I got out of bed pulling on a pair of basketball shorts I made my way downstairs in search for something to ease my headache. I stopped in my tracks when I glanced in the kitchen catching a glimpse of Aunt Gina. She was flipping pancakes wearing a black lace teddy with her tits hanging down to her belly button. I ducked out of sight and into the bathroom, hoping she didn’t see me. I didn’t know if dressing in lingerie was the norm around here, but I really didn’t want to find out either, especially after she tucked me into bed last night in that getup of hers promising me that I hadn’t seen anything yet. If Nana started parading around in a garter belt I was getting the fuck out of here, it didn’t matter what mobster was gunning for us. I’d take my chances.
I opened the medicine cabinet searching for some Motrin to get rid of the mariachi band that was stomping on my head. The cabinet was packed causing me to remove the Polident denture glue the six tubes of Preparation H and the Dulcolax stool softener. Where the ever loving fuck was I? I was living in geriatric hell that’s where. I popped the cap off the bottle of Motrin and poured three or four not really counting into my mouth as I turned on the faucet and dipped my head under the water to wash down the pills.
I made a mental note to call Jimmy today and get on his ass to get us the hell out of here. I didn’t know how much longer I was going to last with Aunt Gina. That woman was a basket case, and I feared what else she had up her sleeve.
I stepped into the living room and immediately stood frozen in my tracks. Nikki was wearing the shortest shorts I had ever seen and a bikini top. Her legs were spread shoulder width apart, and she was holding a gun pointing the fucking thing right at me. If the gun weren’t aimed at my chest, I’d probably think she was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. Scratch that, it didn’t matter that the gun was aimed at me seeing her like that her stance so perfect and controlled it was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I’d take the bullet.
“And just like that you pull the trigger and kill those dirtbags,” Nana said pointedly beside Nikki.
“What the hell are you two doing?” I asked my eyes drifting back and forth between Nikki’s face and the gun she held.
“Nana’s teaching me how to fire a gun,” Nikki said smiling at me as she slowly brought her gun down.
Aunt Gina emerged from the kitchen sashaying her hips in four-inch heels, holding a platter of flapjacks in one hand and a wooden spoon in the other. Her eyes fixated on me with a hungry stare before she wiggled her eyebrows and puckered her lips.
“Breakfast is served sweet cakes,” she purred.
I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom, leaving Nikki’s laughter in my dust as I locked myself in the bathroom and wondered if anyone would notice if I spent the rest of the day hiding out in there.
Chapter Twenty-Two
A week had come and gone without a word from Victor or Jimmy and not for lack of trying on my behalf I had called the only number programmed into my phone several times only for my call to be forwarded to voicemail. I tried not to dwell on it and made very light of the fact that there was no communication with anyone back home for Nikki’s sake. I knew she was worried about her father actually her whole family, but Victor mainly since he was the man with a price tag on his head.
I accepted the fact that Aunt Gina and Nana were complete whack jobs and just went with the flow I didn’t even blink an eye when I walked down the stairs this morning and found Nana cleaning a pistol. Aunt Gina had eased up on her passes at me thanks to Nikki apparently. Aunt Gina needed to get some and soon too. Nikki assured her that with a little help from her, she could nail any guy she wanted, as long it wasn’t me, Nikki claimed me for herself. I didn’t mind the idea of being Nikki’s. Not one bit. I wasn’t delusional to believe that her claim on me was real, but for the time being while we were tucked safely away in Senior Citizen Land, I decided to take what I could get. However, in the back of my mind, I knew that these nights the nights I fell asleep with her naked body in my arms well they were numbered.
Aunt Gina introduced us to her posse a group of men and women who were in their late sixties, early seventies that knew our situation and had our backs. They knew our real names and our aliases and that we were pretending to be newlyweds as we hid from the mob. At first, I was weary I didn’t like anyone knowing the truth about us fearing that it would compromise us and leave us vulnerable but Gina had juice here. This retirement community was like her compound obeying her every command and when she swore them to silence and threatened to sic her mother on them they listened. I guess the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree and authority ran through the Pastore’s veins.
