“When you tell me to cook for an extra person and then that person doesn’t—”
“People change their plans, Mother. Sometimes it can’t be helped.” At least April put down her knife.
“I’m not saying it can. And don’t call me mother in that tone.”
April ignored her. “Dean can eat for two, maybe three.”
“I’ll help.” Jonathan tried a smile on for size. “Any more potatoes?” He shrunk under his wife’s glare.
“I’m full,” Dean said when April shoved a dish at him.
“You won’t want dessert, then.” Their mother crossed her arms.
Right then, neither did Jay. He didn’t want to sit around for dessert, the Queen’s speech, or an afternoon movie, and the only cracker he wanted to pull was already his and sat stiffly at his side. Alas, not stiff in a good way. Everyone sat rigid with tension. Even Dean’s wonderful turkey might not save him from heartburn.
“Why couldn’t Brian make it, love?” Jonathan asked, probably trying to help and unwittingly making the scene worse.
Jay blinked as he tried not to close his eyes in desperation. He didn’t want to witness whatever might happen. His good mood had vanished somewhere between his mother’s disappointment when April turned up minus Brian and April complaining about cranberry sauce. If gulping the lot cured the problem, he’d have spooned the whole bowlful down his gullet. He and Dean really were a couple—they were with one side of their extended family having a miserable time. Hard to tell which of the women in his life had ruined Christmas. They were both to blame.
Eleanor snatched up the dish of cranberry sauce and took it into the kitchen.
“I’ll see if there are any more potatoes.” His father went after her with the empty bowl, leaving Jay to blink at his back. Was his father serious or making an excuse?”
“Told you to say something.”
Dean spoke so quietly a few seconds ticked by before the words sank in. Jay looked at Dean, who gazed back, then shook his head, so Jay stared at April.
“What difference does it make?” April snapped.
“She wouldn’t have prepared so much food for one thing.” Dean gestured with his glass.
“A few extra veggies. Big deal.” April banged her fork next to the knife on her plate where it clattered. “I…I couldn’t. Didn’t want the big conversation. I thought, saying last minute, couldn’t come…” Her words trailed away.
Wait, a minute. Brian not turning up wasn’t last minute? Dean had known? Jay peered from one to the other, not part of their on-going conversation, uncertain how to react. He hadn’t given Brian’s failure to show much consideration. The man’s relationship with Jay’s sister was less than a year old. He’d assumed Brian celebrated with his own family, thought his mother’s wish to have the man here presumptuous. How long had April been aware Brian wouldn’t be coming? How long had Dean known?
“What the fuck’s going on?” Jay whispered.
Under the table, Dean grabbed his hand, Dean’s thumb at once making soothing circles on the back of his fingers. “Later,” he said, as the parents returned.
The surprises kept coming. Eleanor Reid dumped two desserts down. Christmas pudding and a gateau. His father brought more spuds and a bowl of cream. His mother drank her wine, leaning back as if the meal were finished. She said nothing when his father took more roast potatoes.
As grateful as Jay was she didn’t gaze in his direction, he wished she’d stop glaring at his sister.
“Have you two broken up already?”
“What? No!”
Jay flinched as April shouted next to his ear. Dean let go of his hand.
“And what do you mean by already?” A napkin appeared as April took it from her lap and slapped it on her dinner plate. “Why are you asking? Why are you always quizzing me about my relationships?”
“Oh I’m sure she’s not doing that, dear.” Their father took more turkey and stuffing, managing not to wilt under April’s scowl. April gazed to their mother.
“I never hear you asking Jay why Dean hasn’t shown.”
“Well…he’s here.” Eileen waved a hand in Dean’s direction. Unfortunately, she used the hand that held the wine glass, but ignored the small volume of liquid that slopped over her fingers. “He turned up. Jay and Dean always show when they say they will. Don’t put this on them. You’re just annoyed because you and Brian—”
“Don’t, Mother.”
