by Jacob Chance
“Fuck, Kenny. You know about those? I’m going to have to have a serious talk with Janny about oversharing.” He shakes his head. “And to answer your question, of course you can be single and happy. I’m not saying it’s impossible. I just don’t want you to close yourself off to the possibility of having it all.”
Later that night I’m in my bed staring up at the way the shadows from the street lights play on my ceiling. I like to study them and figure out what they resemble. I do the same with clouds in the sky. I’m not doing that now though. I’m too busy replaying Kyle’s words in my head and acknowledging the merit in what he said. I know I work too many hours and I need to have more fun.
Maybe I can see if Lana wants to go out for drinks Friday night. She’s fun to hang out with and I don’t have a lot of friends. Since I graduated from school, I’ve become more of a loner.
Diane, my best friend from college, moved away to California last year and Liz, my other close friend, is out of the country on business. My social life has tanked.
I know Kyle wants me to meet someone so I can be happy like he is, but I just don’t know if it’s in the cards for me. Derek’s face flashes in my mind and I picture the way his chocolate brown eyes bore into mine this afternoon. That kiss between us was electric. I’ve never felt anything like it. He’s the only person who’s ever made me feel more than a passing attraction and I can never really have him. I can have sex with him, but I’m not naive. I know I’ll never have his heart – not like he has mine.
***
Her apartment still smells like the perfume she favors, when I walk inside. It’s a fruity and spicy scent mixed together – like a juicy apple with a hint of cinnamon. She’s been gone for an hour now. I followed her to K.D. Investigations and watched her until she was inside safely – one can’t be too careful these days. I made my way back here enjoying the beautiful October Day. Ah, fall in New England, is there anything better? The air is fresh and clean here; not like the polluted air of New York City. I was so used to it I didn’t even realize how bad it really was until I returned back here to Boston.
I was able to pick the lock on her door with no problem at all. It wasn’t even a challenge for me. She foolishly only uses one of her locks – the one on the handle – the easiest one to pick. I removed my shoes at the door. I don’t want the sound of their soles echoing on the hardwood floors. Her landlady lives below her and something like that would clue her in that I’m up here.
I take my time strolling around her apartment. It’s spacious and clean, with a large flat-screen TV mounted on the largest wall. There’s a cabinet below it filled with Blu-ray dvd’s. I open up the glass door and take a look at her collection – Sons of Anarchy and The Walking Dead; two of my favorite shows. She has great taste. I close the cabinet doors and saunter into her bedroom. I need to see where she sleeps every night so I can picture her here. Her room is bright with sunlight pouring in from the two large windows on the opposite wall from the doorway. Her bed is king sized and we’ll need every inch of that space when I make her mine. I stand there picturing her full breasts bared to me as she lies on top of the white comforter with her legs spread wide open. Only a tiny pair of black satin panties hide her slit from my view. Fuck. I’m getting hard just imagining it. This isn’t the time to indulge myself in fantasies. I’m here to learn what I can. Any little detail about her matters to me. Now, while she’s busy is the perfect opportunity for me to do this.
I leave her bedroom, walking down the hallway and back into the living room. I saunter over to the fireplace and look over her framed photos. I study them for clues about her past. There’s a picture of her as a teenager with her parents and her older brother. She was adorable even back then when she was only showing subtle hints of the beautiful woman she would grow up to be. I move on to the next photo. It’s more recent and she’s standing between her brother and another man who looks a little too comfortable with her. He’s got his heavily-tattooed arm wrapped around her shoulder and she’s leaning into him. Who is this fucker?
I’ve been watching her for a week now and I haven’t seen any indication she’s involved with anyone. That’s about to change, though. It won’t be today or tomorrow, but it won’t be long.
Soon there will be no secrets between us.
Chapter Six
Derek
I’m on another stakeout, outside of Scott Johnson’s place. His father wants us to continue our surveillance indefinitely. Apparently, his brush with the law didn’t act as the deterrent I’d hoped it would. Then again, Daddy did bail him out right away and had the family attorney take care of the rest. He can’t really learn his lesson if they never let him.
