by Donna Hill
His eyes, so much like hers, burned with tears that he refused to shed. He dug into his backpack and pulled out the papers that required her signature and handed them to her.
“Just sign them and I’ll be gone.”
She took the paper, briefly scanned them through the smoke that wafted across her face and then looked at him with her hand out. “Pen.”
Graham fished in his bag and gave her a pen.
Paulette signed the papers on three places giving “parental consent” for him to join the U.S. Navy. She handed them back to him. “Navy, huh?”
Graham nodded his head, his throat too tight to speak.
Paulette glanced away. She sniffed. “Take care of yourself.”
Graham felt as if he’d been stabbed in the gut. “I always have.” He turned away and never looked back.
“Graham.” The sound of his name being called seeped beneath his consciousness and drew him back. He felt the weight of Alexis’s hand on his arm. “The doctor is here,” she was saying. He blinked her into focus and then noticed the doctor at the foot of the bed. He came around.
“I’m Dr. St. Clair,” he said and extended his hand. Graham shook it mechanically, still shaken by the visceral memory. “You must be Mr. Stone.”
“Yes, yes I am.”
“We had a bit of a time trying to find you. She only listed your name as next of kin and that you lived in the States. When she was lucid she did mention that you were in the navy. They helped us to locate you.”
“I’m not really sure what you want from me. I haven’t seen her in twenty years.”
“I understand. Can we talk outside?”
“I thought she was in a coma.”
“No. She is heavily sedated. She’s in a very, very deep sleep. They say that patients can still hear things around them even in that state.” He smiled. “I believe that. And so I believe that what we say around them matters.” He extended his hand toward the door.
Graham looked at Alexis and placed his hand on her waist. “Whatever you have to say you can say it in front of Alexis.”
Alexis gave him a tight-lipped smile of encouragement.
“I’ll be blunt,” Dr. St. Clair said once they were in the hall outside of Paulette’s room. “Your mother doesn’t have long. It may be two weeks or it could be two months, but not much longer than that. The disease is too far gone. All we are doing now is making her comfortable.”
Graham’s jaw flexed. Alexis linked her fingers through his. “What’s the plan?” He managed to ask.
“Keep her sedated. She’s getting management through a feeding tube.”
“Will she wake up?” His voice sounded hoarse.
“If we decreased the medication. Yes. Slowly. She can be roused. But the pain... I wouldn’t recommend it, Mr. Stone.”
Graham looked away. “Why did you want me here?”
“Mr. Stone, as your mother’s doctor it was my moral and ethical responsibility to contact you. Yes, I could have told you all of this on the phone, but if we need to take any heroic efforts we want to make sure that the family is fully aware and has had an opportunity to see the family member for themselves especially if we have to make decisions.” He paused for emphasis. “There are forms that need to be signed, as well.”
“Let’s get them signed,” Graham said firmly.
More than an hour later, Graham and Alexis were in front of the hospital getting into a taxi to return to the hotel.
Graham was quiet and Alexis could see the thoughts and emotions race across his face, yet he didn’t utter a word. He only held her hand and as much as she wanted to know what was on his mind and on his heart she understood that he needed time to process everything that was happening.
That night when they made love it was raw and fierce and wordless. It was Graham’s body that spoke volumes. The pain in his heart poured into Alexis and she tried to absorb it, willing her own body to take some of his hurt away.
* * *
The next few days of their trip were filled with good times as well as difficult ones. They fell into an easy routine of breakfast on the terrace overlooking the ocean, shopping trips into town and doing all the touristy things, swimming in the ocean, fishing and riding Jet Skis. Alexis even did some underwater diving that was incredible, and they toured Crane Beach in the parish of St. Philip and hung out at St. Lawrence Gap—the strip for nighttime entertainment. They made exquisite, sweet, hard and passionate love whenever the mood hit them, and they visited his mother in the hospital.
In the four days that they’d been in Barbados Graham hadn’t talked about his mother at all. When they went to see her, he’d ask the usual questions of the nurses regarding her state and then he would sit silently by her bedside for an hour and leave without ever saying a word or exhibiting an emotion.
Whenever Alexis tried to probe him he responded by saying that he didn’t want to talk about it and he’d change the subject to some island folk story or sports or music or work. He even suggested bringing the R.E.A.L. concept to the island; anything but his mother.
They celebrated Thanksgiving on the beach under the fruit trees and stars with the waves lapping gently toward the shore and the sound of calypso music wafting through the air in the distance. They munched on breadfruit, and green bananas, stewed chicken, bakes and callaloo. It was a magical experience that Alexis would never forget. A perfect ending to a week of mixed emotions.
They had a two-o’clock flight back to New York on Friday afternoon. Their bags were packed including the extra luggage they’d had to buy to contain all of the souvenirs and extra clothing that they’d purchased. They would go straight to the airport from the hospital.
