by Toni DeMaio
And just like that, we were in our bathing suits and swimming with a school of dolphins. The best part of it all was how long we could stay underwater! We raced for what felt like hours over the magnificent coral reef with no fear of the sharks swimming past us, unaware.
Later, we lay on soft towels, warm in the late day sun, as we watched it sink slowly down past the waves, in an explosion of scarlet and orange. Rocky was curled up next to me, napping. It felt wonderful just to pet him while his little kitty-motor hummed contentedly.
“So, Uncle John,” I said, as the moon shone high overheard.
“What do you do with your time now that you’re dead? You must have a lot of extra time. Mom and Kat, and I always like to picture you playing lead guitar in the greatest rock band in the universe.”
He threw back his head of thick, dark hair and laughed just like I’d remembered. “You always did crack me up, Angel,” he said, giving me that million dollar grin that totally defined him and made him look more like Al Pacino than usual.
Whenever Uncle John really laughed it was as if he suddenly turned a light on inside!
“Yes,” he said, “I do get to play with Elvis, Jimi, George and a bunch of other cool guys from time to time. And it’s a blast, Angel! You have to come to our next concert.”
Uncle John was the uncle you wish you had when you were a little kid. He was sensitive and kind and loads of fun, and best of all, he had a little bit of mischief in him, and would let you break rules when the parents weren’t around. Kind of like now, when we were lying on the beach in Maui instead of getting checked into Heaven.
I brushed some tears away from my cheeks, realizing what I’d be leaving behind here on earth. I’d never get to hug my mom and my little sister, Kat, again, but still I was grateful my uncle had been the one to come for me and to explain what life as a dead person is all about.
I had so many questions about how all of this worked; this life and death thing, these lightning-fast changes of state. Were we all like butterflies in the caterpillar stage just waiting for our transformation into the wonderful world of death which truly seemed more vibrant with life than any place I could have imagined while on Earth; it was way too confusing for me.
“Uncle John,” I said, suddenly nervous about facing Heaven, “Can we go some other places before…” I pointed up.
“I have a few surprises yet,” he said, grabbing my hand and snatching Rocky from the towels and just like that, we rose up again and flew through the clouds before buzzing past the pyramids in Egypt exactly at the moment of sunset in that part of the world and then shooting like stars over the Grand Canyon. What we’d done today had been the experience of …I wanted to say lifetime. It was hard getting used to the idea that I didn’t have this one anymore.
“That was incredible, Uncle John!” I said.
He grinned and leaned back into a fluffy cloud as if settling into soft pillows. “Just relax for a few minutes, Angel,” he said, “Just lean back and let your cares fall away. You’ve had a rough couple of years.”
And so I did, while side by side, we floated in the sky, each with our own thoughts. And then the sadness and crushing regret began to creep up on me just like it did, most days. On the days I would reach for my pain pills and maybe a beer just to wash them down so I could keep the jokes coming for all the many friends I had. So I could pull it all together and show up for the next photo shoot and flirt with the photographers I needed to charm to keep getting recommended for the right jobs.
I was growing older and losing momentum in an industry that didn’t allow aging. In that moment, I wanted a pain pill bad, but there was no more hiding, I had no choice but to face the truth of my reality. You see yourself clearly through the pain when all you have is the truth, and I wondered what it was about me that had attracted that evil into my life back when I was so young and innocent and forced to survive those tough ‘breaks’ Uncle John had hinted at earlier.
I was only ten and it had been a time of confusion and forbidden feelings for me…of being powerless in a very adult situation I hadn’t looked for, or wanted.
Maybe that was why I’d never been able to get over it, because I had been one of the ones who just couldn’t leave the past behind. In many ways I’d wasted the gift of my life when I might have contributed more to the world than a stack of pretty pictures. And regrettably, I hadn’t even bothered to recycle my beer cans, or honor the earth at all.
Uncle John reached over and touched my hand, reminding me I wasn’t alone. “We really need to make that trip up to headquarters, now. We’re being called home, Angel.”
