Remorse and not for anyone other than myself.
I’m the man at his left, the self-destructing cowboy who will help him destroy any and all enemies. I’m his soldier, the man he relies on in our corrupt world of crime. He has faith in me when it comes to my job, when it comes to a promise I made my dead wife, but that’s where it ends. Jack didn’t think I could be a better man, he knew what I was, what I’d always be and that wasn’t the kind of guy he’d ever want for Lacey. I could go on protecting her, doing my job as his second, but claiming her? Making her more than just a duty, turning my fucked up life around to be better for her? That shit could never be.
I’m Blackie, Satan’s knight and that’s all I’ll ever be.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said, finally. “You might not be concerned about the Red Dragons but I am. They’ll figure out we were responsible for the drugs, mark my words, and we’re going to need to be ready. On top of that, we fell through on our deal with the Corrupt Bastards, they’re not going to take what happened with Jimmy as an excuse for why they’re sitting with a quarter million dollars’ worth of drugs in their laps. I need to get the fuck out of here and smooth shit over with them before they think we were looking to fuck them all along. I will keep on with the methadone until things calm down for the club. The doctor mentioned a clinic, and when the time is right, when I know you don’t need me front and center I’ll kick the methadone on my own. No rehab. I did it once I can do it again,” I assured him.
I diverted my eyes back to his as he nodded in agreement.
“Now, get your ass fucking strong because it’s going to be a wild ride,” he asserted, starting for the door. He paused, turning around and looking at me thoughtfully.
“My girl grew some kind of attachment to your ass,” he muttered.
I sighed, dropping my head against the pillows.
“Well, we faced fucking death together,” I ground out, staring up at the ceiling. “From what I remember, Reina held her own. That woman of yours gave Jimmy one hell of a fight,” I informed him.
“Wasn’t talking about Reina,” he said, turning back and striding out the door without another word.
Yeah, I grew an attachment to her too.
Fuck me.
Chapter Fourteen
The doctors hate me; the nurses do too. I’m their worst nightmare, the worse goddamn patient to enter this hospital. They keep breaking my balls, telling me I need to take it easy and all that shit. They lecture me by saying I have to condition my heart, do some kind of physical therapy to build up my strength. They think if they put me on a treadmill I’ll jog my way to recovery.
Fucking bullshit.
These motherfuckers don’t know I’m a bull.
I caused all sorts of havoc when I stepped off the treadmill, dropped to the floor and did push-ups.
Protocol.
They say I don’t follow it.
I never followed rules and such, a little heart attack would not change that.
Once my stint in physical therapy was over, the nurse summoned for a transporter to escort my ass back to my room where my dose of methadone was waiting for me.
And a pissed off Bulldog.
“Look, Mr. Petra, you have a visitor,” the cheerful transporter exclaimed.
“Joy,” I said mockingly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and kicking back the dose of fake heroin as if it was a shot of the finest whiskey.
I pushed the empty paper cup onto the rolling cart before I lifted an eyebrow at the transporter.
“Something else you need?” I asked. The motherfucker was looking at me like I was supposed to tip him or something.
“Have a good day, Mr. Petra,” he stuttered, scampering out the door, causing a grin to spread across my face.
I’m a dick.
“What did he do to you?” Jack asked, reminding me he was there. I turned around and glanced at him and shrugged my shoulders.
“They fuck with me, I fuck with them…it’s a love-hate relationship,” I said.
“I wouldn’t want you as a patient,” he replied, standing up from the chair and making his way over to me.
I wasn’t expecting to see him, partially because I think he’s onto the fact Lacey isn’t just his daughter anymore, but the girl who has me twisted up in knots. The last couple of days, without the constant flow of my brothers visiting me, I sat here and thought of her.
“Lucky for you, you missed your calling in the medical field.” I tipped my chin at him. “Looking at you, I’m almost afraid to ask, what the fuck happened now?”
He bit the inside of his cheek, sucked in a breath before he leaned against the wall and shook his head.
“You were right,” he said.
“Going to have to be a little more specific,” I replied, narrowing my eyes as I peered at him.
“Sun Wu knows it was us that took the drugs,” he ground out.
“How do you know?”
“The motherfucker took Riggs. We didn’t even know they had him, Bones was the only one who suspected anything. Well, him and Bianci but that’s because Wu dropped his bike in front of Xonerated. They covered the bike and the front door of the gym in red paint,” he paused, looking like he was debating on whether he should continue.
“Just fucking tell me,” I said, clenching my jaw, making the decision easier for him.
“We were at Pop’s getting the guns ready for the deal we made with the Dragons, waiting for them to pick the crates up and Bones voiced his concerns,” he shrugged his shoulders, running his hand along the scruff that lined his jaw before he continued. “I figured Riggs had his head up his ass with all this shit going on with Bianci’s sister and the baby and he went off the grid on his own— “ “Jack, I don’t give two shits what you thought I want to know what actually happened,” I interrupted angrily.
