by Shona Husk
She smiled. “Jealous?”
More than he should be. “Nah, too small. I couldn’t get my gear in it.”
The shower started running. Olivia or Gemma? He hoped it was Olivia.
“Did you have a sleepover?” Kirsten gave him a curious look.
“Don’t you have to get ready for work or something?”
“Ohh, you don’t want me to meet her. Random or girlfriend?”
“None of your business.” He didn’t want to be having this conversation with her, because then she’d tell Gemma. There was no such thing as privacy in this house.
“Girlfriend…or someone you’d like to be your girlfriend.” She narrowed her eyes as she studied him.
The shower stopped.
“Drop it, K.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t steal her.” His sister smiled and made no effort to make herself scarce. He was going to kill her. “I want to see what’s she’s like.”
“I swear, if you tell anyone—”
“You’ll what? You are all talk, Edward.”
He curled his lip, about to counter, when Olivia walked in. His heart constricted with one part desire and one part fear. He wasn’t ready for Olivia to become gossip. It was fragile between them. No, not fragile, more like a car that kept stopping and starting. They needed jumper leads or a hill start or something to get over that edge instead of rolling back. When he looked at her, he knew there was nothing he could do. It was Olivia who needed to get past what was holding her back. It wasn’t only his job. Miles was still part of her life. If he wasn’t there would’ve been no tears in his bed.
It was far more complicated than he liked. Than he needed. Yet when he’d seen her last night, his dick had led the way and he’d happily cuffed himself to her. And he knew he’d do it again. He must like making his life extra hard. Dumbass.
Olivia looked at Kirsten and then him. With the makeup gone and her hair damp and loose, she looked better than she had last night. It was the first time he’d seen her hair out. It hung halfway down her back. The blue dress was distracting because he knew how easily it could slide off. He blinked, aware his sister was lingering, waiting for an introduction.
“Morning. This is my sister, Kirsten, who is about to get ready for work.” He gave his sister a pointed look.
Kirsten grinned. “Hi. Ed has told me nothing about you.”
He was going to reverse into her new car, repeatedly.
“Hi.” Olivia looked at him as if not sure what to do.
“Don’t mind Kirsten Jane.” She hated her middle name as much as he hated his full name…it was too stuffy and belonged to a grandfather he’d never met. “She’s a hairdresser and likes to know everyone’s business. Occupational hazard.”
Olivia’s smile remained fixed. She wasn’t really comfortable. What did he expect? She wasn’t used to waking up in some guy’s house. Pull it together or she won’t ever come back.
Ed got up and gathered his things, ignoring his sister. “Did you want a coffee?”
“No. I should get home. Is that okay?”
“Sure. I’ll have a quick shower and we can go. Are you sure you don’t want a coffee while you wait? K won’t bite guests. She only torments me.”
Her gaze flicked to Kirsten. “Don’t all sisters?”
She didn’t elaborate but there was a chill in her voice. He didn’t think her sister’s teasing would be as harmless or as kind as K’s. He hoped there were no repercussions from last night.
Chapter 10
He didn’t want people to know about her. She’d heard him tell his sister. Hadn’t bothered to introduce them properly. Hadn’t been in bed with her when she’d woken up. And yet he seemed pleased to see her…now it was awkward, as if they didn’t know what to talk about as he drove her home. They’d never had that problem before.
“I’m sorry about last night.” She’d made it weird by crying.
“It’s fine…I didn’t realise…I guess it’s a big deal.”
He guessed? It was freaking huge. He had no idea what her life was like.
“It won’t happen next time, right? Otherwise I might think it’s because I’m doing it wrong.” He smiled and gave her leg a squeeze. He was trying to make a joke of it so they could move past it. How could she say there wouldn’t be a next time?
If he didn’t want people to know about her, that said a lot, but she didn’t want anyone to know about him either. This whole thing was doomed, but it was so damn hard to walk away when being with him made her feel like she was awake after sleepwalking through life for the last three years.
She smiled. “I don’t think it will happen again.”
Ed pulled into her driveway. “We should make sure.”
Was he already thinking of another date…date or hook up? What were they doing? His friends had seen her but thought she was a random drunk girl. Is that what his sister thought too, that she was a groupie? She didn’t want to be that. But she didn’t know what she wanted to be to him either, or what he was to her.
She wasn’t ready to have a boyfriend. Or at least she didn’t think she was. She didn’t have the time to go to his shows or sit and watch him surf. She was sure she was over-complicating things.
“What here? Now?” She leaned a little closer, trying to be funny instead of answering.
“Why not.” He grinned and kissed her before she could pull back. His fingers tangled in her hair as his tongue danced with hers. Gradually the kiss ended. “I like you. I know it’s almost Christmas and you need to find another job…” he looked at her.
“You need to finish your song writing…”
“Yeah, I know. Then I’ve got the summer music festivals…” he looked away as if realising what she had already put together.
The timing was against them. It was almost right person, wrong time. In another year, once Ethan was at school and she had a better job…but by then Ed would be further from her. His life would take him places she could only dream about.
“I’ll give you a call during the week.” He placed another light kiss on her lips.
