In fact, we fell back into the same pattern of group get-togethers after the games, and Drew made a point of sitting next to me, squeezing my shoulders at every opportunity and teasing me mercilessly. The night of the game after the BYU defeat, he scraped back his chair and announced that the team had been put on a curfew, and he'd have to leave. Rihanna and the others were going to the bar after this, and she asked if I was going, too.
I was torn. I was hoping Drew would take me to the dorm, so I could find out if my gaffe had ruined any chance of continuing our friendship. If he didn't intend to, I might as well go with the others. Before I could figure out what to say to leave it open, he spoke up.
"Janey, unless you want to go with them, I'd like to take you home." That settled it. I accepted and followed him away from the table, looking back just once to see Ri holding both thumbs up in a gesture of approval.
Drew wouldn't hear of just dropping me off at the curb, so he found a spot in guest parking and walked with me to the front lawn of the dorm. There, to my surprise, he drew me under a bare tree that provided no cover, wrapped his arms around me and bent to kiss me properly this time. The December night was crisp and redolent of evergreens, but my senses were overwhelmed by his warmth, by the comfort of being in his arms, and by his spicy masculine scent, unique and intoxicating.
I wasn't really thinking, but looking back, I must have had a moment of thinking that here was a sweet, attractive boy very close to my own age, who could help me forget Justin. Justin wasn't interested, Drew was. What could be so wrong about trying to want Drew?
I swayed toward him to show him I would give him more, but he took me by the arms and pushed away a little, gazing into my upturned face with heavy-lidded desire. "Janey, I want you to know that I want you as much as I've ever wanted any woman, but we need to take it slow." Maybe he saw the hurt in my eyes, because he went on. "I can't afford a distraction right now. There are NBA scouts at every game now, and if I'm thinking about you naked in my arms, I'm gonna screw up. I need this shot, Sugar. Do you understand?"
I nodded. I didn't like it, but I understood. After all, didn't I know what it was like to be distracted by someone you wanted? Didn't I experience that every Monday, Wednesday and Friday in English class? I was hoping to wipe out the memory of sex with Justin with the sweet and sexy Drew, but it wasn't fair to him. What he could give me would have to be enough until the basketball season was over, three months away.
The end of the semester was approaching rapidly, to be followed by Christmas break. I was satisfied with my performance in every class except math, where I was hopelessly lost. One night after a game, I mentioned that I was worried about passing my math final.
"I can do the homework okay, as long as I have time to work it out. But, I'm afraid that a final test with a time limit is going to screw me royally." I said.
"Why haven't you said something?" Drew asked.
"I just did."
"I mean earlier, when I could have helped you understand what you were studying," he said.
"What are you saying? You're some kind of math whiz?"
"I wouldn't say whiz," he said, "but I get good marks and people tell me I have a knack for explaining it."
"Hey, could you give me some tutoring between now and the final?" I knew he had a lot on his plate between keeping up his grades and practice for the games, not to mention the travel for the away games. Still, if he had even a few minutes to help me, I might be able to pull a respectable grade in math after all.
"I think I could manage that," he said, smiling at me.
Drew managed to squeeze in a couple of hours in the evenings over the next couple of weeks before finals. Thanks to his tutelage, I was feeling more and more comfortable that I would pass the final, even if I didn't receive top marks. It was during those times that, little by little, I revealed more of my background to Drew. To his credit, he never made me feel like an object of pity or some exotic but dangerous creature, as I had feared. Watching his face as he looked at the pictures of Gracie on my iPhone, I knew he loved children before he even told me.
In turn, I learned that he was the oldest of six siblings, grew up in a bad neighborhood in Ogden, was at school on a basketball scholarship and hardship grants and was determined to get his family out of Ogden if he could make pro. I could relate to a lot of it. Being with Drew was comfortable in the same way as being with Rihanna, my sisters or the older cowboys who befriended me. We were friends, pure and simple, except after the games, when we became frustrated lovers, unable to act on our desires except for passionate kisses.