“All things considered, meaning the reason why we are here,” Alexis began as she moved closer to Graham in the cab, “I enjoyed my visit. It’s beautiful here.” She took his hand and held it. “I’m hoping that at the very least you have added some pleasant memories to connect to your time here.”
He turned to her and looked into her eyes. “Only because of you,” he said quietly. “Not really sure how I would have dealt with...all this if you had not been here. I know I’ve been—” he glanced away for a moment, searching for the word “—a real bastard about this whole thing with my mother.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “Perfect word for what I’ve felt like most of my life.”
“Graham...” she whispered, the ache evident in her own voice.
He shook his head. “No worries, I’m used to it really.”
But she knew that he wasn’t. Who could be? His entire life had been molded and framed by what his mother had done. Alexis felt that there was a part of him that believed he would never be good enough, so he strove for excellence in himself and everyone around him. He could have turned out completely different, a burden on society instead of an asset, but instead he used his adversity to propel himself forward rather than use it as a crutch. But without a doubt he may have found a way to excel out in the world but his heart was broken, his soul was an open wound and she wasn’t sure what it would take for him to fully heal.
* * *
They arrived at the hospital and Graham had arranged with the driver to wait for them, assuring him that he would be fully compensated.
“Why don’t you go on up and I’ll get us some coffee,” Alexis suggested.
He looked at her for an instant and she could have sworn that she saw a flash of panic in his eyes. In the days that they had been coming to the hospital they’d always sat in the room together; she off in the corner of the room and he sitting stoically next to his mother’s bed for the designated hour. Alexis often wondered; What are you thinking about? What do you see when you look at her?
“Uh, sure. I’ll go on up,” he said, each word stumbling out of his mouth.
Before she could respond he’d turne
d and walked toward the elevator.
Alexis walked in the opposite direction toward the concession stand and waited her turn. She took in the comings and goings, the sights and sounds inside the hospital and envisioned the island beauty beyond. What she realized was that she was filled with a mix of relief and regret that today was their last day. Relieved that she would not have to see Graham torture himself on a daily basis, but saddened that they should leave this beautiful place with so much still unresolved. The trip had taken its toll on her as well, although she hadn’t mentioned anything to Graham, he had enough to deal with. But when she got back home she was definitely going to visit her doctor for some vitamins and a quick checkup. She’d always had trouble with anemia and with the crazy schedule that she’d been keeping over the past six months it was beginning to wear on her.
She got two coffees and went to meet Graham. The ICU was always more quiet than the rest of the hospital, with the staff and visitors understanding how important it was for tranquillity for the most ill patients.
When Alexis approached the open door of room 6 she stopped short when she heard Graham’s voice and the pure pain in it tore right through her.
“Did you ever care what happened to me? Ever? Why didn’t you come? Do you know I waited for you? I prayed that you would come for me, that you wouldn’t leave me there with those people who never loved me, thought of me as an inconvenience that they were saddled with.” His voice cracked. “But you never came. You never wrote. Why did you give me up, Mum? Why? Do you have any idea what that did to me?”
He pressed his head against the rails of the bed and Alexis saw his shoulders and back tremble as his quiet sobs rocked through him.
Her eyes clouded over and filled with tears that streamed down her face. Quickly she turned away. She didn’t want him to see her and know that she had witnessed his most vulnerable moment. She went down the hall to a corner to compose herself before returning to the room and to give Graham the time that he needed.
When she returned he was standing and staring out of the window. He didn’t move until she was standing right next to him.
“Hey, sorry I took so long.” She handed him his coffee.
“Thanks. We’d better go,” he said abruptly. His brows knitted together as he looked at her. Then he kissed her forehead and put his arm around her waist. “We have a plane to catch.”
They walked together past his mother’s bed. He took a brief look and she felt his body tense and then they were gone.
Chapter 21
Graham and Alexis had the weekend to unwind and get their heads together for the return to work on Monday when Blake surprised them, saying that Sydni was in town and it would be great if they could get together for drinks or brunch on Sunday.
As much as Alexis wanted to simply crawl into bed, bury herself under her covers and sleep for a week she agreed to drinks Saturday night. She really wanted her Sunday to relax and recuperate. Alexis really liked Sydni and wished that she lived closer so that they could develop a real friendship. But as Sydni had said, if Alexis ever wanted to get away she was always welcome to visit her in Louisiana.
They’d settled on Rhythms, a jazz club in the city, for drinks. Blake recommended it, saying that his good buddy Nick Hunter owned it with his wife, Parris McKay, the jazz singer.
Alexis had to smile to herself. These two traveled in some well-heeled circles. She’d been listening to Parris’s music for years.
Even as tired as she was she had to admit that she was happy she’d come along. Blake and Sydni were great to be around, just to see the happiness in their eyes when they looked at each other was contagious. And before long Graham’s robust laugh, the sparkle in his eyes and the gentle way he touched her were back.
