Lay down your fears and raise your glass.
May peace and joy be with you all.
They applaud themselves, drink. The joy of the song is cut short by Momo’s steady mumbling.
MOMO
(Softly, mumbled)
. . . nairywheres do we blag werstrus, doll sezzer / big sussten back . . . sezz it whairidoll . . . er hairin sildern fernal garn ackening ery or loddinsezz . . .
ERIK
(Staying positive, massaging Momo’s hand)
Shhhh, all right . . . you’re all right . . .
BRIGID
She normally joins in. This is new, / this is—
ERIK
Well it’s—yeah, it’s not one of her good days.
Small beat.
DEIRDRE
I’ve missed hearing you sing, Bridge . . .
BRIGID
DEIRDRE
Mom, / that’s not even my strength . . .
. . . I’m serious, you sound good—
ERIK
RICHARD
You have any gigs lined up?
(To Deirdre)
Can we come embarrass you?—
I agree.
BRIGID
No, I’m spending most of my nights bartending—you guys don’t even know how much student debt I’m stuck with—
ERIK
Yeah, well, I do know who refused to go to a state school.
DEIRDRE
BRIGID
Ohhh, score one for Dad.
I knew you were gonna say that . . .
Richard knows Brigid doesn’t want to continue discussing this topic.
RICHARD
Why don’t we—appetizers are out, / so just come down whenever you’re ready . . .
BRIGID
Yes, good idea—you heard the man, let’s move the party downstairs—
Everyone gathers their things, starts to move. Another thud from above.
Erik looks up; everyone else keeps moving. Brigid notices this.
BRIGID
RICHARD
(To Erik)
(Descending the stairs)
Hey . . . it’s quieter down
Sorry about the noise, guys . . .
there . . . go unwind.
UPSTAIRS:
DOWNSTAIRS:
Brigid heads toward the stairwell.
RICHARD
(Arriving downstairs, calling up)
Deirdre pulls Erik aside in the other room. They have a hushed/indecipherable
. . . I like to joke, I joke that this apartment is like living in a bomb shelter.
disagreement, at the end of which, Erik reassures her.
BRIGID
(Descending the stairs)
Yeah, except that when people call their apartments bomb shelters it isn’t funny, Rich.
AIMEE
[Be nicer to him.]
Brigid stops, she’s noticed Erik and Deirdre aren’t behind her.
She hears their voices in the other upstairs room, walks back to them . . .
BRIGID
Guys, what’re you doing?—go downstairs and relax, / please—
ERIK
DEIRDRE
All right, okay . . .
I am, just gonna use the little girls’ room first . . .
AIMEE
How do I get Momo down there? . . .
BRIGID
What do you mean?
AIMEE
Well I can’t dump her down the spiral staircase.
BRIGID
Oh God, sorry, use the elevator—
ERIK
AIMEE
Here, I’ll take her—
(Taking control of the wheelchair)
I got it, I never get to see her . . . go help Rich . . .
ERIK
You sure?
AIMEE
Yeah . . .
Erik heads downstairs. Brigid opens the door for Aimee and Momo.
BRIGID
Take the elevator to the B-level.
DOWNSTAIRS: Erik descends the spiral staircase. Richard is making last-minute dinner preparations.
BRIGID
(Calling down)
Rich, unlock the downstairs door please!
RICHARD
(Calling up)
You got it!
ERIK
Look at all this . . .
RICHARD
Come on down . . .
UPSTAIRS:
DEIRDRE
So when Momo needs the bathroom we’ve gotta go out in the hall and take the elevator?
BRIGID
Yeah, but . . . I’ll take her back up if . . .
(Deirdre sighs)
Sorry, I forgot about her wheelchair.
DEIRDRE
Yeah, I know you did.
Deirdre enters the bathroom. Brigid heads for the staircase.
DOWNSTAIRS: Erik looks around, investigating.
RICHARD
(Handing Erik a beer)
Beer?
ERIK
Yeah, I’ll take a Coke, too, if you’ve got / soda or . . .
RICHARD
Yeah, coming right up . . .
ERIK
Thanks. Detroit’s up seven.
RICHARD
Oh . . . oh, the football game?
(Erik nods. Small beat)
How’s the lake house coming along? I hear you might build this summer?
ERIK
Uh, no, not until the sewers get put in . . . doesn’t make sense to build with a septic system if they’re gonna be putting in sewers soon.
BRIGID
(Coming down the stairs)
The sooner the better, I can’t wait for a lake-house Christmas.
RICHARD
(Handing her a glass of wine)
Red, right?
BRIGID
Yes, thank you . . .
(Referring to the paper plates)
. . . How do you like our fine china, Dad?
Erik smiles. Richard sets things out on the table, Brigid assists.
ERIK
You’re gonna miss the old house.
