by Jade Kuzma
Looking at him across from me though, it was easy to understand why I had feelings for him in the first place. His golden honey tan highlighted by the ink on his muscled arms. The way his hair managed to look like a mess but not completely out of control. He was handsome, too, in a rugged sort of a way. The kind of handsome that made people think that he was always up to something. You could just imagine all of the adventures he could take you on just by staring into his eyes.
Then there was that leather kutte of his. A part of me was ashamed to admit that I was attracted to him because of that. A piece of clothing. I guess growing up in Ivory, women like me were just trained that way. Or maybe that was just the young, stupid me who didn’t know any better.
I closed my eyes and sighed softly to myself.
Calm down, Kristen. It’s just lunch. That’s it.
I had to remind myself not to act like a foolish schoolgirl who had a crush on the hot guy with big muscles. I knew Sebastian. All of the years we’d spent apart hadn’t changed him. He still had to be who I knew he was.
“This is a nice place,” I said as I looked around the restaurant. “It’s fancy. It’s casual. Just the right kind of balance.”
“That’s what the man who runs this place was going for,” he replied.
“Really? You know the guy?”
“He’s patched in.”
“Wait… What?”
“Ezra. His name is Ezra. His grandfather was a West Devil.”
“And now he’s a Devil.”
“That’s right. You know… sometimes you just can’t fight fate.”
Sebastian gave me a knowing wink. I didn’t mind him trying to tell me the obvious. I rolled my eyes then shook my head at him.
“You can’t fight fate,” I sighed. “The only problem is some people think fate is leading you one way when it’s really leading you down another path.”
“Is that right? What are you saying? Have you lost your way, Kristen?”
“No, I know my way. I know exactly where I am and where I’m headed.”
“That’s good—”
“Do you?”
Sebastian might’ve thought this conversation was going to be casual but I had to keep my focus. This wasn’t anything but a friendly conversation between two people who used to know each other.
“I didn’t come looking for you, Kristen,” he said. “That night I was at that party, I really was there on business.”
“You getting into business with Emerson? Trying to get in on a piece of that drug trade? You must be so proud of yourself.”
“It’s not drugs,” he said. “It’s legitimate. Hades was reopened with legit money. Not from drugs. Not from beating anybody up. It was honest work, Kristen.”
“Is that your way of telling me you’ve changed?”
“I don’t have to tell you I’ve changed. I have changed.”
I took a sip from a glass of water. Right now, I could’ve used some wine to ease some of the tension swirling around in my stomach. I was trying to relax but there was a voice in my head. A constant reminder that I had a job to do.
The waiter arrived before the silence between us could get awkward.
“What do you recommend?” I asked.
“The BLT is the restaurant specialty.”
“The BLT? I suppose it is lunchtime…”
“I’ll have the same,” Sebastian said.
Sebastian leaned forward in his seat with a growing smirk on his lips.
“What’s so funny?” I said.
“I remember when you used to cook for me. You could make a mean ham and cheese sandwich.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No, no, no,” he said sarcastically. “I loved your sandwiches.”
“I didn’t have much time to learn how to cook, let alone actually cook. I prepared those sandwiches as best I could. I knew you needed a lunch back when you were working construction.”
“The sandwiches were good. I ate every bite. Didn’t leave a crumb.”
“I’m sorry they weren’t as fancy as the BLTs in this place. I could’ve been a better girlfriend, I know…”
“You couldn’t have been a better girlfriend. You were already perfect.”
The smile left his lips. If there was one thing about Sebastian I always admired, it was that he was honest. I could always count on him to tell me the truth, even if it hurt.
Looking into his eyes, I knew that he was sincere. I shifted my gaze away from him but he persisted.
“I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend,” he said. “I should’ve been a better person. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry won’t change things, Sebastian.”
“I’m different now. I’m not the same—”
“Sebastian, you killed a man in cold blood. You were paid money to kill someone. Do you understand how serious that is?”
“I understand. But have you ever looked at it from the other side?”
“There is no other side—”
“A man’s daughter was attacked and raped.”
“They arrested him—”
“He had a smile on his face the entire time. That girl… She lost her innocence. She’ll never get it back. She’ll have to live with that for the rest of her life. That’s not all right.”
“I’m not saying that’s all right. But the man was in custody. He was on trial. Why couldn’t you have let justice play out?”
He narrowed his eyes at me.
“What if that was your daughter who was assaulted?” he asked. “What if someone you cared about came to you in tears, crying because they’ll never be the same again? Wouldn’t you want the ones responsible to get what was coming to them?”
“I’m not going to answer your hypothetical. You—”
“I was hired by a man who wanted justice for his daughter. You’ve lived in Ivory long enough to know how things work around here.”
“Yeah, well, maybe things need to change.”