There was nothing to do around here it wasn’t like we could take a drive to Miami and soak up the nightlife we were stuck here with the old folk. What’s that saying? If you can’t beat them join them? That’s the mantra I started to take on a couple of days ago when Burt and Chuck asked me to play a game of bocce with them. When Nikki and I were kids, our families would take us upstate to Villa Roma this place kind of reminded me of that, anyway, there wasn’t much to do there either and I became the kind of the bocce court then just as I had now. I made the game a little bit more interesting, and we started to put money on it a little gambling never hurts anyone.
I was playing bocce with the fella’s when I glanced across the court to the community pool my eyes settling on Nikki. She was in that damn bikini of hers that drove me insane. Her hair was piled high on top of her head in a messy bun and she had these oversized sunglasses on that reminded me of Jackie O. She wasn’t wearing a stitch of makeup except for the red gloss that made her lips look even more enticing. A smile spread across her face as she lifted one arm over her head and stretched out. She had started giving exercise lessons by the pool yesterday. It was pretty amusing watching as the elderly women in swim caps tried to mimic Nikki’s moves. To say my girl was flexible would be an understatement, she could twist herself like a pretzel, but I doubt these ladies could manage a jumping jack. Nikki had patience, and she was kind to them, she didn’t try to show off, but instead, she tried to help them.
I watched as she swam up behind one of the ladies and helped her stretch her arm over her head with a smile on her face as she cheered the lady on once she was able to complete the movement.
“That girl of yours is a real gem. She reminds me of my late wife Vicky,” Burt sighed as he patted me on the back. “They don’t make them like that any more kid.”
I glanced over my shoulder at Burt considering his words before turning back towards the pool and watching as Nikki slowly made her way up the ladder. Her ass seemed to be eating up the skimpy bikini bottom as she turned on the boom box from 1980 that Gina had given to her for the poolside aerobics class. Megan Trainor blasted through the speakers singing “All About That Bass” Aunt Gina and her girls getting buck wild in the pool. Nikki’s eyes found mine, and she giggled before she winked at me and jumped back into the water.
“Gina tells us that this is all a big show you two are putting on so that no one finds you two hiding out here,” Chuck said. “You know what I say? That’s bullshit.”
I raised an eyebrow as I diverted my attention towards the old man who was wearing a sun hat and had a big glob of sunscreen on his nose my fingers itching to reach out and swipe it off the tip of his nose the poor guy looked ridiculous. I glanced around at my new friends Burt was wearing a one-piece bathing suit and by that, I mean like the style men wore in the forties. I glanced down at myself all I was wearing was a pair of trunks and Nike slides. Chuck may have had a point Nikki, and I stuck out like sore thumbs in this place.
“Yeah, I see your point,” I said, flopping down onto a lounge chair. “We don’t really fit in too well.”
“Boy is dumb as dirt,” Burt said as he popped open a bottle of Budweiser and shoved it into my hand. I preferred Corona but beggars couldn’t be choosers I was just happy there was beer. I took a long sip ignoring his attack on my intelligence.
“We’re
not talking about whether you fit in with our crew,” Chuck said on a sigh sitting down beside me. It took all my willpower not to spit my beer out. They had a crew?
“You two just pretending to be together or are you really together? Gina couldn’t give us a straight answer. That woman’s head is in the sand since you showed up looking all buff.”
“Yeah, what’s the deal with that?” I nodded in Gina’s direction. “She’s one of the better looking broads here none of you want to tap that?”
“We’re all tapped out kid,” Burt looked down sadly. “If you get my drift.”
My eyes widened at his implication. “You mean it doesn’t work anymore?” I took another gulp of my beer before I scrutinized him. “How old are you?”
