by Sloan Parker
“No, he was cool about it. Thought it was hot that I got to be with two guys.”
Luke scoffed. “Damn straight, it’s hot.”
Richard snorted out a laugh, but then they both grew quiet for a beat. Eventually he said to Luke, “That guy at the lodge was doing some serious flirting with you. He’d have gotten you guys a room and fucked you while we stood there waiting for the key to the cabin had you given him one sign you were interested.”
“So?” The penetrating stare Luke directed at Richard was full of the emotions that he still tried to bury beneath the surface most days. Slowly that stare turned into a grin. “Were you jealous?”
“No.”
He searched Richard’s face. “You were.”
I turned my head and buried my face in Richard’s shoulder, barely stifling the laugh.
“Hey.” He slid his hands along my sides and tickled me in the ribs.
I squirmed, moving out of his reach as far as I could between them.
“No. Don’t go.” He sat up against the headboard and pulled me to sit between his legs so I was leaning back against his chest, his arms around me. “Okay, maybe I was a little jealous.”
Luke kept the smile going as he moved to sit up, facing us. Peeling back the blankets, he straddled my lower legs and ran his hands along the outside of Richard’s thick thighs. He settled his ass on my upper legs, his gaze locked on Richard. “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
“You disappointed I didn’t go all caveman and try to rip his head off the minute he started in on you?”
I laughed.
Luke did too. “He almost did, didn’t he?”
I laid my head back against Richard’s shoulder and looked up at him. “Nah, but it was close.”
Richard held on to me tighter and spoke to Luke again. “You didn’t answer the question. Did you want me to be jealous?”
“Maybe.” He cocked his head to the side as if giving that thought. “Is that wrong?”
“I think it’s a normal response.” Keeping hold of me with one arm, Richard breathed deep and splayed his other hand over one of Luke’s thighs. “It doesn’t really surprise me. All those years before you met us, all those guys you were with night after night… I’m guessing not one of them really cared when you said it had to be just the one time.”
Luke didn’t say anything, but I could see it on his face. Richard had hit on the truth.
I reached out and placed a hand beside Richard’s so we were both touching Luke. “I cared.”
He looked to me.
I added, “That first night, before we went upstairs and you said no repeats… I knew, even then, that it wasn’t going to be enough. The way you looked at me… I was already hoping that maybe it could be something more.”
Luke’s eyes softened. He took my face between his hands. “I was addicted with that first kiss.”
“Same here,” Richard said.
“And the first time you both kissed me at once…” Luke shook his head. “I was a goner.”
I nodded. “It was amazing. All three nights at the club were like that.”
He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. “They were.”
I leaned into his touch. “Will you tell us?”
Luke searched my eyes. “Tell you what?”
“If you ever find yourself wanting someone else? Really wanting them?”
He dropped his hands. “What?”
“I’m not saying I think you’re going to. I just…”
He slid off me and sat back on his heels.
I sighed. “I don’t ever want you—either of you—to stay because you feel obligated, or because you’ve made promises to us. I want it to be because it’s what you want more than anything else.”
“I’m staying because I love you. Both of you.”
His words meant the world to me, but… I sat up and turned to face both of them. “What if something does happen someday?”
Richard folded his arms across his chest. “What do you mean?”
“What if one of us messes up? What if one of us cheats?”
Luke’s voice rose. “I’m not going to—”
“I don’t mean you. I mean any of us. What if we can’t ever get things back to the way they used to be for us in bed? Or what if someday our sex life gets boring? What if we go through a dry spell and were hardly having any sex, and we can’t figure out how to fix it?”
Luke said nothing at first, and I had to wonder if he was waiting for Richard to respond. But Richard remained oddly quiet, his focus locked on the open space of the bed between us.
The heavy silence stretched on. Then Luke finally spoke, meeting my gaze with intention and sincerity. “We may have gotten together in the beginning because of the sex, but it’s not why I’m here now. It’s not what defines our relationship. It’s just a part of it. Not even the most important part.”
“But what if one of us makes a mistake?”
That was met by silence again.
I really shouldn’t have brought this up. Because before I could say anything else, Richard jerked away and got up to pace the room, his large body stalking back and forth in agitated strides. He stopped at the foot of the bed. I waited for him to speak. He didn’t. He breathed deep and got moving again, storming into the bathroom and swinging the door shut behind him.
When he didn’t come back out after a few seconds, Luke gestured toward the bathroom door with a tilt of his head. “Come on.” He got off the bed.
I couldn’t move. I stared at the closed bathroom door. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Luke opened his mouth to respond, but Richard called out from the bathroom first. “You can say anything, ask anything you want. Always.”
Luke and I waited a moment, but Richard didn’t return.
Luke gestured at me again, and I moved to get up. At the bathroom door, he didn’t bother knocking. He turned the handle and pushed the door in.
Richard was leaning forward, staring into the sink, his hands braced on the edges of the narrow vanity. “Nothing like that’s ever going to happen.”