I looked away from Sebastian and sighed a deep breath. I didn’t realize how worked up I’d gotten. My heart was racing in my chest. I took another sip of water to calm myself down. Thankfully, everybody else in the restaurant was minding their own business.
“And you’re one to talk about justice,” he said.
“What are you talking about?”
“What the hell are you doing with a man like James Emerson?”
I couldn’t look him in the eye.
I can’t tell him…
The only other person who knew what I was doing was Whitaker. Sebastian would never understand that I was getting close to Emerson for a reason. Even worse, he’d probably try to do something about it.
Don’t tell him…
“What does it matter?” I said.
“What does it matter? Kristen, the guy’s the biggest drug dealer in the entire region. You wanna talk about me killing a man. Do you know how much blood Emerson has on his hands?”
“I’m an adult. I’m capable of making my own decisions.”
“Emerson is dangerous. You need to get away from him.”
“Why? You jealous?”
“Yes! Yes, I’m jealous of him. You know I am. But you know I’m not bullshitting you when I tell you you’re in danger being close to this guy. Emerson has a lot of enemies. You don’t get to where he is without trampling on a few people on the way to the top. And I’m sure he’ll be more than willing to step on you if he needs to.”
“I doubt James would do anything like that. Not with me.”
“Not with you. You think you’re special? The guy’s probably got dozens of women on the side.”
“He’s not like that—”
“All right. Fine. Maybe he isn’t. Just tell me this. The other night. What was that?”
“What was what?”
“Don’t be coy. You wanted it. You wanted it just as much as I did.”
He stared hard at me. When I struggled to find a response, I immediately felt the heat in my cheeks. A smirk slowly fo
rmed on his lips and I found the composure I was looking for.
“I don’t know what that was,” I said as I clenched my jaw. “Hormones, I suppose…”
“What’s wrong? Emerson not satisfying you?”
“My relationship with Emerson isn’t about the sex. We have… We have a partnership. Something you’ll never understand.”
“Right. A partnership. That’s what bugs me the most about you leaving me. It was more than just the sex. I actually liked you, Kristen. I liked you. Being around you. Talking to you. Spending time around you.”
I could see some of the hurt in his eyes. The kind of hurt that nobody could fake.
“I liked you, too, Sebastian. I liked you. But you’re not you. You’re…”
I looked at the patch on his chest and sighed.
“…You’re Venom, president of the Devils Motorcycle Club.”
Sebastian leaned back in his chair. His chest rose and fell as he sighed a deep breath, resigned to the fact that there was nothing more he could do to change my mind. It was sad in a way. There was still that part of me hoping that he would convince me that things would be different. But the rest of me had enough sense to know that Sebastian and I… It would never work.
“So,” he said as he patted his hands on the table. “What do you want to tell me?”
“What?”
“You have too much pride to admit that this was just a casual get together. You have something to say to me, so say it.”
“Right… The thing is… I know you’re up to something.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play stupid. I know you too well. I’m telling you to stay away from Emerson. You’re putting yourself in serious danger. Stay away.”
“You seem awfully concerned about me.”
“Just because we’re not what we used to be doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you.”
“So you do care about me?”
“I care enough that I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“You’re right. Emerson is dangerous. I should stay away from him.”
“Good—”
“I’ll stay away from him when you leave him.”
He raised his eyebrows at me, waiting for a response that was never going to come. It was at that point I realized that I would never be able to change Sebastian. He was who he always would be.
“Never mind,” I sighed.
The waiter arrived quickly with our food and set it down.
“This looks a lot more appetizing than I expected it to be,” I said.
“It’s the best BLT in the state. You know people come down from the big city to check it out.”
“Is that right?”
“Business is booming again in this part of Ivory. A lot of new places are opening up. Emerson himself is looking to get his hands dirty—”
“Let’s not talk about him right now, okay?”
Sebastian gave me a smile and nodded. We both enjoyed our lunch and the argument we were just having quickly left my thoughts. Suddenly, I was just spending time with an old friend.
“There are a lot of things you missed out on over the years,” Sebastian said.
“When I left for the big city, there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about Ivory.”
“It’s good to have you back, KK.”
“Don’t…”
I sighed and shook my head.
“…Ivory’s always been my home,” I said. “It’s good to be back.”
“You have any plans for tonight?”
“Tonight? Emerson is busy. He’s always busy.”
“Good. What do you say you and me catch up on old times?”
“Catch up… I can do that.”
Chapter 9
SEBASTIAN
“I’ve lived here all my life. Twenty-eight long years. It’s a lot when you really think about it. All of my successes and failures. All of my accomplishments. All of the people I’ve met. All of my memories. They’re all here in this small town in the middle of nowhere.”
“Any regrets?”
Kristen raised an eyebrow at me. The way the moonlight shined off of her face made her more beautiful than I remembered. She was fucking gorgeous.
“Only one,” I said.
