by Joy Fielding
Inside the house, the phone rang, once, twice, three times. “Damn it. Isn’t anybody going to pick that up?” Elise demanded of no one in particular. “Do I have to do everything around here?” The phone continued to ring. The baby started to cry. Elise looked as if she was about to do the same.
“Why don’t you let me take Daniel while you get that,” Charley offered.
Elise immediately thrust the baby into Charley’s hands and disappeared inside the house.
“Well, hello there, sweetheart,” Charley said to the baby, who was eight months old, a hefty twenty-five pounds, and staring at Charley as if she had three heads. “Are your teeth giving you a hard time? I think I might know a dental technician who could help you.”
The baby reached for her nose, grabbed hold of its tip, squeezed hard.
“Those damn telemarketers,” Elise was muttering upon her return. “Ray, for God’s sake, enough already with the stupid fort. Charley’s waiting.”
“Be right there,” he called back.
Elise shook her head. “Honestly. He’s worse than the kids.” She looked at her baby in Charley’s arms. “Careful he doesn’t drool all over you.”
“That’s all right. It’s an old shirt.” Daniel’s chubby little hand moved from her nose to her ear.
Elise sighed, leaned against the door frame.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m pregnant,” Elise said with a weary shrug.
“Oh.”
“Ray’s ecstatic, of course.”
“You’re not?”
“I’m exhausted. Ray! Franny! Get out here!” She stared into the darkening sky. “It’s not that I’m not happy about the baby. I am. It’s just that my whole life has changed so drastically in the last couple of years. I got married, became a stepmother, then a mother myself. Now I’m gonna have another baby. And sometimes it all feels like too much, you know? Like I just want to yell ‘stop,’ and slow everything down.”
“Is there anything I can do?” Charley asked, surprising them both. “I mean, if you ever need somebody to look after Daniel for an afternoon or something….”
“You’d do that?”
Would she? “Why not? Franny’s here a lot, and you’ve been nice enough to look after James a couple of times….”
“Is this supposed to make me feel bad because I wouldn’t take him the last time you called?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“I’m sorry,” Elise apologized quickly. “I’m just a crab apple. That’s what Ray calls me these days: his ‘little crab apple.’”
Charley tried to smile. She had no desire to learn what terms of endearment her former lover called his present wife. Still, she understood what Elise was talking about. Her world had also changed dramatically in the two years since her mother’s return. In the last few weeks alone, there’d been seismic changes: she was embarking on a new phase of her career; she’d met a man who might prove more than a temporary diversion; her sisters and brother had agreed, however reluctantly, to a family reunion; she’d patched things up with her neighbors. She even had a dog, for God’s sake, albeit only temporarily. And now Steve was getting married, and Ray was about to have another child. Nothing ever stayed the same. There was no time to look back, only forward. And the only thing she could see was more changes ahead.
“Does this mean you want to be friends?” Elise was asking nervously.
“God, no,” Charley said quickly. There was change, and then there was insanity.
Elise gave a big sigh of relief. “Good. ’Cause I don’t think that would be such a hot idea. Because of Ray and everything.”
“I don’t want to be friends,” Charley said emphatically.
“Okay. So, great.” She took the baby from Charley’s arms. “Franny! Hurry up! Your mother’s waiting.”
Franny appeared quietly in the doorway, reached for her mother’s hand. “See you,” Charley waved as Ray came to stand behind his wife, a protective hand on her shoulder.
“Drive safe,” they called out in unison as Charley backed out of the driveway. They were still waving as Charley turned the corner and headed for home.
CHAPTER 28
I understand you have a book deal. Congratulations,” Jill said as she entered the interview room.
Charley’s posture stiffened. There was something about the tone of Jill’s voice that advised caution, as did the fact Jill was almost fifteen minutes late for their session. Charley turned on the tape recorder that was already in position, and adjusted her notepad on the table in front of her. “You’ve been speaking to Alex, I take it.”
“I called him this morning. He seemed very pleased with himself.”
“He should be. He did a wonderful job with the negotiations.”
“How long has this been going on? These…negotiations.”
Charley decided to ignore the not-so-subtle implications of Jill’s remark—what exactly had Alex told her?—and simply answer the question as asked. “Just since yesterday morning. A publisher made an offer; Alex made a counter-offer. It went back and forth a few times, and they came to an agreement late this morning. Alex called me just as I was leaving my office to give me the good news.”
“I guess I must have phoned him right after that.”
“I guess so.”
“I had a feeling something was going down.”
“You seem a little put out,” Charley observed.
“Why would I be put out?”
“I don’t know. Are you?” Was she imagining it?
“He get you a good deal?” Jill pulled out her chair, although she remained standing.
“I think so. Considering this is my first book and everything.”
“And everything,” Jill repeated.
“Is there a problem, Jill?” Charley undid the top button of her white blouse, adjusted the delicate gold chain at her throat. “I mean, this is what we were hoping for, isn’t it?”