This is when I really figured I’d get to meet St. Peter, but that didn’t happen then either. Uncle John braced me for the trip by putting his arm around me as we quickly rose up through the sky and the clouds toward the brightest light of all, a Heavenly spotlight that seemed to shine only for us.
Past the sun and the moon, the planets and the stars we flew, light as feathers, free of the weight of our bodies, to suddenly burst through a fine silvery mist and begin the ascent down toward another gorgeous beach with white sand, rocky coves, and calm deep-turquoise water, gently kissing the shoreline. We’ve always been beach people.
A huge sparkling sun hung in the sky, throwing light like it was a living thing, yet it wasn’t hot, just the perfect balance of warmth and breeze. The whole scene looked like one of the attractions at Walt Disney World or an extravagant movie set.
We stood together on the beach until Uncle John touched my elbow guiding me to turn around. And there before us was an impressive beach house with a huge massive and infinity pool across the entire front of it. The property was beautifully landscaped with palm trees and flowers and the entire scene just took my breath away.
“Wow,” I said, stunned, “I guess real estate up here is just as affordable as the air travel. But where’s St. Peter and the pearly gates and all that?”
Uncle John laughed again, “Not this trip, Sweetie! Neither one of us achieved a high enough spiritual vibration in our last lifetimes to rate residency on that high of a Heavenly plane.”
“So there are different levels in Heaven?”
“Pretty much.”
“So Mother Theresa is…?”
“Up…up,” he said, but it's fun to run into your favorite celebrities and politicians every now and then around here. Believe me you’ll love it, and you’ll stay with me for a while until it’s time for your soul review. But after that, you’ll create your own home; any kind you want; a mountain cabin, or a penthouse apartment like the one you had, or a place at the beach like this.”
My voice caught in my throat, “My soul review?”
“Yes, everyone has to go through one. I won’t lie to you and tell you it’s going to be fun because it isn’t. And even though you’ll find yourself feeling a lot of different emotions the outcome will surprise you.”
“Surprise me how?” I asked, wondering if there was any way I could wriggle out of it.
“It’s guaranteed you’ll be forgiven so there’s nothing to worry about. No matter what, if you ask God to forgive you, he will. Actually, he’ll help you to forgive yourself because that’s what you’ll really need to do in order to advance spiritually here. You see, Angel, karma really can be a bitch, just not in the way they think down there. We punish ourselves by creating the reality we think we deserve.”
We both laughed a little, but I stopped first because I wasn’t so sure I should be laughing about that. I had been no saint on earth.
“It’s also been decided that you will be given a chance to make up to yourself for the regrets you have about your last life by becoming a spirit guide for three souls who are still living on earth. I was one of your guides, and now that you’ve come home, I’ll be taking on another assignment.”
“What?” I spun around in the sand to face him. “I can’t guide anybody! I can barely take care of myself! All I had were cats, and they all died. My track record down the
re wasn’t all that hot so how can I suddenly be an expert on living?” I felt nausea grab my gut like that Thanksgiving I missed because of the Swine Flu.
“Don’t worry, Sweetie, it won’t happen tomorrow, or the day after. You’ll receive the proper training just like we all did before you have to begin your assignment.”
“But will we still get to see each other? What if I need your help?” I was starting to feel sad and scared I might not get to see Uncle John again.
He smiled and looked kindly into my eyes. ”Of course we will, Angelica, we’ll always be connected. Tonight your dad and Gram and a bunch of others you’ll be glad to see again are having a party to welcome you and after that, anytime you need me, all you have to do is call… ‘and I’ll be there…’”
He sang that last bit and instead of playing air guitar, one appeared in his hands again, and so he strummed it and sang the lines to the familiar James Taylor song ending with…‘cause you’ve got a friend.”
After that beautiful moment there wasn’t much else to say. I fell into Uncle John’s arms and he held me like I was five years old again while I cried it all out.