I said, “But what if—”
“Stop.” He lifted his head. There was a hard edge to his scowl. “It’s not going to happen. And I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Luke leaned against the doorjamb. “And you saying that is probably exactly why we should have this discussion. You not wanting to talk about shit is not right.”
“And you wanting to is starting to get annoying.”
Luke’s eyes went wide. “Wow.”
Richard shook his head. “I didn’t mean that. I…” He spun back to the sink and hung his head again. “I can’t stand thinking about this.”
“Fair enough.” Luke stepped forward. “But what if in five years, some guy at Matthew’s work has a crush on him? What if Matthew finds it flattering, and maybe you and I are swamped with work and haven’t been home much.” He jerked a thumb at me. “And maybe he’s lonely, and he finds himself thinking about this guy a lot. So much so that when the guy kisses him, Matthew doesn’t stop it right away. What then?”
Richard straightened in a rush. He pushed past us and stormed out of the bathroom into the main room of the cabin.
I shook my head. “Stop, Luke. Please.”
He didn’t let up. He followed Richard out.
I rushed after them in time to see Richard swing around and point a finger at Luke, jabbing his chest with each word. “It’s. Not. Going. To. Happen.”
Luke swatted his hand away. “Stop saying that.”
I approached them. “I’d never do that to us. I can’t imagine I’d ever let anything get to that point.” I wanted to end this conversation, but I couldn’t stop the next words from spilling out. “But people mess up sometimes. What if it’s like Luke says? What if I make a mistake? What if it goes even further? What if it’s a blowjob or—”
Richard spun away and went for the other side of the cabin, moving with angry, heav
y steps. He stopped and slammed his hands down onto the countertop that separated the kitchen area from the rest of the room.
A painful ache built in my chest with the strained quiet that lingered.
Luke crossed the room. He gripped Richard by the upper arm and forced him to turn around. “Say it. It would end us.”
“God, no.” Richard ran a hand over the top of his head. “No.” He sighed and scrubbed that same hand over the bottom half of his face. “Look, I’m not going to break us up over one goddamn blowjob. It’s just…” He shook his head again. “The thought of someone else touching you, either of you… I don’t think…” He turned away.
When he finally faced us once more, his movements were less jerky and abrupt. “I’m not sure how I could let that go. How I could get it out of my head.” He met my stare. There was desperation in his wounded expression. “But I’d try. If you were sorry and you wanted to stay, then I’d have to try. I don’t ever want to lose either of you.” The defeated look on his face made it seem like what we were discussing had actually happened.
“I’m sorry.” I raced forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, my body slamming into him with such force, he took a step back. “I’d never do that.”
He held me in return. “You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. At all.”
“You both need to relax.” Luke’s words ended on a heavy sigh. “It was a hypothetical question.”
Richard scoffed. “So now you’re the one wanting to talk about shit that hasn’t happened?” He was referring to all my questions about our future I’d asked them months ago at my mom’s house. He caressed my back in a comforting touch.
I shook my head, my face still buried in his chest. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“Don’t be.” He pulled back so I could see his face. “Maybe talking about this will make it easier for one of us to say something if there’s a situation brewing, so we can discuss it before anything ever does happen. If either of you start having thoughts about actually being with someone else, I’d rather know before it turns physical.”
“I promise, I’ll tell you. But it’s not going to happen.”
He smiled at me. “For me either.”
Luke went to sit at the foot of the bed, groaning as he dropped to lie back on the mattress the same way he’d done when we’d first arrived at the cabin. “God, you two are so difficult.”
“Luke?” Richard said in a gruff voice.
“Yeah?” He sat up. One look and he must’ve got what Richard wanted, what he needed him to say. Luke rolled his eyes. “I’ve gotta work out five times a week just to keep up with Matthew. He’s a little sex fiend. Like I’d have the energy to fit a third guy into my life.”
My jaw dropped.
Richard went to the bed and sat beside Luke. “He is a little horndog.”
“Yeah, but he’s our horndog.”
“Yep. All ours.”
Luke turned serious as he faced Richard. “That was my point. I didn’t need to hear him promise he wouldn’t cheat. I know he won’t, unless…” He didn’t finish the thought, just kept his focus on Richard as if he needed him to understand what he was saying without actually uttering the words.
“Yeah,” Richard said. “I get it.”
I didn’t.
Richard gave me a slight smile. The gesture seemed sad and nostalgic all at once. He turned back to Luke. “We won’t take him for granted or ignore him. We won’t let our own fears get in the way again. We won’t send him back to that miserable place he was trapped in before he met us, okay?”
“Okay.”
“But that’s why we have to talk about stuff. No more trying to deal with shit on your own.”
“Gotcha.”
“You—” My voice cracked. “You saw it? When we met?” I’d been trying so hard to hide that part of myself. Guys at a sex club didn’t want to pick up a sad, lonely, clingy wreck.
Richard stood and came to me. He held me in his arms once more. “Yeah, we saw.”
“And you still wanted me?”
“Oh yeah. You were also sexy as hell. I was driven to make you feel good. I wanted to see that smile of yours when it was one hundred percent genuine.”
