by Grey Cole
“Oh, yes. Much.” Royce risked a half grin. “If you’re lacking in common sense, you can finally concede that I am, in fact, superior to you in intelligence.”
Shea’s bark of laughter, while welcome, still surprised him since he seemed so down. “Never,” he declared, taking another sip of his beer. “I did something really stupid tonight, Royce.”
“Doing something stupid and being stupid are vastly different things. One you can overcome, while the other you’re stuck with forever,” he joked, not garnering a much hoped for laugh, only another frustrated sigh. “Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that.”
Shea’s hand slapped against his thigh. “I know. I’m just embarrassed as shit.”
“Fuck. You know more embarrassing shit about me than anyone else on this planet. Just say it already. You can stop beating yourself up about it, and we can get back to the Doctor and generally fucking off.”
“That guy I went out with tonight?”
Better not have fucking hurt you, or he’s dead. “Umm, hmm … ”
“God, I—I had a crush on him nearly my entire freshman year. And I thought—” Shea stopped himself twice before shaking his head and beginning again. “We had some Gen Ed classes together back then, and I hadn’t seen him for a while. When I ran into him at the library and he flirted and asked me out, I thought … finally. Finally, here’s a guy I genuinely like, and going out with him would probably answer all my questions. Gay? Straight? Bi? I mean, you know, I’ve always liked girls fine, but like I told you, I’ve felt far more attracted to and excited about being with guys. I never even thought about dating a guy, though, since I figured my father would disown me. So, you know it’s been all about quick make-out sessions, hand jobs—”
Royce really was about to lose his mind. He forced his teeth to unclench. “I know all this. What I don’t know is why you’re upset, and that is upsetting me.” Realizing the last words he spoke were barely gritted out, he softened his voice before continuing. “Just say it. You’re not gay after all? No longer curious? What, man?”
Shea sat up, bracing his forearms on his thighs, and dropped his head between his legs. His harsh breaths had Royce scooting closer, but not yet touching. Then he barely made out his garbled response. Sounded like he said … Oh, fuck no. He better not have said … “Shea, sit up. I didn’t understand you.”
His head sprang back up, and the distraught look seemingly etched into his face pinned him against the seat. “I said I let him fuck me. And it was bad. Really bad.”
Oh God, that was what he thought he’d said. Before he could pull his heart out of his throat to speak, Shea was off the couch like a shot, and Royce didn’t miss how he winced at the sudden movement. He took a deep breath and moved to stand by the window.
“Are you hurt?” Royce finally stammered.
“Mainly my pride, but other things, uh … yeah … a little.”
“What does ‘a little’ mean?”
“Please, don’t make me say it. Just trust that I’m okay.”
“Bullshit. I’m not letting it go at that. You don’t have enough experience to know whether it’s okay or not.” A sudden, dark thought popped into Royce’s head, and he didn’t even want to give voice to it. But he had to. Royce slid from the couch, surprised that his body was following commands his brain wasn’t even really issuing, and stood behind him. “Shea, tell me the truth. Did he force you?”
Shea’s shoulders drooped, and he shook his head vigorously as he turned, half facing him. “No. He didn’t. I swear, I would tell you. It’s just … well, he didn’t know what he was doing. I guess. You’ve been really cool about the gay thing, even though you’re straight, and I don’t want to gross you out.” He cut himself off at my raised brow. “Yeah, yeah. I know. Homos don’t have the market cornered on butt sex. Anyway, I’ve watched certain things, read about certain things. Damn, it all happened so fast. Maybe if I would have told him it was my first time, he would have taken time to … you know, get me ready. But, he didn’t. And it really hurt. Then he was jerk about it.”
Cradling his elbow, Royce turned him so that they were fully face to face. Searching his features, Royce could tell Shea was fighting a meltdown. Nothing on earth had ever made him feel so helpless, so instead of pushing him further, Royce guided him to the only place he could stretch out and relax and still be close to him. Their bare feet padded against the tile as the pair made their way to Royce’s bed. Pushing himself against the wall into a sitting position so that it would seem less awkward, Royce once again guided Shea until he was lying stretched out next to him on the bed. Shea’s head rested near Royce’s hip, and yet again, he had to fight the overwhelming urge to run his hand over the messy curls.