The front door opens and Scott walks outside with a cigarette pursed between his lips. He clicks the remote in his hand and the interior light comes on in the brand new Corvette Daddy bought for him. Jesus. Tough life. He flicks the cigarette onto the driveway and gets in his car. He revs the engine repeatedly before he guns it; the tires squeal as he pulls out into the street. I wait about thirty seconds before I follow. I’m not in any danger of losing him. I planted a tracking device on his car last week. Lana acquired it for me. It’s state of the art and didn’t come cheap. It’s not exactly legal for me to be using it, but it’s so tiny no one will ever know it’s there.
I follow his signal for about ten minutes before I park my car curbside one street over. If I drive any closer, they’ll see my headlights. I grab my gun as I exit the car and tuck it in the back of my pants. I walk down the sidewalk as far as I can and then cut through someone’s yard. I stay along the edge of their small fence, following it until I reach the back of their property line. I’m not worried about being seen. I blend in with the night shadows in my black pants and hoodie. I brace my palms on the top of the fence and boost myself over it. I now stand facing the old warehouse where Scott currently is. My eyes slowly scan the surrounding area for guards, but I don’t see any. I cross the street, sticking to the shadows, avoiding the direct light of the street lamps. I take my time and make it to the side of the building undetected.
I peer into the window and see Scott speaking with Rory McCarthy. Fuck. He’s only in his early thirties and already well connected in the Irish mob. He’s no one Scott should be getting into bed with. This is even worse than I thought.
To make matters worse, there are numerous bundles of brownish powder and white powder on the table. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably heroin and fentanyl which is now being referred to as the new heroin. It’s cheap and provides an even more powerful high than heroin does, making it a popular choice for drug addicts.
Scott begins to load the bundles into a backpack and it’s time for me to make my exit. I retrace my steps to my car and once I’m safely inside I know I have to make a phone call that I can’t put off any longer.
“Hey, Johnny. How’re you doing, man?” I smile in spite of the gravity of my call. Johnny Ruiz and I grew up in the same neighborhood and we might be the only two who made it out of there on the right side of the law.
“Derek, what’s up?” I haven’t heard from you in a while.” He’s a detective with the Boston Police Department and I help him out from time to time.
“I got a client who’s involved with Rory McCarthy. I just saw him load multiple bundles of powder into a backpack and he’s going to be heading home in a few.”
Johnny whistles through his teeth. “Damn, thanks for calling man. What’s the name and plate number?”
“Scott Johnson and his tag is SJ1. He should be heading up West Broadway within the next five minutes or so.
“Okay, we’ll take care of it. Let’s go out for a beer soon. I haven’t seen you in ages.”
“Yeah sounds good, man. Pick a time and place,” I reply, starting my car.
“Hey, how’s Kyle’s little sister doing? I’ve been meaning to grab her number from him.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and remind myself to calm down. The thought of John
ny anywhere near Kenna turns my stomach. “Good luck with that. If you think Kyle’s going to give you Kenna’s number you’re delusional.”
He laughs. “Why don’t you give it to me? Kyle doesn’t need to know.”
“Hey you better get going. You have a criminal to apprehend. I’ll be in touch soon.” I end the call and rest my head back on the seat for a moment.
I know that one of these days some guy is going to come along and sweep Kenna off her feet and there will be nothing I can do about it. For the rest of my life I’ll have to watch her from the sidelines. She’ll be happy and never even spare me a passing thought. I’ll long for her in secret and fuck women I don’t even know; imagining it’s her. It’s a pretty bleak future and I don’t think there’s anything I can do to prevent it from happening.
One week later
“Hey, brother,” Kyle yells when he opens the door and finds me standing there.
I smile. “Hi. Is this the place where the lame party is happening?” Kyle laughs and pulls me in for a quick hug.
“I’m glad you came. The party can begin now.” He steps back, opening the door fully and I catch sight of all the people here. Fuck. I didn’t realize this was going to be such a big gathering. I’m not really in the mood to be social.