All the bad and all the ugly poured out of me in a tidal wave of bitter, sad, regretful tears, and then it was gone; like Heavenly magic. None of the bad stuff that happened in my past was important anymore. Holding onto it hadn’t served me well during my lifetime on Earth and it sure as hell wasn’t going to do a thing for me now as I moved into my eternal life.
***
And since that day, ten years ago, everything has happened in the order he told me it would because, as always, Uncle John knew what he was talking about.
I was reunited with loved ones, survived the soul review, forgave, discovered, and finally accepted my own personal truth. I’ve been a guide for several years now. It’s like an entry level position on the fast track to angel status. I get teased a lot up here about my name being Angelica…or Angel, because of course it isn’t that easy to become a real ‘Angel,’ but I don’t mind, it’s all in good fun and it turns out I love helping others. I should have tried it a long time ago; it’s the best way to put your own problems in perspective.
And if you’re wondering if you have a guide or two, or three, you definitely do. You know that small voice you sense somewhere between your head and your heart that gives you the best advice; the kind you don’t always choose to follow? Well, that’s your guide trying to get through to you. So even though I messed up so much of my last life, it turns out it did qualify me to help some others with theirs. I’m an expert on what not to do.
Guiding human beings hasn’t been easy, though, but it’s rewarding and it’s not in my makeup to back down from a challenge. And so it’s my honor to guide my mom, Meri Donovan, my younger sister, Kat Donovan, and a young girl by the name of Tori Rossi, who kind of reminds me of me when I was ten...
Big changes are in the works for all three of them and I really have my work cut out for me so I’d like to ask for prayers for the highest good of all concerned. Prayers are like telegrams to God and we really appreciate them up here. It’s nice to be remembered, and I hope you all realize, even if you can’t see us, you all have friends in high places.
CHAPTER TW O
KAT
“Kat!”
The door to my office sprang open and Lilly, rushed in. Baby Daisy giggled and waved at me from her mommy’s slim hip as the door slammed shut behind them.
Looking like a stressed out mom in a commercial for a cruise to The Bahamas, she blew her long blonde bangs up from her damp forehead, and plopped down in one of the two cushy leather chairs in front of my desk. The rest of her hair was pulled up in a high pony and, as always, her pink sweater had baby schmutz smeared across it in various places.
“What the hell are you doing hiding in here?” she demanded, waving her free hand around, “He’s out there Kat! He’s waiting to make a deposit or something. Get moving, Girl! A man like that deserves some special customer service!” Her big brown eyes demanded I take action.
I leaned forward on my desk and rested my chin in my hand. “So he’s out there. What am I supposed to do about it? Bank managers can’t just snatch deposits out of the teller’s hands no matter how hot the depositor might be. Do you want him to think I’m nuts, or worse, a stalker?”
She shook her head in frustration and Daisy imitated her perfectly, blowing up at her curly bangs and wrinkling her little brow at me before breaking into a charming giggle.
“What you are, is hopeless, Kat Donovan!” Lilly continued, “You’re about to turn thirty and you are seriously in danger of dying alone and childless. Not to mention the impending death of your eggs and the end of your hopes for a family of your own!”
Ouch! That hurt, but I found myself grinning at Daisy anyway. She was an actress in the making and smart beyond her years. “Daisy, your Mommy is going crazy.”
Daisy covered her eyes dramatically and peeked coyly out at me from between her tiny two-year-old fingers, her miniature handbag dangling, as always, from her chubby arm.
Lilly was right about one thing. I did wish with all my heart I had a little girl just as amazing as her Daisy. My eyes began to sting with tears, but I blinked them back. Lilly wasn’t trying to hurt me. She was my biggest cheerleader and beyond passionate about finding me a husband so I could have everything she already had.
We’d planned to be moms together back as far as the beginning of our friendship in Kindergarten, and so far Lilly was two up on me with Daisy and her cute six-year- old son, Little T, the namesake of her almost-perfect husband, Tom.
