“Half my ass, you have mine and your mama’s blood, you’ll be ten times better,” Bruce told him.
“I doubt that,” Steve said.
“Get over there with your wife and son. They get pissed if you’re not up their ass for the first five years,” Bruce told his son dodging the slap to the back of head that Debbie threw at him. Steve laughed and ran over to Tonya. Reaching them he tried to take Nathan but she wouldn’t let him.
“All right, are you taking drugs? Who are you and where is my husband?” Debbie asked spinning Bruce to face her.
“What the hell are you talking about woman? Have you taken your depo shot? I did rob a pharmacy for you,” Bruce said trying to steer her away from the topic.
“I have known you since we were in diapers and this is weird even for you. I thought taking everyone to Panama so everyone could learn jungle training was weird. There aren’t any jungles in the states but I didn’t say anything. I’m not talking about the scuba diving, kayaking, mountain climbing and other stuff. Then two years ago you take us to Arizona for two weeks so we can learn defensive driving and learn how to drive formula one race cars, that was weird. Two of the kids didn’t even have permits but you wanted them to do spin outs,” Debbie stated waving her arms at him.
“You liked Arizona Debbie,” Bruce said looking at the kids. The twins were playing with PJ in Danny’s lap.
“Bruce, you come out here today talking about how short ammo is then you build fire teams and increase training. Then you stop supply runs and increase patrols. You marry off our son without talking to me. Keep wanting, no let me rephrase, demanding sex, not caring who’s around. Finally, you make sure all the kids-,” Debbie stopped in mid-sentence looking up at Bruce and followed his gaze.
Debbie grabbed his arm pulling him along and Bruce followed her. Debbie led him to the shop opened the door pushed him in and then closed the door behind her. “What is it Bruce?” Debbie asked.
“Just a bad gut feeling Debbie, that’s all,” Bruce said.
“Bruce the last time you had a bad gut feeling, the fucking world ended,” Debbie yelled.
“I don’t know baby. Everything is going good but it feels bad. There’s something wrong here,” Bruce told her.
“A plague is loose on the planet turning people into evil overgrown super powered smurfs. We are technically prisoners on the farm but you know all of this so tell me what’s wrong,” Debbie pleaded.
Bruce looked at her, “I don’t know but it feels bad like we are fixing to walk into an ambush. I have done everything I know to do and I still feel off. Nothing I do will make the gnawing sensation in my gut go away.”
“Are we going to be attacked?” Debbie asked.
“That’s a definite Debbie, by blues and gangs. Probably several times by each every year,” Bruce told her.
That scared Debbie the way Bruce said it with certainty. She had convinced herself they could stay hidden. “You’re certain, we will be attacked?” Debbie asked him praying for at least an ‘I don’t know.’
“Debbie, we are going to be found. It’s only a matter of time. Gangs are running out of drugs and victims. The blues will chase food and sooner or later a large group will find us. Don’t build yourself into a false hope. If you do, when it happens, you will be shocked and will let your guard down. Debbie, you’re a warrior now, start thinking like one. If you get a funny nagging feeling listen to it. You have ridden the wave baby. You are different now,” Bruce told her looking down into her eyes.
“What can we do?” Debbie asked wanting to tell Bruce she had more than a nagging feeling.
“I have done everything I know to do and the feeling doesn’t go away. So I think it’s something we can’t prepare for,” Bruce admitted to her.
“We can prepare for anything. We can get some more supplies. The fence can be higher-,” Debbie stopped as Bruce spoke.
“I think we’re going to lose a lot of people, soon,” Bruce told her.
“Wha- Why do you say that,” Debbie asked, her body going numb.
“When you get the gut feeling, you make small changes. If that does not make it go away make bigger changes until it goes away. If it doesn’t, then it means it’s inevitable and the only thing that makes the gut feel like that is loss of a team mate,” Bruce told her saying the last sentence slowly.