“That sounds good.” Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. But she was glad she’d spent the night with him. For one brief moment, luck or fate or whatever had been on her side. “Thank you for letting me cuff you.”
The hens’ night would’ve been a lot less bearable.
“The pleasure was all mine. We never did get round to using them. Next time.”
She shook her head and opened the car door. A wave of hot air caressed her legs. That he considered using them an option got her mind racing. She’d left them in his room, along with the edible undies. No doubt he’d get more use out of them than she would. “I’ll see you round.”
“I’ll miss you at the beach.”
“So will I.” If she had her job, they could’ve kept meeting up casually. She closed the car door and stood on the warm concrete with her shoes in one hand and waved with the other as he drove away. A lump formed in her throat at the thought of never hearing from him again. She was sure that she’d left a piece of her heart in his bed.
A sigh escaped as she turned around to face the house. Her real life was waiting for her. Girls like her didn’t date guys like him…not for long anyway.
Before she put the key in the door she could hear Ethan’s voice, and that of her mother. Suddenly she didn’t feel so good. A headache bloomed and all she wanted was to go back to bed, not that that was going to happen.
She opened the door and had barely locked it before Ethan ran up.
“Mummy!” He tackled her legs and she bent down to give him a kiss. He put his arms around her neck.
“Were you good for Granny?” How much had he missed her? She hadn’t spent a night away from him since leaving hospital.
“Yes. She’s making pancakes. Did you have fun with Jool?”
“Yes, I did.” That was a lie, but it was also the official line. She drew back and looked at her son. He was getting so big so fast.
It was another reminder that her life was zipping by. “Let’s see if Granny has enough pancakes for me.”
She wasn’t sure that she’d be able to eat or if she’d be able to answer her mother’s questions. Hopefully there would be none, but she must have heard Ed’s car, as it wasn’t exactly stealthy.
“Of course there’s enough.” Her mother put a plate at Ethan’s spot at the table then started cooking up some more.
“I’m not that hungry.” Olivia flicked on the kettle so she could have a coffee. If Ed’s sister hadn’t been up she’d have had one with him and delayed the inevitable goodbye. She didn’t have to imagine how awkward and stilted that conversation would’ve been. It was for the best that she’d left fast.
“How was the party?”
“Good.” She really didn’t want to go into details about the games or the challenges.
“You didn’t invite your friend in.” Her mother gave her a very pointed look. Boyfriends were supposed to be invited in either when they picked up or dropped off. Girls were not parcels to be ditched at the door. Of course it was an excuse for her parents to keep an eye on what was happening.
“I’m not sixteen.” She made her coffee, already enjoying the smell as it coiled around her and mixed with the scent of maple syrup and cooking pancakes. Her stomach grumbled.
“It’s polite.” Her mother flipped the pancake.
Olivia looked at her mother. How did she know it was a guy who’d dropped her home? “I didn’t think it was appropriate.” She shot a glance at Ethan for emphasis.
Her mother flipped the pancake. “You’re allowed to date. I want you to be happy. Besides, all he needs to know is that you have a new friend.”
Olivia shook her head. She didn’t want a parade of men through Ethan’s life. “And when it’s over?”
“You can’t go through life thinking of the end.”
But that’s what happened. Things ended. She didn’t belief that fate would sprinkle happily ever after on her breakfast and that everything would be fine. Not everyone got that.
“It’s all right for you. You met Dad at twenty and have been together ever since.” She forced out a breath, the bitterness had been unexpected. The hens’ night and sleepover had gotten under her skin more than she’d thought. “Besides, it’s not that serious.”
“If he drives you home in the morning, it’s serious.” Her mother held out a plate loaded with three pancakes. That was about two more than she felt like eating.
“No. It’s good manners.” Ed did not think what they had was serious. They’d been on a couple of dates, had sex once and broken up once. It was hardly a great start.
“So he won’t be coming to the wedding then?”
“Julie would love that.” She could imagine her sister’s face as she debuted a new boyfriend at the wedding. “Besides, I have my date.” She gave Ethan a smile.
“Are you going to sit at the kids’ table too? If Julie makes a fuss, I’ll sort it out. We are paying for part of her day and this wedding is turning her in to more of a drama queen.”
“Thanks, Mum, but it’s not going to happen.” She tried to imagine Ed in a suit and failed. He probably wouldn’t be able to make it anyway and it would put all kinds of other pressures on the relationship they didn’t have. Plus she’d be the one answering questions about what happened months down the track when he’d flittered off to perform. God, how hard would it be to hear gossip about him and his new girlfriend?
That was going to sting. No, she wouldn’t look him up. That way her memory couldn’t be tarnished. Then she realised that she’d just done what her mother had warned her about: looked at the end. Before the accident she’d never done that. It had always been about being caught in the moment. Last night she’d tasted that freedom again and it had been good.
“Next time he drops you home, you invite him in.”
It was easier to agree. “Yes, Mum.”
Ethan laughed. “You got in trouble.”
