by K E Osborn
Where the hell do we go from here?
After the meet and greet, Ryan did his very best to keep away from me. He managed to find a way to always be talking to someone else, he even sat with Nate on the way back to the hotel, which is weird, because he thinks Nate’s the biggest complainer of all time and he hates hearing him bitch and moan.
Now we’re walking to the penthouse and I’m starting to wonder if he’s going to even sleep in the same room as me tonight.
Lunar steps up to me and raises her eyebrow. “You guys have a fight?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so… I don’t know. I just asked him who Katie was and now he’s avoiding me.”
She furrows her brows and purses her lips. “Katie… you say?” I nod. “Never heard that name mentioned before. What makes you think he knows a Katie?”
“Was something a friend of his said. I think Katie might be an ex or something, maybe the girl that broke his heart. I don’t know, but I pushed a button and I think he’s pissed at me.”
She frowns. “Well, if he decides to be too much of a bitch come tell me. You can sleep in my room tonight and I’ll make Danger sleep with Ryan. Deal?”
“I don’t think Danger would—”
“Deal!” she says opening her eyes dramatically.
“Okay, okay… deal.” I giggle shaking my head. “Thank you.”
“Hey, what are friends for, if not to throw our men out on their asses if our bestie’s man is being a douche, hey?”
I laugh. “Right.”
“It’ll be fine. Ryan doesn’t hold onto temper tantrums for long, I’m sure once you get in the bedroom he’ll forget all about it.”
I nod and fake a smile. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
She pulls me to her side and wraps her arm around my shoulders hugging me to her as we all walk inside the penthouse. She kisses the side of my head lightly and then giggles. “Right I’m off, let me know if you need me to kick Danger out.”
“Will do, and thanks again.”
“Chicks before dicks, Tillie!” she calls out as she crosses the living room, and all the guys look at her and furrow their brows, especially Danger. I giggle shaking my head as I move down to the bedroom and walk in to start getting changed for bed. It’s late, and I really just want to go to sleep. It’s been a weird night and I can’t be bothered with any more drama, so I pull out my Recoil T-shirt from the suitcase, place it on the bed and start to undress. I strip down just to my panties, then slide on the T-shirt and climb in under the sheets just as Ryan walks into the room. Swallowing hard, I figure I’ll let him talk first so I lay in the bed facing him and watch as he takes off his shirt and jeans, then slides into the bed. I take a deep breath waiting for him to face me so we can talk, but instead he rolls over, his back facing me and moves over right to the edge of the bed as far away from me as possible, not saying a word.
A sinking feeling pounds down on my chest and I feel like I can’t breathe. My stomach twists and my chest aches so much I wonder if I’m having heart palpitations. My bottom lip quivers as hot salty water fills my eyes. The silence in the room is deafening and the view of the back of his head is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. He’s shutting me out, and I have no idea why or what this means.
Sniffing back subtly, I roll over and face the wall, wiping the tears now falling silently down my cheeks. I feel deflated, I feel let down, and most of all I feel completely in the dark. I hate this. I have no idea where we stand or what’s happening to us. All I know is a sense of overwhelming dread lies over me, and nothing can fix it except for Ryan, who’s completely ignoring me as I silently cry into my pillow.
The last few days have been horrible for me. Ryan has done everything he can to avoid me during the day, and every night he sleeps with me in the bed, but he turns away not looking or talking to me. Since Mel spoke to him there’s been a rift between us, and I have absolutely no idea how to make it right.
It’s the band’s last concert in LA, and it’s a great show as always. I’m feeling down even though the music is amazing, but I still have a job to do. So I’m live streaming their encore song for the night on their Facebook page. The comments are coming in thick and fast as always, and Hunter’s Girl is here again sprouting her usual crap. But it is getting worse. And I furrow my brows as I read her comments.
Hunter’s Girl: I will be with Ryan forever.
Hunter’s Girl: I will make Ryan be with me and I have a plan on how to do it!