“Thanks for the invite. You know I wouldn’t miss it. It’s not every day my best friend gets engaged.” I step inside and Kyle shuts the door behind me. My eyes scan the room and hone in on Kenna. She looks so gorgeous she literally steals my breath. She has on a short, tight-fitting red dress and black heels. Goddamn. I don’t think I can do this tonight. I can’t be in the same room as her and pretend I’m not interested. I remove my gaze from her and glance toward the kitchen. I need a stiff drink now.
“I’m going to grab a drink and mingle. I’ll catch up with you later,” I tell Kyle. I move through the crowd repeatedly bumping into people and apologizing. My annoyance level is climbing higher and higher by the time I reach the kitchen. I grab the nearest bottle of whiskey on the counter, add some ice to a cup and pour in a hefty amount. I knock it back in one large gulp and immediately refill it. I take my time sipping the second cup full. Maybe I can just hide out here in the kitchen for the rest of the night and no one will be the wiser.
“What did you tell her?” Kenna’s voice interrupts my peace when she walks into the kitchen accompanied by her neighbor Robert. My teeth grit at seeing them here together.
He smiles at her. “I told her it wasn’t up for negotiation and I’m not paying for it. She ran up the credit card bills making online purchases. That has nothing to do with me.”
She squeals, “I’m so proud of you,” before throwing her arms around him. I stand there frozen in place watching, but I want to tear him off of her. I have to clench the edge of the counter with a steel-like grip to prevent myself from doing it.
She pulls back from their embrace and my eyes leisurely travel over her long legs that are exposed in her short dress. Jesus, if she bends over she might flash someone. What the fuck is she thinking wearing that? Did she wear this for Robert? I drink down the rest of my whiskey and move to refill it.
“Hi, Derek. I didn’t see you there,” Kenna says.
“Yeah, sure you didn’t,” I reply as I pour more whiskey than I need in my cup.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I turn around and find her standing close to me with both hands on her hips and Robert is nowhere in sight. I place my cup down on the counter beside me and grab both of her arms. I pull her toward me and spin her at the last moment so I have her caged against the cabinets. I move my leg between hers and push her legs apart with my foot. She gasps and clenches my arms, holding on. I lean into her and stop when my lips are against the bottom of her ear.
I place a hand on her leg. “Did you wear this dress for him or for me?” My hand clenches her outer thigh before my hold loosens. I slowly trail my fingers up the smooth softness of her skin until it moves under her dress. I slide my hand around to cup her ass. She has on a thong and it makes me instantly hard as a fucking rock. I squeeze her ass. “Answer me,” I growl.
“You,” she whispers. My fingers skim over to the middle of her ass where the narrow lace strip rests and they slip under the material. I trace it from the top all the way down to where the lace is soaked with her desire. She’s already wet for me. I slide two fingers inside her. Her eyes close and her mouth opens on a sigh. I crash our lips together and explore her tongue with mine while my fingers have her moaning into my mouth. I pull her hips into me and rock her against my cock. We need to stop this before someone walks in and catches us. I slip my fingers from her and lift them to my mouth, sucking all her juices off. I lean down and lick along her bottom lip wanting her to taste how delicious she is. Her tongue snakes out to meet mine and I meld our mouths together. I pull away and caress my fingers over her bottom lip.
“Is that the first time you’ve ever tasted yourself?” She shakes her head and flushes an attractive pink. “Who made you taste yourself?” I don’t know why, but I need to know. She bites on her bottom lip and drops her head, resting her forehead on my chest. I lift her chin with my index finger and stare into her eyes. “Tell me,” I urge.
“I tasted myself.” She looks away and chews on her bottom lip. “When I was…”
I turn her face to mine. “When you were touching yourself?” She nods.
She whispers. “Yes.” It’s so soft I almost think I’ve imagined it. Goddamn. She’s fucking perfect for me.