“I guess.”
“Then why the attitude?”
“What attitude?”
“I don’t know. I’m just sensing…. You’re telling me everything’s okay?”
“Suppose you tell me.”
“Everything’s great with me,” Charley said.
“As it should be. You have a new book deal, a new boyfriend….”
“A new boyfriend?”
“How long’s that been going on anyway?”
“How long has what been going on?”
“Oh, please, Charley. I’m not stupid.”
“I don’t think you’re stupid.”
“Then don’t treat me like an idiot.”
“What exactly did Alex say to you?”
“Alex? Mr. I’m-afraid-that’s-confidential? Him, say anything? Are you kidding me?”
“Then where are you getting this?”
“Are you denying it?” Jill asked.
Could she? Charley wondered.
“You think I need somebody to tell me there’s something going on between you and Alex? You think I don’t have eyes? You think I can’t see for myself? You think I don’t notice the way he looks at you, that I can’t hear the pride in his voice when he so much as mentions your name? You think I can’t tell from the look on your face? So, go ahead, Charley. Lie to me. Tell me you’re not sleeping with him. Go on. Make it convincing. I might even decide to believe you.”
“This is really none of your business,” Charley said instead, softening her tone in an effort to soften the sting of her words.
“You’re fucking my lawyer, and it’s none of my business?” Jill demanded. “I mean, isn’t there something just a tad unethical about that?”
“There’s nothing unethical going on.”
“You’re not fucking my lawyer?”
“He’s not my lawyer.”
“He’s not negotiating your book deal?”
“That happened after…” Charley broke off when she saw the sly smile tugging at the corners of Jill’s lips. �
�There’s nothing unethical about my seeing Alex.”
“So, you are seeing him? He was mine first, you know.”
“Yours?”
“My lawyer. My friend,” Jill said, her voice rising. “He didn’t even want me to do this book thing. He said he thought it was a bad idea. And he sure as hell didn’t want you involved. Thought you were too shallow, too lightweight.”
“I know what he thought.” Charley was amazed the words still had the power to sting.
“He didn’t even think you were all that pretty. ‘She’s okay,’ is what he told me after you first went to his office. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to try for somebody with more credentials?’ And then, suddenly he stops trying to get me to look elsewhere, and his voice turns to mush whenever he says your name. That’s when I knew there was something going on. Probably even before you two jerk-offs did.”
“I’m sorry you’re so upset.” Clearly Jill considered Alex her personal property, and Charley the unwanted trespasser.
“Alex is a serious guy,” Jill scolded, tears filling her eyes. “He doesn’t need his heart broken.”
“Who says I’m going to break his heart?”
“Aren’t you?”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“He really likes you. I can tell.”
“I really like him,” Charley said.
“Well, whoop-dee-doo. Where does that leave me?”
“Alex isn’t about to desert you, Jill.”
“Oh, yeah? As it is, he hardly comes to see me anymore.”
“I know he’s been working on your appeal.”
“Which he’ll lose.”
“Maybe not. Once you tell everyone what really happened, once the authorities know who else was involved….”
“You’re saying this book will save my life? That I should accept Charley Webb as my lord and savior?”
“You know that’s not what I’m saying.”
“But you do want to know who Jack is,” Jill stated.
Charley leaned forward in her seat as Jill stopped pacing. She knew Jill was trying to provoke her, and that anything she said at this point would be wrong.
“What if I decide not to tell you?” Jill asked.
Charley forced the expression on her face to stay as passive as possible, as if Jill’s threats didn’t affect her one way or the other. “Obviously that’s your prerogative.”
“Obviously.” Jill arched her back and stretched her neck from side to side, as if preparing for a fight. “What happens to your precious book deal then, huh? What happens if I decide I’ve told you more than enough already?”
“My book deal would be unaffected. I already have plenty of information, not to mention your confession on tape. Anything more would just be icing on the cake.”
“Icing on the cake,” Jill repeated, then laughed. “I’m not sure how Jack would take to being called ‘icing.’” She sat down in her chair and pushed her legs out in front of her, staring at the far wall. “Although he is very delicious.” She ran her tongue across her lower lip, looked back at Charley.
“Obviously, on a personal level,” Charley continued, trying a different tack, “I’d be very disappointed if we stopped now.”
“On a personal level? What personal level would that be exactly?”
“I thought we had a relationship.”
“Are you saying you consider me a friend?”
Does this mean you want to be friends? Charley heard Elise ask.
“No,” Charley admitted. “We aren’t friends.”
“What happens to our weekly sessions after you have everything you need?” Jill asked, tears forming anew. “Am I ever going to see you again?”
“Of course you’ll see me.”
“Where? In the newspapers? On TV? How about ‘in my dreams?’”
“I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“I do,” Jill said, tugging at her hair and wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. “I know that once you’re finished with this book, you won’t have any time for me anymore. You’ll be busy with other projects, and with Alex. Maybe the two of you will even get married. You gonna invite me to the wedding?”
