by Liz Wolfe
“Not a damn thing, the bastard.” Bobbi Jo shook her head. “All he would say is that I need to talk to Edward before he can discuss his condition with me. What kind of doctor double-talk is that?” She got up and poured herself a cup of coffee.
“And on top of that, I saw a ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ order on Edward’s chart.”
“What?” A cold knot formed in my stomach.
“Oh, I gave the damn doctor hell about that, too. But he said that was Edward’s wish and that I needed to talk to him.” She slammed the cup down, spilling some coffee onto the counter. “And I would, if they would let me in to see him.”
“Calm down, Bobbi Jo. When did they say you could see him?”
“As soon as the last test is done. It should be soon.” Bobbi Jo plucked a couple of tissues from the box on the table and blew her nose. “Damn, I hate waiting.”
“Oh, look, there he is.”
We could see Edward being wheeled into one of the ICU rooms from the elevator. He didn’t look good. There were liquid-filled bags hanging on rods, and tubes running all over. His complexion was gray, and I’d have thought he was closer to eighty than sixty-two. Bobbi Jo dropped the tissues and stood up. The nurse saw her and hurried over to the waiting room, holding up a hand to stop her.
“We need to get him settled, Mrs. Melrose,” the nurse chirped. “I’ll come and get you when he’s ready. It’ll only be five or ten minutes.”
Bobbi Jo nodded and sank down to the sofa, burying her face in her hands. “This is all my fault, Skye.”
“No, Bobbi Jo, it isn’t.”
“It is!” She burst into tears.
“Now, Bobbi Jo, stop that. You don’t want to have puffy eyes and a red nose when you go in to see Edward, do you?” I plucked a few more tissues out of the box and handed them to her.
“You know, Edward and I haven’t made love since he had his first heart attack?”
Oh, yes, I knew. We had talked about it at length. Bobbi Jo had told me that it wasn’t a big deal to her. Certainly she missed having sex with her husband, but their love was about more than just a physical union. Of course, I’d always thought that of my marriage, too.
“Well, last night, Edward was feeling frisky and wanted to make love. I kept asking him if he was sure. But he just said he wanted one more time with me. Oh, gawd! Now that I think of it, it’s like he knew this would happen. If I’d had any idea, I never would have done anything.”
“Bobbi Jo, don’t do this to yourself. You don’t even know exactly what the problem is. It’s probably nothing to do with the fact that you made love last night.”
“But it had to be. He collapsed right after he—well, you know.” Bobbi Jo burst into fresh tears. I was trying to comfort her when Sean approached the sitting area.
“Bobbi Jo? Are you all right?” he asked.
“Oh, Sean, you didn’t need to come down here. There isn’t anything you can do, really.”
“I wanted to be here for you. I’d thought he was feeling better lately. He’s been coming into the office more often,” Sean said.
Bobbi Jo nodded. “He had more energy. I thought the latest medicine they put him on had really helped his heart condition. But now …”
“Don’t think the worst, Bobbi Jo. Edward’s been through a lot. He’ll get through this, too,” I said.
The nurse stepped into the sitting area and motioned to Bobbi Jo. I dried her tears and waved her off to see her husband, hoping she’d get some good news.
“This is the last thing Bobbi Jo needs,” Sean said. “I mean with the homicide investigation.”
I’d pushed that to the back of my mind. So much had happened in the past two days. “I can’t believe that detective had the nerve to insinuate something might be going on between Bobbi Jo and her personal trainer. Bobbi Jo and I visited him. David’s really torn up about it. He blames himself because Natalie took his shift at the gym because he’d injured himself.”
Sean nodded and jingled the change in his pocket. “I remembered that one of the times I called Edward that night, Bobbi Jo answered the phone. So, at least I was able to confirm she was at home.”
“I just hope the police believe you. That Detective Spiner was a jerk.”
“I need to get back to the office.” Sean nodded to me and left.
With Sean gone, I was left alone in the waiting room with more time to consider my situation. Until yesterday my biggest concern had been that I was facing an empty nest when Sheridan left for college in the fall. Some days I couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her in the house, and other days I’d think of all the things I could do with my free time. More time to garden, to visit my friends. Maybe I’d even take some classes at the community college. Perhaps get back into photography. Now, I wondered if I would be losing my daughter and my husband both.
Anger flared inside me. How could Craig do something that put our marriage in jeopardy? I didn’t even know what he’d done or why. And maybe that was what I was really feeling. Fear that it was all about to change and frustration that there might not be a damn thing I could do about it.
My thoughts were interrupted when Bobbi Jo returned, tears running down her cheeks. I felt a twinge of guilt that I’d been thinking about my problems, which were petty and insignificant compared to what Bobbi Jo was facing. I put my arms around her and listened as she told me about Edward between sobs.
The good news was that Bobbi Jo had not screwed her husband to death. The bad news was that he was dying anyway.
I drove Bobbi Jo home and forced her to drink a cup of Lily’s herbal tea in between sips of scotch. She alternately sobbed in anguish at the prospect of his death and railed in anger that he hadn’t told her earlier that he was suffering from a terminal form of cancer.