She shook her head and looked into the distance. I leaned up against my ride and stared at her, just taking her in while she took in the view.
I’d managed to snag her away for the whole day. When nighttime rolled around, she didn’t object when I took her up to a place in the hills far away from the city. Ivory had a lot of places that were untouched by buildings and lights and all of the distractions you’d find somewhere else.
“You didn’t have anything to do today?” I said.
“What’s that supposed to mean? I already told you I work on my own schedule. The real estate sells itself. People contact me when they talk about the property down there.”
“Working on your own schedule. So hard-working. So intelligent. So talented. You’ve got it all, Kristen.”
“Don’t romanticize it. I just like to think that I have my life in order. I’m just a real estate agent. Nothing more.”
“Right… So why exactly would someone who has their life in order be with a man like Emerson?”
She didn’t respond to me she just kept staring out in the distance.
Up in the hills looking down on Ivory, we were all alone. The only thing around us was the cool night breeze and the animals skittering through the brush. It was a quiet night where we could be alone with our thoughts. And right now, she was alone with her thoughts. I could see that much on her face.
There was something she wasn’t telling me. I couldn’t push her even though I wanted to.
“How long has it been?” she asked. “When was the last time we saw each other before I left you?”
“Eight years… but who’s counting?”
“In all that time, I still can’t believe I’m back here with you.”
“Ivory is a small town. The chances of us running into each other aren’t as bad as you think.”
“No… but the chances of us running into each other at Emerson’s place are bad.”
“It doesn’t matter where we ran into each other. Kristen… Ever since you walked out on me, I’ve been thinking about you every single day. There’s not a moment that goes by when I wasn’t wondering what you were up to.”
“Really now?”
She turned toward me, an eyebrow arched. The subtle grin on her lips was so seductive. Then again, there was nothing she couldn’t do to get my attention.
“I figured you’d be over me by now,” she said. “The big, bad biker. President of the Devils MC. You probably have women throwing themselves at you.”
“I do.”
“You fuck ‘em?”
“I did.”
“Then you did get over me.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head softly. “I fucked ‘em but I was always thinking of you when I did it… And I know you were thinking the same thing.”
“I—”
“Admit it. What happened the other night—”
“I lost myself.”
“You lost yourself to your true desires. I’m what you really wanted. You can’t deny it.”
Her head dropped as she looked down at the ground. That look of seduction on her face was gone.
“Emerson could never fuck you like I could.”
“No, he can’t… But that doesn’t matter. Sebastian… You and I… It would never work.”
“After all these years, I still think about you. And I know you still think about me.”
I moved away from my ride and toward her.
“Tell me,” I said. “Tell me you don’t still have feelings for me.”
“I…”
She looked away but I grabbed her by the arms. She gasped, her mouth hanging open as I forced her to turn back to me.
“Tell me the truth, Kristen.�
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Looking into those emerald green eyes of hers, I saw everything. Everything I ever wanted in my life. Everything I ever needed. She was my reason.
Her throat shifted with a swallow.
“All right,” she said. “I admit it. You were a good fuck. And maybe it’s something more. But you and I could never be anything more than that now. We’re just too different—”
I put my mouth to hers.
Damn…
Her lips were so fucking soft. But it wasn’t the way she felt or tasted. It was indescribable, knowing that she was the one I was with now. I kissed her and lost my senses.
She tensed up for a moment underneath my grip before she eased into me. She didn’t protest. She didn’t struggle. She just let herself go.
I trailed my mouth down her neck and kissed her porcelain, then trailed my lips back up to her ear.
“Don’t deny it,” I whispered. “Don’t deny us…”
Kristen responded with a throaty sigh. Up here in the hills, so far away from town, she could be as loud as she wanted to be and she knew it. There wasn’t another person for miles. And if they’d caught us, I didn’t care.
I wrapped my arms around her and picked her up from the ground. She gasped into my mouth while I carried her back to my bike. I set her down and put my lips back on hers to stroke the fire that was burning inside of me.
We were only just getting started.
My hands worked their way into her tight jeans and past her panties. Her smooth mound was the best kind of fucking prelude to what was underneath it.
“Do you remember this?” I whispered. “Do you remember when I used to take you out here and finger you right before I fucked you?”
“I… I remember.”
“Do you remember how hard my cock got?”
“I remember…”
She got the words out like she was struggling to breathe. She braced herself by reaching down and grabbed my cock through my jeans. At the same time, my hand slid down and started rubbing her clit. My middle finger moved across her nub until it swelled underneath my touch.
I couldn’t take it much longer. I had my jeans on but I was fucking rock hard. The strain of it all was too painful.
One hand in her panties, I used my other hand to undo my belt. Kristen and I worked together to undo my jeans. She zipped me down and tugged them to my knees. My cock popped up free, pointed straight up toward her. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this fucking hard.