Vows on Ice (Boys of Winter Book 6)

by S. R. Grey

  “Me too,” the other cries out.

  The first one reaches over to Benny’s special-order box, but his mother swats his hand away.

  “Don’t touch those. Don’t even look at them,” she spits out. “Those donuts are bad.”

  Funny thing is, stuffy Aunt Gertrude, for all her bluster, can’t seem to keep her eyes off the donuts in the box.

  Brent yells down from the living room, inquiring if everything is all right.

  I yell back that everything is fine and we’ll be up in a minute.

  Sighing, I lean in and take another peek inside the box.

  Hell, even I have to laugh. Benny’s special-order creations really are hilarious. The donuts I thought were churches are definitely not.

  I totally thought they were, though, at first when Aunt Gertrude opened the box. One of them was flipped over and the big protrusion up the middle looked just like a steeple, I swear.

  But a steeple it was not.

  Nope, the “steeple” on each donut is actually a dick. And the “church” part is a set of big balls.

  That’s right—Benny’s special-order donuts are dick and ball-shaped concoctions. And wow are they ever, um, detailed.

  I let out a snort when I notice trails of white icing spewing over the tops of some of the “steeples.”

  “That is so not funny,” Aunt Gertrude scoffs when she spots the same thing.

  Then why are you licking your lips? I think to myself.

  “You have to admit that it’s a little amusing,” I say to her.

  “No, it’s more like a lot amusing,” Lainey corrects.

  The kids are curious now and trying even harder than before to stand on their tiptoes so they can see what’s so interesting inside the box.

  Aunt Gertrude puts a stop to that by shooing them away.

  “Go find something to do,” she admonishes.

  They start to leave, looking dejected, but I stop them.

  “Wait,” I say to their mom, “there are other donuts they could have. Clean ones,” I clarify.

  I raise a questioning brow at Aunt Gertrude, and surprisingly she nods and says, “Sure, why not?”

  Lainey, the new voice of reason, hisses, “Aubrey, wait, hold up. Do you really think those little monsters need freaking sugar right now? They’re already in a permanently wound-up mode.”

  “I’m sure one donut won’t hurt,” I reply.

  She shrugs, murmuring, “Whatever you say, Aubrey. It’s your funeral.”

  Ignoring her dramatics, I snip the string off one of the unopened boxes of donuts, and—thank goodness—it’s not one of Benny’s perverted creations.

  As I hand each kid a glazed donut shaped like a rocket, Lainey snickers and says under her breath, “Those could be construed as perverted too, you know? Not only are they totally phallic-shaped, but all that glaze kind of resembles Nolan’s face after he’s done eating m—”

  “Maple syrup,” I finish for her when I notice Ricky and Ronny are listening in intently.

  “Yeah, that stuff is sticky,” I go on. “Syrup, that is. It gets all over me too.”

  Thankfully, the kids lose interest in our conversation and run off with their donuts so that they can return to their video game with Benny.

  Though, wait, he’s just walked into the kitchen, meaning the kids must’ve run upstairs or he would’ve seen them.

  “What’s going on in here?” Benny asks.

  “Umm…”

  He sees his donuts and exclaims, “Hey, someone opened my boxes. I saw you’d picked them up, but I was saving those for a surprise later.”

  “They were a surprise all right,” I grumble.

  He looks over at Aunt Gertrude and gets it.

  “Oh. Ohhh… Jeez, I’m sorry.” Benny lowers his head and peers up at her with his best puppy dog apologetic eyes. “I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my indiscretion, ma’am.”

  I roll my eyes at him.

  But it works. Just like that, Aunt Gertrude’s whole demeanor changes.

  “Oh, no worries,” she says to Benny. “I was young once too. Not that I’m old now. Anyway, the point is that I remember doing silly things like that myself.”

  Really? You had dick-and-balls donuts made? I doubt that.

  Of course, I keep all those thoughts to myself.

  Aunt Gertrude continues to talk—and blatantly flirt—with Benny.

  Lainey and I just gawk at each other, shocked. She must really have it bad for our friend.