I finally got most of the story, which was that Edward had been diagnosed with cancer a couple of years earlier. It was inoperable and basically untreatable. At least, Edward wasn’t willing to go through the treatment they could offer him. He’d only told her about it now because the doctor had informed him that this was probably the end. As in he had maybe a few months to live.
My problems paled in comparison.
Craig looked up from his newspaper and gave me a tentative smile when I walked into the living room. “You look exhausted. How about a glass of wine?”
Oh, great. He was doing the whole there’s-nothing-wrong-we’ll-just-ignore-that-little-lingerie incident. But I wasn’t sure I could handle any confrontations and a glass of wine sounded good, so I nodded. Craig went to the sideboard in the dining room and poured a glass for me.
“I figured you were still with Bobbi Jo, so I made a sandwich for dinner. How is Edward?”
“He’s dying.” Saying the words aloud shattered my control. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop them. Craig set the wine down and walked over to put his arms around me.
“God, Skye, that’s terrible.”
He held me while I sobbed and all I could think was how much I’d miss him if we broke up. He had been my rock for so many years. The anger I’d felt before faded away as I stood there with my head against his warm chest, inhaling his unique fragrance, and feeling his strong arms around me.
There’s something about living with someone for almost twenty years. Depending on each other for so many things. Weathering the good and the bad together. Even if everything’s not perfect, you know that you can depend on that person. Right now, I needed to lean on someone and Craig was there for me. Just like he’d always been. It made the whole lingerie incident seem surreal.
Unfortunately, thinking about that brought me back to the fact that I had to tell him about the e-mail and the picture. Putting it off wouldn’t make it any easier on either of us. I pulled away and moved to pick up the glass of wine.
“We need to talk.” I might as well have told him we needed to remove one of his testicles. His face screwed into a grimace, then he tried to smile.
“Sure.” He we
nt into the kitchen and came out with a beer. “What about?”
“The lingerie.” I could tell that he just barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. “And an e-mail I found on the computer today.” I pulled a chair out and sat at the dining room table.
“E-mail?” A flicker of concern shadowed his eyes.
“I found your other e-mail account open on the computer today.”
“What e-mail account? You mean the one we both use?” Craig sat down at the table and rolled his beer bottle between his palms.
“No, the CJW Looking account.” I sipped my wine, giving him time to respond, but he said nothing. I’d learned a long time ago that his first defense was to deny and his second was total silence. “There was an e-mail from Sassigrrl with a photo attached.”
Craig stopped rolling the beer bottle and stared at the tabletop. “Dear God. I wish you hadn’t seen that.”
“I didn’t think you’d left it open for me to find. But we need to talk about this, Craig.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Craig, you obviously have some issues about your sexuality. You need to deal with them.” I cleared my throat, which felt unaccountably tight. “We need to deal with it.”
“I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.” He set his beer down and cradled his head in his hands.
“Listen, I don’t think this has to mean the end of our marriage. But we need to get this all out in the open so we can both decide how to handle it.”
Silence.
“If you’re interested in men, maybe you need to explore that.”
“No!”
“But how else are you going to know what you want?” How else was I going to know if my marriage would survive?
“I already know,” he mumbled.
“Know what?”
“It was just a curiosity, Skye. I never really intended to go through with anything. When that guy sent me that e-mail and then the lingerie, I realized that it had gone too far.”
Now it was my turn to be silent. Mostly because I couldn’t think of anything to say. Partly because I wanted him to keep talking. Mostly, I wanted to believe him.
“The reason you found the e-mail account is that I e-mailed him this morning before I went to work. I told him that I didn’t want to hear from him again. That it was all a mistake.”
“A mistake?”
“The whole thing was just wrong for me. I realize that now. I don’t want anything to do with it.”
“Just like that?”
“It doesn’t mean anything to me. God, Skye, I never meant for anything to come of this. It was just curiosity. It was nothing.”
“But these feelings, these desires had to come from somewhere. I mean, I’ve never been curious about having sex with another woman.”
“It’s different with men. Men don’t look at sex the way women do. It doesn’t have to be emotional for us.” He took another swig of beer.
“I see.” I didn’t, but what else was I going to say?
“Let’s just forget it ever happened. Chalk it up to a midlife crisis.”
This was actually what I’d wanted to hear, wasn’t it? That it had all been a mistake. That we could just forget about it and our lives would be normal again. Like it had never happened.
So, why didn’t I feel any better?
CHAPTER FOUR
Lily was with a customer when I dropped by The Goddess Chalice to pick up some of the tea she blended for me. The shop was crammed with everything a New Ager might want. Silver jewelry featured goddesses, fairies, pentacles, and Celtic knot work. There were bins of incense, stacks of tarot cards, teas that Lily blended herself, and candles in every size, shape, color, and aroma imaginable. Lily finished with the customer and walked out from around the counter.
“How’s Bobbi Jo?”
“About as well as can be expected. She’s at the hospital with Edward right now.”
“She’s there almost all the time, isn’t she? I’ve called her several times over the past few weeks, but I just get her voice mail.”