“How could you know that and just what is the wave?” Debbie asked with fear. Hoping Bruce did not feel what she knew.
“I have been in combat baby and I have lost team mates,” Bruce told her. Then he grabbed both of her hands. “Ok baby, let me explain something to you. Turn the female side of your brain off. The wave is called a lot of different things. Each Native American tribe has a name for it along with every warrior culture. In the service it’s called the wave, thousand yard stare, in the zone and the list goes on and on. I don’t go for the super natural answer because I can’t touch it or feel it. I think the wave is your body dropping tons of hormones into your system awaking the primitive and higher thought areas in your brain. You can see better, hear better, move faster and I think the gut feeling is your brain playing out scenarios days in advance with how your life is going and sees something coming that will hurt you or a team mate. You don’t control that part of your brain but it lets you know with the gut feeling.
“Like the plague, at the table that first morning I woke all of you up. I had the gut feeling. I started making plans. When I got to: go out and buy as much shit as possible or massive stock pile, the feeling went away. I made the deduction that it was going to be bad because going out buying a lot of shit made it go away,” Bruce finished hoping she understood.
“Let’s go make some more lists until it goes away,” Debbie asked hopefully.
“It won’t, that’s why I even mentioned the other farm, it didn’t make my gut feeling go away nor yours,” Bruce told her.
Debbie leaned her head back, “What the hell are you talking about? I don’t have a gut feeling.”
Bruce looked up and let out a sigh then looked back to Debbie, “OK, turn off that female side again. That side tries to think rationale and
the wave in nowhere near rational. Only the best warriors can get the wave and you are now a true warrior. When you get this gut feeling it’s damn near impossible to get mad at a teammate. I’ve been trying to piss you off all morning. The best you could do was pop me on the back of the head. You know something is wrong, that’s why we are having this conversation. Besides me, there are three people on this farm who have ridden the wave. You obviously of course, Conner but he does not know how he did it but he really wants to ride it again. I saw it in his eyes the first day I met him. He was mad at the world because he could not call the wave when he was held prisoner. Now I want you to tell me who the other is, you know them very well,” Bruce challenged her.
“Bruce I can’t do that,” Debbie told him.
“Turn that shit off in your head. Close your eyes and just run through people in your mind but don’t think,” Bruce told her.
Debbie closed her eyes and tried to do as he said just to amuse Bruce. Debbie took a deep breath then opened her eyes. “Buffy,” she said immediately. Debbie looked at Bruce who was just smiling at her, “That’s not possible-.” Debbie said taking a step back not believing what she had done. Then it struck Debbie who she said. “No Bruce, she’s just a little girl. Buffy can’t feel that and be a warrior,” Debbie replied.
“She can ride the wave like a pro,” Bruce said with admiration.
“She can’t,” Debbie stuttered.
“Why do ya think she tried to pick a fight with you this morning? She knows something is not right but she can’t get mad at you even though she tried. You couldn’t get mad at her. If anyone outside the family would have tried that you would have ripped them apart. She’s your teammate. Like me, Mike, Nancy and the kids,” Bruce told her.
“Why?” Debbie asked.
“I don’t know. The wave doesn’t come with an in
struction manual baby, turn that side off again. It just does. What I think, you know something is going to happen to someone you care about. But, you can’t get mad at them in case they get killed so your last days together were good. Then you have to look at it like, you try piss those around you off and if you can get mad at them you know it’s not them. It’s never worked for me but I still try,” Bruce told her.
“Can anyone be taught to ride?” Debbie asked.
“I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. Like anyone can be an athlete but only a few can be Olympic athletes and fewer still gold medal athletes. Most warriors get combat shakes or adrenalin rushes, they are the Olympic athletes. Few ride the wave and these are the gold medal warriors. You gain a lot with the wave but it does come at a price,” Bruce told her.
“Can you tell if someone can?” she asked.
“Yeah, but just because they can doesn’t mean they will,” Bruce replied.