Hunter’s Girl: You’ll see, you’ll all see!
I nudge Declan who’s beside me, he looks down to see the comments and he furrows his brows. The song finishes so I end the live streaming and take a deep breath as Declan shakes his head.
“What the actual fuck?” he questions.
“I know! Can you be on guard around Ryan tonight when we leave? Maybe put extras on him?” I ask.
Declan nods. “I can take a guard from you if you like and add him to Ryan’s watch?”
I nod. “Yes please, no one ever comes near me. I don’t need any security. Take all the guards off me and add them to Ryan. I’m feeling uneasy about this Hunter’s Girl… whoever she is.”
“Okay, done,” Declan says walking off, I’m assuming to tell his team about the new arrangement.
The guys come backstage and Ryan walks straight past me toward the green room. I exhale and roll my eyes as Danger looks at me and winces.
“I’m sorry about him,” Danger says.
I sigh. “Do you know what’s wrong?”
He nods. “Yeah.”
I pause waiting, but he says nothing more. “Can you tell me?”
He exhales. “No. He really needs to tell you himself. It’s not something I can get in the middle of. I’m sorry, Till.”
“Well, was it something I did?”
He shakes his head. “No, this is all him. Just… give him time. He’ll be okay, just don’t give up on him… please.”
Slumping my body, I nod. “Okay.”
He rubs my shoulder looking at me with creased eyebrows and turned down lips, it’s a sympathetic gesture and I’m thankful for that. But it doesn’t help me understand Ryan any better. I walk with Danger to the green room where everyone’s already packing up. Looks like we’re not staying here for too long before heading to the after party.
I walk in and grab my stuff, moving past Ryan, who casually glances at me before quickly looking away again as I walk by. Gathering my bag and my notebook, I head back out following Oliver and Lunar as everyone else walks behind us. We march through the halls out toward where the Hummer is parked.
I look over at Declan and he nods to me, giving me the signal that my security detail is now firmly surrounding Ryan. I smile as he opens the door. We all walk out to the dark night sky. The air is suddenly filled with high pitched screams and flashes of lights as I turn to see a mob of fans running toward us. Including the girl with purple and aqua hair that normally has her camera with her, but this time she’s sans camera. I find it odd, but we continue to push forward as they all start to swarm toward us.
Declan and the guys move around the band keeping the girls a safe distance from the guys. I’m walking in front of the band when I hear someone call out my name. I look up to see a purple haired girl looking right at me. She calls out my name again and then starts running right toward me.
It happens so quick, I don’t register anything other than the glistening of something in her hand. I tense my muscles dropping my bag and notebook as purple hair breaks past the one guard I have and she lunges forward screaming at the top of her lungs while I’m frozen to the spot. I close my eyes waiting for the impact.
I hear an “oomph” and gasp then a bunch of screaming, but nothing. I feel nothing. I open my eyes to see Ryan in front of me, looking at me. His eyes glassy and he’s pale.
“I love you,” he admits for the first time, but his voice is broken and low. He removes his hand from the middle of his right side and blood
oozes out. He stumbles to the side as I scream out and reach for him.
“Shit! No. Ryan… no. I love you, too. But don’t you dare say your goodbyes, don’t you dare,” I say as he falls against me and we collapse to the ground.
Screams and yelling echo all around me as I cry hard holding onto Ryan’s wound. There’s so much blood and he’s so pale.
“I love you, Ryan, stay with me.” I keep repeating it like a mantra but as he looks at me, his eyes gloss over and his eyelids shut.
I scream out as Danger rushes to my side. Chaos ensues around me as he feels for a pulse.
“It’s okay, Tillie, the ambulance is nearly here. He’s gonna be fine… he has to be fine!”
Black.
A black void is all I see, but sharpness jabs my right side. My eyes are heavy and a constant beeping sound is so fucking annoying I want to rip my ears off. But there’s no movement.
