I didn’t know what to say. I was shocked and wanted to go home. Samuel seemed sure that he had found a mark on Theo Papados’s arm. It could have been an insect bite, although we only get insects when near shore.
‘What do we do now?’
‘Not a lot. I’ll report my findings to Richard Norton and Bruce Everton. It’s lucky that we’ve got a DCI with us. Saves us a lot of paperwork.’
‘So we’ve got someone on-board who stabs bare arms with pens and another who bashes heads with ashtrays. Better watch out for flying pens and ashtrays.’
‘Or it could be the same person,’ said Samuel.
That evening I wore long sleeves.
Seventeen
At Sea
Tonight’s show was a compilation of numbers from Ivor Novello shows, The Dancing Years, Perchance to Dream and others. Those two titles had a special meaning for me. Everyone loved the show, all the melodies from their younger days. I noticed Miss Ember sitting in the front row of the theatre in yet another stunning outfit, a feathered silk dress with a beaded jacket. I couldn’t put a name to the designer but it looked outrageously expensive. I hoped it wouldn’t end up in our Bond Street shop window.
It was a wonder that our lower-paid crew were so good humoured and helpful when they saw so much opulence being paraded around — clothes, furs, jewels. They accepted the inequality of the world with stoic patience, sending home their pay. Perhaps they thought their turn would come in the next world. I sure hoped mine would.
Yet all I really wanted was to undo time. To go back to the days before I injured my ankle whilst dancing on stage. To go back to the days when I was whole and could dance two performances a night, and still dance on into the small hours in some dimly-lit disco. The important things are sometimes too difficult to think about. I tried to remember that today is the only day worth living for. That there is no certainty of a tomorrow.
It was a strange feeling, introducing the shows, knowing that a murderer might be out there in the audience, sitting and watching. It chilled my bones to think that I could be smiling right at him. A murderer who might have a stock of insulin injection pens in his cabin. Perhaps he had a thing about lecturers in which case Cavan Franetti had better look out. He might be the next target.
I’d better warn him.
I was getting suspicious of everyone. What was Franetti trying to sell on the ship? Did he have some highly valuable object among the mediocrity? Say, a piece of a Chinese chess set from some imperial dynasty? We’d had enough of lost masterpieces on the last cruise. No more, please. This was supposed to be a holiday.
‘OK, Casey?’ It was Trevor, our stage manager, hovering behind me. ‘You’re looking a bit glum tonight. Where’s your famous smile? The smile that launched a thousand cruises.’
‘I left it in my cabin. I forgot to dust it off.’
‘Go back and get it, girl. It’s what the punters expect.’
He was right. The tenth point on my bullet list is smile, smile, smile. I had to think of all the good things around us — the sea, the sky, those fabulous clouds. The tireless wind that tempered the hot days.
I went on stage with renewed energy. ‘What a fabulous city,’ I said. ‘Rome, the city of a thousand legends. I hope you all enjoyed your brief visit and will make another trip one day. And now, from not so far back in the past, tonight’s spectacular, that master of story and music, the legendary Ivor Novello.’
I swept off, hoping Novello was listening and approved of my introduction. I wrote it. Was that a faint and distant handclap I heard? Or was he busy writing another musical with a celestial cast? No auditions needed. Just turn up and you’ll get a part.
‘How’s my lovely MC?’ It was Samuel Mallory, as immaculate as ever. Could be that in his student days he’d earned extra money as a male model, and the polish had rubbed off. His grooming was catwalk perfect. But I liked the look even more when he was tired and dishevelled.
‘Shattered,’ I said. ‘How was your day?’
‘Hectic. We only mislaid two passengers and a rucksack. Not a bad average.’
‘What had happened to them?’
‘The passengers attached themselves to a different guide from another group and wandered off with them. We found them about an hour later, quite unperturbed, in a café. The rucksack was never found. Probably being sold on Ebay at this very moment.’
‘Pretty normal day, then.’
‘Sure, you could say that.’