“Seventy-two, but a young seventy-two,” Burt said defensively. “It works once in a while,” he sighed and looked over at Gina. “But that one there, she’s a spring chicken. I don’t have the stamina to keep up with her.”
I can’t believe I was having this fucking conversation. Sure, I joked around that Nikki had broken my dick, but the idea of it actually not working scared the shit out of me. If what Burt was saying was true, I only had forty something years left!
“He’s just a pussy,” Chuck said, and that was that I spit my beer all over them. “I told him I’d give him some of my little blue pills.”
“Viagra?” I asked.
“That shit works wonders,” he pointed to the pool where the ladies were. “Look at that smile on my gal’s face. I put that smile there last night, and it hasn’t left yet,” he wiggled his bushy gray eyebrows as he waved at one of the women blowing kisses towards him. Christ was this what Nikki, and I had to look forward to?
“Burt, are you really into Gina?” I asked, watching as Gina whispered something to Nikki both of them turning in our direction but their eyes planted on Burt.
“Of course, I am. Look at her,” he said wistfully. I had looked at her. I had seen more of her than I cared to remember, but that was beside the point.
“So, take Chuck here up on his offer and take her out,” I tipped my chin in Gina’s direction. “A woman like that isn’t going to stick around forever,” I said laying it on thick. If I could help the old guy get a little action why not? Consider it a public service.
“You’re one to talk playing house with a dame like that,” Chuck said.
“It’s complicated. You guys know our situation.”
“Yeah, we do and if I had some dickheads out looking to put a bullet in me, I’d make sure I did what the hell made me happy before they took the chance from me,” Burt said as he shoved my shoulder. “I’m going to take your advice kid because life is too short but you should do the same.”
He walked around to the old Victrola he had on a folding table and changed, the vinyl record, bringing the little needle to it as he turned up the volume. Elvis Presley’s smooth voice filled the air and Burt closed his eyes as he let himself feel the music. He placed his hand over his heart and started to sway to “It’s Now or Never.”
“It’s now or never, come hold me tight. Kiss me my darling be mine tonight. Tomorrow will be too late. It’s now or never my love won’t wait,” he sang along with The King.
I watched on in horror as the two of them sang along to the music. Chuck grabbed my beer and used the neck as a microphone singing to me like he was delivering me a message. I shook my head and reached for another beer bringing it to my lips as I glanced over at Nikki who was laughing at me.
I brought the beer bottle down from my lips and continued to stare at her, watching as her laugh died and a smile remained on her lips. She pushed her sunglasses onto the top of her head, forcing me to look directly into her eyes. Burt and Chuck’s voices began to fade away as I got lost in the moment, wondering if what they were saying was true. Was life too short not to grab what you wanted and run with it? Maybe I was in the sun too long or drinking too much or maybe it was the crazies getting in my head and making me think that I had the right to take what I wanted and make her mine. I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if I should take that leap of faith and tell Nikki that even when this was over and Sara and James were just a memory that I wanted her in my life.
My phone rang beside me, pulling me out of the ridiculous thoughts I was allowing myself to entertain. I glanced down at the caller I.D. “Don’t Answer” was calling again. I swiped my finger across the screen and stood up walking around the court to where it wasn’t so noisy.
“Jimmy,” I answered.
“Dipshit can you try to refrain from using names,” he said.
“Sorry. What the fuck is going on? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you guys for a week. You just left us here for dead,” I said, frustrated as I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Now hold on just a minute no one left you for dead, that’s a bit dramatic even for an amateur like yourself. “
“Really?!” I yelled incredulously into the phone. “You try staying here with the ninety-three-year-old female version of Al Capone! And don’t get me started on Vic’s sister the lady looks at me as if I’m a steak and she’s starving,” I paused. “Are you fucking laughing?” Jimmy’s chuckles filtered through the phone. That son of a bitch.
