“No matter what?”
“No matter what.” For just a moment she cupped the small cheek in her palm. “Okay, then, let’s get dinner on the table.”
“I’ll finish putting the plates and forks out.”
“What a big help you are, sweetie.”
Had Lily so easily accepted the reality that Caleb would no longer be in their lives? If so, she was dealing with it better than Mallory.
“Do you think Mommy and Daddy are in heaven?”
The question came out of the blue like a sucker punch, sudden, shocking, painful. So much for easy. Lily hadn’t accepted his absence and had, in fact, returned to a state of insecurity.
Mallory tried to make her voice calm, matter-of-fact. “I’m sure they are.”
“I bet they’re watching me right now.” Lily folded a paper napkin diagonally, making it a triangle. “Do you believe in angels?”
“I do,” she said emphatically. “I have a feeling that your mom and dad are your guardian angels.”
“What do guardian angels do?” She started to fold the second napkin.
“They watch over us, even though we can’t see them.”
“And you’re my guardian who watches over me, that I can see.”
“Right.” Please, Mallory prayed, let that be all she says about this.
“My daddy used to do that when he took me to the park in New York. He guarded me.”
“How?” Mallory couldn’t manage more than a whisper.
“He lifted me onto the ladder so I could climb up and then go down the slide.” Her little finger carefully pressed the diagonal fold. “When Caleb lifted me onto the horse, it kind of reminded me of Daddy.”
Mallory turned away so Lily wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes. Her throat hurt from holding back the emotions, and the dam was showing signs of strain. This child who fate had treated in the cruelest possible way had been flourishing in the past few months. Mallory had fretted and agonized about whether or not to leave New York and had finally made the decision based purely on instinct. And it had seemed like the right thing to do. After settling into their new life here in Rust Creek Falls, she’d been adjusting beautifully.
Until now.
This wasn’t good. Clearly Lily was regressing. For the past year Mallory had walked a fine line between keeping alive the memory of her parents and not talking about them so much that the child’s heart wouldn’t heal. Mostly she’d taken her cues from Lily, discussing Mona and Bill when the little girl brought them up. And she hadn’t for quite a while.
Questions like these had stopped several months after the move, when she’d started school, became involved in town activities and made friends her own age.
“Auntie Mal?”
“Yes, love?” She blinked hard several times, then turned to look at the child.
There was a sad sort of solemn acceptance on that small, beautiful face. “Do you think Mommy and Daddy would have liked Caleb?”
“Yes, I’m sure they would have.” Mallory didn’t know how much more of this her heart could take. “Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know.” Lily shrugged.
Mallory walked from the stove to the kitchen table, pulled out a chair and sat down. She had no idea what to do, no childhood template of how to make an insecure child feel safe. Safety was a state of mind that had eluded her until meeting Caleb. Now she was back where she’d started, over her head in uncertainty and all alone with it. The best she could do was go with her gut, let instinct take over.
She lifted Lily onto her lap and cuddled her close. “I’m so sorry that you’re missing Caleb.”
“I liked when he came to see us. You did, too. And I think you miss him a lot.”
Mallory couldn’t deny the truth of that, but she’d been so careful to keep her emotions in check. Be upbeat. She wondered what had given her away. “How did you know?”
“Because when he was here you were happy.”
Out of the mouths of babes...
This was exactly what she’d feared would happen if she let a man into her life. Mallory was a big girl and it was an acceptable risk. But Lily was a child who’d too recently lost the two most important people in her world, both at the same time.
Mallory hated being responsible for yet another loss, and if she could do things over, she’d never get involved with Caleb Dalton. Because the problem was that she wasn’t the only one who had fallen in love—and lost him.
* * *
Caleb walked into Crawford’s General Store late in the afternoon, but it was early for him to be off work. Anderson was sick of his foul mood and had told him to go and not come back until he could stop biting everyone’s head off just for saying hello. The way he was feeling, that attitude change wasn’t looking hopeful anytime soon.
It had been over a week since he’d seen Mallory, and every time he thought about her pushing him away, he wanted to rip someone’s head off. And he thought about it a lot. Still, he’d have to find a way to put it out of his mind because there was a lot to do on the ranch and it wasn’t fair or right to leave his brother a man short.
But right at this particular moment he had time on his hands and decided to come into town and pick up a few necessities. Crawford’s had everything from hardware to underwear and lots of stuff in between. This was as good a time as any to browse and work off a little steam. His sisters would call it retail therapy, so he needed for them not to find out.
He walked up and down the aisles, breathing in the smell of leather that filled the place. This was as good a way as any to try to erase memories of Mallory from his mind.
But it didn’t look as if his strategy was working.
Everything he saw reminded him of her. Wooden spoons that made him recall watching her stir something on the stove and how sexy she’d looked doing it. Pink boots made him think of Lily and how cute they’d look on her the next time he took her riding. Except there probably wouldn’t be a next time. Everywhere he looked he saw Mallory and realized he couldn’t escape her because she was somehow a part of him. The problem was there was her and him but no them and she refused to try.