Letting his head hit the wall with a thump, he struggled with how to best approach the situation. Shea was a strong, proud man, and he didn’t want to do anything to undermine that. In Royce’s unbiased opinion, what made Shea stronger than anyone he’d ever known was his ability and willingness to let his emotions show. Judgment be damned.
“God, I feel like such a moron,” Shea wailed, throwing an arm over his eyes.
Royce searched for something reassuring to say, yet only meaningless platitudes sprang to mind. So, he gave in and let his generally brusque, no nonsense manner take over. “Riding out your hormones does not a moron make. It makes you human. Humans fuck up. We learn. We get over it. We live on.” He hesitated for a second before getting yet another awkward but necessary question out of the way. “Did he use protection?”
Shea squirmed a little before muttering a yes.
“All right, Shea. One last awkward question, and then we’ll move on from that portion of the evening.”
Shea’s whole body harrumphed.
“Are you torn or, uh, bleeding?”
Shea’s arm fell away from his eyes, the barely there tears making their hazel depths sparkle even more than usual. “The fucked up thing? He took me to the next town over. He didn’t want anyone to see us together. Told me he wasn’t out and wouldn’t be out any time soon. I tried to not to judge since it’s something I had to figure out too, but the way he said it … he was such an asshole. He started talking about flaming queers who gave the rest of us “normal” gays a bad name. We went to the park, and I kinda fell back under his spell while we listened to some music and he told me stories from growing up and all that. Next thing I know, we’re making out and … yeah. Yeah, I am a little. It’s not bad. Just a few spots.”
Royce was a smart guy, but it took a minute for him to wrap his brain around the fact that Shea finally answered his question in a roundabout way. “Okay,” Royce acknowledged. “So he was an asshole, but you still wanted to get laid. Happens to the best of us. Here’s what bugs me. You’re too good for that.” Shea’s arm moved back over his eyes. “Nuh, uh. Don’t shut me out,” Royce admonished, pushing it back down and resting his hand on the other man’s. “What I mean is … you feel too deeply to have casual sex like that. You weren’t ready ‘cause you weren’t that into him. It’s like you did it to prove a point to yourself or your father. You weren’t wrong, but it still wasn’t right. For you. You’re not like everybody else. You only need to let people who love you, love you like that. Do you understand?”
Shea’s eyes searched Royce’s for a moment before he nodded. Royce was glad he understood because he’d barely registered his own words.
“You look like Clark Kent,” Shea blurted.
“It’s these sexy-as-hell black frames,” Royce cracked, adjusting his glasses in a decidedly Clark Kent fashion. “You’re drunk.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“I’m not too inebriated to know that I would have completely fallen apart had you not been here. Fucking roommate lottery jackpot …”
Royce swallowed hard at the compliment. “Glad to see all the drinking hasn’t taken it’s toll on your vocabulary.”
“Hey, I can handle my alcohol just fine. I jus
t choose not to imbibe that frequently.”
“You’re strong, Shea. The strongest person I know. You’ll get through this.”
Shea’s eyes fluttered closed and his breath evened out for a minute before he muttered, “And you’re too good to me.”
After he dozed off, Royce waited a few minutes to make sure he wouldn’t stir before grabbing his laptop and running a search on the possible ramifications of Shea’s hasty foray into anal sex. After reading articles from several reputable health sources, he felt relatively sure that he’d be just fine, so he eased the lid down and set the computer aside before turning back to his favorite object of study. Now that Shea was passed out, there was no reason why Royce couldn’t indulge himself. He feathered his aching fingertips over Shea’s curls and around the shell of his ear, pausing to soak in the softness of the lobe.
Scooting down to lie beside him, he skated a shaky index finger over the curve of his bicep and down to his forearm, which was folded and shoved partially under his head, reminding Royce of a wounded angel. How could he make his angel whole again?