BRIGID
I will; I won’t miss the wall-to-wall carpeting . . . or the bunk beds.
Small beat. Erik drinks. Richard and Brigid prepare food in the kitchen alley.
RICHARD
Work’s good, Erik?—you’re still at—it’s a Catholic high school, right?
BRIGID
St. Paul’s, for twenty-eight years . . .
RICHARD
Wow, / that’s impressive . . .
ERIK
Well . . .
BRIGID
They created a whole position for him.
ERIK
Don’t make it sound—I headed up maintenance and coupla years ago they needed a, an equipment manager, so—
BRIGID
It’s a big job, it’s a triple-A school, he handles all the phys-ed classes, / manages the weight room, the kids love him . . .
ERIK
All right, okay . . . hey enough . . .
RICHARD
That’s impressive.
ERIK
It’s practical. Got the girls free tuition. You don’t pick up after other people’s kids for twenty-eight years unless you really love your own, you know?
RICHARD
(Toasting)
Well, hey, to twenty-eight years . . .
BRIGID
ERIK
Twenty-eight years . . .
Cheers.
UPSTAIRS: Toilet flush. Deirdre exits the bathroom.
DOWNSTAIRS: Brigid—who was waiting for the bathroom to be free—starts up the staircase.
RICHARD
Yeah, no it’s crazy, our generation, we’re lucky if we stay in a job for one year, right Bridge?
ERIK
Are you guys even in the same generation?
BRIGID
(Stopping on the staircase)
Dad, that’s / not funny—
ER
IK
What, I’m not allowed to joke?
BRIGID
No.
Richard continues meal preparations.
RICHARD
You decide on an architect for the lake house?
ERIK
Uh, no, that’s a ways away.
Erik drinks.
BRIGID
(Passing Deirdre)
Hey . . .
DEIRDRE
Your bathroom doesn’t have a window . . .
BRIGID
DEIRDRE
I know, go downstairs.
. . . I love you, I’m just saying.
Brigid enters the bathroom.
Deirdre is on her way downstairs but stops to eavesdrop on Richard and Erik’s conversation.
RICHARD
I actually like having the design process to look forward to, I like the planning stages.
ERIK
Yeah, well our budget’s—we’re gonna use one of those places where, they’ve got predesigned homes you can choose from? / . . . but . . .
RICHARD
Sure, good idea . . .
ERIK
. . . yeah, and the place we’re looking at has good designs, you know? . . .
RICHARD
Yeah, no that’s great.
Richard prepares for dinner during the following exchange. He’s listening, but multitasking.
ERIK
I’ll tell you, Rich, save your money now . . . I thought I’d be settled by my age, you know, but man, it never ends . . . mortgage, car payments, internet, our dishwasher just gave out . . .
RICHARD
Oh man . . .
ERIK
Yeah, yeah . . .
(Small beat)
. . . don’tcha think it should cost less to be alive?
RICHARD
Ha, absolutely . . .
ERIK
I even started cutting my own hair to try and save a few bucks . . . messed it up pretty good. Thank God I’m married.
Richard smiles. Erik drinks. Beat.
RICHARD
ERIK
So you want—no, sorry what?
Brigid said you’re—
ERIK
[Nothing, nevermind.]
Erik drinks.
RICHARD
You want some ice?
ERIK
Uh, sure.
RICHARD
(Getting the ice)
So you’ve been . . . having some weird dreams too?
ERIK
Huh?
RICHARD
. . . just . . . you can hear a lot through the [hole where the spiral staircase is], just caught that you haven’t been sleeping, thought maybe—I’ve been having weird dreams all week, think it’s because of the move . . . last night I was polishing a silver refrigerator and . . . my dog was caught inside it? . . . and I don’t have a dog? / . . . just weird stuff . . .
ERIK
Oh man . . . sounds like it . . . no, I don’t remember my [dreams] . . . even when I have one of those ones where, uh . . .
Erik takes a sip of beer.
RICHARD
What?
ERIK
. . . [no, nothing important] . . . you know the ones where you need a minute just to . . . figure out it isn’t / actually [real] . . .
RICHARD
Oh, sure—
Knocking at the downstairs door startles Erik a bit—he spills his beer. Richard moves to help—
ERIK
RICHARD
Sorry about that, Rich, I got it, I got it . . .
Don’t worry about it—
More knocking. Richard opens the door as Erik cleans up his spill.
Aimee wheels Momo inside.
RICHARD
Welcome . . . / come on in . . .
AIMEE
Hello, hello . . . so this is what lies beneath . . .
RICHARD
What are you drinking, Aimee?
AIMEE
MOMO
Whatever’s open . . . red
(Barely audible)
wine? This is really a lot of space . . .
. . . where do we go . . . where do we go . . .
