by Jordan Marie
Distance… I need distance.
“Where are you going?” she asks, sounding confused. She should be. I’m confused as hell, too.
“It’s late. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I tell her without looking back. I can’t look back. I can’t go back. I can’t. I can’t survive Beth a second time.
Distance. I need distance, I repeat over and over in my head. But, with her taste on my tongue, I wonder if that’s even possible now.
“You okay Beth?” Katie asks for like the tenth time today.
She’s really starting to irritate me, and I shouldn’t be that way. Because of her, we have more time than ever before the club discovers we’re gone. She convinced Torch that we all needed a day to ourselves to relax before starting in on all of the wedding chores. As a result, he had three prospects follow him to the day spa in town. He left them to monitor the place and kissed Katie, telling her he’d see her this evening. I know she’s feeling guilty about lying to him, but then again, she wants to be responsible for Matthew’s death as much as I do. The only difference is she doesn’t have anything to prove.
Torch looks at her and sees this strong woman who could take on the world. No one sees that in me. I don’t even see it in myself, but that’s changing. Yesterday changes nothing. If anything, it proves to me that what Skull and I had is gone. The kiss was good, so much of it that I remember, but it didn’t have the emotion that was between us before. It was almost as if he was proving to himself that he doesn’t want me anymore.
Learning… he said we were learning. For a brief moment, especially after he called me “my sky”, I thought maybe… but I was wrong. So wrong. Having him walk away from me proved that more than anything else could have.
So I have one path before me. I’m going to end Matthew and Colin. I will make things safe for me and my sister, but most importantly, my daughter. Then I will get the fuck away from Skull and try to live again and hopefully gain some respect along the way, not only from the men in Skull’s crew, but from myself. Matthew and Colin took so much from me, I need to claim this back. It doesn’t matter if I’ll never see Skull’s men again. Knowing they don’t see me as the weak woman that I was will mean something to me.
“I told you I’m fine,” I insist with a sigh, looking out the window of the truck as we drive down an old backroad.
Sacks is in the front driving with Louise and Candy, leaving me and Katie in the back. Alone. Katie wants to talk, and I want to do anything but.
“You don’t act fine, Bethie. Talk to me. We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready to face them.”
“I’m not worried about facing them. This needs to be done and you more than anyone knows why it should be us that do it,” I whisper.
“Then what’s going on? And don’t you dare tell me you’re fine again.”
“Aren’t you worried about lying to Torch?” I ask, trying to divert her attention.
“Don’t change the subject. Spill it, Bethie.”
“Skull kissed me last night,” I mutter, knowing I’m not going to get her to drop it.
“He kissed you?!” That screech ensures that everyone in the truck and probably anyone standing within a three mile radius knows now.
“Katie, it’s no big deal…”
“Girl, don’t even!” Sacks interjects from the front, slapping her hands on the steering wheel. “He kissed you! As mad as he’s been, that’s freaking monumental!”
“You know, come to think of it, I didn’t see that fancy smancy Dr. Torres around yesterday or this morning either,” Candy adds in.
“Who cares? Beth should have kicked him in the balls. Did you kick him in the balls?” Louise asks. “I would have kicked him in the balls.”
“I didn’t kick him in the balls. I should have,” I grumble. “I think I was in shock.”
“Or lust.”
“Shut it, Katie.”
“What? I’m just saying it’s been a long time since you got a little something-something, sister dear.”
“How long we talking?” Sacks asks.
“We’re closer to three years than we are over two now,” Katie blabs.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” Candy says.
“Talk about blue lady balls,” Sacks joins in.
“There’s probably cobwebs up in your shit,” Louise commiserates.
“Are we saying that Skull was the last baloney-pony you took a ride on?” Sacks asks.
“Can we please quit discussing my sex life?” I mutter, feeling the heat scorch my face.
“Or lack of,” Katie mutters. “I tried to get her to spread her wings…”
“You mean her legs,” Louise mentions and Candy snorts.
