding glass doors at the far end of the room. I’d completely missed them on the tour. He slid open the door and led me out on to a large wooden deck, populated with wooden furniture, including a table and umbrella combo and six really comfy-looking chairs. We sat down. A nice wooden privacy fence did its job, providing the illusion that perhaps we weren’t in central London after all.
“The view is no great shakes from here, but you can actually see stars on those few days when we don’t have cloud cover,” Matt explained.
Innovatengage must be raking in the dough to pay for this castle. Congrats!
“You have an amazing condo, Matthew. It’s beautiful,” I said. “Your company must be doing very well.”
“The company is coming along, but it’s still a start-up,” Matt replied. “I bought this place with money from my parents’ estate. My father did very well at BT. And there’s really no more secure and lucrative an investment than London luxury real estate. And I decided I might as well enjoy it as it appreciates.”
“Makes sense.”
“Well, maybe not entirely,” Matt continued. “I bought this place before I started the company. I would have scaled down my living arrangements had I known I was going to have to fund a start-up. We’re now heading towards a second tranche of VC financing to get us up to the next growth plateau. It would have been helpful if this particular investment were a little more liquid. But we’re doing fine.”
“Would you mind if I had a look at the back end of your platform some time?” I asked.
“Anyone coming into this conversation late might think that was a very personal question,” Matt replied. “But since you’re my long-lost identical twin brother…”
“And a software engineer,” I reminded him.
“Right. And as a software engineer, you’re welcome to check out my back end. In fact, I’d like your thoughts on it. I think we can get a little lost in our own weeds sometimes. A third-party view makes sense.”
“Great.”
He looked at me for a few minutes in the dimness of the light spilling through the sliding glass door.
“I still can’t believe this has happened. How is one supposed to feel? I’ve completely lost my bearings. But I know it’s all true. Logic demands it. You really can’t question the evidence. It’s unassailable.”
I nodded.
“You’ll need some time to process it all,” I said. “I’ve had a few days now for it to sink in, and that’s really helped.”
He shook his head again.
“Listen to your voice!” he said. “It’s my voice.”
I smiled in agreement.
I know. Isn’t it fucking awesome! Isn’t it great?
“I know. Isn’t it awesome? Isn’t it great?”
“It’s bloody mind-blowing,” Matt replied. “That’s what it is. Mind-blowing.”
He stood up and moved over to the fence to look out on the city. I joined him there.
We leaned on the fence, looked out at the city, drank our beer, and talked for another half-hour or so. I oscillated between scanning the cityscape and looking at my twin brother, just to confirm yet again that this was really happening.
I know it might sound a little creepy that we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other. But it didn’t feel that way. Now that we’d both accepted that we had found one another, and that we were unquestionably, undeniably, unimpeachably formed from the same single zygote, there was a warmth and a connection that felt almost overwhelming. In hindsight, I realized it was almost certainly love – a familial love – that had arrived at breakneck speed. It was not the brotherly love that builds slowly over the years as twins grow up together, sharing a womb, sharing a room, sharing adventures, joys and disappointments, and sharing so much idle time. This was not the typical slow-build. No. This was more like a detonation. And it felt like it.
“Don’t move!” Matt said.
“What? Why? Is there a scorpion on my shoulder?” I asked. “A spider?”
“Don’t move,” he repeated. I stood stock-still. “Now look at how you’re standing.”
Matt watched as I froze but lowered my eyes to take in my own physical set-up. I was standing sideways to the fence, leaning on the top rail, my outside leg supporting all my weight while my inside leg was bent and crossed over, resting easily on the deck. My inside forearm lay flat along the fence rail, a bottle of Heineken in my hand. My outside arm was at my side, slightly bent at the elbow – which is where my arm usually bends – my hand resting in my pants pocket.
“Yeah? So?”
“Now look at me,” he instructed. “Bizarre and brilliant!”
I realized that Matt, facing me, was fixed in precisely the same pose, right down to the way his fingers wrapped around his Heineken on the top rail of the fence.
“Did you just copy the way I was…”
“Of course not. That would hardly make this so interesting,” he interrupted. “I just looked down and noticed that we were both standing in exactly the same position. And this is how I always stand here. It’s my restful, contemplative pose. Apparently it’s yours, too.”
“Yes, but this is also my ‘I really can’t believe this is happening’ pose,” I replied.
Matt laughed, using my laugh.
We stood in silence for a minute or two.
“So what really happened with your high school sweetheart?” he asked. “You were a little cryptic about it, earlier.”
You don’t want to know and I’m not yet ready to tell you.
“Oh, you know early romances. It was very intense for quite a while. Then something happened, and it was never quite the same after that,” I said, instantly regretting being quite so explicit.
“It’s the ‘then something happened’ part that’s intriguing. Did you get her pregnant?”
“No. Hardly. We were fifteen at the time. We’d, you know, talked about sex – we talked about everything – but weren’t quite there yet. No it was, um, something else.”