“Caleb?”
He turned away from the display of saddles and bridles at the sound of the little girl’s voice behind him. “Lily?”
There she was in her pink shorts, yellow-and-pink T-shirt and pink sneakers with heels that lit up when she walked. Marched was more like it, he thought, as she moved with determination up the aisle toward him.
“What are you doing here, honey?”
“I saw your truck.” She stopped in front of him and looked up.
“From where? Aren’t you supposed to be in day care?”
“Yes. Aunt Mallory picks me up at five.”
That was about a half hour from now. “How did you get here?”
She gave him a “duh” look. “Country Kids Day Care is diagonally across the street. We were outside playing and I saw you. I walked.”
“They let you?” Someone at that place was going to get an earful about lax supervision.
“I didn’t tell anyone.”
“You just left?”
“Uh-huh.” She nodded and her shiny black hair swung forward.
“You didn’t say anything to anyone?”
“I told my friend Amelia.”
“I meant someone in charge,” he clarified.
“No. They wouldn’t have let me come.”
So she’d slipped away unnoticed. The facility should know about this and keep a better watch over the kids in their charge. However, this kid had pretty awesome covert skills and might be CIA material when she grew up.
“So you made a clean getaway.”
“I don’t know what that means, but—”
“It mean
s we have to get you back before someone has a heart attack when they can’t find you.” He held out his hand. “I’ll walk you over.”
“No.” Lily backed up a step and put both her hands behind her. “I have to talk to you.”
“Okay.” He squatted down to her level and looked into those serious, sad dark eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s about Aunt Mallory—”
For a split second fear shot through him that something bad had happened to her, then rational thought returned. If Lily was at day care, all was normal except that she’d gone AWOL to talk to him. Whatever it was must be pretty important. Important enough to break rules.
“What about Mallory?” he asked.
“You don’t come over to see us anymore and she misses you.”
“Lily—” Caleb blew out a long breath. “The thing is, stuff doesn’t always work out the way we want.”
“That’s what she said. But don’t you like us?”
That beautiful little mouth started to tremble and he prayed she wouldn’t cry. Anything but that. Did he like them? Like wasn’t a big enough word to describe his feelings but it seemed pointless to find one that did.
“It’s not that simple, honey.”
“It is, too.” Anger and defiance stiffened her little body. “Auntie Mal laughs when you’re around. And you do, too. She likes you. I just know.”
She had a funny way of showing it, he thought. “Look, Lily, this is a grown-up problem. It’s hard for you to understand.” He lifted his Stetson, then resettled it. “Heck, I don’t really understand it myself.”
The little girl took a step forward and glared at him. “I’m not a dumb little kid, Caleb.”
“Whoa, I never said you were.”
“You didn’t have to. That’s how you’re treating me. But I know stuff.”
“Of course you do. But so do I.” He rested a forearm on his knee and studied her.
From the moment he’d met Mallory and Lily at his dad’s law office, the little girl had not been subtle in her efforts to push the two of them together. She was really fired up about this now and he didn’t know what to say to calm her down. It wasn’t just lip service that he didn’t understand. Mallory liked him, and he liked her. It should be simple, but it was complicated. To say that would have been talking down to her.
“Look, Lily, I know you wanted your aunt and me to be together, but we don’t always get what we want.”
“You already said that but you don’t know anything,” she cried in frustration. “Things change. Good things don’t last forever and ever. If you like someone and they like you back, you shouldn’t waste it. That’s just stupid.”
Caleb wished he could take away every awful thing that had happened in Lily’s short life. This kid really tugged at him. What she’d been through had made her grow up too fast and she sounded too mature for her tender eight years. Most of all he wanted to assure her it would all be okay, but leading her on would postpone the inevitable and hurt her twice as much in the long run.
The “aha” light came on and he understood why Mallory had been reluctant to start a relationship. The words hadn’t really gotten through but he could see the tragedy on Lily’s little face. She was still fragile from loss, and without a guarantee of long-term success, there was too much potential for more heartbreak. Mallory was trying to protect this child, and everything in him wanted to do the same.
“Lily, I’d like to make this better, I really would, but I don’t think there’s anything I can do.”
“You’re wrong. You broke Aunt Mallory’s heart and you have to fix it so she stops crying every night.”
“She’s crying?”
Lily nodded solemnly. “She doesn’t think I can hear her, but I do.”
Caleb rubbed a hand over his neck, hating that anything made Mallory cry. He wanted to protect her, too. If someone else had hurt her, he would step in and stop it, but this wasn’t like that. It was going from bad to worse and his hands clenched at the thought of Mallory being unhappy. Lily was making this his fault when her aunt had been the one to push him away.
“Honey, I don’t want you to be upset, but I’m just not sure I can do anything to help.”