“She wants to spend every minute with him. But she said he might be able to come home later this week, or maybe next. I’m sure they’re both looking forward to that. He’s been in the hospital for a month now.” I sat in one of the rocking chairs in a corner of the shop while Lily dropped tea bags into cups and poured water over them from a kettle that she kept on a hot plate. “Edward’s son, Brian, came in from New York a couple of days ago.”
“What’s he like?”
“Late thirties. Too good looking to be real. An actor, I understand. I don’t think he’s ever held a real job. He’s staying in the guesthouse. Said he didn’t want to impose on Bobbi Jo by staying in the main house.”
“Brian is Edward’s only child, isn’t he?”
“Yes. Bobbi Jo told me that Edward has been supporting him since he moved to New York. Edward doesn’t talk about him, and I get the impression that he’s disappointed in his son’s choice of career.”
“Oh, I’m sure Edward wanted a son who would follow in his footsteps and take over the business.”
I shrugged. “Whatever he wanted, that’s not what he got. I get the feeling that they’re not very close. Although Brian says he’s going to stay until the end.”
“How’s Bobbi Jo with that?”
“I haven’t really been able to talk to her about any of it. But we’re having lunch today. I’m so worried about her, Lily. I don’t know how she’s going to handle his death. And they still haven’t found who killed that woman with Bobbi Jo’s gun.”
“What a strange coincidence that her gun was stolen and then used to kill someone she had a connection to.”
“I’m not sure the police are buying that it’s a coincidence. That Detective Spiner has spoken to Bobbi Jo a couple of times and once he made a snide comment about there being no such thing as a coincidence.”
“What a jerk. She doesn’t need to deal with that on top of Edward’s health. I suppose she’ll handle his death the best she can. At least she knows it’s coming now.” She handed me a cup and took the chair across from me. “I could just strangle Edward for keeping this from her for so long.”
“He thought it was best, and maybe it was.”
“And what about you?” Lily asked.
“What about me?” I knew what she meant, I just wanted to avoid talking about it.
“You look like hell. Have you and Craig talked anymore?”
The bell over the door jingled and I felt a rush of relief at the interruption. Craig and I hadn’t talked any further about his escapade. I’d tried to bring it up a couple of times, but he quietly refused to talk about it and I’d tried to convince myself that everything was fine. I suspected I was in denial, but I wasn’t ready for anyone to point that out to me.
“Hey, Mom. Oh, Skye. Hi.” Lily’s daughter, Jasmine, waved from the door. “I haven’t seen you in ages. Did Mom tell you I’m getting married?”
“Of course she did. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“You’ll love him. David is so wonderful. We’re really connected, you know? He totally gets me and he’s so supportive.”
I could only imagine the kind of man who got Jasmine. Don’t get me wrong—I love the girl. But she is her mother’s daughter. Very New Age. Long, flowing, gauzy dresses; flowers in her hair; and lots of silver jewelry. There were rings on almost every finger and a heavy silver pentacle hung around her neck on a velvet string. A Celtic knot design was tattooed around one upper arm and a fairy on her shoulder. Jasmine was truly the love child of Lily and Grant.
“Did she tell you about the wedding? Oh, it’s going to be beautiful. I decided to have an all blue wedding. You know, the color blue has exactly the right vibration for a wedding.”
“Really?” I didn’t even know that colors vibrated.
“Oh, definitely. And it’s my personal color, too. And David likes it. But he likes everything I do.”
“I remembe
r being excited about my own wedding.”
“Was it blue, too?”
“Uh, no. It was very traditional. But I was very excited about planning it. Your wedding is just a couple months away, right?”
“The last Saturday in August.” Jasmine nodded energetically. “It was so hard to choose a date.”
“Oh, I understand. Trying to find a date that most of the family isn’t already committed to doing something else is difficult.”
“Oh, I didn’t think about that. I was trying to find a date where the moon was waxing and Venus was well-aspected for both of us.” She leaned forward and put a hand on my knee. “That’s very important for the sexual aspects of the marriage.”
I wondered how Venus was aspected when Craig and I had taken our vows. Not exceptionally well, I suspected.
“And my wedding planner is fantastic. She’s so totally cool.” Jasmine waved her hands as she talked. “Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy finding one who could see the importance of having the entire wedding blue. But Barbara agreed with me totally.”
“You were lucky to find her, then.”
“Oh, it wasn’t luck. It was a spell. I cast a spell to find the right wedding planner and it worked. Just like the spell I cast to find my one true love, which, of course, is David.”
I smiled and nodded. I was so out of my element. The bell jingled again as the door opened to admit another customer.
“Oh, Derek.” Lily turned and hurried over to the man. “The tea you wanted is ready. I’m glad you stopped by.”
In the space of a few seconds Lily morphed right before my eyes. One minute she’d been the nurturing earth-mother about to counsel me on my marriage; the next, she was a giddy, flirtatious girl, cooing over the handsome young man who’d just arrived.
“Hi, Lily.” The man wrapped his arms around Lily’s plump form and lifted her off the ground, then planted a brief kiss on her lips. “How’s my girl?”
His girl? The man was at least a dozen years younger than Lily. She placed a hand on his broad shoulder and reached up with the other one to smooth back a lock of chestnut hair that had fallen across his forehead.