I realized through all of this I’d been shuffling my feet and looking down like a six-year-old being scolded for breaking a neighbour’s window. The vibe had changed.
“Hey. Are you all right?” Matt asked.
No, not really. I’ll tell you about Gabriel sometime, but just not now. Not today. Not yet.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed by everything, I guess.”
“Understandably. But listen, Alex, you’re my twin brother, my identical twin brother,” Matt started. “It’s obviously completely up to you what and when you choose to share with me, but just know that what we have, by virtue of our shared birth, no one else in the world has. No one. So whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”
He looked briefly out over the city before turning back to me and continuing.
“You know, I would love to have had a brother to talk to growing up. We’ve both grown up without any siblings. We’ve both missed out on so much – on each other. I’m thrilled this has happened and at the same time, I’m a little angry that neither of us knew about the other until now. What would we be like today if we’d grown up together? Where would we be? Who would we be? We could have really helped one another out.”
“Yeah, well, now we can,” I croaked, hoping the lump in my throat wasn’t as big and obvious and visible as it felt. “Better late than never.”
“Better late than never,” he repeated. “Even though we’ve never ever met before today, the fact that our mannerisms are so eerily similar is either very weird or it’s not weird in the l
east. I’m now thinking it’s the latter.”
“It’s really not weird at all. We have the same DNA,” I said. “It would be very weird if we weren’t so much alike.”
“DNA. Right,” Matt said. “Hang on, I just had a thought. We both know what the results would show, but let’s take one of those consumer DNA tests anyway, just to etch it all in stone. It would be a fitting way to commemorate our reunion. Fifty years from now we can pull it out and show our grandchildren.”
“I like it,” I said. “I’m in.”
Ten minutes later I was horizontal in the dark of the bedroom. I was so tired I wasn’t. My last act of the night was texting Abby the photo of Matt and me from the William Blake.
“I found him” was all I wrote to accompany the shot.
It was early evening in Ottawa, so I was not surprised when she immediately responded.
“OMFG!!! So happy for you. Details! All of them. Now! Abby xo”
I just stayed still, not that I could move much. I knew any movement would make it worse.
CHAPTER 8
“I was just making sure this all hadn’t been a dream,” Matt said. “Sorry if I woke you.”
He was standing in the bedroom doorway, fully dressed. Morning sunlight streamed in around him from the wall of windows behind, making him look either deified or radioactive.
“You didn’t,” I replied. “Even with the time change, I’ve been awake for a while. It’s hard to sleep when your mind is still grappling with something this big.”
He nodded.
“Coffee is ready when you are.”
He swung the door closed. I just lay there for a few minutes in a kind of reverie. Beyond the satiny comforter gathered around me, a feeling of serenity, calm, and I guess happiness enveloped me. I could have sworn I’d felt satisfied, happy, content, many times before in my life, but never at this level, never on this scale. And it actually felt rooted deep inside me, anchored there, secure, rather than just draped over me, perhaps to be pulled away at any second. It was a different feeling, more vivid and vital, with a kind of permanence I’d never experienced before. A blend of the physical and the emotional. I suddenly felt like me for the very first time. I lingered a little longer, savouring the sensation. After a few minutes, when it failed to dissipate or diminish in any way, I got up. The digital clock on the nightstand said 6:55.
I took a very quick shower, shaved, and pulled on clothes I might have worn to work that day had I been back in Ottawa. I figured Matt might drag me to his office so I wanted at least to look the part. The prospect of being the target of intense scrutiny from a small army of hipster techie strangers made my pulse pound. But I knew it was unavoidable. And it was worth it to spend more time with Matt. I was still at the stage where I didn’t really want to be too far away from him. We’d covered a lot of ground the day before, but still we’d barely scratched the surface of our separate lives.
“I don’t even know how my twin brother takes his coffee,” Matt said when I emerged from the bedroom and made the long walk to the kitchen. “How weird is that?”
“Lots of milk, no sugar,” I replied. “This place looks even bigger and better in daylight.”
It was bright and sunny in the great interior space. It was like being outside while inside.
“The light certainly helps me wake up in the mornings, though blundering around temporarily blinded does have its hazards.”
He poured and doctored my coffee, then handed the mug to me.
“Thanks.”
“So, Alex, odd as this might seem when we have twenty-five years to catch up on, I don’t think I can avoid my office a second day in a row. We have a lot going on, what with heading into another round of financing while juggling several client engagements. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Matthew, there’s no rush now. We’ve got lots of time,” I replied. “I’m not heading back for at least a couple of weeks. Maybe I should just hang out here for the day.”
“No bloody way. Just because I have to work doesn’t mean we have to be separated. You’re coming to the office,” he said. “I do have some pull with the company, you know. And I have just declared it ‘bring your long-lost twin brother to work day,’ for the foreseeable future.”
All those people? All those strangers, staring at me, pointing at me, talking to me? Excruciating in the extreme. No, I don’t think so.
“Okay,” I replied, trying to hide the physical manifestations of “sucking it up.”