He grinned at me. The soaring music of Ivor Novello washed over us from the theatre. The words were poignant. Perchance to dream. Did Samuel have dreams? Would he ever tell me? He was an enigmatic mystery. I knew nothing about him except that he once worked in A & E in a Manchester hospital, and that he and his dad sailed boats.
‘Time for a drink? My current harem is watching the show.’
‘So I won’t get my eyes scratched out?’
‘Not if you are quick. But I do have a nifty line of eye patches in stock.’
‘Would they match my outfit?’
‘That could be arranged.’
We found a distant bar, little used. It was where the late-nighters stayed up till three in the morning, far enough away from everyone not to be a noise nuisance. It was dimly lit, with small candles in specially designed containers on every table. Fire at sea was the worst nightmare. No icebergs on this cruise.
Samuel came back from the bar with a dish of peanuts. ‘I’ve ordered a bottle of Malbec Rosé. It’s an Argentinean wine, quite light, a new one. I thought you might like to try it for a change. If we don’t finish the bottle, Joe will put it somewhere cool for us to finish later.’
Now that assumed we were going to meet again later. Dr Mallory was, as usual, taking a lot for granted.
‘This is the second cruise for both of us, and I still don’t know anything about you,’ I said, ready to hear the worst. Three wives and an alimony case. ‘Why don’t you tell me?’
‘Female curiosity is a curse. That’s the one thing I really dislike about women. They always want to know everything about you. I take a size nine shoe. My prescription details are plus two point five for the right eye and plus two point seven five for the left. I don’t dye my hair. I had a beard in my student days as I was too poor to buy razor blades. Anything else you want to know?’
‘Teeth?’
‘All my own, except for one crown. I broke a tooth playing rugby. I wanted to sue the chap who kicked me but the referee said it was my fault for getting in the way.’
The bottle of Malbec was brought to our table and his flow was halted as the first glasses were poured out. It was intensely perfumed and a beautiful pale rosé colour.
‘Fascinating medical history,’ I said. He was fobbing me off with trivia. ‘And you used to go sailing when you were a little boy?’
‘I spent my childhood messing about in boats. So graduating to a bigger boat is a natural progression for my sea legs.’
He wasn’t telling me what I wanted to know. ‘And you’ve had a lot of girlfriends?’ I said, prodding deeper. ‘You aren’t telling me anything.’
‘A prodigious number,’ he said, tasting the wine with a straight face. ‘I hold some kind of world record. Mmn, this is nice, refreshing.’
I was about to ask him if he had ever been married, when his mobile phone rang. He listened, not saying anything, his eyes clouded. He looked as if he had swallowed ground glass.
‘All right,’ he said with the deepest sigh. ‘I’ll be along immediately. Whatever are we going to do with her? Of course, she’s more your problem than mine. I merely check her pulse and dose out the sedatives.’
He finished off his wine and got up. ‘Sorry, Casey. It’s your Miss Ember again. She is apparently having hysterics and the steward can’t cope. He’s reported that she’s screaming her head off in her stateroom. Richard Norton is on his way to see her.’
‘I’ll come too, as after all she is my Miss Ember,’ I said, getting up quickly. ‘
But I’ve no idea why everyone thinks she’s my responsibility. Thanks for the wine, Sam.’
He nodded to Joe. ‘Keep it for us, please.’
‘Certainly, sir.’
*
Miss Ember could be heard over half the ship. That was somewhat of an exaggeration, but she could certainly be heard over several decks at that end of the Countess. Some passengers were hovering on deck, looking horrified, imagining a chainsaw massacre. But the majority were happily eating or in the theatre watching the show.
‘What’s that infernal noise?’ said Commander Frank Trafford, stomping his way to a bar. ‘Can’t someone shut that woman up?’
‘On our way,’ I said sweetly. I didn’t want to talk to the retired commander. He was always so mean-eyed and bad tempered.
‘What’s it this time?’ Dr Mallory asked, catching up with Richard Norton. ‘A spider in her washbowl or a lizard down the loo?’
‘It’s somewhat worse than that,’ said Richard Norton, puffing. He was out of condition. Too many four-course meals. He had a big frame to fill but I’d seen him tucking into a fried breakfast every morning.
‘How much worse?’ I asked.