Only black…
The beeping is persistent but now muffled voices are clear too. I hear Tillie, and every time I hear her the darkness lifts slightly.
“His hand is moving, I think he’s waking up. Ryan, baby, are you with me?”
Her voice is like an angel and I want to go to her so I push and break through the black to get to her. My eyes flicker open, everything’s bright lights and fog.
“Ryan, hey, I’m right here. Stay with me.” Her voice is like heaven and I squint as my eyes focus on her beautiful face while it comes into my vision a little more clearly. Her glasses are off and her eyes are red and puffy like she’s been crying.
It breaks my heart.
“Hey,” I murmur, and she bursts into full on tears.
“Hey,” she muffles back caressing my face gently.
“Did they get her?” I ask.
Oliver comes over and nods. “They found out she was the online stalker. The one going by the name Hunter’s Girl. They raided her house and in her basement was a darkroom with thousands of photos of you and Tillie. Most of them had Tillie’s face cut out, and Cadence photo-shopped her face in place. She was a freak, Ryan, and tried to kill Tillie so you could ‘be together.’” He used finger quotes.
“That’s fucking crazy,” I murmur.
“She’s in for a psych evaluation now, but she’s going to be charged with attempted murder.”
“Are you okay?” I ask looking to Tillie.
“You got stabbed in the liver and you’re asking if I’m okay?”
“In the liver?” I ask.
Danger steps up to the bed. “Yeah, the doctors say it just grazed it which caused an internal bleed or some shit. They fixed you up, and you’re gonna be fine. He says it’s lucky you’re on a health kick, ‘cause if it affected your liver the way it was a couple of months ago, you could be very sick right now,” he says with a wince. I’ve never seen him looking so worried.
“Lucky I’m looking so damn good then,” I say with a chuckle, then wince from the pain. “How long am I in recovery for?”
A nurse walks in and we all look at her just as I say it. “I can probably fill you in a bit better. You were in surgery for six hours, and the surgeon had to do a partial lobe removal of a small section of the damaged part of your liver. Don’t worry, it will grow back. Due to the changes in your diet your liver will recover much faster, but you’ll have to continue your change in lifestyle to remain healthy. You’ll be convalescing for about five to ten days depending on the speed of your recovery, and then you’ll need to take it easy for eight to twelve weeks.”
“Okay thanks,” I say as she checks over the machines hooked up to me.
“You’re welcome. We’re just glad you’re awake,” she says.
Tillie tightens her hand in mine. “So am I.”
I look to her and smile through the fog. “When I saw her lunging at you with the knife, Tillie…” I shake my head and sigh trying to remove the ugly image.
“You should have let her get me. You’re far more important to the world than I am. If you’d have died I…” she pauses as her bottom lip trembles, and the others slowly filter out of the room obviously giving us some time together.
“You say I’m more important to the world, but you’re more important in my world, Tillie. There was no way I would let her hurt you. No way.”
“Why have you been so distant?” she asks.
I tense up clenching my eyes shut.
I’m still not ready to tell her.
You’d think after something like this I’d have the strength to open up, but if anything it’s holding me back even more.
Why? I’m not sure, she deserves to know. She should know. But I can’t… not yet.
“Tillie, I’m feeling tired. I’ve just woken up. I’m not really sure what I’m saying.”
She nods and caresses my cheek. “Of course. The morphine would be making you woozy. Rest. We have plenty of time.”
Taking a deep breath, I sigh and close my eyes welcoming sleep.
Ryan drifts back to sleep and I let his hand go moving to sit back down in the armchair. I really want to know what happened with Mel, and who the hell Katie is, but I don’t want to push especially while he’s recovering and only just woken up. So I’ll bide my time and ask again when the time is right.
Lunar sticks her head through the door and looks at me half-smiling. “You okay?”
“Yeah, a little confused,” I murmur back glancing to Ryan to see if he’s actually asleep.
She snorts stepping into the room further. “These rockers tend to do that to you. Need a shoulder?”
