“The state does not allow an unmarried minor to adopt a child,” he said. “You are seventeen years old. There is a solution, though. Georgia can be adopted by Lily. She can provide everything a child needs.”
“You want to take Georgia from me?” I glared at Lily. Had this been their plan all along? Had they brought me here just so they could take Baby Girl away from me? “I’m the only mother she knows,” I said.
“It’s not like that,” Lily protested. “I know how important you are in Georgia’s life and I know what it’s like to lose a child—no matter how little time you’ve spent together.”
The lawyer stood up. “Lily says she won’t sign anything without your permission. I’m leaving the papers here. You need to think about what’s best for Georgia.” He put the envelope back on the desk, nodded to Lily and Rosie, and walked out the door.
Lily and Rosie both began speaking at once. I heard voices, but not words. I stood up and carried Baby Girl out of the room. I don’t even remember walking up the stairs, but when Baby Girl’s room grew dark, I realized I had been sitting in the rocking chair for quite some time. Baby Girl was in my lap, gazing up at me. Now, I know she couldn’t have had any idea about what was going on, but I would swear she had a worried look on her face. The smell of ammonia floated up from her bottom and reminded me that I wasn’t doing my duty for her. I got up and changed her diaper, and discovered she needed a whole new outfit. She had peed so much it had soaked her clothes, and my clothes, too.
Once Baby Girl was clean and smelling pretty, I changed my clothes. I knew Baby Girl was in need of her dinner, but I didn’t want to come face to face with Rosie or Lily. I tried to think of a way to achieve both of those things, but found myself short of ideas. Baby Girl’s howling cut my thinking session short. She needed dinner, plain and simple, and she needed me to get it for her.
I couldn’t get to the kitchen without passing the dining room. As I did, Rosie turned around and said, “We were waiting on you for dinner. I’m glad you came down.”
As if they were listening by the door, the kitchen ladies appeared with dishes filled with pasta tossed with chicken and vegetables. The sight of it made me aware of how hungry I was, too. I settled Baby Girl into her highchair and fed her before turning my attention back to my own plate. I tried to avoid eye contact with either of my adult dining companions, but Lily wasn’t having any of that. “I’m not going to pressure you to make a decision,” she began. “But I want you to know that if you do want me to adopt Georgia, you will always be a part of her family. I promise I won’t come between the two of you. I know how important your relationship is for both of you. I will give you time to think about it. You know you can come to Rosie or me with any questions you have. I’m going to give the papers to you. You can tear them up, or give them back to me to sign. The choice is yours.”
I nodded my head and looked at Rosie. She looked as if she was feeling the same pain I was. As empty as my stomach was, I spent more time rearranging the food on my plate than eating it. Rosie asked me to help her to her room after the table had been cleared. As we were walking, I reminded myself neither Rosie nor Lily were responsible for putting me in my current corner. I could have gone to the police as soon as I found Baby Girl. I could have faced my punishment and gone back home to Mama and Daddy. I could have, but I didn’t. Instead, I’d pulled Rosie into my net of lies. Despite it all, here was Rosie, still walking beside me, still trying to help.
When we were sitting opposite each other in her room, I asked Rosie a direct question. “What would you do if you were me? What do you think is best for Georgia Rose?”
Rosie’s eyes filled with tears. “You have been the kind of mama Georgia needed. Without you, this little girl wouldn’t be here today. I know you love her with all your heart. But letting Lily adopt Georgia would not be giving her up; it would be letting someone else carry a bigger part of the load. You will still be in her life, but you’ll have a lot fewer worries. This little girl is going to grow up and have all kinds of questions and problems. Have you thought about how she can get an education without a birth certificate? What if she meets a Prince Charming and wants to get married when she’s grown?”
I wondered if Rosie would understand if she knew all I had been thinking about since I left home had been the here and now. When nothing seems certain in life, even thinking ahead to the next week seems a little unwise.
Rosie reached out and stroked my arm. “This isn’t just about her, you know. If you let Lily take a bigger part in raising this child, you will have a chance to go to school and do so many of the things you have missed out on.”
“Thinking about my own wants and needs is what got me into this spot in the first place. If I had just done what was expected of me at home, I never would have met any of you, and all of your lives would be better,” I said.
“Nonsense,” Rosie said. “You gave a real sense of purpose to my life and to Lily’s, and I don’t even want to think about what would have happened to Georgia if not for you. Whatever you decide, I will always stand by you, Becky. You and Georgia Rose will have a home with me for as long as I’m on this earth.”
I hugged Rosie before going upstairs to put Baby Girl to bed. A few minutes later, I stood by the crib watching her sleep. I had to do right by her. I knew Lily could give her all the things money could buy, but could she love her as much as I did? On the other hand, what kind of future would Baby Girl have with me as a mama? As usual, I found myself with more questions than answers.