Oh God, that tone again.
“Well, there has to be a reason he’s not here.”
“I told you he couldn’t—”
“Make it. Yes. All last minute.” Their mother puckered her lips, glancing into her wine glass as if a secret lay hidden. “If you ask me, a last minute alteration in your plans screams of a relationship,” she made the word sound crass, “in trouble.”
“We’re—”
“Doomed.” Eleanor Reid cut off her daughter.
“Thanks a bunch.”
“You can’t argue there’s a pattern of behaviour with you.”
Jay wished for more wine but had no way to top up without making it obvious. Even his father had stopped eating. The three men sat in silence, watching the tennis match of abuse.
“Pattern?”
“Failed relationships.”
“Everyone—”
“Goodness knows how many now.” His mother’s return serve sped up.
“Not—”
“I don’t want to think how many you’ve slept with.
“Mother!”
“You’re not as young as you were.”
“God’s sake.”
“Women may have children when older now, but I want to see my grandchildren grow.”
“I’m not an incubator for your grandchildren.” April had gone red in the face.
“I’m sorry.” Their mother looked distressed enough for it to be true. “Forget all that. I want to see you settled and happy.
“I am—”
“I worry about you.”
“Don’t—”
“I don’t want you to end up alone!” Their mother shouted that last one.
Silence fell.
“Not your call.” Dean’s gentle tone riveted Jay to his seat.
Dean speaking? For April? He might combust from the shock.
“I beg your pardon?” Their mother now focused on Dean.
For a few seconds Dean and his mother tried to out-stare one another. Neither blanched.
“Don’t bring them into this. Wasn’t that what you said?” April broke the contest, dragging their mother’s attention back to her. “I don’t need you worrying about me.”
“Well someone has to. You don’t seem able.”
“Able?” April stood. “Able to what? Keep a man? Procreate?”
“No! I want you to tell me the truth. If you and Brian are having problems, we can—”
“We are not having problems.” April fisted one hand and, if Jay knew anything about his sister, narrowly resisted thumping the table.
“You’re running out of chances.”
“I don’t have to get married.”
His mother’s eyes flashed. She recoiled. “You’re just going to give up?”
“That’s not—”
“So typical.”
“Typical?” April looked stunned. “What’s that…” April turned green until Jay swore she resembled one of the sprouts he’d avoided eating. She shuddered. “Never mind.”
“Can’t you see what you’ll be losing in this one?”
“I’m not losing him.”
“They all leave.” His mother now stared at the table, sounding as if she were talking to herself.
“They don’t all leaveeee.” April as good as screeched out the word making their mother’s head jerk. “I tell some of them to go.”
“Why? What’s so wrong with—”
“The last time you told me I’d caught a good one, you want to know what he used to do to me, Mum? Hmm?”
“I don’t want to hear—”
“He hit me. Right. He hit me.”
“Oh darling.” Their father might cry. Jay was too stunned for tears, but then…hadn’t he thought for a while that something might have twisted April’s viewpoint?
“Who?” Eleanor asked.
“Trevor.”
“That’s crazy.” Eleanor Reid shook her head repeatedly, staring up at her daughter, denial impenetrable.
“Crazy?”
“Mad. You’re crazy, girl.”
“Me!” April made a sound that blended a scream and a growl, a noise Jay hoped never to hear again. “You’re calling me crazy? I’m not the one at this table seeing a shrink.” April’s gaze went wide and her jaw dropped, her mouth turning into a flytrap. The confused people at the table glanced at each other until their gazes rested on Dean—the only one not to look at anyone.
“Oh my God! Dean, I am so sorry.” Where her skin had flared red, she now paled.
Before Jay asked, or Dean answered, Eleanor said, “Don’t talk rubbish.”
Whatever April might have said in reply was lost as Dean turned to Jay and four pairs of eyes stared at Dean. “It’s all right. No, it really is. I was going to tell you. I was.”