“There are a few on the farm now aren’t there?” Debbie asked.
“Quite a few, we have a lot of survivors here and yes some are our kids. Before you ask I can’t read your mind. This is not Jedi shit. Just simple deduction,” Bruce told her.
“Which of our kids?” Debbie asked not wanting the answer.
“Tell me the one that won’t and not because they can’t,” Bruce said.
Debbie did not even have to close her eyes, “Steve.” Then she looked at the floor, “Has Danny and Jake ridden yet,” Debbie asked.
“No, not yet but they’ve come real close. Danny felt the edges the night she beat the gimp and several other times in fire fights. She felt the edge and knew there was more and wanted it. Jake will ride the wave better than all of us. He can snap up his rifle and by the time his eye is on the scope he is at the edge,” Bruce informed her.
“Steve, shot that cop,” Debbie pointed out.
“Solders kill baby. It’s what they are trained for. Don’t think Steve is not a badass and not a good warrior. But to ride the wave you have to give up part of yourself and most don’t want to. Then you have to see your enemy as targets and not people. I think Steve sees that as being too inhumane. Debbie you know as well as I, Steve likes to feel in control and the wave is not control. You act on instinct, not by thought. Most feel if they keep that part of themselves, then life is good,” Bruce told her then asked. “Which of Mike’s kids will ride?”
“Mary and Matt,” she replied back without thinking. “Bruce, stop that, it freaks me out,” Debbie asked.
“Baby, if you think in a fight you die because you are reacting not anticipating. Trust your gut even if you don’t know what is saying,” Bruce told her. “It’s 1245 work will be starting soon. We need to get back,” Bruce said looking at his watch. Then he looked at Debbie, “Debbie if the world had not changed, I would do everything I could to try to make my kids not ride the wave but in this new world it is a hell of an advantage.” Bruce told her moving to the door.
“Why did you let me?” Debbie asked.
Bruce looked at her in shock, “Let you my ass. From the day I have come back from the hospital you’ve wanted it bad. In every battle, we have been in you were almost there. You could feel it in me and you wanted it. I would’ve had to shoot you the morning you followed me out to the prisoners. When you stopped at the edge of the barn, you were going to watch me to see how I did it. Debbie the thing that worries me, you like the anger. That’s a double edge sword, the rage does last longer and the wave will go higher but guilt will follow unless you kill your heart. That kind of guilt doesn’t go away. Trust me, as long as you have compassion or love in you. I’m not going to say why either, so don’t ask. When you’re on the wave still trust your gut, if it feels wrong don’t do it even if you know the wave will go higher,” Bruce told her then asked. “You liked it didn’t you?”
Debbie closed her eyes, “Holy shit,” Debbie said as the memory flooded over her. She leaned against the table smiling.
“Feels good, just the memory doesn’t it?” Bruce asked.
“Hell yeah,” Debbie said smiling.
Bruce leaned toward her. “Remember that feeling. When you do something in anger and hate causing unnecessary pain, taking joy in it, that’s how the guilt hits you. You saw them as a person and enjoyed it,” Bruce told her.
Debbie stood up fast looking at Bruce, “You couldn’t live with yourself if guilt hit you like that.”
“Yes you can baby. It just takes practice. You can either stay on the wave or you learn to live with it. You can’t push it out of your mind no matter how hard you try,” Bruce told her looking away before he spoke. “I always wondered why you chose a piece of shit like me Debbie. You deserve to live in a palace. I want to give you everything and all I have ever given you is a crazy lifestyle,” Bruce told her as he reached out running his fingers through her hair.
“I love this crazy lifestyle Bruce and I can’t imagine life without you,” Debbie told him.