“Listen, don’t worry, shouldn’t be much longer so just hang tight. We’re working on something that could get you guys home as early as tomorrow. “
“Seriously?” I said hopefully. “This whole thing could be over as soon as tomorrow?” This whole circus could be coming to an end I should’ve been fucking elated, but all I felt was disappointment. What the fuck was wrong with me?
“If everything goes according to plan,” he paused. “I’ve got to go. Hang in there,” he said before disconnecting the call. I stared at the phone for a moment processing the fact that the jig would soon be up and Nikki and I would have to head back to reality. The reality was that I was just a fuck up with nothing going for me destined to be by myself because I only ever lost anyone who mattered to me anyway. Even if I allowed myself to be with her knowing, very well it would be a selfish play on my part because I didn’t deserve her I’d only lose her too in the end. I was good at keeping her happy for the time being.
I walked back around to the bocce court where I had left Burt and Chuck.
“Chuck get your stash of pills my man Burt you’ve got yourself a date tonight,” I said rising to my feet. If I couldn’t bring myself to be happy, the least I could do was help Burt be happy not to mention it would get Aunt Gina off my back.
I finished applying the mascara to Aunt Gina’s eyelashes, her real ones, not the horrid fake ones she was sporting when we first got here. I made her rip those bad boys off. I smiled at her before turning her around to let her look at herself in the mirror. After Mikey had set her up on a date with Burt, I had given her a fresh haircut and styled her hair just so. I dug through her closet and chose the least tacky outfit she owned which was a leopard print skirt and a black off the shoulder bodysuit and didn’t go heavy with the makeup.
“Wow!” Aunt Gina exclaimed as she looked herself over in the mirror. “I look like a classy Peg Bundy,” she turned around taking my face in her hands and kissed each of my cheeks. “My niece is a miracle worker.”
“You look beautiful Aunt Gina,” I smiled at her. “Burt’s one hell of a lucky guy.” I winked at her.
“You really think so?” she asked, seeming so unsure of herself.
“I know so,” I said, taking her hand. “Let’s go, he’s been waiting for at least twenty minutes,” I said, taking her purse off the bed and handing it to her. She took a deep breath and followed me downstairs to the living room where Mikey and Burt were sitting.
“I’ll have her home at a decent time,” Burt said, taking the glass of tequila Mikey offered him.
“Let’s hope not,” Mikey said, clinking his glass to Burt’s. “Let’s hope Chuck’s miracle pills do the trick.”
I cleared my throat causing them to turn around and face us.
“Holy smokes,” Burt said, placing the glass down on the table and rising to his feet. “Gina you look great.”
“Thanks, Burt. You don’t look so bad yourself,” she said kissing his cheek.
Burt was wearing plaid golf pants and a green polo shirt not really GQ status, but it was cute in a Ralph Cramden sort of way. I looked over at Mikey who was smiling at me looking like the proud father of a son going on a date for the first time.
Aunt Gina walked over to Nana and kissed her cheek. “Ma you behave for Nicole and Michael. No funny business.”
Nana rolled her eyes. “Go on and have a good time. Don’t worry about us kids we’ll be fine.”
“Enjoy yourselves,” Mikey added. “We’ll all be fine,” he turned his gaze to me and winked. Within moments, Aunt Gina and Burt were out the door on their way to some Doo-Wop restaurant and bar. Nana stood up slinging her straw bag over her shoulder and waved at Mikey and me.
“Alright kids, I’ll see you later,” she said, pulling a pistol from behind the couch cushions and slipping it into her pocketbook.
“Where are you going?” I asked her incredulously the idea of my grandmother going out with a gun nestled inside her pocketbook didn’t sit well with me. I looked over at Mikey hoping for him to help but he shrugged his shoulders.
“Bingo night at the Rec center. Don’t wait up things tend to get wild and crazy, especially if we have after hours,” she waved us off as she headed out the door.
The Tempted Series: Collectors Edition Page 23