CHAPTER 36
The next morning I decided I needed to clear my head before I self-combusted. This would only be possible if I could manage to get away from the house for a few hours. I called Jeanie, and despite not having heard from me in a long while, she quickly agreed to get together. We decided to meet at the park in town. I still didn’t have a driver’s license, so I had to ask John to bring me. When I shared my plans at breakfast, Lily paled, but Rosie said, “That sounds wonderful. You and Jeanie can catch up, while the babies enjoy each other’s company.”
The buds were bulging on the trees that lined the path through the park. I was glad the thick canopy of the trees hadn’t filled in yet. The gaps allowed the warm sunshine to pour down on us as we pushed the girls’ strollers along. When we reached the swings, we strapped the girls into neighboring seats. Chloe needed a lot of coaxing to get her to stay in the swing. Baby Girl, though, took to it immediately. A steady stream of giggles spilled out of her as she sailed back and forth.
“That child was born with a sense of adventure,” Jeanie said.
We sat at a picnic table and enjoyed the lunch Jeanie had packed for all of us. We compared notes on how Chloe and Baby Girl were growing and changing, and then Jeanie shared news of a new project of her own. One of Jeanie’s old college friends was editing a book on small towns in America and had hired Jeanie to photograph our town for the book. When she talked about the different shots she wanted to include, Jeanie looked more alive than I had ever seen her. I couldn’t help but get caught up in her joy.
When we were ready to leave, Jeanie handed me her phone to call John. I stared at it for a minute or so, and then I fumbled through my pockets. I didn’t want to find John’s number too quickly. I hoped I could figure out the phone on my own without having to embarrass myself in front of Jeanie. When she saw me jabbing my free hand in all of my pockets like an angry hen searching for feed, she said, “Let me take the phone back while you look for the number.”
When I pulled the slip from my pocket, she asked, “What’s the number?” and dialed it before handing the phone back to me.
We walked down the path to the park entrance. As we sat on the bench, waiting for John to arrive, Jeanie asked, “How is Lily adjusting to a full house? Are you and Rosie planning to stay there for good?”
“She wants to adopt Georgia,” I whispered.
“What?” Jeanie asked.
“She wants to adopt Georgia,” I said again.
Jeanie nodded slowly. “Did you ask her to do it, or was this her idea?”
“It was her idea. I’m only seventeen,” I said. “I don’t have an education; I don’t have a job; and I can’t provide the kinds of things a girl should have growing up.”
I could hear Jeanie breathing. Finally, she reached down and swept a curl from Baby Girl’s forehead. “I wonder if you know what a lucky little girl you are,” she said.
Her words stung. “Lucky, because Lily wants to adopt her?”
“No, lucky because you love her enough to consider this possibility. Lucky because Lily is a part of your lives. Losing her baby must have cut Lily to the core, yet she is willing to open herself to such pain again for the good of you and this baby. Making that offer when she knows fully well you could say no and pack up your things and leave takes a lot of courage, a lot of willingness to be hurt again. She has to really love you both to be willing to chance having her insides ripped out of her again.”
Telling Jeanie even part of the story hadn’t been in my plans for the day. She didn’t even bat an eye when I told her, and I felt a whole lot of anger churning inside of me because of that. I tried telling myself she was just thinking about what was best for Baby Girl, but that just led me back to thinking she didn’t believe I was what was best for Georgia. I was starting to feel betrayed by everyone I knew.
As if she could read my mind, Jeanie wrapped her arms around me. “This is the most difficult decision you’ll ever have to make,” she whispered. “But I know you’ll make the right choice.”
We sat in silence until John arrived. On the way back to the house, John asked, “Is everything okay?”
I just stared out the window, not knowing what okay might feel like. I wondered how Jeanie could sound so sure I was capable of doing the right thing when I didn’t even know what the right thing was. It seemed like everyone was giving me credit for wisdom I didn’t possess. When I got inside, I settled Baby Girl down for a nap and went in search of Lily. I was glad to find her alone; this conversation needed to be just between the two of us. “Why do you want to adopt Georgia?” I asked.
Lily put down her book and studied me for a few minutes. “Becky, my lawyer explained why I would have to be the mother of record instead of you.”
“That’s not what I asked; I want to know why you want to do it.”
“I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember,” Lily answered.
“That’s not what I mean,” I said. “Why Georgia? Why not another baby?”
Lily studied her hands for a minute. “Do you mean why would I want to adopt a baby who will never truly be only mine? A baby who already has someone to love her?”
I nodded.