“Do you know how fucking hot that is? The thought of you fingering your hot, tight, wet pussy and then sucking them clean. Jesus.” I shake my head and run my hand through my hair. “I need to watch you do that. Will you show me?”
“Yes.” She looks at me.
“Come home with me now.” I blurt out, gripping her arms.
“I can’t. I came with Robert, and Lana’s here. I can’t just ditch them.”
I grind my cock against her. “I want you. Spend the night with me,” I whisper. My voice is husky with my need for her.
“I can’t. Not tonight anyway.” She pushes on my chest with both of her hands, signaling she wants some space. I take a step back. I’m not happy about it, but I’m not an asshole either.
“Sleeping with you is a huge step, Derek. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want to, but I need time to think about whether the temporary pleasure is worth the possible fallout?”
“Oh, it’ll be worth it, Kenna. You can count on that.” I move closer to her and trail my fingers down her flushed cheek. Our eyes lock and I can see how much she wants me. She’d be so easy to convince right now, but I don’t want to push her. If we do this – when we do this, it will be her decision. I don’t want her to have regrets about it.
It takes every ounce of control I have to turn and walk away when all I want to do is bend her over the kitchen counter and fuck her senseless. I make my way to the bathroom hoping no one notices my hard-on. Once I’m inside I splash some cold water on my face and wipe off on the hand towel. It doesn’t help. I pull out my phone and check my email for work correspondence. I answer an email from a client and push my phone back into my pocket. My dick is still hard. Fuck. This isn’t going away on its own and I can’t be around everyone like this. I undo the button on my pants and unzip them. I check to make sure the door’s locked and then push the waistband of my boxers down. My fingers grip my cock and air expels between my teeth. Kenna has me so amped up, it’s not going to take long to get myself off. I stroke up to the leaking tip and run my thumb over it, imagining Kenna in front of me, bent over the counter. I brace a hand on the wall next to the mirror, my head drops forward as the rhythm of my strokes increase. I picture my cock moving in and out of her wet pussy, her back sensually arched. It’s all I can do to hold in my groans. My hand tightens and I stroke harder picturing her naked ass in front of me and that’s all it takes for me to be ready to explode. I grab some tissues from the box on the counter and catch my come
as it releases. I clench my teeth hard enough to make my jaw ache while I hold in the groans I want to let out. Fuck. I can’t believe I’m jerking off in the middle of a party. She’s making me act like a fucking teenager. This shit cannot happen. It doesn’t happen to me. I need to have her soon and get her out of my system and out of my head.
***
She’s at a party at Kyle’s house tonight. I followed the taxi there. I didn’t get a good look at what she was wearing until she got out of the car. I was overcome with lust when I noticed the short length of her dress and how her legs seem to go on forever in the heels she’s wearing.
Once she was inside I came back to her apartment to explore. I picked the lock like it was child’s play. Her lack of concern for her own safety is mind boggling.
I slowly stroll around on my shoeless feet. I peer inside her fridge to see what kind of foods she prefers. There are pizza boxes and Chinese takeout cartons stacked on the shelves. There’s a six pack of my favorite kind of beer. She eats like a bachelor. I smile while I think of how her toned body is fueled by some of my favorite foods. I’m glad she’s not one of those women who won’t eat. I grab a slice of pizza out of the box and sit down on her couch. Cold pizza is so fucking good. I look around the space and imagine what it’ll be like when we’re finally together. We can binge watch our favorite shows and cuddle under her blue blanket. Of course all that cuddling will lead to her wanting to suck my cock. I can’t wait to make her deep-throat me. I love the sound of a woman gagging on my dick. There’s nothing fucking sexier than seeing tears run down a woman’s cheeks because she’s got your cock lodged in the back of her throat. I’m hard from just thinking about it. I can only imagine how her mouth will feel sucking all the come from me, what her big eyes will look like staring up at me. I push the last bite of pizza crust into my mouth and wipe my hands on my pants. I stand up, walk toward the door and slip my shoes back on. I pause, my hand on the knob and take a final look around. I smile.