  That’s pretty much confirmed when she picks up a dick donut, one of the ones with the white trail of icing, and bites right into the tip.

  “Mmm, dis ith delith-cios,” Aunt Gertrude murmurs around a mouthful of gooey goodness.

  “You should try it for real,” Lainey cracks under her breath.

  I elbow her in the side. “Shut up! She’s going to hear you.”

  Lainey shrugs. “So what if she does? It’s true.”

  “You are so bad.”

  “You know it, sis.”

  Benny, working Aunt Gertrude like a puck on a stick, hands her a napkin.

  “You have a little bit of icing, um…right about there.” He touches the side of his own mouth to show her where she needs to wipe.

  “Oh, dear…” She dabs, but at the wrong spot. “Did I get it?” she asks.

  “No. Here, let me.” Benny takes the napkin from her and wipes away the icing. “There ‘ya go,” he says once Aunt Gertrude is cleaned up.

  She, of course, is still all smiles and blushes.

  “Why, thank you, Benjamin. You really are such a kind young man.” She reaches out and runs her hand down his beefy, muscular arm, murmuring, “And you’re so big and strong too.”

  Snorting, I say to Benny, “Hey, big strong man, think you can grab this platter and take it upstairs for me?”

  He nods, and I hand him the dish, with only “clean” donuts on it.

  The “churches” are still in the boxes, which we close…and tape…and put up high so the twins can’t reach them.

  Finally, Lainey fixes the coffee, and then we all head back up to the living room, donut crisis averted.

  Hey, I Know That Green Glow

  Aubrey, Lainey, Aunt Gertrude, and Benny all return to the living room.

  Whatever problem that was at hand seems to be behind them.

  Good, I really didn’t want to have to hobble downstairs.

  I notice that Benny is carrying a big platter of donuts. And Lainey has the coffee.

  Ever the waitress at heart, she begins expertly pouring hot brew into china cups for everyone.

  Meanwhile, Benny starts walking around with the donuts, allowing us to choose whichever ones we want.

  Aubrey sits down beside me on the sofa where she was before and teasingly asks, “Miss me?”

  I reach over and rub her knee. “Always, babe.”

  Hey, don’t laugh. It’s true. I enjoy being around her as much as possible.

  Good thing I’m marrying her, eh?

  “Hey, what took you so long down in the kitchen? And why in the hell was Aunt Gertrude screaming like a banshee?”

  She rolls her eyes and assures me, “You don’t even want to know.”

  “Shit, are you kidding? Now I want to know more than ever.”

  Everyone is chowing down on their donuts and chatting away—guess the caffeine and sugar’s already kicking in—so no one’s paying much heed to me and Aubrey.

  We may as well continue our own private conversation.

  Shaking her head, but smiling over at me, Aubrey says, “Let’s just say Benny’s special-order donuts gave your aunt quite the shock.”

  Since I can only imagine what he had designed, I let out a chuckle. “Let me guess. He had dirty donuts made?”

  “Very dirty donuts,” she confirms. “Worse yet, the damn twins showed up to see why their mom was yelling.”

  I realize then that I’ve been assuming all this time that, even thou
gh Benny is up here with us in the living room, the twins are still downstairs playing video games.

  But if they were in the kitchen…

  And then they left…

  Uh-oh.

  “Babe, where are the boys?” I carefully inquire.

  Shit, shit, shit, this could be bad.

  Aubrey replies, “I don’t know. I gave them a couple of donuts and—”

  “Great, just what they needed…sugar.”

  Aubrey snorts, “You sound just like Lainey.”

  Really?

  It’s amazing that my soon-to-be sister-in-law was rational for once.

  I raise a brow and ask Aubrey, “You don’t think they’re rambunctious enough?”

  “Hmm, good point,” she concedes.

  I would be content to sit here all night and talk only to Aubrey, but we do have guests.

  I’m ready to jump into the general conversation, but suddenly Ricky and Ronny run by, yelling something about playing hide and seek. They continue down the hallway, the one that leads to all the bedrooms.

  Guess I know where they are now.

  “Hey, you remembered to lock the door to our room, right?” I ask Aubrey.