“I am such a bitch!” Lilly pouted, as she watched me dab away the renegade tears before they could smudge my mascara. “For a minute, Kat, I honestly forgot about our secret. I can’t believe it’s been nine years already. That was a terrible thing to say to you and I am so very sorry. I know you’ll be a mom one day soon, I just know it!”
Then she leaped out of her chair, ran around my desk, and pulled me into a big hug. Daisy giggled and squealed, flailing her little arms, hoping to escape being trapped and smothered between the two of us. “Will I never learn to think before I speak?” Lilly wailed.
Our secret was actually about to be ten years old and was something I would never forget about, not even for one minute. I sighed and pulled myself back to the present. “I wouldn’t bet on you developing a filter anytime soon, Lilly,” I said, “You just can’t help speaking the truth and isn’t that your job as my best friend? That was a long time ago; I’m fine, really,” I protested, shrugging away and swiveling my chair toward the window behind me just in time to see the ‘him’ Lilly had been going on about.
Gino Rossi tall, muscular, and pretty much drop-dead-gorgeous, walked quickly past my window on his way back to his silver Toyota Camry; a safe family car for a widower with two kids.
I leaned forward, bracing my hands against the windowsill and loving the view. “That man is as close to perfect as a man can get,” I whispered, caught up in a daydream as I watched my school-girl crush flex the hard muscles of his tanned arm under his shirt as he yanked the rear door open and tossed his navy sport coat into the passenger seat. Then he pulled off his tie and tossed that in too. He’d been the star wrestler at Pocono High and a senior when Lilly and I were only in eighth grade.
I had secretly followed his progress as the undefeated wrestling champion at Penn State and was devastated when I read in the Pocono Record he’d married immediately after graduation and moved to his new wife’s hometown of San Diego.
Then two years back his wife passed away from breast cancer and six months ago Gino decided to come home permanently to be near his huge Italian family. With his wonderful mom, the owner of Mama Maria’s, the best Italian restaurant within fifty miles, and all of his sisters and their families around him, he now had plenty of support in raising his fifth grade daughter, Tori, and his four year old son, Anthony. Rumor had it, Anthony was a sweet little charmer, but poor Tori was quiet an
d angry. And no wonder after losing her mom. Her most recent public outburst was last Saturday in Louis’s Market. According to Lilly it was the main topic at Aqua Aerobics on Monday morning.
The late afternoon sun cut through the trees and threw a spotlight on his wavy, dark hair, his dreamy brown eyes and his strong, square jaw. I couldn’t help but sigh like I had all those years ago.
“Amen,” Lilly breathed, resting her chin on my shoulder. “If this were a movie, and it was about twenty years ago, I swear George Clooney would play him. Seriously, Kat, if I were you I’d be all over that. Eighth grade happened years ago and you’re hot now, too.”
We both started to laugh. “If only. But if this was a movie and it was twenty years ago, Meg Ryan would not be playing me.”
Truly, I was the type more often cast in the role of the best friend, with my wild curly red hair, and fuller figure. I’d never been a beauty like my late sister, Angelica.
Lilly always claimed to be jealous of my 40 D’s, but I was just embarrassed by them; especially when I went dress shopping and had to buy separates instead because the size I needed to contain my boobzillas was so much bigger than my medium-sized bottom half.
“I wouldn’t know where to start with a guy like that.” I continued, “Lilly, you’ve known me since Kindergarten. Have I ever been one to chase after a guy, gorgeous or not?”
“No. But things are different now.”
“But I’m not different.”
Lilly smiled sadly at me and released Daisy to toddle off to play with the toys peeking out of their backpack abandoned over by the door.
“Listen to me, Kat. I would never steer you wrong. I really think Gino is perfect for you. Tom plays handball with him at the gym and he said Gino shows all the signs he’s ready to start dating again. And I think it must be fate that he decided to move back home now. Maybe it’s also fate that Tom and Gino were best friends in high school and now they work together at Jack Miller Real Estate!”