“Whoa. You’re getting way ahead of yourself here.”
“You won’t come back,” Jill insisted, shaking her head from side to side. “And then who’ll ever come to visit me? You think Jack will come?”
Charley’s breath caught in her lungs. “I don’t know. Has he visited you before?”
Jill released a deep breath, her eyes moving restlessly around the room, eventually settling on the tape recorder in the middle of the table. “When are you supposed to have this book finished by, anyway?” she asked.
“The end of the year.”
“So, like, theoretically, I could keep stringing you along for another ten months.”
“Is that what you’re doing? Stringing me along?”
“Maybe.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me you’d met my brother?”
“You never told me you were screwing my attorney,” Jill countered.
“I won’t be played with, Jill. I told you that the first time we met.”
“And I won’t be tossed aside like a used Kleenex.”
Charley reached across the table to turn off the recorder.
“What are you doing?”
“We’re going around in circles here, Jill.” Charley stood up, dropped the recorder into her purse.
“What do you mean? Stop. You’re not going, are you?”
“I think you need some time to think things through, decide if you want to proceed.”
“I want you to sit down. I want you to talk to me.”
“That’s not why I’m here, Jill. I’m here so that you can talk to me.”
“All right. So, okay. I’ll talk. Just sit down. Don’t be so impatient, for God’s sake. Where’s your sense of humor?”
“It’s waiting to hear something funny,” Charley said, sitting back down and returning the tape recorder to the middle of the table.
“You want to hear funny?” Jill asked. “My father was here again yesterday. That’s pretty funny.”
Charley waited for her to continue.
“He says my mother’s getting worse. That it’s getting harder and harder for him to look after her at home.”
“It seemed to me as if your sister was the one doing most of the looking after.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s the funny part. What’s poor Pammy gonna do now? Guess the joke’s on her.”
“What joke?”
Jill shrugged. “Pammy’s the joke.”
“You don’t like your sister very much, do you?”
Jill smiled her sweetest smile. “What are you talking about? I love my sister. Don’t you love your sisters?”
Charley ignored Jill’s question. “Is that why you made it a habit of trying to seduce her boyfriends?”
“I didn’t have to try very hard.” She paused. “Ask your brother, if you don’t believe me.”
Once again, Charley tried hard not to react, although her eyes betrayed her. “You’re saying something happened between you and my brother?”
“I’m saying to ask him.”
“I already did.”
“Then you already know.”
“He says nothing happened.”
“Then he must be telling you the truth.” Her smile grew wider. “Brothers and sisters never lie to one another, do they?”
“I believe my brother.”
“That’s good. I think you should.”
“Why don’t you like your sister?” Charley asked, trying to keep her voice steady.
“I never said I didn’t like my sister. You did.”
“Is it because you could never measure up?”
“To what?”
“Pam was always the good girl, the studious one, the thoughtful one.”
“The martyr,” Jill interjected.
/> “The one who looked after your mother, who kept the family together….”
“Yeah, that turned out really well, didn’t it?”
“According to your own notes, she walked you to school every day when you were small, made you your lunch, finished your homework assignments so you wouldn’t get in trouble….”
“…Breathed a big sigh of relief when Ethan started coming into my bed instead of hers,” Jill snapped. “Oh, yeah. She was just great. She really looked out for me, didn’t she?”
“What could she have done?”
“I don’t know. Tell somebody, maybe? She was the good one, remember? The one everybody listened to, the one they believed. Me—I was the liar, the troublemaker. You think anybody was going to believe I was being diddled by my brother and…”
“And?” The single syllable floated across the table, hung suspended in the air between them.
“Do I really have to spell it out for you?” Jill asked.
“Your father was molesting you?”
“He was sodomizing me!” Jill shouted. “And you want to hear really funny? You want to hear something that’ll push that sense of humor of yours right over the edge? He said he was doing it for my benefit. So I wouldn’t have to worry about getting pregnant. Wasn’t that thoughtful of him?” Jill pushed aside another onslaught of tears. “And now he comes to visit me, and he pretends like nothing ever happened, like I had the most normal childhood in the world. And what do I do? I go along with the whole stupid charade.”
“You’ve never confronted him?”
“You ever confront your father?” Jill asked.
“What?”
“You ever confront your father for the things he did?”
“My father never molested me.”
“No? What did he do?”
“Nothing. That was the problem.”
“Sounds a lot like my problem with Pam.”
There was silence.
“Interesting, isn’t it?” Jill continued. “I can ignore what my father and Ethan did, and yet I can’t get past what Pammy and my mother didn’t do. And you’ve managed to forgive your mother for deserting you, but you can’t bring yourself to forgive your dad. For nothing.”
“What an absolute pile of bullshit,” Charley was still fuming hours later, as she stormed down the third-floor corridor of the Palm Beach Post toward her cubicle, Jill’s words reverberating in her brain. “Don’t let her get to you. Don’t let her get to you.”