“I was married…”
“The fuck you were. Besides, that didn’t stop him from getting some strange,” Katie gripes.
“Men are assholes,” Louise states.
“That they are, and they think with their dicks,” Sacks grumbles.
“Well, the first thing we’re going to do after we take care of business today is get you laid,” Sacks declares.
“I don’t want—”
“Bullshit. Your hormones have been on lockdown for so long, you don’t know what you want,” Candy says.
“I really can’t even think about being with another man. Skull is…”
“Is what?” Sacks asks.
“I don’t think any man could live up to him,” I tell them honestly.
“Fuck,” Sacks mutters.
“Damn,” Candy joins in.
“Was he that big? Wait, don’t tell me. If I know what size Skull’s cock is, having to see him every day would just be weird,” Katie realizes.
“How big’s his cock?” Sacks asks. “I don’t care if it’s weird.”
“Yeah, me too. C’mon, tell us how big Skull junior is.”
“Uh… I’m not sure Skull would want me talking about that,” I stutter. I’m new to having friends. Do women really talk about this stuff?
“I bet it hangs down his leg like a damn anaconda,” Candy mutters.
“Candy!” Katie growls. She’s looking at me and she knows I’m not comfortable with this conversation.
“What? A man like that walking around with the attitude he has, you just know he’s got the tools to back it up,” she reasons.
“It doesn’t matter because I’m not going there, ever again,” I announce, going back to looking out the window.
“Damn! I bet it was so big it scared you, right? I heard talk you were a teenager when you were with him. Jesus, were you, like, sixteen? That kind of shit can scar you if the man ain’t gentle,” Candy says.
“Skull don’t seem the gentle type,” Louise agrees.
“Fuck gentle. I’m more of a pull-my-hair-and-make-me-beg type,” Sacks says. “Briar knows exactly how I like it, or I probably wouldn’t put up with his ass.”
“You could always try women,” Louise offers.
“That’s not for me.”
“Never know it ‘til you try it,” she counters.
“I kissed a girl once. Did nothing for me,” I tell them, glad we’ve stopped talking about Skull’s dick.
“No way,” Katie says, and I could almost laugh at the stricken look on her face.
“All-girl school, remember?”
“Oh fuck.”
“Yeah, we’re going to get you laid after this, Beth,” Louise says and all the women are nodding their heads in agreement.
As we pull up to the lake and I look at all the women’s faces who are bravely serious… all I can think is, if I survive this, I might want to run away.
What the fuck was I thinking, kissing Beth? Now, I can do nothing but remember the feel of my tongue in her mouth, her taste, and the whispery soft feel of her breath against my skin. Christo! I thought I was haunted before; it’s clear that I was stupid. Now, all I can think about is kissing her and wanting more. I thought she could save me from the darkness, but becoming obsessed with her might be worse
.
I forced myself to stay away from her last night. It wasn’t easy, but I knew if I saw her lying in bed, I’d fall on her like a man condemned to die enjoying his last meal on earth. Mierda!
I’m obsessed with her.
I need to think about shit, especially the latest shit storm dealt to me by Pistol. I need to plan. I’m not sure how to find the mole in my club without alerting him. Whatever I do, I need to be careful. First, I need to kill the Donahues. Getting rid of them will be two less threats hanging over my head, threats that I know for sure are there. They aren’t hiding in the shadows, so they come first.
If I was the man I used to be, I would talk things out with my closest brothers. That’s not an option for me right now. I’m pretty sure I’m just done. Being president of the Devil’s Blaze has cost me so much and I’m fucking tired of it. I’ve given my life and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing.
I’ll use the club to kill the Donahues and then… I’ll find the mole and exact my revenge personally. It could be stupid and it may be the fucking end of me, but then again, I’m tired of breathing anyways.
There’s a meeting planned for tonight to go over our strike. Until then, I need a fucking break. I need to get away from Beth. I throw some clothes on, a plan forming in my mind.