The last week before Christmas break was hectic with term papers being due and finals. The last game before the break was on Thursday against Texas State. With only one loss so far this season, we were becoming used to the wins, but were no less exuberant when celebrating them. When Drew walked me home that night, he seemed subdued, which I noticed even though I was very excited to travel home to the ranch and see my little girl for Christmas.
"What's wrong, hon?" I asked.
Smiling a little at the endearment, Drew shook his head.
"No, I can tell something's bothering you. What is it? Friends don't let friends go away sad," I said with a teasing smile to draw him out.
"I'll miss you," he said. "Next Saturday's game won't be the same without you there."
We had arrived on the front lawn of the dorm, so I moved into his arms and initiated the first kiss. "Hon, I'm sorry that I'll miss your game, but you understand don't you? I miss my daughter so much, and I really need this time with her between semesters."
"Of course I understand, but it won't stop me from missing you."
"That's so sweet, and hey, we can talk on the phone while I'm gone." We hadn't spent much time texting or talking on the phone during the week since we'd started dating, for the same reason he had given me for keeping our relationship unconsummated. I didn't even know if his phone was an iPhone or not. "Could we Facetime, maybe?" I asked.
"Nah, I have an Android," he said.
"I'll miss your face," I said, planting quick kisses all over it.
"I'll miss yours too," he said, before retaliating by licking my cheek and laughing as I squealed and rubbed it to dry it.
The next day I left at noon, hugging Rihanna goodbye and promising to call over the break.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The weather turned nasty just as soon as I entered Parley's Canyon, and it almost made me turn around and wait for a better day. We had all heard repeatedly the story of Charity's flight from our home in Bethel City, Arizona, when she hit a patch of black ice during a Wyoming blizzard and almost died. If it hadn't been for Russ seeing her car fly into an arroyo, she might have frozen to death before anyone found her. However, I was so anxious to see my baby that I just kept going, albeit at a very conservative speed.
The drive that normally took five hours stretched to seven before I came out from under the storm clouds and traveled the last fifty or so miles on dry pavement. When I pulled into the parking area, Amber, Charity and Janet all tumbled out the door and ran to the car, exclaiming over my late arrival.
"Yeah, it was kind of scary, but I just drove slow and here I am," I smiled.
"It was a fight to get Gracie down for her nap," Amber said. "She kept saying, 'mommy will be here soon' and refusing to go to sleep until she saw you."
"Aw, I'm sorry I disappointed her."
"Better to disappoint her a little bit and get here in one piece," Charity offered. That was when Janet realized they had all rushed out without coats into the freezing Wyoming winter.
"You girls all get into the house, before you catch your death," she said.
Distributing piles of Christmas gifts and my luggage among the four of us, I obeyed Janet as quickly as possible. After stowing the Christmas gifts under the tree, which was already nearly buried in gifts, we rejoined Janet in the kitchen for hot chocolate and cookies. I was starving, since I hadn't stopped for a meal in the trea
cherous weather.
"You never let us know what's going on with you," complained Amber. "What's new?"
"Well, I seem to have a boyfriend," I said. If I had revealed that I was carrying a ticking time bomb, it would have made less of an impact. Amber squealed, Charity clapped her hands together and Janet declared, "I swan!" It was her most fearsome oath, a country version of 'I swear'.
I was spared the immediate need to tell them all about it by Russ's arrival in the kitchen, looking for coffee.
"Hi, Janey," he said grinning. "You've had these gals in quite a tizzy. What took you so long?"
"Oh, a little whiteout blizzard is all," I said, winking at him. He turned white, which made me sorry for teasing him.
"Don't ever joke about that," he said. He reached for Charity, and pulled her to his side. She was within a couple of months of delivering their second child, and he looked at her as if she were the most precious jewel on earth. I realized then what both of my relationships on campus were missing. I had way more lust than I needed, and not enough love.