  “Yes,” she replies. “I mean, I think I did.”

  I’m about to get up and check, but then I forget all about the twins when my mom, situated in a chair next to us, leans in and says, “Brent, I can’t believe after next Saturday you’ll be a married man.”

  “It is rather shocking that this once wild and crazy guy is finally settling down,” Benny, from farther down the sofa, chimes in.

  I guffaw. “Ha, you’re one to talk. You don’t even want us to get into what kind of crap you were once up to.”

  Benny, blushing, agrees, “No, no, you’re right. I don’t.”

  Eliza turns to him and frowns. “Is there more ‘crap’ you did that I don’t know about?”

  “No.” He gives her a truly loving look. “I’ve confessed all my former sins to you, my love.”

  That placates her.

  Leaning her head on his shoulder, Eliza says, “You have. And I still love you, because even the bad stuff you did has only made you the wonderful man you are today.”

  Aunt Gertrude, listening in, gives Eliza the stink-eye.

  And Nolan, from over on the love seat next to Lainey, pretends to choke.

  “Please, you guys,” he says. “No more sweet talk. You’re making me ill.”

  “Me too,” Aunt Gertrude mutters.

  No one else catches that because Lainey starts gushing over Nolan.

  “Aw, you gorgeous man, stop teasing them. You know you love it when I sweet-talk you like that too. Admit it, you do.”

  He leans toward her and plants a soft peck on her lips.

  “That’s only because I’ve earned my sweet talk,” he says.

  “Mmm, yes, you sure have…”

  Lainey begins kissing Nolan, but when she starts crawling into his lap, I clear my throat.

  “Hey, we’re in mixed company here,” I remind them.

  Personally, I don’t care what they do. I’m used to these two. But I doubt my parents or aunt care to watch Lainey grinding all over Nolan while they make out.

  “Oops, sorry.” Lainey sits back on the love seat. “I forgot where I was for a minute there.”

  “Now who’s feeling ill?” Benny jokes as he raises his hand.

  Nolan shoots him the bird, and even my parents laugh at that one.

  But then the entire long hallway off the living room, the one the twins ran down moments ago, lights up in the brightest shade of green.

  Fuuuck!

  I know that green glow.

  Oh yes, I know it all too well.

  Aubrey and I turn to each other, horror in our eyes.

  Not here. Not now. Not Area 51!

  Only Yoda Can Save Us Now

  Brent looks at me, aghast, and I, equally horrified, murmur, “Uh, maybe I didn’t lock the bedroom door, after all.”

  “You think?” he deadpans.

  He’s not happy, but it’s too late now. The damage is done.

  The monster twins have found the two Area 51 toys I left out on the dresser. I finally located the devices in my luggage and set aside the one I promised Eliza. The other I put right next to it.

  “B-b-but they were in packages,” I stammer. “How’d the twins get them out?”

  Brent snaps, “They’re eight, Aubrey, not two. I think they’ve mastered opening stuff.”

  I guess they have since, at that exact moment, Ronny and Ricky dance their way into the living room with the Area 51s in hand.

  Wonderful.

  Now they’re in full view of everyone, moving left and right, ducking and advancing, pretending to be sword-fighting…with my freaking sex toys!

  “What ever are you doing?” their mother asks.

  Thank goodness it’s hard to tell what the toys are since they’re in motion and glowing bright green.

  “We’re playing Star Wars,” one of the twins says.

  “Yeah,” the other chimes in, “these are our light sabers. We found them in one of the rooms. Aren’t they cool?”

  Brent may have been horrified at first, but now he’s trying not to laugh.

  “You’re no help,” I tell him.

  I scan the room, my eyes landing on Nolan.

  Hey, he’s a go-to kind of guy for fixing bad situations, right? I mean, they don’t call him Sensei and Yoda for nothing.

  “Do something,” I yell over at him.

  “What? Why me?” he volleys back.

  “Because, well, because you’re Yoda,” I retort.

  “Aubrey,” he snorts, enjoying this catastrophe way too much. “Help you, I cannot. On your own, you are.”

