“I don’t know Lauren all that well, ran into her a few times since you two started up, but she seems spunky. Christine used to be spunky. She used to love life, and more than life, she loved me. She loved me hard, felt that shit down in my bones.”
I swallowed hard, blaming the burning sensation in my throat on the weed but it was his words, his comparison of his woman to mine. It was hearing Blackie recall the love he remembered Christine had for him, knowing I’d never know that with Lauren.
“After I patched in, Cain pushed me to the front lines. I was eager to earn, eager to prove I would do anything for the club,” he cocked his head to the side. “Sort of like you,” he pointed out. “In our time of need you stepped up and became a front runner. That isn’t lost to the club, Riggs, and you don’t have to keep proving your worthy of your patch,” he added.
“I’m not,” I contested. “I’m just doing my job.”
“I thought the same thing and kept doing my job. I ran drugs, guns, women…whatever made the most profit and never looked back. I forgot about the love I had at home and what it felt like to go home to a warm body. I pushed the thoughts of how fucking good it felt to crawl into bed and have the sweetest woman wrap her legs around me. She didn’t know what I did, and if she did, she didn’t care. I could’ve killed a man, sometimes did, and she still welcomed me home, into our bed, night after night.”
“So how did it all change?”
“I started pushing her away. Cain made a deal with the G-Man and we moved more drugs, became the biggest operation on the east coast.”
“The G-Man is the guy Jimmy Gold was working with to push Pastore out, right?”
“Yeah,” he confirmed, taking another shot. “Anyway, there is only so much bad shit you can do before it catches up to you and changes who you are. It didn’t bother me at first, I had shoeboxes full of money and in my head I was doing it for a good reason. I would buy Christine her dream house, make sure my woman had everything she wanted, the best of everything. I told myself I was doing it for her, making up for the douche bag I was on a daily basis. I didn’t have a conscience I only had a goal, but I didn’t plan on being the reason two seventeen-year-old kids died,” he confessed.
I stared at him dumbfounded for a moment, realizing Blackie had lived a whole lot of life and I really had no idea how deep his wounds went.
“It changes you,” he repeated. “Knowing that two kids, who had their whole lives ahead of them died, so you could make a quick buck—it fucking wrecks you, man. That was the beginning of the end for me and Christine. I stopped going home, started staying here every night. I couldn’t look at her; I couldn’t let myself have something as good as her when all I ever did was take the good from other people.”
He sighed, pushing away the bottle of alcohol.
“She thought I was cheating on her and that’s when Brantley came around. He was a rookie then, looking to make a name for himself and thought he’d start by taking down the Satan’s Knights. He’s smart, I’ll give the son of a bitch that. He looked for the weakest link, found it was me, and used my wife as bait.”
I didn’t know what to say and wasn’t sure I could find my voice even if I had the words to give him. So, I gave him my ear and let him continue with his story because he was a drunk, immune to alcohol. It doesn’t give him peace anymore, and he’s running out of ways to escape his grief.
“He gave Christine all the attention I wasn’t giving her anymore, made her feel things I gave up on making her feel, and promised her all the things I couldn’t. He used her, played on her broken emotions and convinced her I would wind up dead because of the club. I found out they were having an affair, put two and two together and confronted her but she had already made a deal with him. She would get the drugs from me and prove I was dealing the shit that killed those two kids,” he said, solemnly. “Instead of giving me up she gave up her life.”
He covered his face with his hands and I reached out and patted him on the back. He let out a groan and dropped his hands before piercing me with his tortured eyes.
“Jack’s been trying for a long time to get this club on the right track, to give us some peace. He thinks he can turn us into a legit club and make us proud to call ourselves the Satan’s Knights—but he’s in over his head. We’re in too deep, and every time we think we are pulling ourselves out of the hole, some other fucking threat comes along. Whether it’s a man in a fur coat or a fucking Chinese emperor, there will always be a fucking cancer that will drag us down.”