“You can, but you just won’t.” She shook her head and all that straight dark hair swung around her face. “I don’t like you, Caleb. You’re not my favorite cowboy anymore.”
Before he could stop her, she turned and marched back down the aisle, pink sneakers flashing like bursts of anger. He jumped up to go after her. Somehow he was going to fix this but first he had to stop her and get her to listen.
She stomped right past Vera Peterson and he wondered how much of the conversation the store clerk had heard. But he didn’t care enough to stop and ask. He had to get to Lily.
But Vera put a hand on his arm when he would have rushed past her. “Let her go, Caleb.”
“No. I have to make her understand.”
“Let her cool off first,” Vera said kindly.
“If I could just—”
“So, the rumors about you and Mallory are true.”
He looked at her and knew he wasn’t getting out of here anytime soon. It was beginning to look as if retail therapy was a really bad idea.
Chapter Fifteen
Caleb looked out Crawford General Store’s big picture window and didn’t see Lily. Was she that fast? The day care was just across the street and she should have been visible crossing Cedar to get back to North Pine Street, where Country Kids was located. He had to get to her.
“Earth to Caleb,” Vera said.
“What?” The little girl’s anger and hurt were still bouncing around in his head.
He looked at his friend, but right now her blue eyes weren’t as friendly as usual. They were standing at the front of the store beside racks of Western shirts, jeans and cowboy hats. This conversation was the last thing he wanted to do. With a sudden move to the side, he tried to move past her, but she was even quicker and stepped in front of him.
“Not so fast, buster.”
“Get out of my way.”
“In a minute. We have to talk first.”
He’d have to be an idiot not to know what this was about. “How much of that conversation did you hear?”
“Pretty much all of it.” Vera didn’t look the least bit ashamed of having eavesdropped.
“Then you know there’s nothing to talk about.”
“Oh, please, Caleb. One of the things I always liked about you was that you’re smart.”
“You mean it wasn’t my ruggedly handsome good looks that attracted you?” He didn’t feel the least bit funny but cracking a joke, cranking up the charm, was the fastest way to get out of here and find Lily.
“Don’t try to distract me.” Vera crossed her arms over her chest. “The Caleb Dalton charisma wore off for me a long time ago.”
“Okay, then. We have nothing to say, but I have to make sure Lily’s all right.”
“Not yet. You’ll just tell her all that crap about everything’s complicated and she’s just a kid who doesn’t understand. Patronizing. Yada yada.”
“I didn’t—”
“Yeah, Caleb, you did.”
“Then let me just spell it out. I don’t want to talk to you about this.”
“I can accept that.” Vera nodded. “So go to your dad. Oh, wait, he’s Mallory’s boss. Anderson? Oops, no, he doesn’t trust women, so there goes objective input. Maybe your brother Travis—” She stopped and shook her head. “No, not Travis. He’s as clueless as you are. I guess you’re stuck with me.”
“Look, V, Lily is out there on the street. I have to make sure she’s okay.”
“You love that little girl.” Blue eyes widened in surprise.
“I care a lot abo
ut her.” That was easier than saying the L word.
“I can see that. And I’ll make this quick,” Vera said. “You need to listen to someone and apparently the universe picked me to get through to you. I accept the challenge.”
Caleb settled his hands on his hips. It was a defensive stance, but felt appropriate under the circumstances. “Okay, get it over with.”
“Good to know you have an open mind. It has to be said that you are one stubborn son of a gun.” She blew out a breath. “So, I say again, the rumors about you and Mallory are true.”
“I don’t know what you’ve heard,” he answered, proving her point about his stubbornness.
“That you’ve been spending a lot of time together.”
“Yeah, it’s true.”
“You were stranded in Kalispell and spent the night in the same hotel room.”
“Also true.” But what happened in that room was too intimate and special to talk about with anyone but Mallory. Vera wasn’t getting that out of him.
Fortunately she didn’t go there. “You look at her differently than you’ve ever looked at any woman before.”
“I don’t know how I look at women.” But he knew how he felt. And the way he felt about Mallory wasn’t like anything he’d ever experienced before. It was intense and powerful, wonderful and consuming.
Instead of trying to find a way to let her down easily to get himself out, he was trying to find reasons to be with her all the time. Until she’d wanted to cool it. In all fairness, though, he’d mentioned friendship-only first.
“Caleb, you need to face up to the fact that you’re in love with her.”
“Not me.” He backed away. “That’s never happening.”
“Is this because of Jonah?”
He shouldn’t be surprised that everyone knew, but somehow he always was. It wasn’t like people hadn’t noticed when his cousin left town and didn’t come back. Because it was too painful to live with reminders.
“There was never a doubt in Jonah’s mind that Lisette was the one, and their marriage still failed in an ugly and public way. He was crushed by what she did to him.”
From Maverick to Daddy Page 18