“The back doors of the van opened, they started shooting as they rolled his body out of the truck and sped off. Wolf and Pipe took a couple of shots at the van but they got away,” he barked.
I blew out a breath, balling my hands into fists as I peered up at him.
“And Riggs?”
“They fucked him up, dropped him at our feet battered and bruised with a price tag on his head,” he said, pushing off the wall he was leaning on and crossed the room. “Literally, the cock-sucking bastard shaved two, five, zero on Riggs’s head,” he muttered.
“Two hundred fifty thousand,” I said.
“That’s what you made the deal with Jimmy for, two hundred and fifty thousand dollars’ worth of heroin but we didn’t have time to get the drugs from the Corrupt Bastards like you planned, and on top of that we didn’t have you,” he argued. “We had to get the drugs from somewhere and it had to be the amount we agreed on. I wasn’t risking your life or Reina’s.”
“I get it Bulldog, but we’re going to have to pay that debt back to the Corrupt Bastards if we want peace. They aren’t just going to take the fucking loss. So, now we have to come up with a half a mill or we will be at war with two fucking clubs,” I seethed.
“You want to let me finish?” he growled.
“After we got Riggs patched up we paid Wu a visit, he demanded we give him the money or we would have three dead bodies on our hands,” he continued.
“Why three?”
“Because when we took the drugs we killed three of his men and a dozen whores that were cutting and packaging the heroin,” Jack ground out.
The story got better and better, the hole deeper, and the body count higher.
“You know Riggs did the security cameras at Sun Wu’s property on Mott Street. Well turns out that’s how he knew that Wu was keeping a stash house there. He dipped into the feed and caught them cutting and packing the drugs. It was pretty cut and dry when we went in, didn’t have time to work a plan. We shot our way through the front door, and put holes in anyone who got in our way. Somewhere along the way Wolf lost his cool and started shooting the whores and Riggs took his ski mask off,�
�� Jack explained, shaking his head before he sat down and dropped his head to his knees.
I clenched my fist, bringing it down on the rolling cart and sent all the contents to the floor.
“I gotta get out of here,” I ground out.
Jack raised his head, fixing me with a glare.
“Riggs bought us some time. You need to get yourself fucking straight because I can’t have you strung out on shit, wallowing in your misery because you know just as well as I do, giving that motherfucker his money was just the beginning,” he fumed.
“Wait. Where did you get the money to give him?”
“Our boy Riggs is a rich boy living life as an outlaw,” Jack said, shrugging shoulders. “Guess money doesn’t make the world go round,” he added. “The Bastards haven’t contacted us for the drugs. If I had to guess that could go one of two ways…they can be pining for you to make this shit right or they could give a fuck less and looking for a way to end us.”
“Well it shit as sure isn’t the first one,” I grunted, spreading my arms wide. “I’m stuck here, easy to find me, easy to get me, but only people strolling through that door are Knights,” I said.
“I’m sending Pipe and Wolf into the field to sway some of the nomads into joining our charter. The only reason the club is standing is because we’ve had Bianci and the Valente kid watching our backs, pitching in with this whole Jimmy mess but they’re not fucking Knight’s. We can’t put them on the back of a bike, put an AK-47 in their hands and a cut on their backs.
I crossed my arms against my chest and damned everything to hell.
“What about Lace?” I asked, instantly regretting the question as it left my lips. I watched as he cocked an eyebrow.
“What about her?”
“You put Wolf and Pipe on her ass and now you’re sending them off on a goddam excursion,” I pointed out.
He stepped closer, his eyes darkened making them almost as black as the shirt he was wearing. “What’s going on Black?”
I forgot he was my friend.
I forgot he was the Bulldog, and that I answered to him.
He was just a man.
Just Jack.
And I was a man who had run out of fucks to give.
“Don’t like her roaming around without protection when there are two fucking wars about to slam into our territory. I’m sure you don’t either,” I stated.
“Yeah, and I know why I don’t…. not too sure why you don’t,” he questioned warily.
“It’s real simple. She may be your daughter but you made her a part of all our lives,” I ground out. “Can’t order me to protect her one minute and not the next, can’t give me her life, tell me it’s precious then expect me not to put her high on my list of priorities. I’m not made that way and you of all people should know that, understand it, because it’s the sole reason you asked me to look out for all those years ago…you knew I wouldn’t be able to turn that shit on and off so, don’t ask me too now,” I chided. “So, if Wolf and Pipe are going out on the road, someone needs to keep an eye on her,” I added.
He crossed his arms and silently assessed me, letting my words ferment in his head.
“Then I guess it’s a good thing your ass will be out of here soon,” he said finally before narrowing his eyes as he uncrossed his arms and stepped closer. “Let’s pray I can hold my shit together, and keep my business away from her until her knight breaks free,” he said, squaring his shoulders back before turning around. “Another reason for you to get your act together…apparently no one watches out for Lacey like you—not even me,” he sneered, pulling open the door before pausing and looking back at me. “She’s my daughter, Black, mine, my only surviving child. You remember that the next time you question my intentions,” he paused. “Actually, do yourself a favor and don’t question my intentions when it comes to my daughter.”