I walk out of the room and down the hall. The first thing I do is hesitate at Beth’s door. I should check on Gabby before I leave. It wouldn’t be to see Beth again; it’s just that Gabby already sees me as a stranger. If I’m going to leave for the day, I should see her. That’s all.
I turn to go in when I see Sabre walking down the hall with Gabby on his hip. God, she is a beautiful baby. I should have been there for her. I should have been the first to hold her…
“What are you doing with mi hija?”
“Annie’s supposed to be watching Gabby for Beth, but she’s had a bad time with morning sickness today. So, I took Gabby when Annie fell back asleep. Jesus, ‘morning’ sickness… that’s a bunch of shit. She stayed sick all night long. Daytime is the only time she rests at all.”
“I’ll take her back to Beth,” I tell him, already reaching for Gabby. Thankfully, she comes to me with a smile. Those are fucking rare, and I know in my gut that it wouldn’t have happened if Torch was around.
“She’s not here,” Sabre says so casually he has no idea I’m resisting the urge to slap the shit out of him.
“Where the hell is she?”
“Torch got a few prospects and took the girls into town to the day spa. Supposed to last all day. Some kind of pre-wedding gift.”
“Pre-wedding gift? Jesus, that man is whipped,” I growl, hating him a little bit more.
“And proud of it,” the bastard says, coming up behind us.
“Who’s watching the girls?” I growl, instantly worried. I don’t want Beth left on her own at all until I neutralize the Donahues—or whoever the fuck else is in the wings.
Jesus, and now I need to take care of the Chrome Saints and Viper. Yeah, he’s going down separate from his fucking club. The world will be a better place without him.
Christo, my list just keeps growing.
“I’ve got three of our prospects watching over them. They’re good. I’ll go back and pick them up this evening.”
“See that you do,” I growl, and when he goes to reach for Gabby and she starts twisting in my arms to get to him, I shut that shit down. “Gabby and I are going to see Diesel. I’m taking the wagon,” I tell him, talking about my SUV.
“You going to get Diesel and his men to help on the raid?” Sabre asks.
“Shit no. If the ones that are going can’t take down Matthew and those sorry bodyguards he keeps, we don’t deserve to wear cuts. No, I’m just getting out for the day. Going to show my daughter off.”
“We’ll follow you down,” Torch tells me. “I got some of the specs that Crusher wanted for the computer setup that Diesel’s wanting to install.”
“You have to make sure the girls are safe.”
“Latch and I will be here, and our best prospects are on them. They’ll be fine. Honestly, I’d prefer the two of you travel together. Can’t be too careful these days. There’s safety in numbers,” Sabre says, and I want to beat the hell out of him. I want to be alone. The last fucking thing I need is Torch tagging along.
“I want Beast standing over the girls,” I growl, not knowing who I can trust, but knowing Beast is my best bet. If Sabre looks put-off, he doesn’t saying anything, though he does watch me carefully. Could he be the fucking mole?
“Sounds good,” Torch says, and just like that I’m trapped with the fucker.
“You’ll drive so I can pay attention to Gabby,” I grumble. There’s no way that I’m going to let him bond with my daughter any further. No way.
As we load up, I’m left with one thought. What in the hell else is going to fuck up today?
Somehow I know something will.
“Shit! Any word from Louise?” I ask for the tenth time.
We made it here fine. Matthew’s men were such morons that the backside of the lake wasn’t even being monitored. Of course, the cabin and land around it were being guarded like freaking Fort Knox on a day when more gold was being delivered. Louise went on around towards the front perimeter and was going to try walking down the graveled road saying her car had broken down a few miles back and she was stranded. It was sketchy at best, and there was a chance she might need to blast her way out if it went south. Sacks and Candy were waiting just beyond the road so that when a couple of men went to check out the vehicle, they could take them out. They were also close enough that if Louise got in trouble and had to call for a mayday, they would be right there.