Maybe they could work it out, she thought wistfully as she watched his profile while he laughed at one of Blake’s really corny jokes.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Sydni asked low enough for only Alexis to hear.
Alexis felt her face heat. She turned to Sydni with a shy smile on her face. “Is it that obvious?”
“To me it is.” She laughed lightly. “But it’s okay, your secret is safe with me. And safe from him, too, I take it.”
Alexis exhaled slowly. “I’d like to keep it that way.”
Sydni raised her glass in solidarity. “Us chicks have to stick together.”
Alexis laughed and raised her glass. “Exactly.”
* * *
After having been gone from the office for an entire week, even though the office had been closed, it was a bit hard to get up and running and back to speed. With Thanksgiving out of the way, the holiday season was in full swing and Christmas was on the horizon and the staff’s focus was on planning holiday parties and winter getaways.
That was fine with Alexis. Things were slowing down this time of year so she had an opportunity to get some appointments set up to visit a few of the schools before they closed for the holiday. She would get Claire to schedule those for her over the course of the next few weeks.
In the meantime, her doctor was able to squeeze her in for a late-afternoon appointment before she went on vacation.
“I’m heading out, Claire. I doubt I’ll be back today. Anything urgent you know how to reach me.”
“No worries. See you tomorrow.”
Alexis hurried down the hall to catch the elevator but missed it and maybe for the best. She needed to use the restroom anyway.
As she was adjusting her clothes in the stall her name floated to her. She stiffened.
“She has no clue. He’s using Alexis the same way he always does. Sleep with them and move on. She won’t last much longer.”
Alexis’s heart pounded so loudly she could barely hear what they were saying.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Think about it. Think about the females that have worked here and are gone now. Coincidence?”
“True, but...”
“Trust me, I know.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Nooo. You and Graham?” The voice rose in pitch.
Tracy laughed. “Let’s go.”
Alexis heard the bathroom door close behind them. She was trembling so badly that she began to feel sick and threw up her lunch.
* * *
There was nowhere that she could go that Graham wasn’t there—at work, at home. At least at work she could actively avoid him. At home it was more difficult and she didn’t know how much longer she could keep it up without exploding.
She hadn’t told anyone what she’d overheard in the ladies room, not even Naomi. She felt so used and dirty and she wasn’t ready to share that humiliation with anyone, not even her best friend.
One evening about a week after the ladies room incident, she was at home and decided to take a look at her work contract. She knew it was for five years but if she was not mistaken there was also an opt-out clause, but she couldn’t remember the exact details.
She looked through her files and located the contract. There it was, at the bottom of page five. “Before the end of the six month probationary point either party shall have the option to continue or sever this agreement without penalty...”
She sat back against the pillows on her bed. She had one more week to make the decision to stay or go. But the news she received the following morning made her decision that much easier.
Chapter 22
“Alexis, you have a call on line three,” Claire said through the intercom.
“Thanks.” She pressed down the flashing light on her phone.
“Alexis Montgomery.”
“Hello, Ms. Montgomery. This is Dr. Sloan. I was wondering if you could come into my office this afternoon.”
“This afternoon? Is somethi
ng wrong?”
“No, but I want to discuss your test results with you.”
“You’re making me nervous.”
“Don’t be. Can you come in?”
“Sure. Um, I can be there in an hour.”
“Perfect. See you then.”
* * *
Alexis sat in the center of her bed. She’d cried enough to sink a ship. She’d wavered between disbelief, outrage and fear for hours. This was just not possible. It simply wasn’t. But according to her doctor one in every 450 women found themselves in her position. The fact that she was anemic only helped to mask it.
What was she going to do? The bigger question was how did she even feel about being pregnant by a man—her boss—who didn’t give a real damn about her, had abandonment issues and had no desire to settle down? She felt like crap. That’s how she felt. Not to mention that she, the face of R.E.A.L. would be a lousy example to the kids and her clients and the staff.
“Oh, God!” she wailed and fresh tears flowed.
When Naomi called later that evening Alexis had pulled herself together enough to manage a conversation without breaking into a million pieces.
Naomi listened quietly until Alexis had exhausted herself. “What do you want to do, Lexi? Whatever you decide you know I have your back.”
“I’ve been tormenting myself with that question since I walked out of my doctor’s office. Of course I’m going to go through with it, but more than that...”
“Do you plan to tell Graham.”
Alexis’s heart felt like it seized in her chest. “No.”
“Lexi, he deserves to know.”
“Maybe. Not now. I just can’t. And I don’t want him making any demands or false promises or offering fake feelings. I don’t want any of that crap!”
“Look, I know you’re used to doing things on your own and being your own woman, but I’m telling you, sis, this is different. Way different.”
“I’ll handle it.”