Luke waved a hand through the air. “I was so not that observant. That first night? I just wanted to get laid by the hottest piece of ass in the place.” He shifted his attention to Richard. “And the most intense guy who’d ever looked my way. It seemed like the perfect combination for the mood I was in that night.”
I laughed.
Richard didn’t. “You thought I was intense?”
Luke snorted out a chuckle. “You wouldn’t fuck me unless I stared into your eyes.”
I laughed again, my body shaking in Richard’s grasp. When he drew back to gaze down at me, I nodded. “It was pretty intense.”
He took my hand and led me to the bed. Then with one move, he shoved Luke flat on the mattress. Leaning over him, Richard propped his hands on the bed on each side of Luke. “And you loved every minute of it.”
“Every fucking second.”
“That intensity brought you back for more.”
“Yeah. That and Matthew’s mouth.”
“Fuck yeah.” Richard grasped my arm and tugged me down onto the bed next to Luke. He laid a hand on the mattress beside me so he was bent over both of us. “The two of you were the perfect combination.”
I stared up at him. “Are we still?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good.” I rolled over onto Luke so I lay on top of him, holding on to him. Then I reached back for Richard, wanting, needing him to press his weight into me so I could feel them both.
Luke groaned. “How come I always end up on the bottom getting squished into the bed?”
“Because,” I said, “you’re the biggest bottom I know.”
“Yep,” Richard agreed. “You just love getting fucked into the mattress.” He rocked his hips against my ass, pushing me into Luke.
Luke groaned again, this time the sound more a moan of appreciation.
Laughing once more, I held on to him tighter, and Richard settled his weight on us. Who knew a conversation about cheating could make me feel even closer to them than I ever had?
Without lifting up, Richard stroked the top of my head, rubbing his palm all over my buzzed hair. “This is sexy.”
“Yeah? You don’t hate it?”
“There could never be anything about you that I hate.” He shifted off me and onto the bed beside Luke. We all moved up to lie on the pillows, and Luke tugged the blankets over us. As soon as we were settled, Richard added, “And your age doesn’t bother me, Matthew. I love you exactly the way you are.”
I wanted to tell him that I loved everything about him. I loved that he couldn’t stand thinking of another man touching me. I loved the way he cared, the way he wanted to protect us. I loved how dedicated and devoted he was. I loved his body and the way he touched me. I loved his mind and his heart. But before I could say anything, he breathed deep, and his eyes fell closed. The stress of our conversation had worn him out.
When it was clear he had drifted off to sleep, I rolled to face Luke. He was still awake.
“I don’t think what he said is right,” I whispered. “I don’t think we’d make it.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you or I had an affair, it would destroy him. We’d never be the same.”
Luke lifted up to glance over my shoulder at Richard. “Yeah, I think maybe you’re right.” He watched Richard for a moment more, then lay back down. “Guess it’s a good thing none of us have a reason to even think about another guy.” There was a tender sincerity to his tone.
It was sweet, the way he was saying things I needed to hear. And since we’d gotten to the cabin, he hadn’t really complained about all the talking. “You’re weird in flannel.”
I expected him to laugh with me. He didn’t.
“I’m serious, Matthew.”
>
I searched his face. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. So don’t worry so much. We’re going to be fine. No matter what comes up, our relationship will be there, and we’ll deal with everything else together. Like we’re doing out here in this park.”
“Okay.”
He snuggled into my side. “Now get some sleep.”
For the first time in days, I nodded off without issue and fell into a deep, restful sleep, despite the reason we’d come to the park.
The next morning, we got up, made breakfast, and were ready to go by seven. Richard had a thermos filled with coffee and was the first one out the door, waiting for us by the Jeep.
As we all piled into the vehicle, Luke said, “I have a really good feeling about this, Matthew.”
“Me too.”
Or maybe I just couldn’t fathom going back to Tomas with anything except the truth of what had happened to his dad.
Chapter Twenty
“Stop here.” I pointed out the passenger window. “I think this is it.”
Richard pulled the Jeep off the side of the road at an open area near a clearing in the trees. “You sure?”
“Yeah. We should be able to pick up the trail right through those trees.”
“All right, then.” He cut the engine. “Let’s go.”
We got out of the car. This far from civilization, the rush of fresh air was shocking to the lungs. We stood there for several seconds, basking in the golden rays of sunlight and the sharp scent of earth and pine. The sky was so very blue, the clouds perfectly white and fluffy, in all sorts of shapes and sizes. In one I spotted the image of a galloping horse, its mane flowing through the air. Another looked like a spaceship getting ready to swoop down over us. I could’ve watched those clouds all day, coming up with a perfect descriptor for each.
But I had a mission.
The three of us donned backpacks that were stocked with various items we’d need for a daylong hike: drinking water, trail mix, a first aid kit, and a few other emergency supplies.
Heading through the opening in the trees, we spotted the path right away. It had a yellow marker identifying it as Majestic Falls Scenic Trail. This was the main trail through the park that started at the lake on the opposite side and looped around in a huge circle. The trail ranged in complexity from easy-to-walk to far more challenging. Where we were joining it, the path followed the river for several miles, then cut through the forest.