Katie and I are still on the backside of the property searching the defenses and waiting to see if our diversion would give us a small crack, a weakness to let us slide through. If not, we have a bigger diversion planned. I just hope it doesn’t come to that.
“Why do you keep asking that? You can hear them if they use the radio, the same as me,” Katie grumbles, the tension coming off from her in waves, too. What on earth possessed us to do this? I should have kept my mouth quiet and tried it on my own. I don’t want to be responsible for these women losing their lives and I know Matthew won’t hesitate to end them.
“Stop it, Bethie,” Katie murmurs, looking out over the cabin and waiting.
“Stop what?” I ask, playing dumb.
“They chose to help us. They knew the risks, you didn’t twist their arms.”
“They don’t know Matthew like we do, either,” I remind her.
“Still…”
“Guys, Louise has made contact,” Candy whispers over the two-way radios that Louise picked up from her brother.
“Are they going for the bait?”
“Are you kidding? Hell, I’m only into dick and even I almost swooned at those jugs she was flashing. How does someone with double-Ds manage to still be perky?”
Katie snorts and I smile despite the gravity of the situation.
“Okay, we’ll let you know when they get her to the cabin from our line of sight. Then when she gets in, we’ll give her the ten minutes she asked for and storm,” Katie says.
“I still say ten minutes is too damn much,” I complain.
“I agree,” Sacks whispers.
“We’ll be able to tell if it goes the wrong direction. Let’s sit tight and stick to the damn game plan,” Katie counters.
We all go radio silent after that. I can’t tell if it’s because everyone is nervous or if my own nerves are so on-edge that something feels off. I just don’t have a good feeling. I suck air in and hold it as I watch Louise walking up to the front porch of the small cabin. She stumbles slightly on the second step. I think that was by design because she bends over to adjust her sandal and one of her boobs almost pops out. She braces her hand on one of Matthew’s goons and smiles up at him, laughing and flirting. She seems like a different person compared to the hard-nosed woman that I k
now.
When the door closes behind her, my eyes go to my watch and I don’t move as I start counting down the time. With each minute that passes, my heart kicks up in speed. At nine minutes, Katie and I look at each other and nod.
“Okay, girls. Let’s kick some ass and take some names,” Katie tells them.
We cock our weapons and nod at each other. I know we’re both nervous as hell and I’m second-guessing myself like crazy. I figure Katie is, too.
The only bright side to all of this is that I snuck into Skull’s office last night and started looking around his desk. He didn’t leave anything out, but there was a locked drawer. Skull hasn’t met this side of me, the side that grew up with a need to learn so I could defend. I picked the lock in no time and found their plans. They had surveillance of the cabin. They planned to enter through the back mudroom. There was a window with a torn screen. I had decided to go first and secure the room before the other girls enter. That way when we go into war we’ll be unified, with Louise being our surprise. And it will be a war. Matthew might be stupid, but he’s evil. Pure evil, all the way through.
We wait at the back of the house. It’s about three minutes before the other two show up. I go in first. Since having Gabby and living life on the run, I’ve lost so much weight it makes getting into the small window pretty easy. I can’t hear anything from the other rooms, but the main living room and kitchen are down a hall, so that’s not a big surprise. I keep the door closed and go back to helping pull the others through. Everyone slips in easily, but it takes me and Candy to pull Katie through.
“Your ass was not made for this window,” I joke quietly.
“No, but Hunter likes a little cushion for the pushing, so I’m keeping it,” she whispers and grins. “Besides, I got a feeling I’m going to be glad for the extra padding tonight if he finds out about this.”
“Let’s hope they don’t. I love everything about Briar, but when he’s mad, I feel it for weeks.”
I don’t respond. There’s not much I can add to this conversation and it’s probably best we don’t talk like a bunch of nervous idiots. I crack the door open and, when I see nothing, open it a little wider. I look at the girls and all signs of the joking we shared a little bit ago are gone.