RICHARD
Yeah if you sacrifice sunlight you can get some / extra square feet . . .
MOMO
(Softly, mumbled)
Where do we go? Where, where do we go? / Where do we go? Where do we go where do we go where do we go where do we go . . .
ERIK
Hey, you waking up a bit, Mom? . . .
AIMEE
She keeps asking me that . . . Where do we—Momo . . . we’re going into this room is where we’re going . . .
UPSTAIRS: Brigid exits the bathroom, is surprised to find Deirdre by the stairwell.
BRIGID
What are you doing? . . .
DEIRDRE
MOMO
Just wanted a breather . . .
(Tapering to barely audible)
. . . where do we go do we go where do we go do we go . . .
Erik massages Momo’s hand.
BRIGID
You’re holding a present.
DEIRDRE
Ha, I am, it’s for you and Rich. Open it downstairs . . .
BRIGID
Is it . . . a fancy candle?
DEIRDRE
Yeah, smart-ass, I’ll give you a fancy candle . . . keep walking . . .
DOWNSTAIRS: Aimee unwinds with a glass of wine.
RICHARD
How’s the law firm, Aimee?
AIMEE
Busy. M&A transactions are not a source of joy in my life, so—I’m glad you don’t get cell reception down here, my blackberry needs the rest.
ERIK
She’s an all-star there . . .
AIMEE
Dad, ugh, no—I was informed last month I’m no longer on the partner track, which—
DEIRDRE
(Descending the staircase)
What? / When did this—
ERIK
Does that mean it just takes more time? Or—
AIMEE
No, it’s the nice way of saying: start looking for another job.
DEIRDRE
ERIK
Why would they / do that?—
Really?
AIMEE
It’s complicated, / who knows . . .
BRIGID
I’m sorry.
AIMEE
. . . yeah, I missed a lot of time last year when I was sick . . . / and then . . .
DEIRDRE
She’s got ulcerative colitis, Rich—
AIMEE
. . . Mom, okay—
DEIRDRE
—it affects the colon—
AIMEE
. . . okay, Mom, so . . . and I missed even more time right before they made their decision, I had another flare up this month, so—
DEIRDRE
ERIK
Why didn’t you tell us?
Oh babe, I’m sorry . . .
AIMEE
Because I don’t want you to worry—
DEIRDRE
I would’ve sent you a care-package . . .
AIMEE
Yeah, and a bunch of text messages asking about my bowel movements.
DEIRDRE
I just wanna know what’s / going on.
ERIK
AIMEE
You know we’d do anything for you, right?—
I know, I know . . . I know, I do . . .
DEIRDRE
They can’t fire you because of a medical condition—
AIMEE
Well they gave other reasons, obviously, but . . . yeah, you get the sense they support your chronic illness as long as it doesn’t affect your billable hours.
BRIGID
DEIRDRE
I’m really sorry.
Well, they don’t deserve you.
ERIK
How about . . . financially, are you okay, or—?
AIMEE
Ye
ah, I’m set for a while.
ERIK
For a few months, or—
AIMEE
Yeah, I’ll let you know if I need money, I don’t want to talk about my job or my— / let’s talk about—
DEIRDRE
But just—how are you feeling?
AIMEE
Just minor cramping, I’m good, I am . . .
RICHARD
How about food-wise, can we get you / something special—
AIMEE
No, I’m fine, at ease, everyone, / really . . . let’s . . .
BRIGID
(Taking the spotlight off Aimee)
Hey we should—why don’t we do a downstairs toast, / before we forget, yeah? . . .
DEIRDRE
AIMEE
I’m okay with that . . .
Yes, / please . . .
BRIGID
Dad, will you lead us? . . .
RICHARD
ERIK
I like this, being twice blessed . . .
Sure, sure, how about . . .
ERIK
. . . to the Blake family Thanksgiving . . .
DEIRDRE
. . . to the very special Chinatown edition / of the Blake family Thanksgiving . . .
BRIGID
AIMEE
Yes, yes, yes . . .
Here here . . .
ERIK
MOMO
Neither rain nor hail—
Sorn it all . . .
DEIRDRE
Nor sleet nor snow . . . nor . . . what else?
. . . can neverbody black werstrus—
AIMEE
Nor ulcerative colitis . . .
MOMO
(Mumbled)
. . . can neverbody black werstrus—
BRIGID
Nor dementia . . .
MOMO
—you / sornum never back . . .
DEIRDRE
AIMEE
Okay, now you’re pushing it . . .
Brigid . . .
BRIGID
(Smiling)
What—too soon? / Too soon?
AIMEE
DEIRDRE
Yes, too soon . . .
Not funny . . .
Brigid hugs Momo.
ERIK
Yeah, you better give her a hug . . .
BRIGID
We love you, Momes . . .
The Humans Page 3