He held up his tattooed hands, turning them over and displayed his palms.
“See these hands? They have a lot of blood on them and that’s all I see when I look at them, all the blood and all the faces of the people who bled from these hands.”
“Blackie…” I started.
“You got something good with Bianci’s sister, stop trying to prove yourself, man, you paid your dues. Now, take a step back and don’t let that girl doubt she has you because when you don’t have her anymore you’re going to feel it,” he vowed.
“It’s too late for that,” I said, looking away from him.
I meant to get drunk tonight, to forget that I had handed Lauren and Pea over to Anthony, making her brother be the one responsible for her safety and their well-being. But, sitting here with Blackie, listening to his story only affirmed that I had made the right choice by ending things now. I didn’t want to be sitting here one day, the way Blackie sat here, and think of all the ways I failed her. I didn’t want to look at my hands and see her blood.
I made my choice.
I had to own it.
Twenty-eight calls, twenty-eight voice mails, not to mention the thirteen text messages and I didn’t even care I looked like a desperate stalker.
Something was wrong.
I felt it deep down with every fiber of my being. It wasn’t like Riggs to ignore my calls. The last few month’s things had been great. We weren’t officially anything more than who we were, just Kitten and Tiger, Pea’s parents, and dare I say…two people who were making it work. Making it work sounds like it was an obligation but it wasn’t, we were making it work because we wanted to and not because we needed to.
Something was wrong.
I placed my hands over my belly and relished in the flutters Pea was making inside of me when there was a knock on my door. I smiled instantly as I rushed to the door.
Daddy’s home, Pea.
I pulled open the door as my brother turned around to face me. The smile fell as quickly as it was born as I stared at the torn expression on Anthony’s face.
No.
“What’re you doing here?” I asked, hoarsely
“Can I come in?” he said, as he shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels, looking anywhere but at me.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and robotically stepped aside to let him in. I slowly closed the door, gripping the doorknob, hanging onto it as if it was my salvation and touched my forehead to the door.
How does someone prepare themselves for the words I was about to hear? A million thoughts ran through my mind as I feared the worst.
Please don’t let him be hurt.
Slowly, I turned around and lifted my eyes to Anthony’s.
“Is he okay?” I whispered.
“He’s fine,” he confirmed.
I let out a sigh of relief as I closed my eyes briefly.
“Thank God,” I said.
“Lauren—”
I held up my hand to stop him from saying whatever it was he was about to say.
“No, don’t,” I ordered. “I don’t want to know,” I explained. “Something happened, he left with Jack but he said he’d come home. He told me he’d come back home.”
“Something did happen, and that’s why I’m here. Pack a bag, you will be staying with me until whatever this shit is…until it dies down,” he grunted.
“What? No!” I shook my head. “Why would I do that?”
“Because you don’t have a goddamn choice,” he growled, swiping his hand across his face. “Lauren don’t make this harder than it has to be. They have something going down with the club. I don’t know the details but after what happened with Reina and Blackie I’m not taking any fucking chances with you. You’re coming home with me,” he demanded.
I don’t know who he thought he was talking to. I might be his little sister but I wasn’t a child. Sure, I’ve run to him in the past, asking for his help with whatever mess I got myself into but I wasn’t that girl anymore. I was a woman finding her place. I was a mother. I wasn’t a little girl who needed protecting. I was the one doing the protecting, taking care of myself and my child.
“I’m not going anywhere, Anthony. This is where I live, this is where I belong,” I declared. “If there was some kind of threat then Riggs would be the one who took care of me.”
“Riggs can’t take care of you, Lauren, he can barely take care of himself,” he seethed.
“Don’t do that. Don’t talk about him like he’s not in your category, like he’s some incompetent asshole,” I yelled.
“Pack a bag,” he ordered.
“I don’t take orders from you, Anthony!”
“I’m telling you something goddamn it! Grow the fuck up and listen. You want to put your life at risk? Your kid’s life at risk because you’re stubborn?”