As soon as I had warmed up, I went quietly into our room to check on Gracie. She was sleeping in a tangle of blankets, her face flushed, and her blonde curls framing her face like a little angel. Against my better judgment, I touched her and of course, it woke her up. I braced myself for a meltdown, but my little sweetheart lit up at the sight of me and held out her arms to for me to pick her up.
Reveling in the sensation of her sweet, warm body resting heavily in my arms, I carried her over to the rocking chair where I'd rocked her for hours when she was a little baby. I knew there wouldn't be many more chances, as a big girl of three knew when she was being treated like a baby.
Amber found me there when she came in, carrying her little boy who had just awakened from his nap as well. It was so cute to watch them interact. Enoch was only a couple of months younger than Gracie was, but because of the tendency for girls to become more vocal earlier, Gracie was quite the little mama when she fussed over Enoch. Now, though, she wanted to tell him all about my arrival.
"Enoch, my mommy's here," she said in her lisping voice.
"Mommy?" He replied looking at his own.
"My mommy, she insisted, causing him to burst into tears. Amber picked him up and squeezed him as I explained to Gracie that she should share, laughing at the irony. After a minute, Amber got the joke, and started laughing too. That soothed Gracie's pout over my slight scolding, and dried Enoch's tears. Within seconds, Gracie scrambled off my lap, hugged Enoch and pulled him down the hall toward the playroom. Amber and I followed. It was as if I had never left the ranch, the old, familiar patterns falling into place already.
The few days remaining before Christmas were consumed in preparing an even more magnificent feast than we'd enjoyed at Thanksgiving, not to mention cookies, candy and all the other culinary delights that meant Christmas to Janet and consequently to the rest of us. I found time in the evenings, after putting Gracie to bed, to go out to the barn and visit comfortably with Tyler.
He was still fascinated by college life, even more so by my confession that I had learned to enjoy basketball as a fan. One thing led to another, and Tyler was the first to learn everything about Drew, since I had put the others off, saying I wanted to tell everyone at once. We expected the other girls and Cody along with all the children for Christmas day, and I figured it would be most efficient to talk to Charity and my sisters as a group, rather than telling one of them this and another of them that.
Tyler took my news with grace, giving me a brotherly hug and telling me he wished things were different, but he understood. That confirmed my suspicion that he wanted more from me than I could give, which in a way was sad. I liked Ty, a lot actually, but not in that way. To change the subject, I asked him if he had talk to Russ yet about his desire to go to college himself.
"Naw, I just cain't see myself asking that," he said, looking down at his boots and flicking off a stray piece of hay. If he wouldn't, I thought maybe I would. Russ was generous to a fault, and had the means to be. I was sure that, if nothing else, he'd loan Ty the money.
Christmas morning dawned bright and sunny, though bitterly cold. The huge tree in the ballroom had literally dozens of gifts, as the ranch hands were considered extended family, as well as my sisters and I along with our kids. All together, there were thirty-seven people seated around it, laughing as the youngest ranch hand and Annalee's five-year-old, Al, handed out gifts. The kids who were old enough to understand this ritual were beyond excited, and even the youngest, Annalee's new baby, had fun amid ripped and wadded up wrapping paper.
The rest of the day was devoted to eating and more football, watching the kids play with their new toys, and gossip. That meant it was time for me to talk about Drew to my four sisters, Charity and even Janet. Six rapt faces intimidated me, but I managed to start by describing how I'd met him, and before long, the whole story came out. When Charity heard that Drew was aspiring to the NBA, she went and got a grumbling Russ to hear about Drew's basketball prowess and my surprising love of the game. When it came to the dating part, though, Russ escaped and I was free to talk. Celeste was the one to ask if I'd slept with him yet. The question shocked Amber and surprised me, but the answer shocked everyone else.
"No. He doesn't want to get distracted during the season," I said. "And I'm not sure I'm ready." That ended that subject, though Charity sent me an appraising look that meant I'd be having more discussion with her later.