“I love her. I want her to have everything she needs in life, and what she needs is to be surrounded by the people who love her most—you, Rosie, and me. By adopting her I can make that happen. I can give her a stable, secure life,” Lily said.
I stood up and started toward the door. Lily said, “I want that for you, too, Becky. I want you to have all of the opportunities life holds for a young woman. You have so much to think about, but maybe knowing this will help you make your decisions. Becky, I would also like to adopt you. That way you’ll have a legal connection to us, too. My lawyer isn’t sure there is a way to do this without your birth parents’ involvement, though. He is looking into it for us.”
My insides were moving every which way. Now she wanted to adopt me, too? I opened my mouth, but no words spilled out.
Lily stepped toward me and put her hand on my arm. “I know this is your decision to make, not mine. If you decide to take Georgia and leave, I won’t call the authorities and I’ll give you money to get a start in life. But I hope you stay. I hope we can be a family.”
I spent the next few days thinking, making lists, and holding Baby Girl. On more than one occasion I came close to talking to John about it. I held back, though. The words Rosie, Lily, Jeanie, and the lawyer had spoken were already swirling around in my head. It was hard to hear my own thoughts with so many other voices in my brain. Each day wore away at me more than a whole week of working in Daddy’s fields could.
On Monday morning, I walked downstairs and turned toward Lily’s study. I handed her that brown envelope and a pen. In the end, I knew I had to let go. Baby Girl was never really mine to keep or give away. As for me, I will always be glad Lily offered to adopt me. I wouldn’t take her up on it, though. Baby Girl and I already had a bond that couldn’t be broken. I didn’t need a piece of paper to prove that. As for Lily and me, we were still in the seed-sprouting stage. Time and nurturing were the only things that could get us from seedlings to flowers; no piece of paper could make it go faster. Besides, if Rosie could be a part of this family without any help from a lawyer, then so could I.
Lily put the envelope down, wrapped her arms around Baby Girl and me, and asked, “Are you sure?”
I shifted Baby Girl from my hip to Lily’s. Then I reached down and picked up that college catalogue Lily had been pushing me to read. I knew someday Georgia would be big enough to hear the story about how we all became a family. I wanted to be sure when that day came, I would have the right words to tell it.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lisa Colozza Cocca grew up in upstate New York. After college, she moved to New Jersey and still lives there today. Always an avid reader, Lisa shared her love of the printed word with her own children at home and her students at school. Like her main character, Lisa loves new adventures and looks forward to having many more in the future. For more than a decade, she has worked full-time as a freelance writer of educational materials and school and library books. Providence is her debut novel.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Sadly, babies are sometimes abandoned under unsafe conditions in the real world, too. The Safe Haven Laws in the United States provide a way for mothers to relinquish their parental rights in a way that protects both the infant and the mother. Each state has designated centers, such as hospitals, where mothers can safely leave their infants. For more information on the Safe Haven Laws in your state, visit the Child Welfare Information Gateway website at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/safehaven.cfm.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you to Jackie Mitchard for choosing my manuscript from the slush pile and guiding me through the publishing process. I greatly appreciate the opportunity and your expertise. Thank you, too, to everyone else at Merit Press who helped mold my manuscript into a book and my dream into a reality. My thanks, also, to my first readers: Betsy, Gail, and Wendy. Your critiques helped make the story stronger.
Copyright © 2014 by Lisa Colozza Cocca.
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.
Published by
Merit Press
an imprint of F+W Media, Inc.
10151 Carver Road, Suite 200
Blue Ash, OH 45242. U.S.A.
www.meritpressbooks.com
ISBN 10: 1-4405-6927-4
ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-6927-2
eISBN 10: 1-4405-6928-2
eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-6928-9
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Cocca, Lisa Colozza,
Providence / Lisa Colozza Cocca.
pages cm
Summary: Fleeing her father’s temper, 16-year-old Becky boards a freight train, finds a newborn child, and decides to bring the baby girl along with her to begin a new life.
ISBN 978-1-4405-6927-2 (hc : alk. paper) — ISBN 1-4405-6927-4 (hc : alk. paper) — ISBN 978-1-4405-6928-9 (ebook) — ISBN 1-4405-6928-2 (ebook)
[1. Runaways—Fiction. 2. Foundlings—Fiction. 3. Babies—Fiction. 4. Family life—Georgia—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.C6375Pro 2014
[Fic]—dc23
2013037661
T
his is a work of fiction. Names, characters, corporations, institutions, organizations, events, or locales in this novel are either the product of the author’s imagination or, if real, used fictitiously. The resemblance of any character to actual persons (living or dead) is entirely coincidental.
Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and F+W Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.
Cover image © 123RF.com.
Providence Page 23