Tell me what?
Dean took his hand, but to Jay a barrier existed where they touched. He was the mad one. They all were. Nothing felt real. This had to be the most surreal Christmas he’d ever experienced.
“Dean…” Eleanor shook her head. “Tell me you’re not.”
“Not a shrink. A counsellor.” Dean didn’t take his gaze from Jay’s.
“Whatever for?”
“It’s not your business,” April said.
“Then you shouldn’t have brought it up at my dinner table.”
“And you shouldn’t have shut me down when I tried to tell you Trevor was wrong for me. You telling me what a good catch he was and how I shouldn’t let that one go made me believe the problem was mine. Took me longer than it should to have ditched him. I ended up calling the police to get him out of my life. Only then, because he hooked up with some other poor unfortunate girl, do I think I got free. Took me a long while to recover. Tarnished ever so many relationships.” April made the word sound ridiculous.
The two women faced off across the table. “That was long ago. Time heals. I just want you happy!”
“But you don’t get to decide what that is.” Oddly enough, April now sounded calm.
“She’s right.” Jay interrupted their glaring contest, though he fought not to flinch when both women stared. “Sorry, but she’s right, Mum. You never acted this way when I told you I was gay. You never complained about my being alone or my choosing Dean. I’m only now realising there’s been a lot going on between you two I likely know nothing of. I don’t get why you act so…so…” If he picked the wrong word, he might burn out his family like a corrupted microchip. “Why you’re so scared?”
“It’s different for a girl.”
“No, Mum. It really isn’t. Everyone wants love. Or most of us do. You don’t get to choose what makes me happy and neither do you get to define happiness for April.”
“She needs help.” His mother sounded as though she tried to convince herself.
“We all need help,” Dean said. “Or most of us do. That’s why I’m seeing a counsellor.”
“So I’m in the wrong.” His mother appeared anything but repentant. Her statement was more one of accusation.
“Not…wrong.” April made a helpless gesture. “You love me, Mum, but you’re not always right.”
“So it is my fault.”
“Oh for…Just stop, will you? Please? I’m not blaming you. I’m not blaming anyone. The time spent with Trevor…it made me want to find the right one. Made me want to have what my brother has. Can’t you see why I’m choosy?” April sank like a deflated balloon. “And I’ve not lost him, Mum. Brian asked me to marry him. The only reason he’s not here is because I told him I wanted time to think it over. I decided to say yes.”
A frown lined their mother’s brow. She scanned the empty seats at the dining table as if she expected Brian, magically, to appear. “Then why…?”
Yes, why wasn’t Brian here?
“I haven’t told him yet. I had my doubts. I wanted to talk them out. Which I’ve done.” April added that last as if she feared her mother might offer to listen. “With Dean.”
Heads and eyes swivelled in the big man’s direction. Their mother spoke first. “You talked it out…with Dean?”
Jay forgave her for sounding so incredulous. He was a little dazed himself.
“Yes. He’s the only one I could talk to. No love lost between us. He’s impartial. He wouldn’t lie to me. I…I trust him.”
“Queen’s speech then a film?” Jonathan piped up.
Everyone nodded. After April’s declaration, none of them appeared to know what to say.
Chapter 14
“Oh God, I can’t believe that was the worst Christmas dinner ever.” Jay hadn’t intended small talk but he couldn’t get the fiasco out of his mind.
“I could come up with a few to rival it.”
“Don’t tell me.”
“How many potatoes did your father eat?”
“I lost count. He even snagged two off my plate I left.”
“I didn’t see that.”
“I only noticed after they disappeared.” Jay waited a beat. “You and April talked?” They barely got a foot in the door when Jay asked the second most-urgent question on his mind. He’d tackle the lesser issues first.