Amber changed the subject by asking if I had pictures, so we spent the next little while passing around my iPhone with pictures not only of Drew, but also of Rihanna and the rest of her posse as well. Talking about how much fun I was having with this group of people made me miss them in spite of myself. If I could only have my family with me in Salt Lake City or my friends here on the ranch, life would be perfect.
The next day, Charity asked me to sit with her, by which I knew she meant talk more about my love life. She wanted to know, I was sure, about my early crush on Justin. Was Drew was the real deal, or a rebound? However, I didn't know myself. It was time to confess that I'd slept with Justin after all, and talk out my feelings about how he'd treated me and that I still had a physical reaction to seeing him. When I wound down, all Charity could say was, "Wow."
"I know, it's fu…messed up, huh?" I said, only at the last minute switching the word. Rihanna’s influence. Charity didn't notice.
"I'd say you need to stay away from him, honey," she said. "He sounds like a terrible person."
"He had a reputation when I first met him," I confessed. "I ignored it. Charity, he's just so beautiful! When I look at him, my body reacts against my will. If he crooked his little finger at me, I'd be in his bed again in a heartbeat. But, he's made it clear that won't happen, so I'm trying to forget him."
"Are you being fair to Drew?" she asked gently.
"I think so. We have a good time, he's a great guy and we have a lot in common, so we always have something to talk about. But, he's not my lover. I don't owe him anything."
"I got the impression that the only thing holding him back was his sport. When the season's over, what then?"
"I don't know," I mused. "I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it." Charity's question had raised a doubt that my mind just wouldn't let go of, though, even when break was over and I was back at school.
CHAPTER NINE
It was harder than ever to leave Gracie behind this time, though I knew I'd be back in just a couple of weeks because of the long Martin Luther King holiday weekend, assuming the weather was better. Russ had given me strict orders not to drive through another blizzard for just a three-day weekend, and I agreed with his assessment that it was too dangerous. Especially since I'd leave after class on Friday to get a head start on the weekend so the whole trip would be in the dark.
Nevertheless, even anticipating that I'd get to go, my long break had made me too comfortable in my world at the ranch to want to go back and face
my problems on campus. At least I wouldn't be seeing Justin three times a week any more. A new class schedule awaited me.
When I got to the dorm, not only Ri was there, but also Drew. A rush of affection for him overtook me when I saw his face, and without thinking, I flew into his arms for a kiss and big hug. Ri was beaming as she looked on. At that moment, it was easy to forget any thoughts of Justin and just enjoy being with Drew, who, besides being fun to hug and great to look at, was as sweet as they come.
"Wanta go for pizza with Ri and me?" he asked, when he finally released me from the bear hug.
"Sure, I'm starved," I agreed. We walked to The Pie. I couldn't get over how much warmer it was in Salt Lake than at the ranch. The extra 2300 feet of elevation explained it, but traveling from one spot to the other, the change was so gradual that I never noticed it. That didn't mean it was exactly warm in Salt Lake, but I'd take low forties over low teens any day.
The three of us ran into some of the rest of the posse at The Pie, so it ended up being a party. When Ri suggested joining them at a bar, Drew objected to my going with them.
"We've hardly got a chance to be alone," he said.
"What do you mean, hardly? We haven't had any chance to be alone," I joked.
"So stay with me. I'll walk you home and we can talk," he insisted.
It was fine with me. Since beginning to date Drew, I'd been out to party with Ri and the others only once, when it was an away game and we didn't have anything else to do for the Saturday night. The truth was that, though I liked to dance, I didn't really care to drink all that much. Blame it on my strict upbringing, or whatever. I just didn't see the point.
Drew kept his arm around me as we walked, since the night had grown colder while we were at the pizza place. When we got to the dorm, he didn't kiss me outside as usual, but walked in with me and accompanied me to my room. I didn't think anything of it. Drew was a frequent guest of ours when Ri was home, and it didn't occur to me to question whether we should be there alone. I trusted him, and he'd never indicated that he would make a move I didn't welcome. Quite the opposite, in fact.
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