She looked at her mother’s back as she made another batch of pancakes. It didn’t matter how old the child was, you were always Mum. She needed to figure out how to be Olivia as well as Ethan’s mum. No one could help her work that out.
Once a month the women from Olivia’s mother’s group got together. It had been weekly when their babies had been new and the shock had been wearing off. Then fortnightly. Over time they had had gone from strangers in a support group to friends. There were a few that she saw more regularly. The Christmas party was a relaxed bring a plate and a gift so the kids can pick a present party.
Ethan was the oldest in the group by two months because she’d been so sick. At first she hadn’t wanted to go but her mother had driven her and made her go. Those first few weeks at home had been so hard. It would’ve been so easy to stay in bed. If not for her mother and Ethan, she might have.
Back then her arm had been almost useless, the scars red and painful. Her hair hadn’t covered the one on her scalp and her eye had still had blood in it. She’d looked like hell. She didn’t recognise herself in those pictures.
She greeted those that were already here. It was nice that they met at each other’s homes. A café wasn’t practical—too many kids and prams—and a park was great as long as it wasn’t too hot.
The café's butter toffee crunch was always popular so she’d made that—guess she wouldn’t be getting any more recipes from the cooks—but she had to remember to skip the nuts as couple of kids and mums were allergic.
Generally it was a safe place to talk about anything and everything. She remembered some of the women avoiding sex for months after having a baby and others who were straight back into it—one of whom got pregnant straight away. That hadn’t been an issue for Olivia.
Sex hadn’t been on her horizon. Now it was. She’d remembered what it could be like and wanted more. She’d spent a lot of time last night thinking about what she’d do if he did call—and she wasn’t convinced that he would. Today her body ached in all the right places. While she was wavering somewhere between happy and anxious, the mood was definitely tense at the party.
Chrissy’s house looked emptier. It took a few minutes of conversation to learn why. Her husband had left—for good—after an affair with his receptionist.
“Could he have done anything more clichéd?” Chrissy, put her hand on her stomach. “He shouldn’t have knocked me up again. And to leave before Christmas…” She shook her head. She was still angry. Olivia knew the process of working through trauma too well. And while she’d like to say something, she wasn’t sure what. She was the youngest mum here and she’d never been married. No, she’d been a single mum the whole time. She had zero adult relationship experience.
No wonder she had no idea what to do about Ed.
“You’ll pull through.” That sounded lame as soon as it left her lips. Of course she’d get through it. Her kids needed her to. There was no other option.
This wasn’t the first separation the group had been through. Di’s divorce had been finalised a month ago. She’d been single for over a year.
“Find yourself someone cuter and younger and then enjoy kicking them out of bed when you are done.” Di picked up a piece of the butter toffee crunch. “This is like crack. Put nuts in it next time so I can’t eat it.”
Olivia smiled. Di said that every time. Di had never made a secret of her dating. When her hubby had walked out, after deciding he didn’t actually want kids, and had moved to Thailand, she had jumped straight back out in the dating minefield with a fearless determination to be happy.
“How do you juggle boyfriends and a kid?” Olivia hoped her question sounded casual.
“I feel I’m entitled to a life beyond work, domestic or otherwise. My sister and I swap babysitting so she gets a date with her hubby and I get to go out. Funny how no one ever asks a married woman how she juggles her sex life with kids.”
“I didn’t mean it like that…” She wanted to say something. To admit that Ed existe
d in her life if only for a little while. “I met someone.”
It wasn’t that hard to say and it felt kind of nice.
“Really…you aren’t joking?”
“Is it that had to believe?” Did they still see her as poor broken Olivia? At least Ed had never seen her like that. For that she was grateful. With Ed it was like a fresh start and a chance to live a different life. At some point the two would have to collide. She wasn’t sure how to handle that either, despite her mother’s well-meaning words.
“I can’t believe that it’s taken this long. You’re ten years younger than me. If I can pick up, you should have guys falling all over you.” Di reached for another piece of toffee crunch.
“Don’t give him a second chance if he cheats.” Chrissy was definitely in the angry phase. But would he cheat? They hadn’t agreed to be exclusive, and women would be offering themselves to him, and as he got more famous it would get worse. And how would she ever know if he did? Chrissy hadn’t known about the affair for months and they lived together. There was no certainty. Ever.
That’s what she wasn’t quite ready for. The risk. But Friday night had felt pretty damn good.
“Is it a booty call or a relationship?”
“Um…” She didn’t know what to call it. They hadn’t agreed to anything or discussed it. What they had was really casual. That should be a good thing but she hated not knowing where she was going to land. Once she wouldn’t have cared.
“Have you, you know?” Di raised her eyebrows.
The reddening of her cheeks was all Di needed to see. Why couldn’t she be as frank and bold as Di?
“And how many dates?”
Olivia held up one finger. One real date.
“Make the most of it. Wear him out.” Di laughed.
“Is that all you ever think of?” one of the other women said as she nibbled a carrot stick. She was one of the women who hadn’t wanted her husband anywhere near her after giving birth.
“I spend all day looking at people’s teeth. I’m allowed to have fun.” Di glanced at Chrissy. “But never with married men. I give them a piece of my mind.”