Without thought, he stretched his lips toward the soft, alabaster skin of his forearm. When his lips touched and he wasn’t repulsed by the unmistakably hard male flesh beneath them, he felt encouraged. Before he could continue on that line of thought, Shea kicked out and stirred.
“Shh …” Royce soothed, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “You’re safe.”
Shea sniffed loudly as though he had been sobbing in his dreams. “I don’t want to remember this night this way. My first time … I want it … gone.” Beseeching eyes popped open to stare right into his soul before shifting out of focus again.
Propping himself up on his elbow, Royce threaded his fingers through Shea’s curls, locking them in place, before forcing Shea’s gaze upon his once more. Royce decided that he didn’t have a single problem with being gay. He didn’t have a single problem making Shea his. And he didn’t have a single problem showing Shea how much he wanted him. “Be careful what you wish for, Shea.”
“Wh-what do you mean?” Shea stammered, even though from the look he returned, he had a good idea what Royce meant.
Not risking any more words to explain something he himself didn’t fully understand, Royce took a gamble. Keeping his eyes open, he pressed his lips against Shea’s, which earned him a surprised huff of air that seemed to dance across his own lips. He grinned against Shea’s lips and pressed again. This time he lingered there before meeting them again and again. Hot damn. Again. Delicious. And that quickly, his cock was rock hard against the mattress. Shea’s eyes seemed to vacillate between eagerness and confusion, so he pulled back and asked, “Is this okay?”
Shea only nodded before closing the distance himself. This time, he licked his lips a little, so they were parted and wet when they met his. Two mutual groans vibrated against one another, seeming to feed off the other and causing them to move with more fervor.
“I’ve wanted to do that for forever,” Royce confessed, finally closing his eyes and savoring the sweetness that was Shea. He didn’t even compare the difference between kissing a man and a woman, because kissing Shea was like kissing love incarnate, and no one or nothing else had ever come close.
Royce felt a shaky breath leave Shea’s body. “I don’t understand.”
He reopened his eyes and took in his love and—he hoped—his man. “Remember what I said about only doing things with people who love you.” Shea nodded. “Well …”
He shut them both up by occupying their mouths, threaded his fingers through Shea’s, and shifted his body on top of the other man’s. He knew he wouldn’t take this too far, but he had to fulfill Shea’s request of making him forget the train wreck of a date. And while this was mighty nice of him, he knew he was not being completely altruistic, because he had ached for this and so much more.
Since they were about the same height, their cocks magnetized to one another, causing them both to let out a hard grunt. The opportunity never seemed more perfect, so Royce slid his tongue against Shea’s. Gently at first. When Shea matched him lick for lick and started rotating his hips against his own, he upped the ante and began to devour him. Fuck, it was good. So good. Royce sucked Shea’s tongue into mouth. Shea tasted of beer and a faint hint of spearmint, and Royce knew he would forever be addicted to the combination.
“You taste so good,” Royce whispered as he withdrew to place pecking kisses against Shea’s lips before tilting his cheek against Shea’s and feeling the scratch of his stubble.
“God, you too, Royce,” Shea rasped. His lips pressed to Royce’s throat.
Not wanting to lose the much needed friction of Shea’s dick rubbing against his, he bowed up so that he could nudge Shea’s head back and kiss his neck. His tongue darted out against his Adam’s apple. When he felt the vibration of Shea’s approval, he decided to spend more time there. Licking, sucking … biting. Finally, he restarted his journey and ran his tongue down Shea’s corded throat, over each collarbone, only slowing down when he discovered the places that made Shea’s body sing.
How could he have ever doubted how hot they’d be together? How hot would it be to make him come undone?
After lavishing each of his pecs, he could tell Shea was close to coming, and he didn’t want him to come like that. Not tonight. A hand job was so … impersonal and pedestrian. Royce craved intimate and epic. Pressing Shea’s hands into the mattress, he raised himself up and unthreaded their fingers. Shea moaned a protest before opening his eyes to search his own.