I exhale taking another quick glance at Ryan. There’s no movement so I look back to Lunar. “Have you been able to find out who Katie is?” I whisper in case Ryan’s pretending to be asleep, but he doesn’t move at my question and Lunar purses her lips and shrugs.
“Nope. Danger hasn’t said… why?”
I slump into my seat. “She’s a part of Ryan’s past. A big one. I just don’t know in what way.”
“An ex?” Lunar asks.
“Probably.” I shrug.
“Are you worried about her coming back?”
“No, nothing like that. It’s just he shuts down when she’s mentioned. I think she really did a number on him.”
Lunar looks at him and nods. “Could be why he’s been so anti-girlfriends… until you.”
“But then, why me?”
She tilts her head and smiles. “‘Cause you fight him and didn’t throw yourself at him like a groupie. Plus, you liked Ryan for what he was inside, not his status. He saw that. He knows how rare chicks like you are.”
“I just hope one day he has the courage to tell me about her.”
“I’m sure he will, but don’t push, that will make him close up even more.”
Nodding, I swallow and sink into the chair as she sits down next to me.
“You guys will be fine. You have to be. I need a couple to double date with.”
Giggling, I nod pulling out my cell to check on the feeds and updates on Ryan’s well wishes.
We’re taking Ryan home finally and he’s looking good albeit very tender and sore. I’m going to be staying at his place to help Lunar and Danger look after him. Roxie said she didn’t mind pet sitting for a little while longer.
So now we’re at the house, Lunar’s cooking a healthy dinner while I lay in bed next to him cuddled into his side.
“Thank you,” he says out of nowhere.
“What for?”
“Just for being here, for being you.”
I lean up looking down at him careful not to lean on his chest. “Of course I’d be here, Ryan. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Glad to hear it, now kiss me, I miss your lips.”
“I kissed you this morning.”
“I mean a real kiss, Tillie… tongues thrashing, heavy moaning, hair pulling type of kiss.”
My thighs pull tighter at the thought. “How ‘bout a compromise? Tongues thrashing and moaning sure, but no physical exertion. You’re still recoveri
ng, Ryan.”
“Okay, fine.” His hand comes up and wraps around the back of my head into my hair pulling my head down to meet his. I hold my body up, so I don’t put any weight on his body as my lips crash against his mouth, and we kiss passionately for the first time in over two weeks. A week since the incident, and a week before that we were rocky after Mel’s appearance.
But right now, I feel like we’re back on track. It was hard to tell in the hospital because there was always other people around, but now it’s just us alone, together at last. I can feel his love for me oozing from his pores and I feel right at home. I feel like this is where I’m meant to belong.
Kissing him is my safe place, my haven, my home.
We move together in a perfect harmony. Our bodies glistening as I ride him in bed. His hard length thrusts up inside of me, stretching me perfectly as my nails dig into his chest scratching his perfect skin slightly. He groans as my head falls back in bliss.
“Oh God, Ryan,” I moan as his fingers dig into my hips while he moves me up and down on top of him. This is our second attempt at making love since his surgery, the first was an hour ago and this feels even better than the first. He’s taking me to a euphoric high as I ride him torturously slowly, taking in every ounce of him I can. He fills me completely as we both moan quietly knowing Danger and Lunar are across the hall.
Even though this is slow and gentle, I don’t mind. Being passionate with Ryan brings a new kind of emotion and rawness to our love making. It’s heightening the experience and it makes the connection stronger. Riding him knowing our love for each other is in the here and now, makes this all the more pleasurable.
Ryan thrusts up into me deeper as his hand skims across from my hip down in between my legs. His thumb presses on my clit and I gasp at the new heightened pleasure. I bite down hard on my bottom lip trying to keep quiet as I ride him a little faster, needing to get to the precipice. The muffled moans and deep heavy breathing fills the room as he presses on my clit swirling slowly, forcing a rapid heat to fill my veins.