“I didn’t want you to ride the wave. I always knew you could but figured the need would never present itself. I was scared you would love the anger, not the wave and if you ever had to deal with that pain I’d die,” Bruce told her. Then looked at Debbie with fear in his eyes, “Debbie the wave can be a two edged sword. If you chase the wave you just become a killer not a warrior. You have no thought but you get joy out of the act. You’ll start to see your enemies as people not targets. If you are chasing the wave, you will start to deliver pain just for fun. When that happens, you live with it or lose the ability to love and care for others. That is not living because you no longer have a soul. Always be weary of those on the wave that refer to the enemy as human and not targets.”
“You’re right, I felt it and I wanted it. If you had not been there I would have gotten totally medieval. I know what you mean by the guilt. I wanted to hurt them just for the fun of it Bruce, I felt invincible. Just the thought of what I wanted to do makes me sick. If those thoughts came at me like the wave I don’t know what I’d do but as always I have my stud muffin to save me,” Debbie told Bruce hugging him.
“Let’s go baby. We have a lot of work to do,” Bruce said turning toward the door.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Debbie barked behind him.
“Baby, we will talk more tonight,” Bruce turned seeing Debbie laying her weapon on the table and unbuckling her vest. “What the hell are you doing?” Bruce asked her.
“You told me not once but like four times, I had to give you some. So do you want some lovin’ or what?” Debbie asked him.
Debbie watched Bruce turn around locking the door laying his weapon on the table. She started undoing her ACU top and pulled it off laying it on the table. Debbie turned back to Bruce and he was standing in front of her butt naked with his pants pulled down to his ankles.
“How in the hell did you get undressed that fast?” Debbie asked him looking at his equipment laid neatly on the table.
“It has nothing to do with the wave baby. I’m just a horny man who wants some,” Bruce told her as she got undressed.
“Well come here horny man, let’s get those evil spirits out,” Debbie said as Bruce rushed her.
Twenty minutes later they snuck out the door like teenagers, trying not to get caught. They ran to the patio then and stopped trying to act normal, doing a lousy job. They watched the crew working on the community building as they started pouring the slab. Bruce pulled Debbie to the kitchen door as he headed inside.
Danny and Buffy were sitting in the game room playing with the twins and PJ. Danny looked up hearing someone walking toward her. “Where have y’all been? PJ was being a total brat outside. I have stuff that you told me to do Daddy. I have fourteen people that are or have been in the military or police. I think they will pass with ease,” Danny told him.
“Why didn’t you get Susan to watch them?” Debbie asked hugging the twins.
“I don’t know,” Danny said shrugging her shoulder.
“Why are Emi
ly’s fingernails red and Sherry’s pink?” Bruce asked looking at the twins.
Danny grabbed both twins’ hands to confirm what Bruce had said. “How’d you know which twin was who?” Danny asked looking at the twins again trying to find something different.
“Daddy could tell them apart since the night we brought them back,” Debbie told her admiring Danny’s work.
“I painted Emily nails red and Sherry’s pink so I could tell’em apart,” Danny replied still looking at the twins.
“Oh, that’s good Danny,” Debbie said with admiration.
“Thank you Mama,” Danny smiled at the compliment.
Debbie looked at Danny and smiled back at her. Then she noticed something, “Danny, where is your tactical vest?”
“By the back door with my rifle Mom,” Danny said with that teenage girl tone. Debbie fought off the urge to slap her.
“Danny from now on, I want you to wear it at all times until I tell you different ok,” Debbie said wanting Danny ready at all times.
“Mom, we’re not at that threat level, plus the vest makes me look fat and it’s uncomfortable,” Danny whined.
“Matt doesn’t think so,” replied Bruce.
Danny whipped her head toward Bruce so fast her hair wrapped around her face. “What’s that got to do with anything?” Danny asked in a frightened tone.
“Nothing sweetie, I was just saying when you wear all of your tactical gear around that boy, at times he makes me uncomfortable. Last week when we went on patrol and you had on your boonie hat, sunglasses, and your hair up in a ponytail with that P90 strapped to your hip, I almost slapped his eyes out of his head,” Bruce told her.
“Really?” Danny asked with amazement in her voice.
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