“I have something a little different in mind. You will come, but I won’t hurt you,” he promised him.
“I trust you.” The simple statement was said decidedly and unequivocally. A grin pulled at Royce’s mouth for a moment until the weight of those words had it settling into a hard line.
“You have no idea how much that means to me.” Leaning back down, he took Shea in a quick, dirty kiss that left them both winded.
Royce figured it was now or never, so he made his way back down, not lingering this time. When he got to Shea’s abs he licked each indentation and then hovered for a moment, blowing his warm breath over the glistening skin. Shea laughed lightly and wriggled his hips, unknowingly giving Royce exactly what he needed. Royce slid Shea’s shorts over his hips and let them go with a snap against his thighs. Shea’s eyes widened at the sudden exposure, and while Shea’s grin fell, Royce’s increased tenfold.
Shea finally found his tongue, but only to shout an “Oh, fuck,” as Royce licked his lips and grasped Shea’s beautiful cock at the root, pulling the foreskin back and exposing his tender cockhead. They were both uncut, but Royce had him beat on width while Shea was slightly longer than Royce. He already knew that since he’d seen it in passing a few times, but never hard. Never like this. Never his for the taking.
And take he did.
Royce didn’t know much about sucking dick, but he’d had his sucked enough to know damn well what he liked. So, he went with that. His lips met his hand on the first go, and he created suction as he raised his head again and again, slurping and licking with his tongue as he did. Too overwhelmed with the act itself, he didn’t think much for a few seconds. When the blood pounding in his ears settled into a gentle roar, he registered Shea’s labored breaths and how his hands clutched onto Royce’s shoulders.
Chancing a glance at Shea, he expected to find his head thrown back and lost in pleasure, but Shea’s eyes were locked on him, his expression as if he couldn’t believe the sight before him. Royce was staggered by how much more fucking gorgeous Shea looked to him like this. Any plaguing doubts he had about doing this were effectively erased. He pulled up and tongued the head and the slit before tilting his head and sucking the tender glans into his mouth.
“Royce,” Shea hissed. “Fuck, Royce. So fucking good.”
Moving his hand to cup Shea’s balls, Royce worked to see how much of Shea he could get in his mouth. He surprised himself even though he couldn�
��t quite fit it all. He was certainly looking forward to practicing. When Shea started pumping his hips a little and pulling at his shoulders, Royce looked back up to him.
“I’m gonna come,” Shea warned.
Royce thought about finishing Shea off with his hand but quickly dismissed the thought, wanting nothing more than to take whatever the man would give him. Just the thought of having part of Shea inside him ramped up his own desire, causing Royce to drive his own hips deeper into the bed.
So, instead of releasing the cock pulsing in his mouth, he braved that last inch and swallowed hard as he did, burying his nose in the nest of coarse hair that smelled of the earth and of concentrated Shea. Shea’s satisfying shout drowned out any gagging noise Royce made as hot cum shot down his throat. Royce ground his own hips into the mattress a couple of times before humming with his own pleasure. He licked and sucked his way to the now ultra-sensitive head and circled his tongue around it. He was glad he did—it was only then that he was able to really taste Shea. No longer a curious boy, he was thrilled that all the answers had worked out for them both.
Releasing him with a pop, Royce kissed his way through the short, rusty-colored hair framing Shea’s dick and across his pelvic bone to suck at his hip for a moment before pulling his shorts back up and hauling himself up beside Shea. He stretched his arms over his head and then curled on his side. As he moved to shove one hand under his head, Royce realized he still had his glasses on, and with a chuckle, he snatched them off and dropped them on the bookcase at the head of his bed. God, he’d been so hot for Shea he hadn’t even realized he still wore them. He moved back into position and let his other hand fall on Shea’s hip. His pinky finger itched to trace the gooseflesh that rose under it, but he was struck with a moment of uncertainty.
Shea’s gaze was soft and open, but he still saw plenty of questions there. Royce waited patiently, afraid that if he started to talk himself, he’d never shut up.