I’d already tried to say it several times that morning, but it wasn’t until we were walking along Old Street, just a few minutes from Innovatengage, that I finally found my voice.
“Um, you know, Matt, about this morning, I’m not really what you would call a people person. I’m not good with new people. It freaks me out a little. It’s the curse of the introvert.”
Matt turned to make eye contact as we walked towards the Classic House entrance.
“I know, Alex. I know,” he said. “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.”
You know? What do you mean, you know? No you don’t. You have no idea. You have not begun to have an idea. Gabriel, meet Matthew. Matthew, Gabriel. No, you really don’t know.
“You know? Um, you probably don’t,” I said. “I’m fine with you. I’m assuming because you’re my own flesh and blood. But I’m shy, in a very big way, in a ‘shy on steroids’ way, in a ‘Is that guy mute?’ way. I get really nervous around new people. Sometimes paralyzed. So maybe we don’t have to meet all forty-eight of your employees at a big all-staff meeting. It’s hard enough for me to get through my own company’s weekly staff meeting. I don’t think I can handle being an agenda item on yours. So can we just take it slow?”
Matt stopped and took hold of my arm.
“Alex, it’s okay. I know. Trust me. I know. I have eyes. I like to think I’m a quick study. I spent all day with you yesterday. Maggie, the other waiter, the cabbie, the woman on the Tube, the hotel guy, the old man on the platform who asked if we were twins. I know. We’ll take it slow.”
It’s that obvious? I thought I was rockin’ it yesterday. I forced myself way out of my comfort zone. I actually nodded to the Tube woman, and I said “Thanks” to the hotel guy. For me, that’s bordering on loquacious.
“It’s that obvious?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it covered. No staff meeting. No boardroom lunchtime meet and greet. I wouldn’t do that,” Matt said.
Wow, thanks, bro.
“Thanks, Matt. I mean it. Thanks.”
“It’s nothing,” Matt replied as we resumed our walk. “But it is a little perplexing, isn’t it? I mean, we have the same genes and I’m often accused of being an extreme people person, a turbocharged extrovert. I love meeting new people. I like reading the room and working out how to connect with different personalities. Odd that we’re so different in that respect.”
“Yeah, well I’m quite sure my issue is not based in our DNA. It’s more of a learned behaviour,” I explained. “I’m comfortable with people I know and trust. It just takes me some time to come out of what may seem to be a thick, sometimes impenetrable shell.”
“I know. You’re covered.”
When the elevator door opened directly into the very hip and open Innovatengage office, my heart rate spiked so high I figured I could cross tachycardia off my bucket list. Large tables were populated by lots of computers and young men and women. Tight jeans, plaid shirts, and hoodies ruled. Nearly all the guys had closely cropped hair, while half of them also sported bushy hipster beards. There seemed to be just as many women as men. People were bustling about. Two women were playing a Foosball game. Two guys were yukking it up in a very cool-looking kitchen off to the side. A young woman sitting close to the front looked up and saw us, grabbed a file from her station, and headed our way. Great. She was wearing a high-wattage smile.
“Good morning, Matthew. And it’s great to meet you, Alex. I’m Karen. And just so you know, Matthew would have
crashed and burned long ago without me.”
What? What did you say? How did you know my name?
“Oh. Um. Nice to meet you, Karen,” I stammered.
“I wish it weren’t true. What she said about me, I mean,” Matt said. “But she’s right about that crash and burn thing.”
She handed him the file folder, gave me a wink, and sauntered back to her place at the table. I looked at Matt. He just nodded and started walking towards the glass-walled office at the far end of the big open space. It made me think only briefly about the Ashe-can’s office at Facetech.
To reach Matt’s office, we had to navigate the long walk through the maze of work tables and the more than forty staff who worked at Innovatengage. I followed Matt, keeping my eyes on his feet and trying to paper over my anxiety with nonchalance. Not sure it was really working.
It started when we reached the first set of tables and continued for our entire journey.
“Morning, Matthew, Alex.”
“Welcome, Alex.”
“Hey, Matt. Hi, Alex.”
“We’re all good on the Shell engagement, Matthew. It’s up and running. Hey, Alex.”
“G’day, gents.”
“Nice to have you here, Alex.”
And that was just a sampling. A wave of gratitude for Matt’s kindness washed over me. I don’t know how he’d done it. I’d been with him the whole time. Yet somehow, he’d prepared his entire staff for the arrival of his freakishly shy identical twin brother. And they got it. No big deal. No freak-outs. No staring. Just “Hi, how are you, great to meet you, welcome.”
I spent the trip smiling and nodding at everyone who greeted me – and a lot of people greeted me. Everybody greeted me. It was not unlike arriving at my own office at Facetech, only warmer and without the promise of mayhem and meltdowns from Simone. Matt replied to everyone, waved to a few on the other side of the room, and spoke briefly to the woman who’d updated him on the Shell engagement. But he kept us both moving towards his office. When we finally made it, he slid open the glass door and closed it behind us.