“Get out,” I screeched. “Get out of my house!”
He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends as he took a step closer and pierced me with a cold stare.
That shit didn’t work with me. I wasn’t some street thug who he could scare with one look. I was his goddamn sister. I was his blood. I knew him better than most people did and that look, it meant nothing. I could stare right back at him, give him the same look because I learned from the best. I learned from him.
I learned a lot from my brother.
I learned not to ask questions.
I learned to stand by the people you care about even when the things they do are unethical.
I learned to defend myself because he went away for three years, leaving me to fight my own battles.
I learned how to fight for what I wanted because he never gave up on what he wanted.
I bet he’s sorry he taught me how to be a strong woman.
“He asked me to do this, Lauren,” he said hoarsely. “He asked me to take you away from here and to be the one who watches over you and the baby.”
I shook my head.
“You’re lying,” I whispered, the words settling in causing my eyes to fill with uncertain tears. I stared at him, waiting for something, some kind of sign he was just blowing smoke at me to get me to go with him but it never came.
“He’s not coming home, Lauren.”
“No, stop it,” I demanded, wiping away the tears that fell down my cheeks. Stupid hormones! I took a deep breath, trying to collect myself before I looked back at my brother. “Riggs wants me to move out? He wants to pawn me off on you? Because there is some bullshit problem with his club. That’s what you’re telling me?”
He didn’t answer me.
“Fine, then you’re going to take me to wherever he is, and he’s going to have to tell me with his own mouth.”
“Lauren, you don’t want that,” he said.
“No, what I don’t want is my brother coming here to collect me like I’m some piece of baggage,” I croaked, as my voice cracked and the tears fell again. “So, if Riggs wants me gone, then he will have to look me in the eye and tell me himself. He will have to be man enough to break my heart this time.”
I turned around, grabbed my purse from the counter and started for the door. Anthony remained where he was, just staring at me.
“Now!” I demanded.
“Don’t do this,” he pleaded one final time.
“I didn’t do shit,” I hissed as I opened the door.
He sighed heavily before walking toward the door, pausing in front of me and taking my hand in his. I glanced down at our joined hands before lifting my eyes back to his. He squeezed my hand as his eyes silently apologized for his words.
Something was wrong all right.
And my heart wouldn’t survive it.
Anthony brought me into his arms and held me as I cried against his chest. I prayed for it to be a lie, but in the back of my mind I feared that it was the truth.
Kitten and Tiger were the lie.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Anthony asked, as he turned off his truck and glanced at the Satan’s Knights clubhouse.
The only thing I was sure of was that I was a mess. My emotions were all over the place, one minute I was upset, the next I was angry wishing I had grabbed my baseball bat before leaving the house. I’ve cried more tears in the last twenty minutes than I have in the last twenty-one years.
“Lauren?”
I ignored my brother as I found the strength to open the door and climb out of the car. I stood in the parking lot, my eyes diverting to the side of the building where Riggs first took me, and I closed my eyes.
I’ve come full circle.
I balled my hands into fists as I drew in a deep breath and marched my ass across the pavement. Anthony slammed his door closed, and I heard him curse as he tried to catch up. Bones stepped in front of the door, blocking my path and stared at me for a moment with concerned eyes.
“Lauren, what’s the matter?” he asked, taking in the train wreck I could only assume I looked like.
“Out of my way, Bones,” I demanded. He lifted his eyes and glanced over my shoulder at Anthony.
“Let her go, man,” he said defeated.
Bones stepped aside, warily staring at my brother as I brushed past him and charged into the Dog Pound. My eyes scanned the common room as my heart lurched in my chest. I hadn’t prepared myself, hell bent on confronting Riggs I didn’t take into consideration I could walk into something I didn’t want to see. Blackie stumbled out from the room they congregated in as a club, clutching an empty bottle of tequila. His jeans were unbuttoned, and he was shirtless, displaying a chest covered in tattoos and two nipples that had barbells through them. He lifted his eyes, peering at me and the posse I had behind me before he groaned.