‘I don’t think you should come in, Casey,’ Richard said, as if I was six-years-old. ‘It could be dangerous.’
‘Miss Ember may need comfort,’ I said. I sounded like a resident of Cranford, lavender and lace hankies at the ready.
Miss Ember’s new steward was making tea. It was the panacea for every contingency. She was on the sofa, sobbing hysterically, clutching a cushion.
‘I can’t stand it, I can’t stand it,’ she shrieked. ‘There must be someone on-board who hates me, who is making my life a misery. Everyone hates me. What will it be next? A dead b-body? My dead body?’
‘Of course not,’ I said, sitting down beside her. ‘Dr Mallory is here and Richard Norton. You are quite safe now.’
‘I’m not safe, I tell you. Something awful is going to happen to me. They want to kill me, kill me!’ She was off again, sobbing wildly. ‘Get rid of it, get rid of it, please, before it attacks me.’
Get rid of it? Get rid of what? We were hardly a floating zoo. I looked at Dr Mallory. ‘Show me,’ I said, firmly.
‘You are such a forceful woman,’ he said in my ear. ‘Don’t blame me if you faint. They’ve locked the door, very sensible.’
He turned the key in the door and took me into the bathroom. I’d seen these bathrooms hundreds of times before. They were luxuriously equipped, every mod con, everything of the highest quality. I gazed around, expecting dripping blood at the very least.
I gasped and stepped back. This was serious fainting time but I managed to control myself. No point in fainting when your impulse is to run.
It was in the Jacuzzi. It was an oval Jacuzzi with gold taps and small steps leading up and down into it. Curled around the bottom, looking decidedly lazy and comfortable, was a large snake. It was not asleep, its forked tongue flicking in and out, lidded eyes blinking.
‘I can’t stand snakes,’ I said, retreating to the furthest wall, feeling the cold tiles. ‘Is it poisonous?’
‘We don’t actually know,’ said Richard. ‘As far as I’m concerned, all snakes are poisonous. We’re trying to find a crew member who knows about snakes. Some of these fellows have been handling them since childhood.’
‘How about injecting it with a sedative?’ Dr Mallory asked. ‘If I could get near enough without being bitten.’
‘Don’t do it, Sam,’ I said, words tumbling out. ‘It’s too dangerous. Give the sedative to Miss Ember. Let’s get out fast and lock the door again. How on earth did it get in? These bathrooms are interior, no windows, no outer doors.’
‘It’s too big to have gone through the keyhole.’
‘How observant of you. No wonder you are a doctor.’
‘It’s in my genes.’
I went straight to the balcony window. I found I was shaking and for once the sea did not soothe me. I really hated snakes. I didn’t blame Miss Ember for screaming. It was a natural reaction. I felt like a good scream myself. But she would have to calm down before I escorted her to a different part of the ship. But where could she go?
There were no spare cabins anywhere, except the one she had turned down. Mr Belcher had moved back into his original cabin, now that DCI Everton was making other enquiries. Mr Belcher’s bar alibi was rock solid, not only the barman’s statement but also the timed bar purchases punched on his cruise card. They were irrefutable. The DCI was looking for someone else.
Dr Mallory joined me at the balcony window. ‘I’ve given Miss Ember a sedative which should help her. It would be wise to move her from this cabin which seems to be programmed to upset her. Have you anywhere else she can go?’
‘No, there’s nowhere. She turned down the twin cabin that I offered her before. Of course, she might take it this time. But it’s the purser’s problem, not mine. Is that snake still in there? It can’t get out, can it?’
‘Don’t worry. It can’t get out. I can give her a private room in the medical centre if that would help. I could say that she needed overnight supervision?’
‘How very helpful, thank you,’ I said. ‘I don’t know how she would take the medical centre. Not exactly luxury standard. She’s a very formidable woman.’
‘So I’ve noticed. She even complained that I didn’t know how to give an injection. She’ll probably sue me for inflicted pain and humiliation.’
‘Humiliation?’
‘Having to say ouch in front of a steward.’