“As she said, I’m impartial. She told me…about Trevor. Talked over a few past relationships. Some of what she went through…” Dean circumnavigated the rug in the middle of the living room then stopped. “Look, he didn’t beat her.” He put up a hand in a stalling gesture as if he feared Jay might interrupt. “Trevor slapped your sister around a little. Doesn’t make it any less of a crime. If the bastard was here, I’d give him payback.”
Violence wasn’t supposed to be the answer to such circumstances, but Jay appreciated the intention. “I’m not surprised. I always thought she was deflecting. Did you notice? Whenever April’s happy, she leaves us in peace. When her relationships sour, she chooses those moments to pick ours apart.”
Dean was nodding in agreement or as if he at least saw the truth in that. “What he did…April called it tarnishing her other relationships. Good word choice. The experience corroded everything she tried to build for a long time, made her see everything in an ugly light.”
Jay’s thoughts zapped back to his parents’ thirtieth wedding anniversary and April mentioning someone wanting things a little rough. Did she mean Trevor? He didn’t think so. She’d said that bloke didn’t hit her. Chances were Trevor was long before and had made her question that particular relationship; question many. What she’d confessed explained a lot. Jay had told her to talk to someone, never imagining one day she would go to Dean.
“Don’t take offence, but why did she talk to you?”
Dean sniggered. “No offence taken. You can’t be more surprised than I am. As she said, I’m impartial. Brian…He’d proposed. She wanted to say yes, didn’t know what to do. I’m unsure she intended to tell me everything. It came tumbling out. She didn’t think she and Brian had known each other long enough.”
“What did you say?”
“I told her getting engaged didn’t mean she had to get married right away.” Dean’s lips twitched to one side. “‘Course, the first thing on her mind was how your mother would react if she called off the wedding at some point. I told her that wasn’t her concern. It was your mother’s problem, not hers.”
“Can’t say I’d have told her anything different.”
“True, but I’m not sure she’d have taken it well coming from you. People don’t always want to listen to their family. Don’t want to listen to friends, sometimes.”
That brought Jay to the most important issue. “So…a c
ounsellor?”
The lummox turned a little red in the face. “Yeah.”
As much as Jay wanted details, he didn’t want to push. Prompt, maybe, but not push. “If you need time…”
“No. I’ve had all the time I can ask for. That is…I’m going back in the New Year. I’ll be going once a week and I didn’t intend to keep that from you. I planned to tell you once Christmas dinner was over and we were home again.”
“Well, we are most definitely home.”
“True. She’s been good for me.”
“She?” Did he sound accusing? He hadn’t meant to. “I mean…who are you seeing? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Her name’s Candice Hemingway of all things.”
“That’s some name.”
“That’s what I thought.”
The time arrived for an awkward pause.
“Brian gave me her card. We talked, and he seemed to think…” Dean ran a hand over the back of his head to his nape as he often did when uneasy. “I’m not explaining this well.”
Time to take pity on the big lug. “I don’t care she’s female, if that’s what you think. I truly don’t. You went to her for a reason, a good one. I know you. The decision wasn’t easy for you. There’s no need to explain why if you don’t want to.”
“But I do want.”
“Okay, so…What type of counsellor? Do you think our relationship needs guidance?”
“No. And it’s not about you. Not directly. It’s been about me. Discovering who I am or…No. It’s about admitting to it. I needed this, Jay. And I needed to keep it quiet because…” He stood shaking his head, hand still to his neck. “I don’t know why, but I needed the privacy, from you, as mad as that is to me now. When you let on you’d worked out I was keeping something from you, I had a knot in my tongue. I don’t know how you’ve been so patient.”
“You would have told me if we were in trouble. You would tell me if we were over. You don’t screw people, not that way.” Jay hadn’t intended an indirect dig nor attempted humour; he winced when Dean grimaced instead of smiled. Best to plough on and gloss over. “We’d be having a very different conversation now if we were in trouble. Would have had it before now because you’d be honest with me. You don’t leave people hanging and you don’t cheat.”
Christmas Angel Page 15