“Shit,” he hissed
“Where is he?” I shouted.
Two naked girls stepped out of the room and stared at me as if I wasn’t part of their plan.
Hell-fucking-no!
A glass fell to the floor, shattering into a million pieces, mimicking my heart. The sound forced me to turn around and met Riggs’ shocked expression. He was standing behind the bar and quickly glanced down at the glass he dropped before lifting his eyes back to mine.
I looked back at the two naked girls, one raising a cocky eyebrow at me while the other one gaped at my belly.
“Kitten,” Riggs called.
I snapped.
Really fucking snapped as I walked over to the pool table, taking one of the pool sticks that had been abandoned on the felt tabletop. I swung it over my head as I stalked toward the two fucking whores that stared at me wide-eyed. The one who smiled at me cockily, stared at me dumb-fucked and the other who looked at my stomach in disgust—what a bitch.
“Get the fuck out of here,” I shrieked. “GET OUT!”
Anthony ran up behind me, trying to pry my fingers from the stick.
“Riggs, get a handle on your woman,” Blackie ordered.
“Fuck you,” I hissed, turning around on my heel, pulling the stick away from my brother and glaring at Riggs. “I’m not his woman,” I seethed. “Isn’t that right?”
“Put the pool stick down, Lauren,” Riggs reasoned calmly, as he stepped out from behind the bar. His eyes turned to Anthony’s. “What the fuck is this, huh?”
“I’m right here!” I yelled, throwing the pool stick onto the floor as I stared at him. “Stop looking at Anthony and start fucking looking at me,” I demanded.
He avert
ed his eyes back to mine, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Give us a minute,” he told the room.
“I’m not leaving her,” my brother said.
“I said give me a fucking minute, Bianci,” Riggs shouted over my shoulder. Our eyes remained locked as the room cleared out, leaving us alone with the truth lingering in the air.
“You sent my brother to our apartment to give me the kiss off?”
“It’s best if you stay with him. I’d tell you to stay at the apartment but someone needs to protect you and it would just be easier if you were with him,” he argued.
“You are supposed to protect me, not Anthony. YOU.”
“Look, it’s too much,” he shouted. “It’s just too much,” he insisted. “I never wanted any of this shit, Lauren! I went from being a guy whose biggest worry was his fucking bike or which broad he would screw for the night to having an old lady and a kid on the way. Like you had a fucking plan, so did I, and it didn’t include a family! I never wanted any of this and now I’m stuck with it. My life isn’t set up for you and a baby, Lauren.”
He pointed to the Satan’s Knights logo painted on the wall, the reaper that stood in the way of everything.
“That, that right there is my life,” he declared, tipping his head toward me. “Not this. I don’t know how to do this and I never really wanted to.”
“You’re lying,” I insisted, searching his eyes for the truth. He may not have planned on this but over the last few months he gave me his best. His greatest attempt to make this work and I saw truth in his actions. He didn’t know how to be a dad or the main man in someone’s life but he wanted to learn.
The man in front of me now. He was the lie.
Wasn’t he?
“Ah, shit, don’t cry, Lauren. You know I’m right,” he exclaimed, as he ran his fingers roughly though his hair. “You know it’s the truth.”
I pinned him with a gaze and wiped away my tears.
I won’t cry.
I won’t give you any more of my tears.
“You people pride yourselves on being these badass men. You.” I pointed an accusing finger at him. “You call yourself a Satan’s Knight, a goddamn soldier of the devil, but all you are is a fucking coward with no backbone. You preach about loyalty and honor for your club but you don’t know the first thing about what either of those two things mean. Loyalty is about support, a strong devotion to something or someone. It’s a pity your loyalty doesn’t rest with your child.”
The Tempted Series: Collectors Edition Page 112