So there were two options. Overnight care and supervision in the medical centre, at no extra cost. Or the smaller cabin with fresh flowers, an open bar tab, and credit at the casino. I had noticed she liked a bit of a gamble. I went outside and phoned the purser.
‘Not Dismember Ember again,’ said the deputy purser who was on duty. ‘She drives us all barmy. Nothing is ever right.’
‘Which option shall I offer her?’
‘Let her choose, then she can’t blame us.’
‘How much credit are you prepared to give her at the casino?’
He groaned. ‘Make it a hundred. Worth every penny to keep her quiet for a couple of hours. Let’s hope she loses it.’
I found Lee and asked him to take over the second Ivor Novello show. The steward and I trundled backwards and forwards, helping Miss Ember move into the smaller cabin. She grumbled the entire time. She could only move part of her vast wardrobe and she kept changing her mind about what she wanted to take with her.
‘And where are the flowers you promised?’ she demanded.
‘The florist will bring them to you as soon as possible. It may be tomorrow.’
‘I want drinks delivered now.’
‘Of course, the steward will take your order.’
‘That casino credit is pretty mean,’ she went on. ‘Can’t you get them to increase it? I am being very reasonable. After all, it was a poisonous snake.’
‘I’ll see what I can do,’ I said, dredging up the last of my patience.
We never did get to finish that bottle of wine.
Eighteen
Elba
One of the engineers was Spanish and knew a lot about snakes. He deserved a medal in my view or a standing ovation. He said it was a Montpellier snake, common in Iberia, one of the five poisonous snakes in Spain and of a ferocious appearance. He recognized it by the white underbelly, the yellow rim round the eyes and the ridge above, and the dark grey and green scales.
‘It is poisonous,’ he said, pleased to be airing his knowledge. ‘But snake not kill humans. If bite people, only make lot of pain. It kill lizards and rats and small creatures to eat. It rears up and hisses like a cobra.’
No wonder Miss Ember was terrified.
‘I will be able to transfer the snake into a sack because it is back fanged,’ he said.
I didn’t understand what this meant, but guessed it might mean that the poison shot out backwards?
> He shook his head. ‘No, the venom fangs sit at the back of the mouth. So you hold the snake so.’ I tracked away fast. ‘This snake like warm places so it will like Elba,’ he said. ‘No need to take it back to Barcelona.’
I thought this was a bit unfair on the lizards and other small creatures in Elba but I was not in the killing business, so I left it to others to decide. Dealing with the snake proved more straightforward than dealing with Miss Ember. Next morning Captain Nicolas asked me to go and see him in his quarters on the bridge.
‘Miss Jones, please come in. Would you like some coffee? It’s fresh. I understand Miss Ember is becoming quite a difficult situation.’
He had a machine that kept a jug of coffee hot.
‘Yes, she is. Black, please, no sugar.’
He poured out two coffees. ‘I need your help, Miss Jones. I need a brainwave to solve the problem of Miss Ember and the unfortunate snake. Apparently she refuses to go back into her stateroom and refuses any other accommodation. Not that we have much to offer. This cruise is full.’
I had a brainwave of sorts. ‘You could marry her, you know, a shipboard romance, and then she could move in with you. A bit cramped after her luxurious stateroom but the status would be immense. She’d get to sit at the captain’s table every night.’
His eyes twinkled. ‘I thought I could rely on you for an imaginative solution, but I doubt if the current Mrs Nicolas would approve.’
‘I do have another idea, sir,’ I said. It came to me as I was thinking about Georgina Conway, the woman who inherited the Conway Blue Line from her grandfather and pioneered its expansion and modernization. ‘A little bizarre, but it might work.’
‘Try me.’
‘I’ve checked on the position of the rest of the Conway fleet, and it might be possible to arrange for Miss Ember to be transferred to one of the other cruise ships. This could be easily done while both ships are in port, say here at Elba or Corsica. The purser’s office would have to get the paperwork right.’
‘Brilliant idea, Casey. Let’s hope the Countess Aveline or the Countess Stasi have some spare accommodation that will please Miss Ember. I’ll get the purser to email them right away.’
Dead Slow Ahead (Casey Jones Book 2) Page 15