  “You’re such an ass,” I hiss. “Why do I even try with you?”

  “Try, you must,” he goes on. “In your nature, it is.”

  Clearly, Nolan is too busy channeling his inner Yoda to be of any help.

  Still, I’m hoping someone will step in before Brent’s parents, or Aunt Gertrude, realize what these “light sabers” really are.

  Already his dad is cocking his head and murmuring, “What are those things, anyway? They don’t look long enough to be light saber toys.”

  Oh, joy. My soon-to-be father-in-law just has to be a Star Wars toy expert.

  Ricky—at least I think it’s Ricky—beans Ronny over the head with one, and Eliza, who has fully figured out what the green glowing things really are, cries out, “Hey, don’t break my Area 51! I haven’t even had a chance to try it out yet!”

  Both kids stop and, in awe, Ricky asks her, “These cool toys are yours?”

  “Yep, they’re hers,” I reply, throwing my poor friend under the bus.

  I’m awful, I know. But I don’t want my future in-laws to know what Brent and I do behind closed doors. Imagine them forever envisioning me with a big green glowing fake dick sticking out of my hooha.

  No, just no.

  “Aubrey!” Brent chastises. “Those aren’t Eliza’s. They weren’t in her room.”

  I elbow him in the side. “Do you want your mom to know that you use that thing on me? Think of the optics on that one.”

  That shuts him up.

  Yep, now he’s just as willing as I to let Eliza fall on the sword. Or on the vibrator, as the case may be.

  The twins, though just standing there now, somehow accidentally press something on the Area 51 toys. Suddenly, and with no warning, they start wiggling in their hands, twisting this way and that, because, well, that’s what they do.

  There’s a lot of screaming then when Ricky and Ronny throw the toys at their mom.

  Yep, Aunt Gertrude ends up with two squirming, glowing fake dicks in her lap.

  “Oh, oh,” she huffs. “My, my, whatever do we have here? This house is just all about penises, it seems.”

  She actually looks intrigued at first, but quickly realizes there’s an audience and instantly switches to “
mortified” mode.

  Lifting the sex toys, one in each hand, she holds them aloft like a victorious queen, and scowls disapprovingly.

  There’s no doubt about it now—everyone in the freaking room can clearly see exactly what these “toys” really are.

  And in the immortal words of Yoda—light sabers, they are not.

  Uh, I Can Explain

  My mom looks at me and rolls her eyes. She knows the sex toys are mine. Pretty much everyone has figured out they’re not Eliza’s.

  And they’re all having waaay too much fun with that info.

  My dad, well, he can’t stop laughing, nor can my teammates quit snickering.

  And then there are the girls, chuckling knowingly among themselves.

  Everyone’s having a good laugh, except for my aunt. She’s glaring at me, knowing I’m the one to blame. I guess I have a guilty face.

  After she orders the twins to retreat to the downstairs basement, Aunt Gertrude lobs both Area 51s my way, snorting in disgust.

  I catch one in each hand and proceed to disengage the glowing and wiggling functions.

  “Good move,” Aubrey whispers as she leans in close.

  “Yeah, now if I could only make them disappear.”

  “Too late,” she says. “I think the cat’s out of the bag. Or maybe I should say the dick’s out of the box.”

  “Ha-ha, funny girl.”

  Oh, she’s a laugh a minute, this one, especially when she does things like FORGET TO LOCK THE FREAKING BEDROOM DOOR!

  I think Aubrey can read my mind, since the words in my head are indeed screaming.

  Why else would she peer over at me sheepishly and mutter a heartfelt, “Sorry.”

  Shit, I can’t stay mad at her, though. I just love her far too much.

  Softy that I am, I say, “Aw, don’t worry about it, babe. I’ll take the heat on this one.”

  And I do.

  My aunt begins chastising me. “Brent Oliver, whatever were you thinking, leaving those dreadful things lying around when children were coming over?”

  I overhear Lainey gasp, “They’re not dreadful. My Area 51 is ahhhh-mazing.”

  Aunt Gertrude turns her attention to her.

  “You have one too?’