He turned and strode out the door, closing it behind him.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging at the ends as I stared at the door.
I was losing my fucking mind, spiraling out of control like an addict going through withdrawals and for the first time it wasn’t drugs making me unravel.
It was her.
I meant it when I said there was no on and off switch with me. I wasn’t the type of guy that was satisfied with a little, I wanted it all, pushed and pushed until I got it too.
I got my appetite wet with Lacey and now I’d never be sated.
It was that revelation that turned two impending wars into three and the third would be the bloodiest and most destructive.
Brother versus brother.
President versus Vice President.
Two men who only know one side now knew two.
His.
Mine.
I shook my head, releasing my hold on my hair and crossed the room as I pushed the thought away. I couldn’t go to war with Jack…the idea was ridiculous.
Almost as ridiculous as thinking I’m capable of letting her go.
Chapter Fifteen
I worked up enough nerve over the next week to face Blackie, allowing Reina’s admission of Blackie’s truth drive my courage to confront him. He might not be ready to hand me over his scars but I would let him know the way I felt. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. He could either accept my feelings or he could push them away but either way I would not hide them.
Not from him.
Not from anyone.
Silly nicknames that started off as a joke, an attempt to get him to smile, became a lifeline for both of us. That had to count for something didn’t it?
It means everything to me.
And now I know it means something to him too.
He was transferred to a private room and well enough not to be in intensive care anymore. I knocked before I stepped into his room, closing the door behind me as my stomach twisted in knots. I walked further inside and noticed he wasn’t in bed, or even in the chair perched in the corner. I turned around and walked into the bathroom only to find it empty too. I stepped back into the room just as the door opened and when I lifted my head, my eyes locked with his.
I blinked, taking another look at the freshly shaved man in front of me and my eyes widened. He was dressed casually in a pair of black sweats and a plain white t-shirt that stretched across his broad shoulders. His hair that usually hung messily around his face was pushed back and tied in a short ponytail at the base of his neck. There was no scruff lining his jaw exposing all his perfectly hard features.
“Are you okay or do you need me to help you get back into the bed?” The nurse questioned from behind him.
“I’ve got it,” he muttered, keeping his eyes on me.
The nurse glanced at me, smiled slightly before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind her.
“Hi,” I choked. “I was starting to think you were discharged,” I stammered, watching as he pursed his lips before his tongue took a swipe at his bottom lip.
“Not that lucky,” he said, tipping his chin behind me. “Give me a minute?”
I glanced down at myself in confusion before looking over my shoulder and shaking my head, realizing he needed to use the bathroom.
“Oh, right…” I moved out of his way, lifted my eyes back to his and watched as they took a quick perusal of my body.
I had seen that look before, that night, and I remembered how it made me feel like the most desirable girl in the world.
A sound escaped his lips as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I swear that sounded like a moan or maybe a growl, whatever it was, it was fucking sexy. I lifted my hand to my throat, letting my fingers mimic the way his dug into my skin that night in his room, and dropped onto his bed.
I wonder if he remembered everything about that night the way I did. If he could still taste me the same way I could taste him.
The bathroom door closed jarring me away from my thoughts and forced me back to reality. I
stared at him trying to remember the speech I recited in the car on the way here but the only word that came to mind was muscles.
Tight, sinewy, muscles covered in ink.
It was probably a mortal sin to look like that after having a heart attack.
“You’re staring,” he said as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall in front of me.
I swallowed.
“So are you,” I whispered.
He bit the inside of his cheek as he quietly assessed me before he nodded.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without jeans or facial hair,” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s kind of a shock to the system,” I continued, cocking my head to the side. “What’s your excuse?” I asked, running my sweaty palms down my denim clad thighs. I watched him intently, waiting for his bullshit excuse and saw the faintest glimpse of a smile form on his lips.
God, I wish he smiled more.
He shook his head, the smile disappeared and for a split second I wondered if I imagined it.
“Make a man wish he didn’t hit the bottle so hard,” he muttered. “Then maybe I’d remember when you became so bold,” he said, pushing off the wall as he turned and took a seat next to me on the bed.
Bold?
He thought I was bold.
He had no idea it was taking every bit of courage I had to be here, demanding he see the woman I am and not the girl I was. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so guilty.
I glanced down as his thigh brushed mine.
“Didn’t think I’d see you until I got out of here,” he started, fidgeting with his hands until he finally placed them on his knees and leaned forward. He looked over his shoulder at me. “Thought I scared you off the other day,” he said, huskily.
“I told you once before I’m not afraid of you,” I said, clearing my throat so it didn’t sound so raspy.
He kept his eyes pinned to mine for a moment before letting them dip lower. I tried to follow their path but lost all train of thought when he placed his hand on my leg.
“I owe you an apology,” he said, his massive hand wrapped around my thigh and gave it a slight squeeze before he lifted his eyes back to mine. “So, pretty…” he murmured.
The Tempted Series: Collectors Edition Page 134